I dunno just pretend that there is a dynamic title for this post
Ok I borrowed this book from a life long friend called Fox Girl, I decide to start reading it and the damn thing is just too good to believe he actually had this work or literary art sitting on his fucking floor collecting dirt and dust. The book is like new, the thing is like never read till now. Anyway, I borrow and started reading it last night while I decided to do a full virus scan of my computer, you know the whole shebang! That means no gaming, music, or surfing unless I want everything to take forever. So while its attacking and destroying the digital enemies at their hiding places, I'm listening to a cd and reading the book. The book is like a refreshment to my mind! Its an awesome look at the lives of three koreans during the 60's and how society marginalizes them and American GI's stationed there abuse them.
The story itself is a real piece of work and its not prettied up with fancy words to soften the blow that the characters are living a harsh life and that its commonplace for things to be that way for them in that time. Its a very interesting thing to see for since I haven't sat down and read a true to form novel in ages. The last novel I read was Girl interrupted and until now I thought there was no other book that could top it, but Fox Girl in its own ways exceed Susanna Kasen's near autobiographical work. Fox Girl is written by Nora Okja keller, she also penned the book Comfort Woman which helped to bring to light the history of Comfort Women. I haven't actually read Comfort Woman, but reading Fox Girl makes me want to see what her other book is like.
I have been trying to find a job or two but so far I have had so little luck its almost heart breaking, but the repeated failures have made my heart almost numb to the sting...almost. I have been playing lots of video games and online games, but they don't really fill the void of a good steady paying job. Oh yeah, I turned twenty on August the eighteenth, last saturday so thats something. Although I didn't have anything spectacular happen which I really didn't mind since we are flat broke again. Anyway, I have been on an unofficial break from drawing you could say. i keep saying i'm going to sit down and draw and yet i never actually do it, i sit down and start playing some kind of game instead. I have filled up two sketch books and i only have one more left and thats my leather bound one so i want to put really get things in it and if I can get at least two original characters in there, but I still haven't mastered the art of drawing my own characters but I think I am getting close to a solution.
I'm still without glasses but my eye sight has gotten used to being without them now so i am doing just fine, but I feel naked without them so if we everget enough cash I will get another pair. You know...I have been thinking about things lately, relationship things. Its weird but i want to actually date for once in my life, you try actually being with another person with the expressed intent to get to know them in a casually intimate manner. one on one personal interaction, but I have no prospects as i am not really interested in looking as much as I am in the queerness of my interest of wanting a relationship. Thats lazy I know, but right now I can't afford financially anyway, not that money should matter, but it helps to keep things from being pointless.
Seen a few more animes and stuff, but the only regulars i have are Bleach and naruto Shippuden at the moment. I wanted to get into Powerpuff Girls Z, but i can't get all the episodes so there is no point. I want to see the anime version of Princess Morbucks!! Last night while takinga break from reading to check on the status of my virus can I had a full washover of old memories from the past. The flooding back of these old memories were spurned by me drinking few cups of coffee and i realized that first of all I was a huge liar when i was younger. Second that i grew apart from my mother early on in life and regret that for eer happening, and that I'm still in a sizable margin a huge fuking liar. I have to be much more complex than i really am or i can't handle myself well. Just think about this, coffee is simple, Its hot, black, and strong to the taste. Thats how it is naturally, nothing grand about it. We tend to add things to coffee to make it more complex, like creamer, sugar, ice, or what have you, basically anything that enhances and complicates the simplicity of coffee.
Well, thats how i am with my life. When I was younger I regular coffee, simple and untouched. I was like the dark, hot, simple liquid lots of us drink straight everyday, just simplistic and damned fine that way. That was because I had a relationship with my mother a close one. I started drinking coffee when i was little, i watched her drink it and then I got her to give it to me and eventually aquired the taste for it early on. It was bitter and stiff at first, but then the simple flavor was all I needed. When i was little my mother was all i needed in much the same way. We lived in a nice trailer, just me and her and she had a stable full time nursing job. She always had the weekends off and thats when we would have breakfast together and drink our coffee. We were happen even though we didn't have alot, but after sometime passed my mother met a man. He wasn't a good man, he was abusive to her and me. He was like coffee creamer, he complicated and changed the overall flavor of the simple relationship me and my mother had.
She wanted him though and she had him for quite a time, we even moved all the way to Vidalia Georgia and further out into the country. The fact that we left our nice little trailer and stabilized comfort zone just because he wanted to leave is what separated me from my mother. It felt like as if she chose him over me in a way. He beat my mother up, made her bleed and cry and at times when he would leave she and were alone she'd be crying and i'd wrap my arms around her and try to comfort her. Yet at the same time the feeling of holding her made me feel disgusted with who i was and feeling her tears dripping on my face made me feel sick of her. Thats horrible to say, but its one thing I know about myself thats true. We were in the middle of nowhere and i couldn't do anything to help her and some parts of me didn't even want to help. To that end I started making up lies and stories to make myself more than what i was, i could be simple coffee anymore, no. i couldn't grasp the simple truths of the world anymore, I had to fabricate things to make myself more complex and flavorful! Alot of the things i told people were so gradiose they could be a movie script, but all the same the separation from my mother at that developmental stage in my life made me feel i needed to lie.
So with that course of action working so well for me i continued to use it, to change who i was, who i am. I saw that when i noticed how much more complex i made my cups of coffee, i use creamer, ice and sugar nowadays. Taking simple coffee straight is like a sin to me now. It can be simple and neither can I. Its went so far that I am striving to change myself down to the very last physical frontier. Its probably for all the wrong reasons, but I feel wrong now so does that mean if I change to this person i have crafted and shopped myself around as these past few years that I will become that person? I should hope so, i have so many memories of the new identity i have created for myself that I don't really have any old memories left just some school stuff and everything that helped to craft the way I am now.
i swear i must be insane to take such a irreversible and extreme course to live in a form of psueedohappiness. Yes thats right false happiness, I know that the feelings will be real enough to me, but they will have a lining of untruth to them, but that is better than the bitterness i feel now.
