If its not myspace its LJ
Holy fuck, its been forever since I posted in this damned journal! I seriously thought it would have been deleted or hacked or something, but nope its still just the way I left it. Which is pretty nifty seeing as i really like my kitty background and have no want to change it, but that aside it hasn't been the greatest ride for me. Now I know that it usually seems that when I do write in this thing I have a problem and I won't lie...usually i do, I seem to never post the happy times, just the bad stuff. Then again I really never post all that much anywhere at all these days seeing as I'm a louse when it comes to these damn journals and blogs. Never keep a steady thing going. Well, to start i have to tell everyone, if anyone even bothers to read this, I'm having a great deal of instability at home, with my grandmother's alzhiner's taking hold of her and her becoming more and more unruly and such that I just don't know what to do. Like it feels as if I am carrying my family, my brother is not much help, my mommy is out on her own doing what she can to just manage herself, my grandfather is doing the best he can but he just physically isn't able to handle things. I'm scared to attempt to go back to school because I fear that if I leave then something terible will happen to them. I spend my time doing what I can to try and make sure everything gets taken care of but its becoming more and more harder for me to do. I'll be twenty next month and still haven't had a job yet, plus I have bills piling up. A student loan to pay down, two hospital bills and then I still need to buy clothing, a new pair of shoes as my old ones are literaly falling apart and rotting at the seams. I have like no pants to wear, my shirts are disappearing, and its gotten so bad that I'm completely out of undergarments.
On the bright side i got back into drawing and have been doing it by the tons but with no scanner or camera i can't seem to show anyone to see if there has been any progress. I also have been doing a shitload of text based roleplaying which spurred me to try my hand at narrative writing again, but i just still can't find a thing to interest me long enough to keep it going. I'm ending up with a bunch of unfinished stories, but people I have shown them to say that atleast one of them reads well enough to be used as a comic book, but I don't have the time to shop that around as a factual, actual idea. It would be nice though, writing a progressive story with a talented artist to set the visuals. Anyway, I have decided that I can wait on my game design degree and instead I am wanting to go for my fashion desgin and marketing degree first. I have the ability to study fashion in London by going to American Intercontinental University, but the family thing keeps me from going through with setting up everything. Also with two hospital bills and a student loan that needs to be paid back sitting on my credit I can't qualify for the necessary loans on my own fancial standing alone. I'd need a co-signer but I don't know anyone who would co sign my loans at the moment. Besides, I'm too afraid to ask for financial assistance when my grandfather is already helping me catch this other loan. Goddess I have no idea what to do anymore..
On the bright side i got back into drawing and have been doing it by the tons but with no scanner or camera i can't seem to show anyone to see if there has been any progress. I also have been doing a shitload of text based roleplaying which spurred me to try my hand at narrative writing again, but i just still can't find a thing to interest me long enough to keep it going. I'm ending up with a bunch of unfinished stories, but people I have shown them to say that atleast one of them reads well enough to be used as a comic book, but I don't have the time to shop that around as a factual, actual idea. It would be nice though, writing a progressive story with a talented artist to set the visuals. Anyway, I have decided that I can wait on my game design degree and instead I am wanting to go for my fashion desgin and marketing degree first. I have the ability to study fashion in London by going to American Intercontinental University, but the family thing keeps me from going through with setting up everything. Also with two hospital bills and a student loan that needs to be paid back sitting on my credit I can't qualify for the necessary loans on my own fancial standing alone. I'd need a co-signer but I don't know anyone who would co sign my loans at the moment. Besides, I'm too afraid to ask for financial assistance when my grandfather is already helping me catch this other loan. Goddess I have no idea what to do anymore..