What goes good with insomnia and nausea?
I know! Introspection!
But first, a random side note. Sarah and I watched 'The Princess Bride' tonight, and I swear there's an article of clothing referred to as a 'holocaust cloak'. This doesn't strike me as the most politically correct thing, even if the movie was made in 1987. Moving on..
So when I vomited this morning, it was in front of Sarah as she got ready for work. Granted it made it all into the trashcan but still there was a lot more to it. I'm not speaking in any disgusting terms, the vomit was predominantly water and mucus, not an interesting color or anything. But internally and socially, the experience seems to be significant in retrospect.
I apologized to her later this evening for it. I'm not really sure why. It was honest. It came from the heart. But this wasn't a preconceived statement. It wasn't like ... ya know I think I really like the chocolate cake mom made, i'll tell her ... hey mom this is good. It was entirely off the cuff. So why do I think, now, that I apologized? Well, she was getting ready for work, and didn't really need the stomach churning image of her husband vomiting at 6am. But it's more than that.
There's a bit of shame and a bit of pride in here. That's probably nowhere near as insightful as I'd like it to be but let me explain. I was and am ashamed to have vomited in front of her. It wasn't the most pleasant thing and I feel it is my responsibility and privilege to do my best to ensure that Sarah is exposed to the more pleasant things in life. As her husband, I think it's important for me to give her or provide her access to good things that make life worth living. Now, one could say that 'you can't have the good without the bad' but right now I take no comfort in that. As for the pride, I think it's best understood for me insofar as the absence thereof (well duh tom, that's shame). I like to think of myself as *introduce x-files quote* 'the guy, the big macho man'. Sure i'm not big or macho or even a 'man' by the usual American standards. But I do take a small amount of pride in what I can do in the 'guy realm' for Sarah; changing tires, opening pickle jars, that sort of thing. Vomiting in a trashcan is not included in the 'guy realm'. She's seen it before, sure ... cue my less impressive immature years ... but that doesn't mean it's acceptable, even if it does have a good health issue.
Well, I think those ibuprofen (btw, that needs a more phonetic spelling) have kicked in, i'm gonna try to hit the hay.
But first, a random side note. Sarah and I watched 'The Princess Bride' tonight, and I swear there's an article of clothing referred to as a 'holocaust cloak'. This doesn't strike me as the most politically correct thing, even if the movie was made in 1987. Moving on..
So when I vomited this morning, it was in front of Sarah as she got ready for work. Granted it made it all into the trashcan but still there was a lot more to it. I'm not speaking in any disgusting terms, the vomit was predominantly water and mucus, not an interesting color or anything. But internally and socially, the experience seems to be significant in retrospect.
I apologized to her later this evening for it. I'm not really sure why. It was honest. It came from the heart. But this wasn't a preconceived statement. It wasn't like ... ya know I think I really like the chocolate cake mom made, i'll tell her ... hey mom this is good. It was entirely off the cuff. So why do I think, now, that I apologized? Well, she was getting ready for work, and didn't really need the stomach churning image of her husband vomiting at 6am. But it's more than that.
There's a bit of shame and a bit of pride in here. That's probably nowhere near as insightful as I'd like it to be but let me explain. I was and am ashamed to have vomited in front of her. It wasn't the most pleasant thing and I feel it is my responsibility and privilege to do my best to ensure that Sarah is exposed to the more pleasant things in life. As her husband, I think it's important for me to give her or provide her access to good things that make life worth living. Now, one could say that 'you can't have the good without the bad' but right now I take no comfort in that. As for the pride, I think it's best understood for me insofar as the absence thereof (well duh tom, that's shame). I like to think of myself as *introduce x-files quote* 'the guy, the big macho man'. Sure i'm not big or macho or even a 'man' by the usual American standards. But I do take a small amount of pride in what I can do in the 'guy realm' for Sarah; changing tires, opening pickle jars, that sort of thing. Vomiting in a trashcan is not included in the 'guy realm'. She's seen it before, sure ... cue my less impressive immature years ... but that doesn't mean it's acceptable, even if it does have a good health issue.
Well, I think those ibuprofen (btw, that needs a more phonetic spelling) have kicked in, i'm gonna try to hit the hay.