The story itself is a real piece of work and its not prettied up with fancy words to soften the blow that the characters are living a harsh life and that its commonplace for things to be that way for them in that time. Its a very interesting thing to see for since I haven't sat down and read a true to form novel in ages. The last novel I read was Girl interrupted and until now I thought there was no other book that could top it, but Fox Girl in its own ways exceed Susanna Kasen's near autobiographical work. Fox Girl is written by Nora Okja keller, she also penned the book Comfort Woman which helped to bring to light the history of Comfort Women. I haven't actually read Comfort Woman, but reading Fox Girl makes me want to see what her other book is like.
I have been trying to find a job or two but so far I have had so little luck its almost heart breaking, but the repeated failures have made my heart almost numb to the sting...almost. I have been playing lots of video games and online games, but they don't really fill the void of a good steady paying job. Oh yeah, I turned twenty on August the eighteenth, last saturday so thats something. Although I didn't have anything spectacular happen which I really didn't mind since we are flat broke again. Anyway, I have been on an unofficial break from drawing you could say. i keep saying i'm going to sit down and draw and yet i never actually do it, i sit down and start playing some kind of game instead. I have filled up two sketch books and i only have one more left and thats my leather bound one so i want to put really get things in it and if I can get at least two original characters in there, but I still haven't mastered the art of drawing my own characters but I think I am getting close to a solution.
I'm still without glasses but my eye sight has gotten used to being without them now so i am doing just fine, but I feel naked without them so if we everget enough cash I will get another pair. You know...I have been thinking about things lately, relationship things. Its weird but i want to actually date for once in my life, you try actually being with another person with the expressed intent to get to know them in a casually intimate manner. one on one personal interaction, but I have no prospects as i am not really interested in looking as much as I am in the queerness of my interest of wanting a relationship. Thats lazy I know, but right now I can't afford financially anyway, not that money should matter, but it helps to keep things from being pointless.
Seen a few more animes and stuff, but the only regulars i have are Bleach and naruto Shippuden at the moment. I wanted to get into Powerpuff Girls Z, but i can't get all the episodes so there is no point. I want to see the anime version of Princess Morbucks!! Last night while takinga break from reading to check on the status of my virus can I had a full washover of old memories from the past. The flooding back of these old memories were spurned by me drinking few cups of coffee and i realized that first of all I was a huge liar when i was younger. Second that i grew apart from my mother early on in life and regret that for eer happening, and that I'm still in a sizable margin a huge fuking liar. I have to be much more complex than i really am or i can't handle myself well. Just think about this, coffee is simple, Its hot, black, and strong to the taste. Thats how it is naturally, nothing grand about it. We tend to add things to coffee to make it more complex, like creamer, sugar, ice, or what have you, basically anything that enhances and complicates the simplicity of coffee.
Well, thats how i am with my life. When I was younger I regular coffee, simple and untouched. I was like the dark, hot, simple liquid lots of us drink straight everyday, just simplistic and damned fine that way. That was because I had a relationship with my mother a close one. I started drinking coffee when i was little, i watched her drink it and then I got her to give it to me and eventually aquired the taste for it early on. It was bitter and stiff at first, but then the simple flavor was all I needed. When i was little my mother was all i needed in much the same way. We lived in a nice trailer, just me and her and she had a stable full time nursing job. She always had the weekends off and thats when we would have breakfast together and drink our coffee. We were happen even though we didn't have alot, but after sometime passed my mother met a man. He wasn't a good man, he was abusive to her and me. He was like coffee creamer, he complicated and changed the overall flavor of the simple relationship me and my mother had.
She wanted him though and she had him for quite a time, we even moved all the way to Vidalia Georgia and further out into the country. The fact that we left our nice little trailer and stabilized comfort zone just because he wanted to leave is what separated me from my mother. It felt like as if she chose him over me in a way. He beat my mother up, made her bleed and cry and at times when he would leave she and were alone she'd be crying and i'd wrap my arms around her and try to comfort her. Yet at the same time the feeling of holding her made me feel disgusted with who i was and feeling her tears dripping on my face made me feel sick of her. Thats horrible to say, but its one thing I know about myself thats true. We were in the middle of nowhere and i couldn't do anything to help her and some parts of me didn't even want to help. To that end I started making up lies and stories to make myself more than what i was, i could be simple coffee anymore, no. i couldn't grasp the simple truths of the world anymore, I had to fabricate things to make myself more complex and flavorful! Alot of the things i told people were so gradiose they could be a movie script, but all the same the separation from my mother at that developmental stage in my life made me feel i needed to lie.
So with that course of action working so well for me i continued to use it, to change who i was, who i am. I saw that when i noticed how much more complex i made my cups of coffee, i use creamer, ice and sugar nowadays. Taking simple coffee straight is like a sin to me now. It can be simple and neither can I. Its went so far that I am striving to change myself down to the very last physical frontier. Its probably for all the wrong reasons, but I feel wrong now so does that mean if I change to this person i have crafted and shopped myself around as these past few years that I will become that person? I should hope so, i have so many memories of the new identity i have created for myself that I don't really have any old memories left just some school stuff and everything that helped to craft the way I am now.
i swear i must be insane to take such a irreversible and extreme course to live in a form of psueedohappiness. Yes thats right false happiness, I know that the feelings will be real enough to me, but they will have a lining of untruth to them, but that is better than the bitterness i feel now.