It's a double post day!! - Two for the Price of None!
This is another episode of "Cooking with Theresa" brought to you by Marlboro Cigarettes and the number 7.
Today we will be brewing up a dish that I have become quite famous for. It has no name, but it's Chicken. Yummy Chicken. It also is the best way for you to impress your girlfriend, obtain a girlfriend, or become my boyfriend. Therefore, I will make up a name for it right now. And the name will be:
"The Chicken for Serious Relationships"
Let's get started!
Ingredients:
-3 Chicken breasts, because they normally come packaged that way. But expand the recipe accordingly.
-Can of Cream of Chicken Soup (CREAM of chicken soup. not chicken soup.)
-Sour Cream
-Swiss Cheese (one slice for each breast. hehe. breast.)
-Stuffing Mix (I always buy cornbread. But I'm not sure it matters. I think.)
-Onions
-Mushrooms
-Chopped Garlic
Spices (optional, but recommended, if you don't want to be lame.)
-Ginger
-Curry
-Cinnamon
-Rosemary
Now that we have all our pretentious ingredients, this what you do with them. Unload chicken from packaging. Keep in mind, the entire time of dealing with chicken, that in it's raw form, it is EVIL. It will do everything in it's power to destroy you, so wash your hands every five seconds. With this in mind, cut off all fats from chicken. Place in an oven-worthy pan.
Oh wait! Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Do it now...before it's too late.
Now, get a bowl. Get a spoon. Dump in CREAM of chicken soup. Dump in equal part of sour cream. Equal to the chicken soup, of course. Make stir with spoon. Add a wee bit of ginger, and VERY wee bit of curry. Really, dudes. Don't go crazy, aight? Yum yum. Spread on chicken.
Obtain swiss cheese. Put one slice on each Chicken Boob.
Put the chicken in the oven, which hopefully, is preheated by now.
The chicken will be in the oven for an hour, however, it will be interrupted in the middle of cooking for the stuffing to be put on. So, in layman's terms, let's say you start this whole cooking shenanagan at 5:30 in the morning. At 6, you need to have the stuffing ready. At 6:30, the whole thing will be done. I.E. get moving.
The chickens in the oven. The stuffing must be prepared. You must prepare the stuffing according to package directions, so you'll need water, and you'll need butter. The tricky part, is that while you're making the stuffing, you must be simultaneously sauteeing the onions, mushrooms, and garlic. So quickly, chop chop the onion.
Put olive oil in a pan on stove. Add ze garlic. Add zee mushrooms, add zee Onions. Put ginger and curry into this sexy mixture of health and immunity. Sautee.
Once the stuffing is done, add some rosemary and not more than skosh of cinnamon to it. Trust me, I'm a professional. Eventually, once the sauteeing is done, (by the way, sautee is a hilarious looking word) and the stuffing is done, dump the onions and mushrooms and garlic into the stuffing pot. Stir it, snitch a little bit, and giggle ferociously at how mischevious you are.
If you finish all this before 6 o'clock, go have a smoke. Or if you don't smoke, go pee or something.
Come back from your smoke, wash up, eat a little bit more stuffing, then at 6...you're on.
Hopefully, the chicken will be quite hot, since it's been in the oven for a half hour already. Use oven mitts. Do not under any circumstances tell yourself you're man enough to go without mitts. That's just stupid - trust me.
Put the stuffing on the chickens. Yum yum. Back into the oven they go.
Wait another half hour. This is wear you can relax, have another cigarette, and wish that you still had some stuffing left to snitch.
Pull the chickens out of the oven. Let them cool. And then feast, and watch the girls/boys flock your way.
REVIEWS OF "THE CHICKEN FOR SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS" :
"Wow!!!"
"Ooohh!!"
"This is like, chicken."
"I think, um, maybe, we should...date?"
"Wow...how many calories does this have?"
"May I have more, sir?"
"You know, when I have kids, I hope they're as delicious as this chicken."
