FIC
HI GUYS. So. UM. fic. Title from my favourite song ever by Phantom Planet: Geronimo
Title: make me blush
Author: A
Pairing: Niall/Liam/Zayn (Ziamall Malorayne or OTfucking3 as I like to call them), with heavy Ziam undertones
Rating: NC-17
Warning: um, first-time? PWP? Oh, also the only beta-ing this thing has is Toria OH and my High School bio teacher who I accidentally sent this to...
Word count: 3900
Summary: Zayn catches Niall jerking off to Ziam porn. Niall doesn't know what to do.
Niall can’t read it if it’s about him. He’s not sure why exactly, maybe it’s that the voice isn’t right, too needy or too joke-y, maybe it’s that they give him a smaller or larger dick than he’s currently in possession of, (not that he could do anything about that anytime soon…could he?) or maybe it’s because they always want to shove things in his ass and Niall’s not quite sure he’s ready for that just yet. Whatever the case, if the link says Liall smut Niall has to close it very fast and go find something else, like Brazzers or some shite to jerk off to.
On a day like this, though, when he’s warm under his covers and everyone’s off doing something, Harry and Louis probably watching some form of reality television nobody but them finds hilarious, Liam off skyping his parents or Danielle, if his door’s closed, and Zayn nagging Harry and Louis to stop watching TV so he can play COD, Niall opens the Livejournal tab he’s got bookmarked and saved as SIDEREEL and scrolls down to the first entry with the header NC-17 that catches his eye.
Today it’s Ziam, it’s usually Ziam, and the prompt asks for fingering and first times and Niall feels the burn behind his navel he gets when he thinks about Zayn and Liam fucking, in any context, at any time. Something about the way they like to make them feel though, the dynamic the writers give them is what gets Niall off. It’s the way Liam is always innocent and doe-eyed and Zayn is rough with him and unforgiving, even though Liam’s the one who’s been shagging girls ever since he cut his hair like Justin Bieber and Zayn’d been doing only exactly what his mother’s said until he was sixteen.
This Zayn’s not a gentle one and Niall knows he’s going to have a good wank, he unbuttons his jeans with one hand, the other scrolling down as he reads, “Zayn yanked Liam’s jeans down and put one finger at the start of his crease. ‘Fuck, Liam.” Zayn said, palming Liam’s ass with one hand as he took his finger, spit wet, and probed into Liam’s ass. Liam made a sound like he was being tortured and arched back onto the finger, and Zayn shoved another one inside him. ‘Do you like that, Liam? Do you like feeling my huge fingers inside your sweet ass?’
The dirty talk that would throw Niall off in a story about himself is kind of beautiful here, thinking about Liam naked and keening, inching back onto Zayn’s fingers as Zayn crooks them inside Liam’s arse, touching the right parts and making him moan. Niall’s got a good rhythm now, squeezing the head and then drawing his foreskin back when that gets to be too much, biting his lip so he doesn’t scream out loud. He’s apparently very good at it because when the door opens without any sort of preamble, Zayn obviously can’t hear him jerking off and says, “Niall, why is the door closed, it’s two in the after-are you having a wank?” Niall slams his laptop closed before he yanks his hand out of his pants and he thinks that’s what causes Zayn to jump on the bed and shove him over, grabbing on to the laptop and kicking at Niall when he tries to protest.
“What kind of kinky shit have you got on now, Niall? More Korean watersports? Come on, Nandos. Ha, you really should change your password.” Zayn’s mouth is grinning super wide and Niall’s frozen, waiting for the exact moment when Zayn’s lip will curl and he’ll inch away and say, “What the fuck Niall?”
Zayn almost doesn’t disappoint, but he looks more confused than angry, he says, “What the hell is this? Niall, why are you jerking off to words-” He looks up and his mouth is making abortive gestures at a smile, but Niall’s too busy shaking his head and retreating to see what Zayn’s mouth has landed on.
“Does Liam know about this?” Zayn asks, and he sounds frantic, his pitch going up on the question and breaking off into a gasp.
“What the fuck, no, why would Liam know about this, come on Zayn, don’t be an arsehole-”
“Shut the fuck up, Niall!” Zayn almost shrieks, and there’s two ways he could have reacted to this, Niall is fast realizing, he could have laughed it off and they would have been okay but now’s he turned it into something that means something and Niall doesn’t know what to say to make this better.
“Come on, Zayn, it’s just porn, you can’t help what you beat off to, it’s not important, it doesn’t have to change anything.”
Zayn’s shaking his head now too, though, and Niall thinks about how ridiculous they both must look shaking their heads at each other in tandem, Niall’s pants still halfway down his arse and Zayn clutching Niall’s laptop like it’s his firstborn.
“That’s me and Liam, Niall why have you done this, I can’t-” Zayn stops before Niall can see what he’s getting at, and stands, dropping Niall’s laptop on to the very edge of his bed.
“Look, Zayn,” Niall doesn’t know what he’d say if Zayn did answer him, but he doesn’t need to because before he gets his thoughts together Zayn’s turned on his heel and shut Niall’s door with a resounding click.
