A Private conversation
[Written with summers_grey]
[Private]
Rogue shifted on the bed, the teddy bear she had been holding close to her body dropping unceremoniously to the floor. A low moan escaped her mouth, her hands grasping the sheet under her, fingers twisting in the material. Her body arched off the bed, feeling lips move against hers, a warm body pressing hers down into the mattress. Hands pushed her shirt up before finally touching the bare skin of her stomach and the world exploded in the violent ringing of her alarm clock in her ear.
Groaning, she opened one eye and hit the snooze button before curling on her side, unwilling to get up and face the world. She tugged the blanket back over her body, hands accidentally brushing her breasts. Her eyes widened as she realized how excited the dream had made her. Blushing, she pressed her face into the pillow, her gaze locking on the bracelet still attached to her wrist. It was simple, beautiful--Elegant--and she liked the way the metal felt against her skin. Silky and smooth like her best gloves but also sharp and freeing, everything her gloves were not. She brought her wrist closer to her, smiling as she traced the R, pleased at the small touch that made it hers.
I should take it off, she reminded herself, fingers fumbling with the clasp before she sighed. She didn't want to remove it, wanted to continue feeling it pressed against her skin, a constant reminder of what it felt like when she'd been pressed against the car. Closing her eyes, she hugged the pillow to her. She could stay in bed all day if she wished. There was nothing planned for today, no big social gathering and maybe Mystique would stay the hell away. At least she hoped so.
Except she did want to see Rachel and discuss what had happened. And that conversation would not take place at this mansion, with far too many telepaths and snoops circulating about, wanting to find the latest gossip to spread. Which meant she would need to get out of bed and get dressed, track down Ray and figure out a way for them to leave without alerting Mystique to their disappearance.
Frowning, she pulled the covers over her head. Staying in bed was sounding better every minute. She closed her eyes. She stopped fidgeting for almost five minutes before getting out of the bed. Grabbing her robe, she headed out of the room in search of Rachel. As she neared the girl's room she slowed down, suddenly unsure this was that good of an idea. Rachel was a sweet girl and she enjoyed shopping with her but that didn't mean she could trust her with this...whatever this even was. Rogue stuffed her hands into her pockets and sighed. There really wasn't anyone else she could think to talk about any of this with. I should at least let her know I made it home alive, she reasoned with herself and knocked on the door, almost hoping Rachel wouldn't answer.
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When she heard the knocking on her door, Rachel checked first. It wasn't polite, but that just didn't seem very important. She really, really, did not want to talk to, say, X-23. Or Emma. Not right now. Maybe not for a few weeks.
Anna. Huh. She obviously got back from her evening out all right.
Rachel telepathically looked at the X-Man for a moment. Hell with it. Rachel ran through the edge of Anna's mind, looking for hints as to the topic of this visit. Damn. Anna was always hard to read. This morning she was more opaque than usual. Just an image of a bracelet. With, ah, some strong emotional overtones. Okay, Rachel mused, the evening out was either a great success or a terrible mess. Probably, she thought, both.
Rachel smiled at that. "Come on in, Anna."
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Taking a deep breath, Rogue opened the door and gave the girl a small smile. "Hey." Inwardly, she rolled her eyes at her greeting, hating how nervous she felt. Put yourself together, girl, she ordered, shutting the door. She had no desire for anyone to interrupt this conversation. "I...wanted to let you know I made it back."
As if that isn't obvious. She leaned against the doorway, hands once again in her pockets and frowned, at a loss for what else to say. "Mystique didn't give you too much trouble asking around about me, did she?"
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Rachel waved Anna in, towards the chair by the desk. "Nahh. She thinks you're up to something. But she's not asking me. I imagine she's spying on you somehow, though." Rachel had been kidding, and was a little surprised when Anna sighed and nodded. Like having your reformed villain-assassin mother spying on you because she didn't like who you dated was, you know, normal. Normal and minor, no big deal.
"So what's the bracelet?" Rachel asked. Might as well start, right? The more they talked about whatever Anna was doing, the better. Rachel had only the dimmest memories of a bad night, of asking Anna, like a child, like an idiot, of asking Anna to stay the night. Like that would help anything.
God, other people's problems were so pleasant compared to her own.