"Cooking with Theresa" does not guarantee relationship success after eating the aforementioned chicken dish. However, we think it could really help.
Today we will be brewing up a dish that I have become quite famous for. It has no name, but it's Chicken. Yummy Chicken. It also is the best way for you to impress your girlfriend, obtain a girlfriend, or become my boyfriend. Therefore, I will make up a name for it right now. And the name will be:
"The Chicken for Serious Relationships"
Let's get started!
Ingredients:
-3 Chicken breasts, because they normally come packaged that way. But expand the recipe accordingly.
-Can of Cream of Chicken Soup (CREAM of chicken soup. not chicken soup.)
-Sour Cream
-Swiss Cheese (one slice for each breast. hehe. breast.)
-Stuffing Mix (I always buy cornbread. But I'm not sure it matters. I think.)
-Onions
-Mushrooms
-Chopped Garlic
Spices (optional, but recommended, if you don't want to be lame.)
-Ginger
-Curry
-Cinnamon
-Rosemary
Now that we have all our pretentious ingredients, this what you do with them. Unload chicken from packaging. Keep in mind, the entire time of dealing with chicken, that in it's raw form, it is EVIL. It will do everything in it's power to destroy you, so wash your hands every five seconds. With this in mind, cut off all fats from chicken. Place in an oven-worthy pan.
Oh wait! Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Do it now...before it's too late.
Now, get a bowl. Get a spoon. Dump in CREAM of chicken soup. Dump in equal part of sour cream. Equal to the chicken soup, of course. Make stir with spoon. Add a wee bit of ginger, and VERY wee bit of curry. Really, dudes. Don't go crazy, aight? Yum yum. Spread on chicken.
Obtain swiss cheese. Put one slice on each Chicken Boob.
Put the chicken in the oven, which hopefully, is preheated by now.
The chicken will be in the oven for an hour, however, it will be interrupted in the middle of cooking for the stuffing to be put on. So, in layman's terms, let's say you start this whole cooking shenanagan at 5:30 in the morning. At 6, you need to have the stuffing ready. At 6:30, the whole thing will be done. I.E. get moving.
The chickens in the oven. The stuffing must be prepared. You must prepare the stuffing according to package directions, so you'll need water, and you'll need butter. The tricky part, is that while you're making the stuffing, you must be simultaneously sauteeing the onions, mushrooms, and garlic. So quickly, chop chop the onion.
Put olive oil in a pan on stove. Add ze garlic. Add zee mushrooms, add zee Onions. Put ginger and curry into this sexy mixture of health and immunity. Sautee.
Once the stuffing is done, add some rosemary and not more than skosh of cinnamon to it. Trust me, I'm a professional. Eventually, once the sauteeing is done, (by the way, sautee is a hilarious looking word) and the stuffing is done, dump the onions and mushrooms and garlic into the stuffing pot. Stir it, snitch a little bit, and giggle ferociously at how mischevious you are.
If you finish all this before 6 o'clock, go have a smoke. Or if you don't smoke, go pee or something.
Come back from your smoke, wash up, eat a little bit more stuffing, then at 6...you're on.
Hopefully, the chicken will be quite hot, since it's been in the oven for a half hour already. Use oven mitts. Do not under any circumstances tell yourself you're man enough to go without mitts. That's just stupid - trust me.
Put the stuffing on the chickens. Yum yum. Back into the oven they go.
Wait another half hour. This is wear you can relax, have another cigarette, and wish that you still had some stuffing left to snitch.
Pull the chickens out of the oven. Let them cool. And then feast, and watch the girls/boys flock your way.
REVIEWS OF "THE CHICKEN FOR SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS" :
"Wow!!!"
"Ooohh!!"
"This is like, chicken."
"I think, um, maybe, we should...date?"
"Wow...how many calories does this have?"
"May I have more, sir?"
"You know, when I have kids, I hope they're as delicious as this chicken."
"Cooking with Theresa" does not guarantee relationship success after eating the aforementioned chicken dish. However, we think it could really help.