Not completely satisfied
For some reason, everytime things in my life are fairly in order, I am never completely satisfied. Perhaps it's due to the looming failure I know will surely come at some point or another, or perhaps it's due to my own insecurities. Either way, whenever I have something/someone really special, I always want more for some reason. Unlike other women, I don't justify my wanting for other men with excuses as to how poorly I'm being treated by my current significant other. I really am being treated very well (contrary to popular belief lol). I just, for some odd reason, am still seeking out comfort in other places. Not that I'm cheating, or would even consider it right now, but just the option of having someone else in my life to talk to. I guess that's the real issue, I just want someone else to talk to besides Jovan. I really don't have many friends these days, since Jenn left, Patti betrayed me, and my cousin is eternally wrapped up in her college life. It's sort of depressing. I mean, I do have friends, don't get me wrong, but none that I hang out with anymore. And not solely because I'm dating Jovan, there are many circumstances contributing to me not having a life outside of him, Deacon and my job. Primarily, those three things. I look forward to summertime when people (such as KD, Steph Meyer, Sarah, etc.) are home when I can *hopefully* have other people to hang out with...
On a side note, the whole situation with Patti really really hurts right now. What I don't think she or her friends seemed to realize was why I was so extremely upset and why I freaked out so much. It wasn't so much that Patti wasn't exactly understanding of my new life choices, it was more that she took a very, very personal conversation and posted it in her livejournal! And then acted like she did nothing wrong. I wouldn't of cared if she posted about Dr. Makow's website or anything like that, in fact, I actually expected her to! But the truth is, she never even apologized for making a very private situation public. And then since all of her little online buddies were behind her and criticizing and judging me (yet AGAIN), she really felt as though I had no right to be upset! It is just very hurtful to know that her pride and my anger broke up a 6-year friendship. One I honestly valued very, very dearly. I guess I knew things would change between us eventually, I just didn't think they'd end up like this. I kind of always figured we'd stay in touch throughout the years and she'd get to see my son grow up and I'd get to see her and Nick get married and things like that....
On a side note, the whole situation with Patti really really hurts right now. What I don't think she or her friends seemed to realize was why I was so extremely upset and why I freaked out so much. It wasn't so much that Patti wasn't exactly understanding of my new life choices, it was more that she took a very, very personal conversation and posted it in her livejournal! And then acted like she did nothing wrong. I wouldn't of cared if she posted about Dr. Makow's website or anything like that, in fact, I actually expected her to! But the truth is, she never even apologized for making a very private situation public. And then since all of her little online buddies were behind her and criticizing and judging me (yet AGAIN), she really felt as though I had no right to be upset! It is just very hurtful to know that her pride and my anger broke up a 6-year friendship. One I honestly valued very, very dearly. I guess I knew things would change between us eventually, I just didn't think they'd end up like this. I kind of always figured we'd stay in touch throughout the years and she'd get to see my son grow up and I'd get to see her and Nick get married and things like that....