Fic: The Scooby Gang
Title: The Scooby Gang
Characters: Miguel Alvarez, Ryan O'Reily, Tobias Beecher, Chris Keller, and a dog
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Wish #05 - a Scooby Doo mystery!
Disclaimer: Oz characters are the property of Levinson / Fontana Company and HBO. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Everyone, even a convicts and addicts, need love.
Notes: My Dear Recipient, I loved your prompt and it was strange and fun. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it's the most light hearted fic, I've ever written in this fandom. I hope you enjoy the result. Merry Christmas!
Like most things in Oz, it starts with Miss Sally, or more accurately, with her absence. For some inexplicable reason, the show isn't on and some dickhead puts Scooby Doo on. It isn't like those fuckers could even plot their way out of a paper bag, so solving a mystery is beyond them, and they know it. One Aryan looks at me, because I'm smart. I can plot and plan until I get what I want, because I'm the king of the fucking dance. I'm also not willing to entertain them with fucking Scooby Doo.
"O'Reily can't figure out who's the killer, because it's the only murder he didn't plan," one of the biker says.
If it's supposed to be an insult, he's wrong. I turn my head and smile, just a little, enough to show him that he's now on my shit list. "You wound me. I'd never do such a thing."
They all know that I'm lying, but it doesn't matter. Denial is the only way to go. Until it isn't. Fortunately, I don't have to say more, because Rebadow comes and sits between me and Beecher. "Those aren't real mysteries. Not like the one in Oz."
"And what kind of mystery do we have here?" Beecher looks amused and I can't blame him, since Oz has no mysteries. Sure, they might not prosecute all the murders that happen, but we all know the who, where and with what. We're like a game of fucking clue, only with more violence
"The old kind." Rebadow leans closer and lowers his voice. "When I just got here, Christmas of '65, there was this Sicilian boss, old school, you know? One day he disappears. No one knows what happened to him."
I snort, because I've already figured out that particular mystery. "Someone hacked him and threw him somewhere he couldn't be found."
Rebadow shrugs. "Maybe, but the rumor was that he had stashed some kind of treasure inside here. There was supposedly a map, too. People went looking, but nothing."
I got up and clap his back. "Because there's no mystery." With that I left and iIf we had been outside, that would have been the end of it, but we are stuck in Oz and life is fucking boring here. I kept thinking about this map. Thinking becomes looking and soon I'm down the rabbit hole.
I can’t look the traditional way, because even I can’t just wander around the entire jail, but I send Beecher to ask Sister Pete who’s been around as long as Rebadow. Alvarez talks to his father, who knows the old timers in gen pop (there aren’t many). I speak to the Italians who laugh in my face. Mentions of Santa are uttered, but I let it go. We’re getting close to Christmas and I can be good. Besides, it never pays to off a made man and I have gained enough information from other sources to start looking for the map. Unfortunately, the information comes with Alvarez and Beecher attached.
“What is he doing here?” I ask as I enter the cafeteria where we’re starting our hunt.
“Chris is helping,” Beecher says. His voice is barely audible over Alvarez’s defensive tone. “I’m training him.”
Keller, the bastard he is, chuckles. “We’re like the Scooby Doo gang. We’ve even got the dog. From now in his name is Scooby.”
“That’s not his name,” Alvarez says as if we give a fuck. He knows it too, because he doesn’t bother telling us the dog’s name. “And if he’s Scooby which one is Daphne and which one is Fred?”
Alvarez scores a point with that because both Keller and Beecher’s jaws tense so tight that I expect their teeth to explode until Beecher relaxes. “We know you're Shaggy.”
Keller looks at me. “I guess that makes you Velma.”
I give him one of my best smiles that usually precedes a killing. He's lucky I like him, or at least tolerate him. “I am the smart one after all. Now if you're done, we have a mystery to solve. So what we know is that his cell used to be in Em City, but the map can’t be there because they took everything down when they turned gen pop into Em City. He was too paranoid to keep anything in his cell and he worked in the library. We should start there.”
Of course there is no way that all five of us can walk in together so we slip in slowly. Alvarez and the dog make enough ruckus that we get to look everywhere finding absolutely nothing. In the end it’s Keller that notices a brick that doesn’t line up. It’s close to the floor and hidden by a bookcase. This shows how much inmates use this room, because no one has looked at it in three decades.
Beecher is the one who gets the brick loose, while Keller and I start a minor riot because of the lack of computer access. A few comments and the few inmates in there are bitching and moaning. It’s really easy to manipulate people and Keller is the only one who’s almost as good as me. Almost.