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Rogue sank into the chair, reminding herself to check her room. It really wouldn't surprise her if Mystique had bugged her room in some fashion or another. Probably also be a good idea to get a new cellphone and get Kitty to check her laptop. She sighed and lifted her wrist, showing Rachel the silver band. "He...gave me a present."
She dropped her hands and averted her gaze, not really wanting to see the betrayal she was sure would be plastered on Rachel's face. X-Men don't meet with Magneto for dinner and they certainly didn't let him kiss them. Enjoying the entire night just made it that much worse. "So, go ahead say it. I've betrayed the team. I've..." She put her face in her hands and shrugged. "I don't want to take it off." Gave him my damn cellphone number.
Oh yeah, I'm going to that special place in hell reserved for traitors.
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Rachel thought fast. She'd shielded the room as Anna started talking. By the time Rogue put her face in her hands, no one on the grounds would even know Anna was in her room. Except maybe Logan, if her stood right outside the door,, sniffing. Which she didn't think he'd do. Rachel knew how Logan thought of her, and he'd only do that if he thought she was being held prisoner or something. Or if, ha ha, she was hiding supervillains under her bed. In the closet, maybe? she thought with brittle humor.
A couple things were crystal clear. They had to talk, her and Anna. They couldn't do it here. And this was either rank betrayal or some seriously bad dating choices. And it wasn't up to Rachel how the others were going to see things. Maybe I could help them see it right? she thought, only for a second. No. That was waaaayyyy over on the other side of this "line" she heard so much about.
"We gotta talk. Not in the mansion. And NOT for coffee." Rachel thought about it. "The ruins of the gazebo that used to overlook the road, out at the east edge of the grounds. Meet you there in, what, fifteen minutes?"
Rachel crossed over to Anna. Held her shoulders through the robe and gave her a quick half-hug. She leaned forward. "It's okay," she whispered. "Go get dressed. I'll see you in a few."
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"Okay." Rogue didn't believe her. It was anything but okay. "I'll meet you there." She gave Rachel a shaky smile and left, heading quickly to her room, thankful Mystique wasn't hiding out in it again. She locked the door and changed, looking down at the bracelet encircling her wrist and grasped her hand, realizing how badly she was trembling. How could I have been so stupid?
Meeting with Magneto hadn't been worth this feeling of guilt engulfing her, making her feel small and insignificant. The constant replaying of him kissing her in her mind was doing nothing to help with her trepidation. It only added fuel to the fire, making her even more confused. "I sure know how to pick 'em," she muttered, freezing when she heard movement outside her door.
She had a pretty good feeling she knew who it was and had no desire to speak to that women. Pushing open her window, she took to the sky and headed to the ruins, settling down with a heavy sigh. Now I wait, she thought, hoping Rachel didn't bring the others along to berate her choices.
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Rachel put a long-sleeved hoodie on over her usual clothes. Hanging out with Anna, it was just common sense. She checked around to see if she was drawing any attention and flew out to the gazebo. Anna was just touching down in front of her.
Rachel landed and walked straight up to Anna. She wrapped her arms around her and gave her a hug. "First," Rachel said into Anna's shoulder, "this."
Rachel backed up a bit, looking Anna in the eye.
"Second. Sinister kissed me the other day, and I didn't tell anyone. I've been hiding in my room, scared that if I leave the grounds he's gonna find me. Except --" Rachel ran her hands through her hair. "Except I can't think of why that'd be bad for me. I had -- well, you know." Rachel sighed. "I had these awful dreams the other night. I know why everyone else hates him. And --"
Rachel stopped. To say what came next was unthinkable. But she was thinking it. How much worse would it be to say?
"I know why you, and Scott, why Jean and Nathan all have very good reasons to hate him. But I don't have any reasons of my own, yet. I'm fighting him, pushing him away, because I'm scared of what my family will say. The truth is, I don't know what he wants and I don't know what to do."
Rachel looked away, at the view. "And I think he came into my bedroom again, so I'm not sure wishing him gone is going to work anyway," she finished quickly.
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Rogue blinked, processing all that Rachel had just said before erupting into nervous laughter. She sat down on the remains of what had once been a bench, her laughter turning into tears and balled her fists in her lap, trying to get herself under control. "He kissed me, too." She shook her head , wiping at her eyes. "Not Sinister, Erik--I mean Magneto--oh screw it, Erik. He kissed me twice, Ray, and I wanted him to keep doing it."
