Ode to the omniscent narratorpretty492April 6 2005, 21:51:51 UTC
1.Speaking as Valerie about Nathan, maybe she doesn't want to be loved, she seems pretty unstable emotionally... (Maybe you should ignore my opinion regarding Valerie and Nathans relationship because it is Tomica and Mats relationship.) Anyway, I would guess that she doesn't feel like she deserves his love.
2.I would try to use Jason for this
3.I wouldn't get rid of Richard, it shows that people who aren't Nathans close friends have noticed the toll that Valerie is taking on him.
4. Suggest using more past instances, which will also help with 5.
6. is obviously up to you, if I'd have noticed I'd have mentioned it, but that's my own personal weak spot.
7. Who thought Emily's a hooker!?! Personally, I don't think the reader should be told whether or not he wants it, keep 'em guessing.
8. Just substitute "freshman year" with "ninth grade."
9. and 10. I again say throw in a few more memories, a couple short exchanges can be quite poignant.
Re: Ode to the omniscent narratortjnApril 6 2005, 23:04:46 UTC
Grr... long response killed by the back button on the mouse...
1. The fact that you say "maybe" and "guess" is indicative of the weakness of her character =p I know what I intended and it's not there. And as I'm very much anti-auteur explaining her character would be detrimental, in my opinion
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2.I would try to use Jason for this
3.I wouldn't get rid of Richard, it shows that people who aren't Nathans close friends have noticed the toll that Valerie is taking on him.
4. Suggest using more past instances, which will also help with 5.
6. is obviously up to you, if I'd have noticed I'd have mentioned it, but that's my own personal weak spot.
7. Who thought Emily's a hooker!?! Personally, I don't think the reader should be told whether or not he wants it, keep 'em guessing.
8. Just substitute "freshman year" with "ninth grade."
9. and 10. I again say throw in a few more memories, a couple short exchanges can be quite poignant.
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1. The fact that you say "maybe" and "guess" is indicative of the weakness of her character =p I know what I intended and it's not there. And as I'm very much anti-auteur explaining her character would be detrimental, in my opinion ( ... )
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