When Beecher leaves with Scooby and Shaggy in tow, Keller and I leave as well.
“What did you find?” Keller asks, pulling Beecher closer in a way that screams ‘I want to fuck you right now’. I’m straight, but I can’t blame him. Getting one overon the power that be gets me hard too.
“It’s not a map,” Alvarez says, sounding very disappointed.
“It’s some sort of riddle,” Beecher puts in. “I guess he didn’t want to make it too easy.”
I grab the paper and look at the neat handwriting. The fucker must have gone to Catholic school. The nuts were a stickler for neat handwriting. Got it with a rule once or twice when I was young. The words though make no sense unless you’re stuck in this place for too long. it’s a vacation with a side dish of pain.. There are also scribbles next to it. “It’s in the infirmary, but I don't know what these are.”
I can feel Alvarez's breath on my neck, as he looks over my shoulder. It's a little too close, too intimate, like something that Keller and Beecher would do, and it takes all of my self-control not to push him away. "Do you have something to say?"
"I think so." Alvarez sounds unsure, but it's not like we have much else to go on.
"Would you like to share or are you and Scooby doing this on your own?" I turn my head and grin. "I can give you treats if that helps." Keller snorts, but I ignore him, keeping my focus on Alvarez.
"They are medical abbreviations. I think… I think you start from the drug cabinet. See the Rx? Then, these are steps."
"So you go in and follow this," Keller says in a way that sounds too much like an order. I can sense Alvarez tense behind me. Fuck, someone is going to die before we get this map.
"Why don't you go, cabron?" Alvarez answers.
"All right, enough you two." Why the fuck am I the peacemaker? Why isn't Beecher putting a leash on Keller. No time for any of that, since I'm fucking Velma and the logical one. I turn my head, ignoring how close Alvarez and I are at the moment. "He's not wrong. You work there, you know the place. No one's going to think twice if you're in there. I'd go, but we all know how much Gloria wants me there."
Alvarez smiles. "Of course I'm going, because I want to, not because he told me."
"Sure." Whatever makes you sleep at night, I mentally add, but know better than to say it aloud.
Since it's almost time for lunch, I go to the cafeteria to get things ready. When I see them next, they (minus the dog) are sitting together. I join them as soon as I'm done serving all these fuckers. People assume that we're plotting something, and we are, just not what they think. At least I don't think anyone will die.
"What did you find?" I ask.
"Another piece of paper," Keller answers. "It's a fucking map."
"We're trying to figure out the starting point, since so much has changed," Beecher explains.
Alvarez passes the map to me. It's not really a map, as much as a blank paper with lines, dots and 'Xs'. "What do we think?"
"You can't really tell if you don't know the starting point, and it could be anywhere," Beecher says while Keller seems more interested in petting him. These two make me nauseous when they aren't trying to kill someone.
Alvarez shakes his head. "Nah, not everything. He put things near where he worked: library and the infirmary. This is old school jail, ain't no walking around like Em City."
"He's right. If we use that logic, the starting point would be his cell. The old cell blocks were in Em City, so we won't have the same doors and shit." I'm looking at the map with a different prospective now. "The doors have changes, with the laundry room and all that, but these would have been the old doors that granted access to the cell block. If we start here and we follow the steps, we should find this treasure."
Even Keller seems excited now, and not in a sexual way. Unfortunately, even in Em City, we can't roam free. I need to clean up. Beecher needs to report to Sister Pete. Alvarez is due in the infirmary. Keller- I'm not sure what Keller does, but I don't trust him with the map, so everything gets adjourned for later in the afternoon.
I end up playing cards with Keller while we wait for the other two. Beecher is the next to arrive. Apparently, he claimed not to feel well and Sister Pete sent him back. When I see Alvarez arrive with Scooby in tow, I jump out of my chair. "What's with the fucking dog?"
"I told you, hermano; I'm training him. They are coming later for the classes and to take him back for the night. Unless you want to wait until the morning-"
"Let's go." I ignore the grin on Beecher's face. We all know he's loco anyway.
Map in hand, we follow the steps. There are some close calls with the guards, but we manage to hide or find a reasonable excuse. The map ends up taking us to a supply closet. "So what now?"
"I can try picking the lock," Alvarez says.
"With what? Dog hair?" Beecher answers.
Meanwhile Keller plays with the knob and then pushes, opening the door. "I use this closet for…business." The murdering kind probably.
Four grown men and a dog barely fit in a closet with too many shelves and even more cheap sheets. "It must be behind one of these shelves."