She took a deep breath and looked up at Rachel. "I gave him my cellphone number. I gave the X-Man's enemy my number and you've got Sinister coming into your bedroom and somewhere the world must have stopped spinning and pigs have learned how to fly. Nothing makes sense anymore."
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Rachel started laughing, too. "Magneto kissed you? How'd that work? Hang on --"
Rachel knew she had about as much raw power as Magneto. At least, that's what Emma'd told her. And the woman had no reason to lie. Rachel put her hands on Anna's face.
*Just a sec, I wanna see how long I can do this.*
Seconds later Rachel pulled away, shaking.
"Okay, that's long enough for a kiss. A very long kiss. Or two." She rubbed her head. "Ow."
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"Sorry. It ain't that pleasant afterwards." Rogue shook her head and looked down at her hands. "Except he didn't seem to mind. At all. He even did it again, deeper and harder and it was so different than Remy..." She looked back up.
"What am I gonna do? He has my number. I have his number." She was trembling and could already feel tears beginning to fill her eyes again. "I should give Cyclops his number, shouldn't I? But I don't want to, Ray." She hit her leg angrily, lips twisting. "I want to keep it. I want it to be mine. Not anyone else's. Why can't I have something that's just mine?"
She looked pleadingly at the girl, wanting her to understand, even if she wasn't all that sure about any of this.
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Rachel sat on the ruined bench next to Anna and leaned her head on Anna's shoulder. "I know just how you feel. It'd be nice to do something for myself." They sat like that for a minute, watching the birds agaisnt the sky.
"You know," Rachel said slowly, "people do take . . personal time. Sabbatical, or a leave, or something. I mean," she said, warming to the topic, "Kitty left for a while. Scott left for a long time after Phoenix died. Logan goes off all the time doing god-knows-what personal errands. I don't think anyone would really be able to object if you wanted to go away for a bit. They can't really make you stay, make you lead a team. It wouldn't be safe, or smart, or a good idea."
I could leave, too, Rachel thought. Maybe go stay with Nathan in Reiki-stan or whatever it's called.
"W- You, you wouldn't be compromising the X-Men if you weren't here." Rachel hugged Anna. "I mean, it's true that giving Magneto your phone number isn't security-concious. Even if it's just your cell phone," she added.
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Rogue kneaded her bottom lip, mulling over what Rachel had said. It did make sense, leaving was probably the best option and it'd give her time to try and figure this out without worrying about prying eyes and ears. "I know it wasn't," she murmured, leaning into Rachel. "I can't believe I did that."
She frowned and closed her eyes, hugging her friend tight. "I think you're right. Maybe I should take a break. Mystique'll just love that." She rolled her eyes and stared at the mansion. "I'm gonna miss this place. And you." She hugged her tighter. "What about you?"
Pulling back, she pursed her lips, remembering the whole Sinister situation. "What are you gonna do about Sinister? Cause him coming into your room again. Not good." She shook her head. "Except...Ray...do you want him to do that? You didn't seem to mind him kissing you. Not by the way you mentioned it."
Rachel stiffened and pulled away. "I minded. I minded a lot. He just . . . he was sneering and superior and he didn't ask or anything, he just kissed me. Here." Rachel touched the side of her throat where Sinister had kissed her. "And he didn't say anything, he just left," she concluded, decisively.
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Uh huh, and you liked it," she told her, crossing her arms across her chest. "That's why I saw Sinister in my dream a couple of nights ago. Cause you can't get him off your mind." She shook her head and smiled cautiously, putting a hand on Rachel's arm. "Hon, I'm the last person who's gonna say something about you likin' that guy. That'd be a severe case of pot calling the kettle black."
"But that's just it!" Rachel said. "I don't like him. He's creepy, and he's startling, and he's a stalker across generations, lets not forget that part, and he looks at me like, like -- arrggh!" Rachel yelled. She jumped to her feet and started telekinetically tossing chunks of masonry into the trees, random acts of small destruction, trying to hit dead branches with bricks.
"He looks at me like he knows things about me that I don't know yet," Rachel said, quieter now. "He scares me, Anna. And I can't stop thinking about the few run-ins we've had in the last couple weeks and that just means I scare me. It's not like, you know -- well, see, my family does sort of have a history of being slowly brainwashed over a long period of time by evil geniuses and then going evil. Y'know. Mastermind. Apocalypse." Rachel sighed, setting down the whirling cloud of bricks. "So you can see my concern."
