i am finding it so hard to take a breath
i did something last night that didn't make me feel to good about anything but i knew it was the right thing to do for right now. i told alana that i have been unhappy for awile and that i didn't want to be unhappy anymore. i don't, i was so scared telling her and even more afraid of how it was or is going to turn out, because honestly i don't know. but i told her i needed to be happy and that being with her wasn't doing it for me right then. she really started questioning my love for her. she said that if i really loved her that i wouldn't give up. i am not giving up i just don't want to have to cry wondering if the next day is gonna be another sad one. i feel so horrible right now but i do understand why i made the decision. then after getting mad she got sad and was really nice and said she would make me happy and that she promised she would. i would have gone for it, if it wasn't the same thing i had heard before. i love her so much but i know i need some freedom and room to breathe. i love alana more than she knows and if she can't see that now, she will know one day what i mean. i know this is random but i sure i have been growing up alot here and i that has had an effect on things too. it sucks when problems climax at all the same time. i did laugh last night, thats probably because i stayed up so late and was just laughing because i was so tired. but that is a story for another day. hugs are the healing power of the world. winky face.