Niall runs his hands through his hair and breathes. He doesn’t know what to do.
-- --
Harry’s doing that thing he does where he spends minutes at a time just running his fingers through Niall’s hair, scritching them at the base of his neck and just running the palm of his other hand over the ends. Of all of them Harry’s the one the most comfortable with touching, Niall thinks it’s because as a child people must have found it impossible to keep their hands off of Harry, his hair, his dimples. Harry laps it up, too, arches into Niall’s hand as he rubs it down Harry’s back, moans disgruntledly when Niall sits up and the arm draped over Harry’s shoulder is dislodged.
“Come on, Nialler,” Harry says, voice even more gravelly with sleepy contentment, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Niall says sharply, and this triggers Harry’s interest because he sits up and looks at Niall properly for the first time.
“Bollocks.” Harry decides after searching his face for a bit and settling on what he finds there. “Is it Zayn?”
“Why would it be Zayn, Harry, fuck you.” Niall says and he doesn’t know what exactly he means to say but Harry must think that what he did say spoke volumes, because his eyebrows raise in recognition.
“He won’t even talk to Liam, you know, he’s just spent the last few days like, playing Xbox with Louis and glaring when he cheats. And you’re always the one who makes him laugh, so it’s obviously your fault he’s being boring.” Harry’s reasoning is accompanied with a smile so Niall sees he’s not being serious, but Niall’s not in the mood for Harry being beautiful so he glares and disentangles himself from his hands.
“Where’s Liam?” Niall asks instead, partly because Harry’s face falls when Niall shoves him off. It’s easy to forget that Harry’s so young, sometimes, but when he’s looking like this, eyes all big and green and mouth slightly curved downwards, Niall remembers.
“He’s on the phone with Danielle, I think, or maybe management,” Harry says, but he still looks sad and so Niall grabs him up in a hug and burrows his face in Harry’s neck for a bit before he pulls back.
“I’ll talk to you later, Hazza.” Niall says into Harry’s neck and when he breaks from him Harry looks somewhat more pleased.
“Bye, Nialler.” Harry says and hops up, to find Louis and drag him away to look at porn or whatever it is they do that’s okay, that’s allowed because Harry’s a slut for cuddling and Louis’ got a girlfriend.
Niall steels himself and gets up, wanders around the house for a bit before he gets to Liam’s door, which is shut. Niall knocks, says shakily, “Liam?”
“Niall? Come in,” Liam says, his voice muffled by the door. Niall opens the door and doesn’t expect to see what he does, which is Zayn sitting next to Liam with his leg pressed up against his and his body angled in towards Liam as it tends to. Niall doesn’t know if Zayn realizes he’s doing it, but he has one hand on Liam’s thigh and the thumb is rubbing smooth circles into the fabric of Liam’s jeans. Niall doesn’t know if Liam notices it either, he stands up as soon as Niall walks in and it’s only Zayn’s face that changes when Zayn’s hand falls from Liam’s thigh.
“Sit down.” Liam’s smiling but his tone is firm, and when Niall sits on Liam’s other side he can feel Zayn’s eyes digging into his back.
“Look, Niall, it’s ok if you read fanfiction, we don’t blame you, right Zayn? It’s just words. As long as you don’t send links to yourself and get your email account hacked then management doesn’t even have to know. It’s not a big deal, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean anything.” Liam’s smile is reassuring, and Niall can’t stop looking at how pretty and yellowy-brown his skin his and the way the pink of his mouth looks against the golden hue. Niall can feel his cheeks heating up, and he’s still not quite sure what possesses him to say,
“But I want it to mean something.”
“What?” Liam asks, and for the first time his voice loses its placid, Daddy Direction tone and gets the tiniest bit irritable.
“I wank off to it for a reason, I mean.” Niall says, and Liam’s glaring and about to say something that Niall is sure is going to be reasonable and sensible and is going to break his heart before Zayn interrupts and says,
“Liam, he doesn’t mean it, Liam, it’s nothing. It could be anyone,” Zayn says frantically, one of his hands scrabbling to grab Liam’s shoulder but Liam shrugs him off and Niall can see that thin veneer of calmness Zayn’s managed to keep on his face thus far start to crack.
“Shut up, Zayn!” Niall surprises himself, getting up from the bed to put some distance between himself and Liam. “I wank to the thought of you guys fucking because it’s fucking hot and it’s just, it’s you guys for a reason.” Niall runs out of steam at the end of his confession, and shoves his palms into his face. He doesn’t dare remove them until he feels hands at his wrist, pulling his arms out to the side. When he looks, the look on Liam’s face has changed, and it’s no longer irritable but somewhat resigned.
“Hey, Niall, hey. It’s okay, you’re fine.” Liam says and Niall can see when Liam makes a decision because the smile appears on his face and he drags Niall down to crawl into his lap.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Liam, I’m sorry,” Niall keeps up the litany of apologies into Liam’s chest and Liam soothes him as he rubs his hand up and down Niall’s back.