Rogue nodded, letting her friend take out her anger on the forest. "I understand your trepidation and I ain't all that fond of Sinister with what he did to Remy and all. He's definitely not trustworthy for all the reasons you just stated, but Ray..." She took a deep breath, trying to formulate what she said next carefully. "How did it make you feel though, when he kissed you?"
"What?"
"How did you feel, Ray?" Rogue persisted, tugging the girl back to the bench. "Was your heart racing so fast you thought it might stop? Did you feel like you'd never be able to catch your breath?" She closed her eyes, remembering her kiss with Magneto. "Did it ignite a spark in you that you never thought you'd feel again? How did it feel?"
"That's fear, though." Rachel thought for a moment. "Right? I mean, that's what fear, what adrenaline, feels li-"
Rachel stopped talking. oh. She felt her face flush, from the tops of her ears down across her collarbones. She pulled her sweatshirt up over her head, turtle-like. "Adrenaline. Right. Anna, you have my permission, when you see me being this stupid this long, to hit me with a two-by-four sooner," Rachel said, her words muffled slightly by the jacket.
She sat back up, pulling the jacket back into place. "Yeah. That's what it felt like. And that's what it feels like when I think about it. How," she said plaintively, "how is it that I can be attracted to him? He really does scare me, Anna, I'm not wrong about that part . . ."
Rogue pulled her into a tight hug. "I don't know, Ray. I wish I could give you a better answer but I don't even know why I'm attracted to Erik." She brushed Rachel's hair, hoping it was soothing. "Can't really help who we have feelings for. If I've learned anything, its that."
She stared up at the sky, watching the clouds move and transform. "I don't think I'll be any help in helping you figure this out. I'm as confused as you are."
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Rachel leaned into Anna's hand. Talking about this was weird. It had confirmed, in every way, that there was a huge problem and it was Rachel's fault. But talking about it with Anna made it seem easier. Rachel was not used to telling people things. Not the things she was ashamed of. There was too much, too many things. No one, not even -- make that especially -- the people who loved her could really handle all the things of which Rachel was ashamed. Wanting to kiss a villainous stalker actually, now that she thought about it, was only in the top twenty or so bad things. Not as bad as, say, attempting murder or trying to destroy the universe or working for Kulan Gath.
"So, we just . . . go back to the mansion. Try to not create any more security breaches. I guess . . . I should try to talk to him. To Sinister. Ask him to stay away. To leave the mansion alone. I wonder how I get ahold of him? It feels," Rachel said, half-laughing, "a little bit like he's the bogeymen -- I say his name and he'll appear."
Rachel sat up, smiling at her friend. "What are you gonna do, Anna?"
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"If you're gonna try and talk to him, Ray, you better let me know where you're meeting him, you understand?" Rogue asked, using the tone she usually saved for giving orders. "I just would want to know in case something happens."
Shaking her head, she shrugged. "I got no idea what I'm gonna do. I think I should leave, take a sabbatical, like you said. I just don't know where I'm gonna go." Any of the X-Men's safe houses seemed out of the question. She needed to go somewhere that she could actually think and try to sort everything out. "I don't know how I'm going to explain my needing to leave to Scott. Don't wanna even think about Mystique learning about it. That women'll smile like the damn Cheshire cat."
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Rachel ducked her head at Rogue's tone. "I will, Rogue, I promise. I'll let you know if I talk to him." She looked up again. "You could tell my d- tell Scott you are still not on your game after Remy. He'll understand. 'Roro kicked his ass that one time after Phoenix died, he knows what it's like." Rachel stood, stretching. "Don't go anywhere without letting me know, 'kay? And give me some way to get hold of you -- without telepathically riffling through the head of everyone on the planet." Rachel bounced on her toes. "That hurts, the planet-thing. I try to not do it."
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Rogue grinned. "Deal." She looked back at the mansion. "I guess we should head back. Remember to let me know if you're gonna meet up with the psycho."
Rising into the air, she tried not to let her uncertainty show. She would need to figure out where she was going before she talked to Scott. Somewhere safe, secluded, with good cellphone reception. She headed back to her room and swept it for bugs, rolling her eyes when she found two. At least taking a sabatical would allow her to get away from Mystique for awhile.