"If it's even here. It's been decades; they might have found it."
"Beecher, you are ruining the Christmas spirit," I answer. "Get with the program or get the fuck out." Maybe not the most Christmas-y response, but I don't care.
Without talking or planning, Keller and Beecher search one side of the room and Alvarez and I take the other. Because of the room size, we end up being a little too close. Keller is taking advantage of the situation, groping Beecher every chance he gets. Alvarez seems oblivious to the fact that we're close enough to fuck, and I tend to get in people's face all the time, so we continue without commenting on our closeness.
This time, I find the spot. The brick doesn't look out of place or loose, but you can tell that there's something wrong. It takes some time for us to loosen it up and pull it out. The fucker was a smart one. He must have pulled the brick, cut it in two and put it back so no one would notice what was hidden in the wall. Everyone looks at me in anticipation, I put my hand inside and I pull out our treasure.
"Holy shit," Alvarez says. "Do you know what this is? This shit is illegal in America, good as fuck, though."
It's a bottle of Artemisia-Bugnon Butterfly Absinthe. I've never tasted it, but even I know that this is good shit. From Switzerland, the bottle says. This is the type of liquor that goes own like a dream before knocking you out completely.
"We can toast the new year with this," Keller says with a grin.
"Or Christmas." Because there's no way that we'll make it last. "Let's see what else we got." There's a box of pictures, like old school pictures of places all over the world. The man must have really traveled before ending up in here. I have every intention of pocketing this.
"Look at this." Beecher has a note in his hand. "'If you found this, I'm dead. Keep the bottle, but see that my wife gets my letter'. He even says please. We should do it."
Alvarez is turning the closed envelop. "It can be our Christmas present to her."
I doubt that she cares after all this time, but what do I know? I'm not exactly the poster boy for long and healthy relationships. "And why are you two smiling like idiots?"
"We did it," Beecher said. "We found the treasure, we got something good to drink, and we get to make some old woman happy."
"Yeah, this was kind of nice," Alvarez adds.
I don't know if I believe in all of that, but it was a break in the monotony and greyness that accompany our lives. "I suppose you're not completely wrong."
"Admit it, Velma," Keller says with a smirk. "We make a great team."
The dog barks. Even Scooby agrees.
Characters: Miguel Alvarez, Ryan O'Reily, Tobias Beecher, Chris Keller, and a dog
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Wish #05 - a Scooby Doo mystery!
Disclaimer: Oz characters are the property of Levinson / Fontana Company and HBO. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Everyone, even a convicts and addicts, need love.
Notes: My Dear Recipient, I loved your prompt and it was strange and fun. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it's the most light hearted fic, I've ever written in this fandom. I hope you enjoy the result. Merry Christmas!
Like most things in Oz, it starts with Miss Sally, or more accurately, with her absence. For some inexplicable reason, the show isn't on and some dickhead puts Scooby Doo on. It isn't like those fuckers could even plot their way out of a paper bag, so solving a mystery is beyond them, and they know it. One Aryan looks at me, because I'm smart. I can plot and plan until I get what I want, because I'm the king of the fucking dance. I'm also not willing to entertain them with fucking Scooby Doo.
"O'Reily can't figure out who's the killer, because it's the only murder he didn't plan," one of the biker says.
If it's supposed to be an insult, he's wrong. I turn my head and smile, just a little, enough to show him that he's now on my shit list. "You wound me. I'd never do such a thing."
They all know that I'm lying, but it doesn't matter. Denial is the only way to go. Until it isn't. Fortunately, I don't have to say more, because Rebadow comes and sits between me and Beecher. "Those aren't real mysteries. Not like the one in Oz."
"And what kind of mystery do we have here?" Beecher looks amused and I can't blame him, since Oz has no mysteries. Sure, they might not prosecute all the murders that happen, but we all know the who, where and with what. We're like a game of fucking clue, only with more violence
"The old kind." Rebadow leans closer and lowers his voice. "When I just got here, Christmas of '65, there was this Sicilian boss, old school, you know? One day he disappears. No one knows what happened to him."
I snort, because I've already figured out that particular mystery. "Someone hacked him and threw him somewhere he couldn't be found."
Rebadow shrugs. "Maybe, but the rumor was that he had stashed some kind of treasure inside here. There was supposedly a map, too. People went looking, but nothing."
I got up and clap his back. "Because there's no mystery." With that I left and iIf we had been outside, that would have been the end of it, but we are stuck in Oz and life is fucking boring here. I kept thinking about this map. Thinking becomes looking and soon I'm down the rabbit hole.