“It’s okay, it’s okay Niall, we love you, it’s okay.” Niall looks up and the look in Liam’s eyes is so honest, so earnest that he leans forward and kisses him. Liam’s surprised at first and Niall can tell the moment when he’s about to recoil, but he doesn’t and Niall pushes down on Liam further, angles his face to deepen the kiss, and Liam’s returning it now, his hands going up from Niall’s back into his hair. Niall feels something deep inside him settle, and he thinks he could kiss Liam forever until he feels the bed shift beside him, and it sounds like it’s Zayn trying to leave, and Niall can’t handle that.
He breaks away from Liam for a minute to grab onto Zayn’s belt loop and pulls him back down, looks Zayn dead in the eye and says, “If you don’t kiss him, I’ll kill you.” Niall knows he doesn’t mean it and Zayn knows it too, but he listens anyway and sits back down on to the bed.
Liam looks at Zayn, a question clear in his eyes, and it’s enough to cause Zayn to close his eyes and just lean in, nosing at Liam’s cheek for a bit before he gets his mouth on Liam’s. Although Niall’s still in Liam’s lap, Liam’s head is turned towards Zayn and when he starts to kiss him back it’s like a dam breaks and Zayn’s whatever for Liam pours forth. He’s clutching Liam’s face with both of his hands and licking deep into his mouth, breathing out harshly through his nose and then pulling back to suck in longer breaths before clearly moving to dive back in, hand ghosting at Liam’s belt. Liam stops him though, still looking a bit incredulous as to Zayn’s motives before he turns back to Niall.
Niall can see Zayn’s face from here, though, and it’s filled with heat, his eyes dark and narrowed and Niall thinks that even though it’s not for him, not about him, that he’ll take what he can get and he slides off Liam’s lap and straddles Zayn’s waist before bringing his mouth down on his.
Zayn’s angry, and he doesn’t even pretend to be gentle as he yanks Niall’s shirt over his head. Before Niall can reach under Zayn’s shirt Zayn is on him again, nails scraping down Niall’s back and teeth sinking into his neck. Niall arches up into Zayn’s hips, trying to relieve some of the pressure on his cock that reached full hardness sometime around when Liam first wrapped his arms around Niall's back. He only has to deal with the unbearable lack of friction for a few moments, though, because gentle hands are undoing his belt and sliding his trousers off, and Liam’s got his palm, hot and sure, wrapped around Niall’s dick before Niall registers that he’s the only one mostly naked.
He reaches under Liam’s shirt and pulls it over his head, and it leaves Niall’s cock neglected but it’s worth it because Liam’s smile is shy and his eyes are crinkled that way they get when Niall makes him laugh. Niall can’t resist easing out of Zayn’s grip to kiss Liam, then, and he can feel Liam’s smile against his mouth as he nips at it with his teeth.
Liam pulls back after a bit and whispers, “Mm, Zayn, c’mere,” and Niall inches back a bit from Liam to give Zayn access.
Niall knows, as he guesses he’s always known, that the writers of Ziam fanfic are fucking insane because no way Zayn would be rough with Liam, Zayn is kissing Liam now like he’s something precious and sacred, only going for light pecks before pulling back out just to stare at him some more, looking like he’s going to collapse if he has to stay away any longer and going right back in again. His hand trace up Liam’s chest and find one of Liam’s nipples, and he pinches it delicately and when Liam moans pinches it harder. Niall moves down on the bed so he can work at Liam’s pants, unbuckles the belt as quickly as he can manage while Liam’s distracted with kissing Zayn. He’s still not sure what he’s doing, not really sure if any of them know what they’re doing, but he knows that if he’s going to be a part of this it’s not going to be because Liam ignores Zayn for him, he knows that it’s going to have to be something he does for himself. He doesn’t think they’ll be able to survive as a band if Liam doesn’t love Zayn back, Niall thinks in a rush, Zayn’s kissing Liam like if he stops now he’ll stop everything.
Pulling Liam’s trousers off is easier now that Zayn’s realized what he means to do, he helps Niall with the funny clip of the belt and is utterly shameless when he yanks Liam’s boxers down, never breaking the kiss. Niall doesn’t understand how Zayn finds these things so utterly effortless, but he imagines it might have something to do with nights when Niall and Zayn shared rooms and Zayn would rub one off when he thought Niall was asleep, muttering words that sounded like Li and please under his breath.
Zayn has hauled Liam up so Liam’s spread across his lap, legs twined around Zayn’s waist, and Niall takes advantage of this change in positions to wrap his hands around Zayn and Liam’s cocks, feeling Liam’s shudder go right through him as he presses against his back. Liam turns his head to kiss Niall and Zayn sinks his teeth into Liam’s throat-sucks love bite upon love bite there as Liam arches into Niall’s hand. Liam comes first, his body shakes the whole way through with it but he doesn’t make a sound-they share rooms, they’re teenagers, they’re used to keeping quiet. Zayn’s still pushing into Niall’s hand though, begging wordlessly for the friction Niall isn’t going to give him. When Niall pulls back Zayn groans and is only satisfied when Liam presses a soft, lingering kiss to Zayn’s mouth.
“Niall, fuck him,” Liam almost sighs, his intent only made strong by the teeth that scrape at Zayn’s neck.
