"I think I made it a game, to play your game, and let myself cry"
Well, Last night JoJo told me that I am un trustworthy. She thinks that I tell Amanda all of her personal busness, and I can't keep my mouth shut. I can't begin to explain how bad that rips me apart. I've known her for a year, and 5 monthes now, and all I've ever done for her is be a friend. I'm not saying that I haven't done anything wrong throughout that time, because I did mess up, I'm only human. But There is no way, in fucking hell that she can tell me that she can't trust me. There is so many things that I have kept from Amanda, about JoJo that on a few ocations, I've pissed Amanda off, and made her think, that I didn't trust her! You know, JoJo would tell me shit, and I would NOT FUCKING tell another soul, but she would tell somebody like Big Mouth Izzy, and then lots of people would know, Like Amanda. Then JoJo, would think because Amanda knew, I must have told her. Somehow last night went from JoJo, hurting me, and fucking me up, to me being the worst person on earth, and she couldn't trust me. God forbid that I tell my Amanda that I'm not doing good, and then tell her the reason. I've loved, and cared, For JoJo, with all that I have to give, for so long now, and she doesn't see that. Why is it that I'm not supose to tell anybody about JoJo's feelings, or thoughts, but she is alwoed to tell anybody she wants? She gets to tell people, but if I do, I'm a fucked up person. If she gets to tell the whle land, why am I geting shit for telling somebody that I love with all my heart like Amanda. I sit here talking to her until 6 am, being nothing more than the best friend she's ever had, and I get the lable, "Un Trustworthy" Izzy gets to run her mouth to everybody at school about JoJo's probelms, and JoJo never say a mother fucking word to her about it. Well, I'm fucking sick of it. If all I am to you JoJo is one of your "friends", that you can't trust, then so fucking be it. I just want you to look at our past Jovaughn. Look at all those times, I was up talking to you, when you needed somebody to talk to, when you needed to just blow up about your father, or brother, or cat, or Izzy, or Aidain, or what the fuck ever it was. Look at all those times that you would be mean to me, and rude, and just completly take out ALL of your anger out on me, and how I was still there no matter what. Look at everything I did for you. Look at all the times, that you riped me the FUCK apart with some of the things you did to yourself, and me. Then notice, that I was still there. Look and see that I have always been there, and I still am. You don't want me around, you can't trust me, then okay. I just want you to see, I know you know this is true, I have never been anything less, than the best friend you've ever had JoJo. I may have made some misatkes, and some pretty good ones at times, but that's something I can't help. After all we have been through, after all those times, it was me, and ONLY me there for you, this is the thanks I get. Damn you for saying that you can't trust me JoJo. If you can't trust me, then I guess it's time for me to move on. I know when I'm not wanted, and that's what you've shown me JoJo.
Tonight the Cup finals start. The Ducks and Devils, just like I wanted. The ducks are going all the way you guys, just wait and see. I was really looking forward to this even more because I was going to get to share it with JoJo, cause she'd watch the games, and then we would kinda talk about it. It ment so much to me, She was the only one in the world that I could do that with, cause she'd be the only one who would watch the game, but I guess that's fucking over now. I need to go eat cause I have a rumbly in my tumbly, but I can't seem to eat anything. I need to go write Amanda back. I got the most wonderful, and amazingly beautiful e mail from her. For once, I truthfuly know, what's important. I'm OUT!
Tonight the Cup finals start. The Ducks and Devils, just like I wanted. The ducks are going all the way you guys, just wait and see. I was really looking forward to this even more because I was going to get to share it with JoJo, cause she'd watch the games, and then we would kinda talk about it. It ment so much to me, She was the only one in the world that I could do that with, cause she'd be the only one who would watch the game, but I guess that's fucking over now. I need to go eat cause I have a rumbly in my tumbly, but I can't seem to eat anything. I need to go write Amanda back. I got the most wonderful, and amazingly beautiful e mail from her. For once, I truthfuly know, what's important. I'm OUT!