I can’t look the traditional way, because even I can’t just wander around the entire jail, but I send Beecher to ask Sister Pete who’s been around as long as Rebadow. Alvarez talks to his father, who knows the old timers in gen pop (there aren’t many). I speak to the Italians who laugh in my face. Mentions of Santa are uttered, but I let it go. We’re getting close to Christmas and I can be good. Besides, it never pays to off a made man and I have gained enough information from other sources to start looking for the map. Unfortunately, the information comes with Alvarez and Beecher attached.
“What is he doing here?” I ask as I enter the cafeteria where we’re starting our hunt.
“Chris is helping,” Beecher says. His voice is barely audible over Alvarez’s defensive tone. “I’m training him.”
Keller, the bastard he is, chuckles. “We’re like the Scooby Doo gang. We’ve even got the dog. From now in his name is Scooby.”
“That’s not his name,” Alvarez says as if we give a fuck. He knows it too, because he doesn’t bother telling us the dog’s name. “And if he’s Scooby which one is Daphne and which one is Fred?”
Alvarez scores a point with that because both Keller and Beecher’s jaws tense so tight that I expect their teeth to explode until Beecher relaxes. “We know you're Shaggy.”
Keller looks at me. “I guess that makes you Velma.”
I give him one of my best smiles that usually precedes a killing. He's lucky I like him, or at least tolerate him. “I am the smart one after all. Now if you're done, we have a mystery to solve. So what we know is that his cell used to be in Em City, but the map can’t be there because they took everything down when they turned gen pop into Em City. He was too paranoid to keep anything in his cell and he worked in the library. We should start there.”
Of course there is no way that all five of us can walk in together so we slip in slowly. Alvarez and the dog make enough ruckus that we get to look everywhere finding absolutely nothing. In the end it’s Keller that notices a brick that doesn’t line up. It’s close to the floor and hidden by a bookcase. This shows how much inmates use this room, because no one has looked at it in three decades.
Beecher is the one who gets the brick loose, while Keller and I start a minor riot because of the lack of computer access. A few comments and the few inmates in there are bitching and moaning. It’s really easy to manipulate people and Keller is the only one who’s almost as good as me. Almost.
When Beecher leaves with Scooby and Shaggy in tow, Keller and I leave as well.
“What did you find?” Keller asks, pulling Beecher closer in a way that screams ‘I want to fuck you right now’. I’m straight, but I can’t blame him. Getting one overon the power that be gets me hard too.
“It’s not a map,” Alvarez says, sounding very disappointed.
“It’s some sort of riddle,” Beecher puts in. “I guess he didn’t want to make it too easy.”
I grab the paper and look at the neat handwriting. The fucker must have gone to Catholic school. The nuts were a stickler for neat handwriting. Got it with a rule once or twice when I was young. The words though make no sense unless you’re stuck in this place for too long. it’s a vacation with a side dish of pain.. There are also scribbles next to it. “It’s in the infirmary, but I don't know what these are.”
I can feel Alvarez's breath on my neck, as he looks over my shoulder. It's a little too close, too intimate, like something that Keller and Beecher would do, and it takes all of my self-control not to push him away. "Do you have something to say?"
"I think so." Alvarez sounds unsure, but it's not like we have much else to go on.
"Would you like to share or are you and Scooby doing this on your own?" I turn my head and grin. "I can give you treats if that helps." Keller snorts, but I ignore him, keeping my focus on Alvarez.
"They are medical abbreviations. I think… I think you start from the drug cabinet. See the Rx? Then, these are steps."
"So you go in and follow this," Keller says in a way that sounds too much like an order. I can sense Alvarez tense behind me. Fuck, someone is going to die before we get this map.
"Why don't you go, cabron?" Alvarez answers.
"All right, enough you two." Why the fuck am I the peacemaker? Why isn't Beecher putting a leash on Keller. No time for any of that, since I'm fucking Velma and the logical one. I turn my head, ignoring how close Alvarez and I are at the moment. "He's not wrong. You work there, you know the place. No one's going to think twice if you're in there. I'd go, but we all know how much Gloria wants me there."
Alvarez smiles. "Of course I'm going, because I want to, not because he told me."
"Sure." Whatever makes you sleep at night, I mentally add, but know better than to say it aloud.
Since it's almost time for lunch, I go to the cafeteria to get things ready. When I see them next, they (minus the dog) are sitting together. I join them as soon as I'm done serving all these fuckers. People assume that we're plotting something, and we are, just not what they think. At least I don't think anyone will die.
