Identity
How is it that we determine what is really us?
Sure we're all familiar with the various influences of individuals, structures, communities, and events upon our lives. Good people come in, good people go. Bad people come in, bad people go. Some bad people become good people. Some good people become bad.
This post is not about the nature of these sorts of individuals, structures, communities or events that influence us. Rather it is about how we determine which of these influences will be allowed to shape, mold, and define ourselves.
One could argue that we have a certain objective identity, one given to us by a supernatural power, a God or deity of some kind. One could also argue that our identity is subjectively formulated, that we chose what parts are part of us in se, in themselves. Let's say for a moment that we start with some sort of identity, whether from God or parents is insignificant for the purposes here. This starting point for the 'song' that formulates our lives, exists in one way or another. So where do we go from there?
How do we decide what notes, phrases, modes, choruses, or verses will be a part of 'our' song? How is it that we come to say ... nope that's not me or ... yep that over there is me?
Is it hedonistic? Do we make these identifications and assimilations based upon some sort of conscious or subconscious desire to less pain and increase pleasure? If so, why do some things we choose hurt us? Short sightedness, I suppose. But then there comes the strange phenomenon in that some consider to be painful is considered to pleasurable by others. This is probably due to a varying sort of personal tolerance, experience level, or ability to discern depths and types of pain/pleasure within different experiences. Some people have had individualized specialized influences in their lives that have given or inspired them to be more tolerant of different forms of pain or desiring deeper 'less-superficial' pleasures. Some people have more experience with pain because of being dealt 'a bad hand'. This experience may make them tougher on the outside ... able to withstand the fury of a thousand angry suns. This experience may make them weak and fragile ... where they shatter beneath the slightest external pressure. Some people have had a diverse set of influences, wherein they can discern that something might be considered minor pain with a great pleasure down the road. Some people have not had such experiences of diversity and cringe/free at the mere hint of discomfort. So there's this variance in humanity. Why then can we not see a system in the variance? Why can't we look at someone and figure out 'yeah this hardship will break them into pieces' or 'it's ok they can handle it'?
There's an internalization of identity which is essential for human nature. To thine own self and all that crap. But what of community and relationship? These influences we all have, these varying tunes that set up the modulations of further relationships within the song of our lives, why can't we more readily determine where, within the larger opus of life, one happens to be? I think there's a strange dichotemy between the reluctance and readiness some people have to express where they are in the tune. Some, having had the learning experience from painful exposure or the addiction from pleasurable moments, shrink away from this expression thereof. For in such expression, is this confession to self and community that we're not as tough, self-reliant, or 'individual' as we would like to be. We have no choice in that we are affected by others; individually or systematically, physically or emotionally, socially or psychologically. So to say to others that 'i'm afraid of this or that happening to me, hurting me again' or to say that 'i need this or that in order to feel pleasure' ... is to say that there is external need either for aversion or confrontation. Self-reliance is abolished in our need to be away from the other or in our need to be near the other. Our self-assurance is lost when we need our own shelter from past pains and that such a shelter has not come inherently within ourselves and must be communally formulated. Our self-assurance is lost when we need pleasure in order to feel alive, to feel that life is experiences, cherished, embraceable, and when we realize that such pleasure isn't something we can give to ourselves otherwise there would be no need for it, it would be there by its own nature and 'will'.
The need for the other, for protection and peace is intriguing. I don't really have a final 'answer' as to how we determine the identity choices that 'build us up' or 'cripple us'. Maybe they choose us more than we choose them, but such an assertion doesn't seem to have any logical inherent ingredients of formulation. So ... we linger on, in darkness and in doubt.
Look for the light in me, I'll look for the light in you. If I see it in you, I'll praise you for it, inquire of its origin and nature. If you see it in me, please do the same.
I feel your winter.
Sure we're all familiar with the various influences of individuals, structures, communities, and events upon our lives. Good people come in, good people go. Bad people come in, bad people go. Some bad people become good people. Some good people become bad.
This post is not about the nature of these sorts of individuals, structures, communities or events that influence us. Rather it is about how we determine which of these influences will be allowed to shape, mold, and define ourselves.
One could argue that we have a certain objective identity, one given to us by a supernatural power, a God or deity of some kind. One could also argue that our identity is subjectively formulated, that we chose what parts are part of us in se, in themselves. Let's say for a moment that we start with some sort of identity, whether from God or parents is insignificant for the purposes here. This starting point for the 'song' that formulates our lives, exists in one way or another. So where do we go from there?
How do we decide what notes, phrases, modes, choruses, or verses will be a part of 'our' song? How is it that we come to say ... nope that's not me or ... yep that over there is me?
Is it hedonistic? Do we make these identifications and assimilations based upon some sort of conscious or subconscious desire to less pain and increase pleasure? If so, why do some things we choose hurt us? Short sightedness, I suppose. But then there comes the strange phenomenon in that some consider to be painful is considered to pleasurable by others. This is probably due to a varying sort of personal tolerance, experience level, or ability to discern depths and types of pain/pleasure within different experiences. Some people have had individualized specialized influences in their lives that have given or inspired them to be more tolerant of different forms of pain or desiring deeper 'less-superficial' pleasures. Some people have more experience with pain because of being dealt 'a bad hand'. This experience may make them tougher on the outside ... able to withstand the fury of a thousand angry suns. This experience may make them weak and fragile ... where they shatter beneath the slightest external pressure. Some people have had a diverse set of influences, wherein they can discern that something might be considered minor pain with a great pleasure down the road. Some people have not had such experiences of diversity and cringe/free at the mere hint of discomfort. So there's this variance in humanity. Why then can we not see a system in the variance? Why can't we look at someone and figure out 'yeah this hardship will break them into pieces' or 'it's ok they can handle it'?
There's an internalization of identity which is essential for human nature. To thine own self and all that crap. But what of community and relationship? These influences we all have, these varying tunes that set up the modulations of further relationships within the song of our lives, why can't we more readily determine where, within the larger opus of life, one happens to be? I think there's a strange dichotemy between the reluctance and readiness some people have to express where they are in the tune. Some, having had the learning experience from painful exposure or the addiction from pleasurable moments, shrink away from this expression thereof. For in such expression, is this confession to self and community that we're not as tough, self-reliant, or 'individual' as we would like to be. We have no choice in that we are affected by others; individually or systematically, physically or emotionally, socially or psychologically. So to say to others that 'i'm afraid of this or that happening to me, hurting me again' or to say that 'i need this or that in order to feel pleasure' ... is to say that there is external need either for aversion or confrontation. Self-reliance is abolished in our need to be away from the other or in our need to be near the other. Our self-assurance is lost when we need our own shelter from past pains and that such a shelter has not come inherently within ourselves and must be communally formulated. Our self-assurance is lost when we need pleasure in order to feel alive, to feel that life is experiences, cherished, embraceable, and when we realize that such pleasure isn't something we can give to ourselves otherwise there would be no need for it, it would be there by its own nature and 'will'.
The need for the other, for protection and peace is intriguing. I don't really have a final 'answer' as to how we determine the identity choices that 'build us up' or 'cripple us'. Maybe they choose us more than we choose them, but such an assertion doesn't seem to have any logical inherent ingredients of formulation. So ... we linger on, in darkness and in doubt.
Look for the light in me, I'll look for the light in you. If I see it in you, I'll praise you for it, inquire of its origin and nature. If you see it in me, please do the same.
I feel your winter.