The origin of my name
It has come to my attention that there are readers who do not know what my screen name means/stands for. I thought I would clarify that and also share my reasons for choosing it.
Tmtashn is my somewhat phonetic spelling of Temptation.
Not so long after I began learning on line about BDSM and realizing that people were talking to one another from all over the country (and the globe!) and connecting by way of the Internet, I was contacted by someone from New Hampshire. He was an eloquent sort, who saw my interest and led me gently into better understanding of D/s and SM and myself.
I was smitten.
After a long, very hot summer (well, maybe not for everyone, but certainly for us!) I went to New Hampshire to meet Donald in person in mid-October. He came to see me the first three days of my visit in a little cottage close to his home town, but he had classes to teach during the day at the local high school and he said he had custody of his teenage daughter and he had to be home with her at night. On Friday, I took a cab to a neighboring city where he met me at a diner and we went to the hotel where I had made reservations (he was going to pay for the hotel stay). The evening was a little awkward, but not bad, and we both slept pretty well. The next day he was restless. We went out for a late breakfast and he saw some people he knew in the restaurant, which made him very uncomfortable. After going back to our room he wanted to watch a movie, which we did...but I wanted to talk, to find out what was bothering him so much. He insisted that all was well.
It had gotten dark and the phone rang. It was his best friend, announcing that Donald's wife had found out where he was and what he was doing, and he had better get his ass home. HIS WIFE????? Not EX-wife???? Donald admitted that he had lied to me. He scurried around the room gathering up his belongings (and seeing someone who is 6'4"scurry was not a pretty sight). While he packed his things up, I was in shock, and he went on and on about how he should have known and what an idiot he was, about how he was sorry but he had to go, about having no choice, and in the midst of this he said,
"I knew I should have run as far and as fast as I could from you."
He left - though he did return to look for keys to the door of the truck he had borrowed from his brother because he could not find them. I followed him down to the parking lot then, to ask him to stay (I would not beg). Of course, he didn't - and he was in SUCH a hurry to get his ass home (with his tail between his legs) that he broke the vent window of the truck to get into it.
I had three days before my flight left, and I cried for all three days - great, wracking sobs. The kind of heaving sobs that feel as though your heart is being pulled out piece by piece and there is nothing but emptiness inside. I talked to several people by telephone, and could not stop crying even when talking to them.
Lyss picked me up at the airport. I had talked to her so she knew...and she was as comforting as she could possibly be. As we got close to my home, we passed a church on the corner of the road leading to my little two-bedroom trailer. On the readerboard by the road it said,
"Temptation, once indulged, soon becomes necessity."
That clinched it. Donald had told me I was Temptation and the message of the readerboard confirmed it. Temptation has been the name I have used ever since - but for the purposes of making it unique as a screen name, I have spelled it "Tmtashn."
And now you know....the rest of the story.