"What did you find?" I ask.
"Another piece of paper," Keller answers. "It's a fucking map."
"We're trying to figure out the starting point, since so much has changed," Beecher explains.
Alvarez passes the map to me. It's not really a map, as much as a blank paper with lines, dots and 'Xs'. "What do we think?"
"You can't really tell if you don't know the starting point, and it could be anywhere," Beecher says while Keller seems more interested in petting him. These two make me nauseous when they aren't trying to kill someone.
Alvarez shakes his head. "Nah, not everything. He put things near where he worked: library and the infirmary. This is old school jail, ain't no walking around like Em City."
"He's right. If we use that logic, the starting point would be his cell. The old cell blocks were in Em City, so we won't have the same doors and shit." I'm looking at the map with a different prospective now. "The doors have changes, with the laundry room and all that, but these would have been the old doors that granted access to the cell block. If we start here and we follow the steps, we should find this treasure."
Even Keller seems excited now, and not in a sexual way. Unfortunately, even in Em City, we can't roam free. I need to clean up. Beecher needs to report to Sister Pete. Alvarez is due in the infirmary. Keller- I'm not sure what Keller does, but I don't trust him with the map, so everything gets adjourned for later in the afternoon.
I end up playing cards with Keller while we wait for the other two. Beecher is the next to arrive. Apparently, he claimed not to feel well and Sister Pete sent him back. When I see Alvarez arrive with Scooby in tow, I jump out of my chair. "What's with the fucking dog?"
"I told you, hermano; I'm training him. They are coming later for the classes and to take him back for the night. Unless you want to wait until the morning-"
"Let's go." I ignore the grin on Beecher's face. We all know he's loco anyway.
Map in hand, we follow the steps. There are some close calls with the guards, but we manage to hide or find a reasonable excuse. The map ends up taking us to a supply closet. "So what now?"
"I can try picking the lock," Alvarez says.
"With what? Dog hair?" Beecher answers.
Meanwhile Keller plays with the knob and then pushes, opening the door. "I use this closet for…business." The murdering kind probably.
Four grown men and a dog barely fit in a closet with too many shelves and even more cheap sheets. "It must be behind one of these shelves."
"If it's even here. It's been decades; they might have found it."
"Beecher, you are ruining the Christmas spirit," I answer. "Get with the program or get the fuck out." Maybe not the most Christmas-y response, but I don't care.
Without talking or planning, Keller and Beecher search one side of the room and Alvarez and I take the other. Because of the room size, we end up being a little too close. Keller is taking advantage of the situation, groping Beecher every chance he gets. Alvarez seems oblivious to the fact that we're close enough to fuck, and I tend to get in people's face all the time, so we continue without commenting on our closeness.
This time, I find the spot. The brick doesn't look out of place or loose, but you can tell that there's something wrong. It takes some time for us to loosen it up and pull it out. The fucker was a smart one. He must have pulled the brick, cut it in two and put it back so no one would notice what was hidden in the wall. Everyone looks at me in anticipation, I put my hand inside and I pull out our treasure.
"Holy shit," Alvarez says. "Do you know what this is? This shit is illegal in America, good as fuck, though."
It's a bottle of Artemisia-Bugnon Butterfly Absinthe. I've never tasted it, but even I know that this is good shit. From Switzerland, the bottle says. This is the type of liquor that goes own like a dream before knocking you out completely.
"We can toast the new year with this," Keller says with a grin.
"Or Christmas." Because there's no way that we'll make it last. "Let's see what else we got." There's a box of pictures, like old school pictures of places all over the world. The man must have really traveled before ending up in here. I have every intention of pocketing this.
"Look at this." Beecher has a note in his hand. "'If you found this, I'm dead. Keep the bottle, but see that my wife gets my letter'. He even says please. We should do it."
Alvarez is turning the closed envelop. "It can be our Christmas present to her."
I doubt that she cares after all this time, but what do I know? I'm not exactly the poster boy for long and healthy relationships. "And why are you two smiling like idiots?"
"We did it," Beecher said. "We found the treasure, we got something good to drink, and we get to make some old woman happy."
"Yeah, this was kind of nice," Alvarez adds.
I don't know if I believe in all of that, but it was a break in the monotony and greyness that accompany our lives. "I suppose you're not completely wrong."
"Admit it, Velma," Keller says with a smirk. "We make a great team."
The dog barks. Even Scooby agrees.