Zayn wants to protest, Niall can tell, but he doesn’t because Liam kisses his way down his chest and lingers over his bellybutton, licks his tongue in and draws it down in wide, flat strokes. Niall squeezes his cock hard to stave off coming, he thinks that if he gets in Zayn then it will right the feeling in his stomach that still feels kind of wrong, the I’m not wanted here, it’s about them, not me that causes him to pull back from Liam whenever Zayn’s stares get a little darker.
When Liam’s mouth gets on Zayn’s cock he whines, absolutely stupid with the headiness of the sensation, and Niall can see where his knuckles have gone white from grabbing at Liam’s hair.
Liam licks at the head some and barely gets his mouth around the shaft before Zayn is coming, painting Liam’s cheeks with come and yanking him up almost immediately afterwards to kiss hungrily at his lips.
Niall takes advantage of Zayn’s orgasm to take the lube Liam’s pulled from somewhere under his bed (and the thought that Liam uses lube enough to know where it is on a regular basis, fuck, with Danielle? On his own arse? Niall’s balls tighten) and slick his fingers up.
Zayn’s calmed down a bit, his hands aren’t moving feverishly up Liam’s arms anymore, he’s just pulling at Liam’s hair, his mouth pressing kisses against Liam’s nose, eyes, chin, anywhere he can reach. Niall forgets himself for a moment in looking at the expression on Zayn’s face: it’s vulnerable and open, and it’s good Liam’s eyes are closed because if he opened them that instant there would be no way to not tell that Zayn is completely and totally gone for him.
Niall shakes his head to clear the image and refocuses on the slick running down his fingers, he eases Zayn’s legs apart and presses his index finger at Zayn’s entrance.
Zayn doesn’t move and Niall takes it as encouragement, except he only knows how to do this from copious amounts of fanfiction porn and it’s difficult to compare when there’s actual, real-life arse in front of him. He pushes in the finger harder, and Zayn stops kissing Liam long enough to say, “Niall, what the fuck,” and Niall can feel himself splutter and Zayn starts moving away impatiently until Liam says, “Budge up a bit, Niall,” and grabs Niall’s lube-sticky hand.
He slides his fingers in between Niall’s, and even this is erotic as fuck, the feeling of their hands gliding together smoothly, connected by KY and the goal of stretching Zayn. Liam takes one of his fingers and slides it in almost smoothly, gestures at Niall to get one of his in and they work together at stretching Zayn open. Niall feels the hope rise in his chest when Zayn’s uncomfortable hitches in breath turn into full on moans, and he pushes back onto their fingers with abandon.
“Ready, ready, come on, now,” Zayn sighs, and Niall positions himself at his hole before Liam says, “Come on, Niall, condom.” Niall freezes.
“What?”
"You’re not fucking Zayn without a condom.” Liam says flatly, and Zayn’s arches up at the word fucking and Niall thinks he’ll come in about two seconds except for he’s confused.
“I can’t get him pregnant, Liam, and I don’t have anything.” Niall says, but Liam’s glaring now.
“It’s Zayn. We need him.” And Zayn’s off, if he wasn’t begging for it for he is now, his hand reaches up and grabs Liam and he says, “Come on, Nialler, fuck me.”
Niall takes the condom Liam wordlessly hands him and strips it on faster than he’s ever had to do before, and slides into Zayn in one smooth stroke. It’s over before he knows it, he manages to get five or six thrusts in before Zayn comes again and his arse clenches even tighter around Niall’s cock, and he’s done for. When he pulls out of Zayn he makes a sound like he’s dying, and Niall moves in and kisses him.
Zayn’s eyes are closed, and he looks like he’s about to sleep until Liam starts to get up and he moans in protest.
“Stay here.” He says, and Niall’s surprised to see that Zayn’s hand is clenched in Niall’s shirt too, the implicit words saying you too, Niall.
“Come on, Zayn, Harry and Louis will come looking,” Liam says, and Zayn shakes his head and pulls Liam in more.
“They know how I feel.” Zayn says and Liam looks at him properly for what seems like the first time. Niall feels like he’s intruding on something private, but Zayn’s hand is in his shirt and he doesn’t want to leave.
Liam looks at Zayn some more and slides down on the bed until he’s beside him, wraps one arm around his waist. “I’m not going anywhere.” Liam says, and presses a kiss to Zayn’s face, which suddenly looks relieved and infinitely exhausted. Niall lies down on Zayn’s other side, and similar reaches around Zayn’s waist, his fingers wrapping around Liam’s elbow.
Niall doesn’t know if Liam’s going to fuck Zayn all the time now, if he’s going to give up Danielle and his image for what Zayn craves, and he doesn’t know if they’re going to even invite Niall in for this if they do start fucking full time. Niall doesn’t know if he even wants them to, even being a part of this feels like reading fanfiction, something beautiful and sexy but that doesn’t really include him. When Zayn turns his head and kisses his ear, though, that feeling changes, and Liam’s hand against his palm grounds him so he knows where his place is. Zayn drops off to sleep at some point and Liam locks eyes with Niall over Zayn’s eyelashes and there’s an understanding between them. This is where they’re meant to be.
