#226. Name three things that you're looking forward to in the near future and why.
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For months I anticipated one thing--freein' him but now that its happened...I love him. If'n I know anythin' I know that but love...I'm beginnin' ta wonder if'n its enough. Funny ain't it? I told Lorna months back that love was all I needed. Fool that I am I even believed that.
I'm tryin' ta wait for Erik ta get his head back on right. Ta be up ta full strength but I fear it as well. What is the next phase of his plan gonna be? I didn't join his organization for ideals no matter how much I tried ta convince myself of that. It was for him, ta be with him. I was a fool an' in love. I'm beginnin' ta think that's never a good combination.
Toad's out there somewhere an' for all my good an' all the promises that he wasn't gonna kill John he did an' I couldn't stop it. My words mean nothin' ta Erik, not against his Cause. They never will. I need ta face that fact. I would die ta save him, watch the world burn for him but he wouldn't for me. For his Cause yes but not me.
When is it the point that I simply just cut my losses short an' move on? How do I move on? Can I even move on? Is that even a real possibility? I cannot go back to the place I called home. I cannot leave this one.
I wait for the next meeting. I need guidance an' that seems ta be the place for it.
I am waitin' ta find Toad. Ta know where he is. When I do, the others will be givin' his location.
Mostly I look forward ta the point where I actually know what it is I'm doin' cause right now I'm just driftin' in space. Distancin' myself from everyone. From Erik, from Logan, from Ray. Oh Ray...Jean says you're goin' insane cause of what ya did. I'm so sorry, hon. I don't know why I had ya come along. I'll make it up ta ya somehow.
Somehow.
I wish I knew how.
For months I anticipated one thing--freein' him but now that its happened...I love him. If'n I know anythin' I know that but love...I'm beginnin' ta wonder if'n its enough. Funny ain't it? I told Lorna months back that love was all I needed. Fool that I am I even believed that.
I'm tryin' ta wait for Erik ta get his head back on right. Ta be up ta full strength but I fear it as well. What is the next phase of his plan gonna be? I didn't join his organization for ideals no matter how much I tried ta convince myself of that. It was for him, ta be with him. I was a fool an' in love. I'm beginnin' ta think that's never a good combination.
Toad's out there somewhere an' for all my good an' all the promises that he wasn't gonna kill John he did an' I couldn't stop it. My words mean nothin' ta Erik, not against his Cause. They never will. I need ta face that fact. I would die ta save him, watch the world burn for him but he wouldn't for me. For his Cause yes but not me.
When is it the point that I simply just cut my losses short an' move on? How do I move on? Can I even move on? Is that even a real possibility? I cannot go back to the place I called home. I cannot leave this one.
I wait for the next meeting. I need guidance an' that seems ta be the place for it.
I am waitin' ta find Toad. Ta know where he is. When I do, the others will be givin' his location.
Mostly I look forward ta the point where I actually know what it is I'm doin' cause right now I'm just driftin' in space. Distancin' myself from everyone. From Erik, from Logan, from Ray. Oh Ray...Jean says you're goin' insane cause of what ya did. I'm so sorry, hon. I don't know why I had ya come along. I'll make it up ta ya somehow.
Somehow.
I wish I knew how.