[Private]
Rogue shifted on the bed, the teddy bear she had been holding close to her body dropping unceremoniously to the floor. A low moan escaped her mouth, her hands grasping the sheet under her, fingers twisting in the material. Her body arched off the bed, feeling lips move against hers, a warm body pressing hers down into the mattress. Hands pushed her shirt up before finally touching the bare skin of her stomach and the world exploded in the violent ringing of her alarm clock in her ear.
Groaning, she opened one eye and hit the snooze button before curling on her side, unwilling to get up and face the world. She tugged the blanket back over her body, hands accidentally brushing her breasts. Her eyes widened as she realized how excited the dream had made her. Blushing, she pressed her face into the pillow, her gaze locking on the bracelet still attached to her wrist. It was simple, beautiful--Elegant--and she liked the way the metal felt against her skin. Silky and smooth like her best gloves but also sharp and freeing, everything her gloves were not. She brought her wrist closer to her, smiling as she traced the R, pleased at the small touch that made it hers.
I should take it off, she reminded herself, fingers fumbling with the clasp before she sighed. She didn't want to remove it, wanted to continue feeling it pressed against her skin, a constant reminder of what it felt like when she'd been pressed against the car. Closing her eyes, she hugged the pillow to her. She could stay in bed all day if she wished. There was nothing planned for today, no big social gathering and maybe Mystique would stay the hell away. At least she hoped so.
Except she did want to see Rachel and discuss what had happened. And that conversation would not take place at this mansion, with far too many telepaths and snoops circulating about, wanting to find the latest gossip to spread. Which meant she would need to get out of bed and get dressed, track down Ray and figure out a way for them to leave without alerting Mystique to their disappearance.
Frowning, she pulled the covers over her head. Staying in bed was sounding better every minute. She closed her eyes. She stopped fidgeting for almost five minutes before getting out of the bed. Grabbing her robe, she headed out of the room in search of Rachel. As she neared the girl's room she slowed down, suddenly unsure this was that good of an idea. Rachel was a sweet girl and she enjoyed shopping with her but that didn't mean she could trust her with this...whatever this even was. Rogue stuffed her hands into her pockets and sighed. There really wasn't anyone else she could think to talk about any of this with. I should at least let her know I made it home alive, she reasoned with herself and knocked on the door, almost hoping Rachel wouldn't answer.
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When she heard the knocking on her door, Rachel checked first. It wasn't polite, but that just didn't seem very important. She really, really, did not want to talk to, say, X-23. Or Emma. Not right now. Maybe not for a few weeks.
Anna. Huh. She obviously got back from her evening out all right.
Rachel telepathically looked at the X-Man for a moment. Hell with it. Rachel ran through the edge of Anna's mind, looking for hints as to the topic of this visit. Damn. Anna was always hard to read. This morning she was more opaque than usual. Just an image of a bracelet. With, ah, some strong emotional overtones. Okay, Rachel mused, the evening out was either a great success or a terrible mess. Probably, she thought, both.
Rachel smiled at that. "Come on in, Anna."
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Taking a deep breath, Rogue opened the door and gave the girl a small smile. "Hey." Inwardly, she rolled her eyes at her greeting, hating how nervous she felt. Put yourself together, girl, she ordered, shutting the door. She had no desire for anyone to interrupt this conversation. "I...wanted to let you know I made it back."
As if that isn't obvious. She leaned against the doorway, hands once again in her pockets and frowned, at a loss for what else to say. "Mystique didn't give you too much trouble asking around about me, did she?"
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Rachel waved Anna in, towards the chair by the desk. "Nahh. She thinks you're up to something. But she's not asking me. I imagine she's spying on you somehow, though." Rachel had been kidding, and was a little surprised when Anna sighed and nodded. Like having your reformed villain-assassin mother spying on you because she didn't like who you dated was, you know, normal. Normal and minor, no big deal.
"So what's the bracelet?" Rachel asked. Might as well start, right? The more they talked about whatever Anna was doing, the better. Rachel had only the dimmest memories of a bad night, of asking Anna, like a child, like an idiot, of asking Anna to stay the night. Like that would help anything.
God, other people's problems were so pleasant compared to her own.