Title: make me blush
Author: A
Pairing: Niall/Liam/Zayn (Ziamall Malorayne or OTfucking3 as I like to call them), with heavy Ziam undertones
Rating: NC-17
Warning: um, first-time? PWP? Oh, also the only beta-ing this thing has is Toria OH and my High School bio teacher who I accidentally sent this to...
Word count: 3900
Summary: Zayn catches Niall jerking off to Ziam porn. Niall doesn't know what to do.
Niall can’t read it if it’s about him. He’s not sure why exactly, maybe it’s that the voice isn’t right, too needy or too joke-y, maybe it’s that they give him a smaller or larger dick than he’s currently in possession of, (not that he could do anything about that anytime soon…could he?) or maybe it’s because they always want to shove things in his ass and Niall’s not quite sure he’s ready for that just yet. Whatever the case, if the link says Liall smut Niall has to close it very fast and go find something else, like Brazzers or some shite to jerk off to.
On a day like this, though, when he’s warm under his covers and everyone’s off doing something, Harry and Louis probably watching some form of reality television nobody but them finds hilarious, Liam off skyping his parents or Danielle, if his door’s closed, and Zayn nagging Harry and Louis to stop watching TV so he can play COD, Niall opens the Livejournal tab he’s got bookmarked and saved as SIDEREEL and scrolls down to the first entry with the header NC-17 that catches his eye.
Today it’s Ziam, it’s usually Ziam, and the prompt asks for fingering and first times and Niall feels the burn behind his navel he gets when he thinks about Zayn and Liam fucking, in any context, at any time. Something about the way they like to make them feel though, the dynamic the writers give them is what gets Niall off. It’s the way Liam is always innocent and doe-eyed and Zayn is rough with him and unforgiving, even though Liam’s the one who’s been shagging girls ever since he cut his hair like Justin Bieber and Zayn’d been doing only exactly what his mother’s said until he was sixteen.
This Zayn’s not a gentle one and Niall knows he’s going to have a good wank, he unbuttons his jeans with one hand, the other scrolling down as he reads, “Zayn yanked Liam’s jeans down and put one finger at the start of his crease. ‘Fuck, Liam.” Zayn said, palming Liam’s ass with one hand as he took his finger, spit wet, and probed into Liam’s ass. Liam made a sound like he was being tortured and arched back onto the finger, and Zayn shoved another one inside him. ‘Do you like that, Liam? Do you like feeling my huge fingers inside your sweet ass?’
The dirty talk that would throw Niall off in a story about himself is kind of beautiful here, thinking about Liam naked and keening, inching back onto Zayn’s fingers as Zayn crooks them inside Liam’s arse, touching the right parts and making him moan. Niall’s got a good rhythm now, squeezing the head and then drawing his foreskin back when that gets to be too much, biting his lip so he doesn’t scream out loud. He’s apparently very good at it because when the door opens without any sort of preamble, Zayn obviously can’t hear him jerking off and says, “Niall, why is the door closed, it’s two in the after-are you having a wank?” Niall slams his laptop closed before he yanks his hand out of his pants and he thinks that’s what causes Zayn to jump on the bed and shove him over, grabbing on to the laptop and kicking at Niall when he tries to protest.
“What kind of kinky shit have you got on now, Niall? More Korean watersports? Come on, Nandos. Ha, you really should change your password.” Zayn’s mouth is grinning super wide and Niall’s frozen, waiting for the exact moment when Zayn’s lip will curl and he’ll inch away and say, “What the fuck Niall?”
Zayn almost doesn’t disappoint, but he looks more confused than angry, he says, “What the hell is this? Niall, why are you jerking off to words-” He looks up and his mouth is making abortive gestures at a smile, but Niall’s too busy shaking his head and retreating to see what Zayn’s mouth has landed on.
“Does Liam know about this?” Zayn asks, and he sounds frantic, his pitch going up on the question and breaking off into a gasp.
“What the fuck, no, why would Liam know about this, come on Zayn, don’t be an arsehole-”
“Shut the fuck up, Niall!” Zayn almost shrieks, and there’s two ways he could have reacted to this, Niall is fast realizing, he could have laughed it off and they would have been okay but now’s he turned it into something that means something and Niall doesn’t know what to say to make this better.
“Come on, Zayn, it’s just porn, you can’t help what you beat off to, it’s not important, it doesn’t have to change anything.”
Zayn’s shaking his head now too, though, and Niall thinks about how ridiculous they both must look shaking their heads at each other in tandem, Niall’s pants still halfway down his arse and Zayn clutching Niall’s laptop like it’s his firstborn.
“That’s me and Liam, Niall why have you done this, I can’t-” Zayn stops before Niall can see what he’s getting at, and stands, dropping Niall’s laptop on to the very edge of his bed.
“Look, Zayn,” Niall doesn’t know what he’d say if Zayn did answer him, but he doesn’t need to because before he gets his thoughts together Zayn’s turned on his heel and shut Niall’s door with a resounding click.
Niall runs his hands through his hair and breathes. He doesn’t know what to do.
