OLD SKEWL: Personal Emotional Evaluation
Life is funny. Not always of the same type, form or design, but still usually pretty funny. There are jokes that make myself, or others laugh almost without end. And then every once and a while, there's not really a hurtful irony, but just one that makes you pause and consider its complexities for a while, then return to normal life again. Two days ago, I considered my isolation, sorrow, and desire. It was very interesting to force myself to take less that desirable, honest, appraoch at self analyzation. A combination occured full of deep depression and self loathing, and conversel an inner joy that for a moment, cleansed my spirit. As I realized that I long for companionship with a woman I can love, cherish, and care for; not for the possessive need that it seems more people feel this way because of, but simply for the joy, vitality & inspiration that come with the privilage of being in the prescence of someone whose beauty and inner radience, fill the voids and banish the darness from one's very soul. All this left me re-energized, but still subliminally depressed. I still had this longing for someone with whom I could feel so perfect, and wake up next to morning, happier than ever. Ironically enough this morning I was napping at Parkland when I was awakened by an angel. Some people may assume I'm taking a religious context whenever I speak of being awakened by an angel, however thisi s not the case. I have been yearning for three particular women with whom I have come into contact with at Parkland College, and such yearning often tends to make myself analyze the inner considerations of my mind regarding such things. However, yesterday I was awakened by one of these women, aften whom I yearn. She simply placed down her backpack at the table at which I was sleeping. This was enough for my eyes to open, and I gazed the first glimpse of that morning, into her beautiful eyes. It was almost too much for me to bear. It was as if for a moment one of the inner dreams of soul had been fulfilled. All woes, stresses, worries, just vanished from my body for a moment, as I gazed into her eyes. After I had truely awaken and realize this was not at all some sort of angelic glimmer of perfection, but simply another encounter with an extremely radiant woman, who doesn't know I exist. It's weird how the phrase 'doesn't know I exist' sounds in context. It makes the situation appear as if that person doesn't know you at all, when in fact it is just used for a person whom you would really like to know better, but they do not consider the possibility of considering your relationship with them in that way at all. She considers me in that sense of the phrase completely. Her soul and beauty are far too radiant and beautiful for me to describe, but it is that same elusive radiance and beauty than most people find in their spouse, or crush. It is a quality that fits with many different people, no matter what the occasion. That is all.