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Rogue sank into the chair, reminding herself to check her room. It really wouldn't surprise her if Mystique had bugged her room in some fashion or another. Probably also be a good idea to get a new cellphone and get Kitty to check her laptop. She sighed and lifted her wrist, showing Rachel the silver band. "He...gave me a present."
She dropped her hands and averted her gaze, not really wanting to see the betrayal she was sure would be plastered on Rachel's face. X-Men don't meet with Magneto for dinner and they certainly didn't let him kiss them. Enjoying the entire night just made it that much worse. "So, go ahead say it. I've betrayed the team. I've..." She put her face in her hands and shrugged. "I don't want to take it off." Gave him my damn cellphone number.
Oh yeah, I'm going to that special place in hell reserved for traitors.
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Rachel thought fast. She'd shielded the room as Anna started talking. By the time Rogue put her face in her hands, no one on the grounds would even know Anna was in her room. Except maybe Logan, if her stood right outside the door,, sniffing. Which she didn't think he'd do. Rachel knew how Logan thought of her, and he'd only do that if he thought she was being held prisoner or something. Or if, ha ha, she was hiding supervillains under her bed. In the closet, maybe? she thought with brittle humor.
A couple things were crystal clear. They had to talk, her and Anna. They couldn't do it here. And this was either rank betrayal or some seriously bad dating choices. And it wasn't up to Rachel how the others were going to see things. Maybe I could help them see it right? she thought, only for a second. No. That was waaaayyyy over on the other side of this "line" she heard so much about.
"We gotta talk. Not in the mansion. And NOT for coffee." Rachel thought about it. "The ruins of the gazebo that used to overlook the road, out at the east edge of the grounds. Meet you there in, what, fifteen minutes?"
Rachel crossed over to Anna. Held her shoulders through the robe and gave her a quick half-hug. She leaned forward. "It's okay," she whispered. "Go get dressed. I'll see you in a few."
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"Okay." Rogue didn't believe her. It was anything but okay. "I'll meet you there." She gave Rachel a shaky smile and left, heading quickly to her room, thankful Mystique wasn't hiding out in it again. She locked the door and changed, looking down at the bracelet encircling her wrist and grasped her hand, realizing how badly she was trembling. How could I have been so stupid?
Meeting with Magneto hadn't been worth this feeling of guilt engulfing her, making her feel small and insignificant. The constant replaying of him kissing her in her mind was doing nothing to help with her trepidation. It only added fuel to the fire, making her even more confused. "I sure know how to pick 'em," she muttered, freezing when she heard movement outside her door.
She had a pretty good feeling she knew who it was and had no desire to speak to that women. Pushing open her window, she took to the sky and headed to the ruins, settling down with a heavy sigh. Now I wait, she thought, hoping Rachel didn't bring the others along to berate her choices.
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Rachel put a long-sleeved hoodie on over her usual clothes. Hanging out with Anna, it was just common sense. She checked around to see if she was drawing any attention and flew out to the gazebo. Anna was just touching down in front of her.
Rachel landed and walked straight up to Anna. She wrapped her arms around her and gave her a hug. "First," Rachel said into Anna's shoulder, "this."
Rachel backed up a bit, looking Anna in the eye.
"Second. Sinister kissed me the other day, and I didn't tell anyone. I've been hiding in my room, scared that if I leave the grounds he's gonna find me. Except --" Rachel ran her hands through her hair. "Except I can't think of why that'd be bad for me. I had -- well, you know." Rachel sighed. "I had these awful dreams the other night. I know why everyone else hates him. And --"
Rachel stopped. To say what came next was unthinkable. But she was thinking it. How much worse would it be to say?
"I know why you, and Scott, why Jean and Nathan all have very good reasons to hate him. But I don't have any reasons of my own, yet. I'm fighting him, pushing him away, because I'm scared of what my family will say. The truth is, I don't know what he wants and I don't know what to do."
Rachel looked away, at the view. "And I think he came into my bedroom again, so I'm not sure wishing him gone is going to work anyway," she finished quickly.
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Rogue blinked, processing all that Rachel had just said before erupting into nervous laughter. She sat down on the remains of what had once been a bench, her laughter turning into tears and balled her fists in her lap, trying to get herself under control. "He kissed me, too." She shook her head , wiping at her eyes. "Not Sinister, Erik--I mean Magneto--oh screw it, Erik. He kissed me twice, Ray, and I wanted him to keep doing it."