-- --
Harry’s doing that thing he does where he spends minutes at a time just running his fingers through Niall’s hair, scritching them at the base of his neck and just running the palm of his other hand over the ends. Of all of them Harry’s the one the most comfortable with touching, Niall thinks it’s because as a child people must have found it impossible to keep their hands off of Harry, his hair, his dimples. Harry laps it up, too, arches into Niall’s hand as he rubs it down Harry’s back, moans disgruntledly when Niall sits up and the arm draped over Harry’s shoulder is dislodged.
“Come on, Nialler,” Harry says, voice even more gravelly with sleepy contentment, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Niall says sharply, and this triggers Harry’s interest because he sits up and looks at Niall properly for the first time.
“Bollocks.” Harry decides after searching his face for a bit and settling on what he finds there. “Is it Zayn?”
“Why would it be Zayn, Harry, fuck you.” Niall says and he doesn’t know what exactly he means to say but Harry must think that what he did say spoke volumes, because his eyebrows raise in recognition.
“He won’t even talk to Liam, you know, he’s just spent the last few days like, playing Xbox with Louis and glaring when he cheats. And you’re always the one who makes him laugh, so it’s obviously your fault he’s being boring.” Harry’s reasoning is accompanied with a smile so Niall sees he’s not being serious, but Niall’s not in the mood for Harry being beautiful so he glares and disentangles himself from his hands.
“Where’s Liam?” Niall asks instead, partly because Harry’s face falls when Niall shoves him off. It’s easy to forget that Harry’s so young, sometimes, but when he’s looking like this, eyes all big and green and mouth slightly curved downwards, Niall remembers.
“He’s on the phone with Danielle, I think, or maybe management,” Harry says, but he still looks sad and so Niall grabs him up in a hug and burrows his face in Harry’s neck for a bit before he pulls back.
“I’ll talk to you later, Hazza.” Niall says into Harry’s neck and when he breaks from him Harry looks somewhat more pleased.
“Bye, Nialler.” Harry says and hops up, to find Louis and drag him away to look at porn or whatever it is they do that’s okay, that’s allowed because Harry’s a slut for cuddling and Louis’ got a girlfriend.
Niall steels himself and gets up, wanders around the house for a bit before he gets to Liam’s door, which is shut. Niall knocks, says shakily, “Liam?”
“Niall? Come in,” Liam says, his voice muffled by the door. Niall opens the door and doesn’t expect to see what he does, which is Zayn sitting next to Liam with his leg pressed up against his and his body angled in towards Liam as it tends to. Niall doesn’t know if Zayn realizes he’s doing it, but he has one hand on Liam’s thigh and the thumb is rubbing smooth circles into the fabric of Liam’s jeans. Niall doesn’t know if Liam notices it either, he stands up as soon as Niall walks in and it’s only Zayn’s face that changes when Zayn’s hand falls from Liam’s thigh.
“Sit down.” Liam’s smiling but his tone is firm, and when Niall sits on Liam’s other side he can feel Zayn’s eyes digging into his back.
“Look, Niall, it’s ok if you read fanfiction, we don’t blame you, right Zayn? It’s just words. As long as you don’t send links to yourself and get your email account hacked then management doesn’t even have to know. It’s not a big deal, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean anything.” Liam’s smile is reassuring, and Niall can’t stop looking at how pretty and yellowy-brown his skin his and the way the pink of his mouth looks against the golden hue. Niall can feel his cheeks heating up, and he’s still not quite sure what possesses him to say,
“But I want it to mean something.”
“What?” Liam asks, and for the first time his voice loses its placid, Daddy Direction tone and gets the tiniest bit irritable.
“I wank off to it for a reason, I mean.” Niall says, and Liam’s glaring and about to say something that Niall is sure is going to be reasonable and sensible and is going to break his heart before Zayn interrupts and says,
“Liam, he doesn’t mean it, Liam, it’s nothing. It could be anyone,” Zayn says frantically, one of his hands scrabbling to grab Liam’s shoulder but Liam shrugs him off and Niall can see that thin veneer of calmness Zayn’s managed to keep on his face thus far start to crack.
“Shut up, Zayn!” Niall surprises himself, getting up from the bed to put some distance between himself and Liam. “I wank to the thought of you guys fucking because it’s fucking hot and it’s just, it’s you guys for a reason.” Niall runs out of steam at the end of his confession, and shoves his palms into his face. He doesn’t dare remove them until he feels hands at his wrist, pulling his arms out to the side. When he looks, the look on Liam’s face has changed, and it’s no longer irritable but somewhat resigned.
“Hey, Niall, hey. It’s okay, you’re fine.” Liam says and Niall can see when Liam makes a decision because the smile appears on his face and he drags Niall down to crawl into his lap.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Liam, I’m sorry,” Niall keeps up the litany of apologies into Liam’s chest and Liam soothes him as he rubs his hand up and down Niall’s back.