She took a deep breath and looked up at Rachel. "I gave him my cellphone number. I gave the X-Man's enemy my number and you've got Sinister coming into your bedroom and somewhere the world must have stopped spinning and pigs have learned how to fly. Nothing makes sense anymore."
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Rachel started laughing, too. "Magneto kissed you? How'd that work? Hang on --"
Rachel knew she had about as much raw power as Magneto. At least, that's what Emma'd told her. And the woman had no reason to lie. Rachel put her hands on Anna's face.
*Just a sec, I wanna see how long I can do this.*
Seconds later Rachel pulled away, shaking.
"Okay, that's long enough for a kiss. A very long kiss. Or two." She rubbed her head. "Ow."
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"Sorry. It ain't that pleasant afterwards." Rogue shook her head and looked down at her hands. "Except he didn't seem to mind. At all. He even did it again, deeper and harder and it was so different than Remy..." She looked back up.
"What am I gonna do? He has my number. I have his number." She was trembling and could already feel tears beginning to fill her eyes again. "I should give Cyclops his number, shouldn't I? But I don't want to, Ray." She hit her leg angrily, lips twisting. "I want to keep it. I want it to be mine. Not anyone else's. Why can't I have something that's just mine?"
She looked pleadingly at the girl, wanting her to understand, even if she wasn't all that sure about any of this.
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Rachel sat on the ruined bench next to Anna and leaned her head on Anna's shoulder. "I know just how you feel. It'd be nice to do something for myself." They sat like that for a minute, watching the birds agaisnt the sky.
"You know," Rachel said slowly, "people do take . . personal time. Sabbatical, or a leave, or something. I mean," she said, warming to the topic, "Kitty left for a while. Scott left for a long time after Phoenix died. Logan goes off all the time doing god-knows-what personal errands. I don't think anyone would really be able to object if you wanted to go away for a bit. They can't really make you stay, make you lead a team. It wouldn't be safe, or smart, or a good idea."
I could leave, too, Rachel thought. Maybe go stay with Nathan in Reiki-stan or whatever it's called.
"W- You, you wouldn't be compromising the X-Men if you weren't here." Rachel hugged Anna. "I mean, it's true that giving Magneto your phone number isn't security-concious. Even if it's just your cell phone," she added.
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Rogue kneaded her bottom lip, mulling over what Rachel had said. It did make sense, leaving was probably the best option and it'd give her time to try and figure this out without worrying about prying eyes and ears. "I know it wasn't," she murmured, leaning into Rachel. "I can't believe I did that."
She frowned and closed her eyes, hugging her friend tight. "I think you're right. Maybe I should take a break. Mystique'll just love that." She rolled her eyes and stared at the mansion. "I'm gonna miss this place. And you." She hugged her tighter. "What about you?"
Pulling back, she pursed her lips, remembering the whole Sinister situation. "What are you gonna do about Sinister? Cause him coming into your room again. Not good." She shook her head. "Except...Ray...do you want him to do that? You didn't seem to mind him kissing you. Not by the way you mentioned it."
Rachel stiffened and pulled away. "I minded. I minded a lot. He just . . . he was sneering and superior and he didn't ask or anything, he just kissed me. Here." Rachel touched the side of her throat where Sinister had kissed her. "And he didn't say anything, he just left," she concluded, decisively.
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Uh huh, and you liked it," she told her, crossing her arms across her chest. "That's why I saw Sinister in my dream a couple of nights ago. Cause you can't get him off your mind." She shook her head and smiled cautiously, putting a hand on Rachel's arm. "Hon, I'm the last person who's gonna say something about you likin' that guy. That'd be a severe case of pot calling the kettle black."
"But that's just it!" Rachel said. "I don't like him. He's creepy, and he's startling, and he's a stalker across generations, lets not forget that part, and he looks at me like, like -- arrggh!" Rachel yelled. She jumped to her feet and started telekinetically tossing chunks of masonry into the trees, random acts of small destruction, trying to hit dead branches with bricks.
"He looks at me like he knows things about me that I don't know yet," Rachel said, quieter now. "He scares me, Anna. And I can't stop thinking about the few run-ins we've had in the last couple weeks and that just means I scare me. It's not like, you know -- well, see, my family does sort of have a history of being slowly brainwashed over a long period of time by evil geniuses and then going evil. Y'know. Mastermind. Apocalypse." Rachel sighed, setting down the whirling cloud of bricks. "So you can see my concern."