“It’s okay, it’s okay Niall, we love you, it’s okay.” Niall looks up and the look in Liam’s eyes is so honest, so earnest that he leans forward and kisses him. Liam’s surprised at first and Niall can tell the moment when he’s about to recoil, but he doesn’t and Niall pushes down on Liam further, angles his face to deepen the kiss, and Liam’s returning it now, his hands going up from Niall’s back into his hair. Niall feels something deep inside him settle, and he thinks he could kiss Liam forever until he feels the bed shift beside him, and it sounds like it’s Zayn trying to leave, and Niall can’t handle that.
He breaks away from Liam for a minute to grab onto Zayn’s belt loop and pulls him back down, looks Zayn dead in the eye and says, “If you don’t kiss him, I’ll kill you.” Niall knows he doesn’t mean it and Zayn knows it too, but he listens anyway and sits back down on to the bed.
Liam looks at Zayn, a question clear in his eyes, and it’s enough to cause Zayn to close his eyes and just lean in, nosing at Liam’s cheek for a bit before he gets his mouth on Liam’s. Although Niall’s still in Liam’s lap, Liam’s head is turned towards Zayn and when he starts to kiss him back it’s like a dam breaks and Zayn’s whatever for Liam pours forth. He’s clutching Liam’s face with both of his hands and licking deep into his mouth, breathing out harshly through his nose and then pulling back to suck in longer breaths before clearly moving to dive back in, hand ghosting at Liam’s belt. Liam stops him though, still looking a bit incredulous as to Zayn’s motives before he turns back to Niall.
Niall can see Zayn’s face from here, though, and it’s filled with heat, his eyes dark and narrowed and Niall thinks that even though it’s not for him, not about him, that he’ll take what he can get and he slides off Liam’s lap and straddles Zayn’s waist before bringing his mouth down on his.
Zayn’s angry, and he doesn’t even pretend to be gentle as he yanks Niall’s shirt over his head. Before Niall can reach under Zayn’s shirt Zayn is on him again, nails scraping down Niall’s back and teeth sinking into his neck. Niall arches up into Zayn’s hips, trying to relieve some of the pressure on his cock that reached full hardness sometime around when Liam first wrapped his arms around Niall's back. He only has to deal with the unbearable lack of friction for a few moments, though, because gentle hands are undoing his belt and sliding his trousers off, and Liam’s got his palm, hot and sure, wrapped around Niall’s dick before Niall registers that he’s the only one mostly naked.
He reaches under Liam’s shirt and pulls it over his head, and it leaves Niall’s cock neglected but it’s worth it because Liam’s smile is shy and his eyes are crinkled that way they get when Niall makes him laugh. Niall can’t resist easing out of Zayn’s grip to kiss Liam, then, and he can feel Liam’s smile against his mouth as he nips at it with his teeth.
Liam pulls back after a bit and whispers, “Mm, Zayn, c’mere,” and Niall inches back a bit from Liam to give Zayn access.
Niall knows, as he guesses he’s always known, that the writers of Ziam fanfic are fucking insane because no way Zayn would be rough with Liam, Zayn is kissing Liam now like he’s something precious and sacred, only going for light pecks before pulling back out just to stare at him some more, looking like he’s going to collapse if he has to stay away any longer and going right back in again. His hand trace up Liam’s chest and find one of Liam’s nipples, and he pinches it delicately and when Liam moans pinches it harder. Niall moves down on the bed so he can work at Liam’s pants, unbuckles the belt as quickly as he can manage while Liam’s distracted with kissing Zayn. He’s still not sure what he’s doing, not really sure if any of them know what they’re doing, but he knows that if he’s going to be a part of this it’s not going to be because Liam ignores Zayn for him, he knows that it’s going to have to be something he does for himself. He doesn’t think they’ll be able to survive as a band if Liam doesn’t love Zayn back, Niall thinks in a rush, Zayn’s kissing Liam like if he stops now he’ll stop everything.
Pulling Liam’s trousers off is easier now that Zayn’s realized what he means to do, he helps Niall with the funny clip of the belt and is utterly shameless when he yanks Liam’s boxers down, never breaking the kiss. Niall doesn’t understand how Zayn finds these things so utterly effortless, but he imagines it might have something to do with nights when Niall and Zayn shared rooms and Zayn would rub one off when he thought Niall was asleep, muttering words that sounded like Li and please under his breath.
Zayn has hauled Liam up so Liam’s spread across his lap, legs twined around Zayn’s waist, and Niall takes advantage of this change in positions to wrap his hands around Zayn and Liam’s cocks, feeling Liam’s shudder go right through him as he presses against his back. Liam turns his head to kiss Niall and Zayn sinks his teeth into Liam’s throat-sucks love bite upon love bite there as Liam arches into Niall’s hand. Liam comes first, his body shakes the whole way through with it but he doesn’t make a sound-they share rooms, they’re teenagers, they’re used to keeping quiet. Zayn’s still pushing into Niall’s hand though, begging wordlessly for the friction Niall isn’t going to give him. When Niall pulls back Zayn groans and is only satisfied when Liam presses a soft, lingering kiss to Zayn’s mouth.
“Niall, fuck him,” Liam almost sighs, his intent only made strong by the teeth that scrape at Zayn’s neck.
Zayn wants to protest, Niall can tell, but he doesn’t because Liam kisses his way down his chest and lingers over his bellybutton, licks his tongue in and draws it down in wide, flat strokes. Niall squeezes his cock hard to stave off coming, he thinks that if he gets in Zayn then it will right the feeling in his stomach that still feels kind of wrong, the I’m not wanted here, it’s about them, not me that causes him to pull back from Liam whenever Zayn’s stares get a little darker.
When Liam’s mouth gets on Zayn’s cock he whines, absolutely stupid with the headiness of the sensation, and Niall can see where his knuckles have gone white from grabbing at Liam’s hair.
Liam licks at the head some and barely gets his mouth around the shaft before Zayn is coming, painting Liam’s cheeks with come and yanking him up almost immediately afterwards to kiss hungrily at his lips.
Niall takes advantage of Zayn’s orgasm to take the lube Liam’s pulled from somewhere under his bed (and the thought that Liam uses lube enough to know where it is on a regular basis, fuck, with Danielle? On his own arse? Niall’s balls tighten) and slick his fingers up.
Zayn’s calmed down a bit, his hands aren’t moving feverishly up Liam’s arms anymore, he’s just pulling at Liam’s hair, his mouth pressing kisses against Liam’s nose, eyes, chin, anywhere he can reach. Niall forgets himself for a moment in looking at the expression on Zayn’s face: it’s vulnerable and open, and it’s good Liam’s eyes are closed because if he opened them that instant there would be no way to not tell that Zayn is completely and totally gone for him.
Niall shakes his head to clear the image and refocuses on the slick running down his fingers, he eases Zayn’s legs apart and presses his index finger at Zayn’s entrance.
Zayn doesn’t move and Niall takes it as encouragement, except he only knows how to do this from copious amounts of fanfiction porn and it’s difficult to compare when there’s actual, real-life arse in front of him. He pushes in the finger harder, and Zayn stops kissing Liam long enough to say, “Niall, what the fuck,” and Niall can feel himself splutter and Zayn starts moving away impatiently until Liam says, “Budge up a bit, Niall,” and grabs Niall’s lube-sticky hand.
He slides his fingers in between Niall’s, and even this is erotic as fuck, the feeling of their hands gliding together smoothly, connected by KY and the goal of stretching Zayn. Liam takes one of his fingers and slides it in almost smoothly, gestures at Niall to get one of his in and they work together at stretching Zayn open. Niall feels the hope rise in his chest when Zayn’s uncomfortable hitches in breath turn into full on moans, and he pushes back onto their fingers with abandon.
“Ready, ready, come on, now,” Zayn sighs, and Niall positions himself at his hole before Liam says, “Come on, Niall, condom.” Niall freezes.
“What?”
"You’re not fucking Zayn without a condom.” Liam says flatly, and Zayn’s arches up at the word fucking and Niall thinks he’ll come in about two seconds except for he’s confused.
“I can’t get him pregnant, Liam, and I don’t have anything.” Niall says, but Liam’s glaring now.
“It’s Zayn. We need him.” And Zayn’s off, if he wasn’t begging for it for he is now, his hand reaches up and grabs Liam and he says, “Come on, Nialler, fuck me.”
Niall takes the condom Liam wordlessly hands him and strips it on faster than he’s ever had to do before, and slides into Zayn in one smooth stroke. It’s over before he knows it, he manages to get five or six thrusts in before Zayn comes again and his arse clenches even tighter around Niall’s cock, and he’s done for. When he pulls out of Zayn he makes a sound like he’s dying, and Niall moves in and kisses him.
Zayn’s eyes are closed, and he looks like he’s about to sleep until Liam starts to get up and he moans in protest.
“Stay here.” He says, and Niall’s surprised to see that Zayn’s hand is clenched in Niall’s shirt too, the implicit words saying you too, Niall.
“Come on, Zayn, Harry and Louis will come looking,” Liam says, and Zayn shakes his head and pulls Liam in more.
“They know how I feel.” Zayn says and Liam looks at him properly for what seems like the first time. Niall feels like he’s intruding on something private, but Zayn’s hand is in his shirt and he doesn’t want to leave.
Liam looks at Zayn some more and slides down on the bed until he’s beside him, wraps one arm around his waist. “I’m not going anywhere.” Liam says, and presses a kiss to Zayn’s face, which suddenly looks relieved and infinitely exhausted. Niall lies down on Zayn’s other side, and similar reaches around Zayn’s waist, his fingers wrapping around Liam’s elbow.
Niall doesn’t know if Liam’s going to fuck Zayn all the time now, if he’s going to give up Danielle and his image for what Zayn craves, and he doesn’t know if they’re going to even invite Niall in for this if they do start fucking full time. Niall doesn’t know if he even wants them to, even being a part of this feels like reading fanfiction, something beautiful and sexy but that doesn’t really include him. When Zayn turns his head and kisses his ear, though, that feeling changes, and Liam’s hand against his palm grounds him so he knows where his place is. Zayn drops off to sleep at some point and Liam locks eyes with Niall over Zayn’s eyelashes and there’s an understanding between them. This is where they’re meant to be.