Rogue nodded, letting her friend take out her anger on the forest. "I understand your trepidation and I ain't all that fond of Sinister with what he did to Remy and all. He's definitely not trustworthy for all the reasons you just stated, but Ray..." She took a deep breath, trying to formulate what she said next carefully. "How did it make you feel though, when he kissed you?"
"What?"
"How did you feel, Ray?" Rogue persisted, tugging the girl back to the bench. "Was your heart racing so fast you thought it might stop? Did you feel like you'd never be able to catch your breath?" She closed her eyes, remembering her kiss with Magneto. "Did it ignite a spark in you that you never thought you'd feel again? How did it feel?"
"That's fear, though." Rachel thought for a moment. "Right? I mean, that's what fear, what adrenaline, feels li-"
Rachel stopped talking. oh. She felt her face flush, from the tops of her ears down across her collarbones. She pulled her sweatshirt up over her head, turtle-like. "Adrenaline. Right. Anna, you have my permission, when you see me being this stupid this long, to hit me with a two-by-four sooner," Rachel said, her words muffled slightly by the jacket.
She sat back up, pulling the jacket back into place. "Yeah. That's what it felt like. And that's what it feels like when I think about it. How," she said plaintively, "how is it that I can be attracted to him? He really does scare me, Anna, I'm not wrong about that part . . ."
Rogue pulled her into a tight hug. "I don't know, Ray. I wish I could give you a better answer but I don't even know why I'm attracted to Erik." She brushed Rachel's hair, hoping it was soothing. "Can't really help who we have feelings for. If I've learned anything, its that."
She stared up at the sky, watching the clouds move and transform. "I don't think I'll be any help in helping you figure this out. I'm as confused as you are."
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Rachel leaned into Anna's hand. Talking about this was weird. It had confirmed, in every way, that there was a huge problem and it was Rachel's fault. But talking about it with Anna made it seem easier. Rachel was not used to telling people things. Not the things she was ashamed of. There was too much, too many things. No one, not even -- make that especially -- the people who loved her could really handle all the things of which Rachel was ashamed. Wanting to kiss a villainous stalker actually, now that she thought about it, was only in the top twenty or so bad things. Not as bad as, say, attempting murder or trying to destroy the universe or working for Kulan Gath.
"So, we just . . . go back to the mansion. Try to not create any more security breaches. I guess . . . I should try to talk to him. To Sinister. Ask him to stay away. To leave the mansion alone. I wonder how I get ahold of him? It feels," Rachel said, half-laughing, "a little bit like he's the bogeymen -- I say his name and he'll appear."
Rachel sat up, smiling at her friend. "What are you gonna do, Anna?"
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"If you're gonna try and talk to him, Ray, you better let me know where you're meeting him, you understand?" Rogue asked, using the tone she usually saved for giving orders. "I just would want to know in case something happens."
Shaking her head, she shrugged. "I got no idea what I'm gonna do. I think I should leave, take a sabbatical, like you said. I just don't know where I'm gonna go." Any of the X-Men's safe houses seemed out of the question. She needed to go somewhere that she could actually think and try to sort everything out. "I don't know how I'm going to explain my needing to leave to Scott. Don't wanna even think about Mystique learning about it. That women'll smile like the damn Cheshire cat."
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Rachel ducked her head at Rogue's tone. "I will, Rogue, I promise. I'll let you know if I talk to him." She looked up again. "You could tell my d- tell Scott you are still not on your game after Remy. He'll understand. 'Roro kicked his ass that one time after Phoenix died, he knows what it's like." Rachel stood, stretching. "Don't go anywhere without letting me know, 'kay? And give me some way to get hold of you -- without telepathically riffling through the head of everyone on the planet." Rachel bounced on her toes. "That hurts, the planet-thing. I try to not do it."
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Rogue grinned. "Deal." She looked back at the mansion. "I guess we should head back. Remember to let me know if you're gonna meet up with the psycho."
Rising into the air, she tried not to let her uncertainty show. She would need to figure out where she was going before she talked to Scott. Somewhere safe, secluded, with good cellphone reception. She headed back to her room and swept it for bugs, rolling her eyes when she found two. At least taking a sabatical would allow her to get away from Mystique for awhile.