(no subject)
It was not my wish to post any of this on live journal for many reasons that I'm not going to share presently. However, with things being where they are at present, I feel the need to share everything that's been happening for the last few weeks with the hopes of everyone sending prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes to my wonderful girlfriend, Elissa.
Four years ago, Elissa discovered a lump on one of her breasts. Already having to contend with type I diabetes and very much in tune with her health, she immediately made an appointment with the doctor. On that particular day, a nurse practitioner examined her and chalked the lump up to being a clogged milk duct and nothing more. Although her annual exams came and went for the next four years, nothing was done until this year when an additional lump was found on her other breast. This time common sense prevailed and she was sent for a mammogram, which led to a biopsy, which led to a diagnosis of DCIS or Ductal Carcanoma In Situ, a form of early breast cancer.
DCIS is in nearly all cases curable but also comes with a high rate of recurrence (nearly 25%). Needless to say, Elissa, her family, and myself have all been scared to death. Today they performed a double lumpectomy, which Elissa handled very well because of her already intensely high tolerance for pain. The scary part now is waiting for the pathology report to determine treatment and to essentially confirm the initial diagnosis. Essentially DCIS works likes this, inside the tumor are cancer cells, but the "In Situ" part refers to the fact that they haven't breached the cell wall and spread out yet. That can't be verified completely until the areas around the tumors are properly tested (in this case they removed an additional 1cm of tissue around each of the lumps for further testing).
If the pathology shows that the cancer has spread, further surgery will be required to remove all cancerous tissue. Most likely in any case, Elissa will have undergo radiation treatment and possibly pre-chemo treatment as well. We're all praying that no further surgery is required and that the radiation treatment will only serve to be a preventative measure against recurrance.
At the moment I can honestly say I've never been so scared. Looking back over my live journal disgusts me with the amount of bitching and whining that I've done over the years. None of it really compares with this. I love Elissa more than I ever thought it possible to love another human being and no matter what happens I will continue to feel this way. Still, I can't shake this feeling of anger that I have. There's plenty of blame to go around. The nurse practitioner who took it upon herself to play God and misguide Elissa four years ago. The doctors who filled us with false hopes at every step of the process before the cancer diagnosis ("It's probably only a cyst/nodule/insert patronizing benign description here.") I've been struggling to keep this anger in check because Elissa doesn't need negative energy right now, she needs positive thinking. That's something as a natural-born pessimist, I've never been very good at.
So in closing, be good to your loved ones, give them a hug and please spare a thought or prayer for Elissa while we're waiting on her pathology. This is probably the most difficult period of the process, the part where you know so little. I'll update when I have more.
Four years ago, Elissa discovered a lump on one of her breasts. Already having to contend with type I diabetes and very much in tune with her health, she immediately made an appointment with the doctor. On that particular day, a nurse practitioner examined her and chalked the lump up to being a clogged milk duct and nothing more. Although her annual exams came and went for the next four years, nothing was done until this year when an additional lump was found on her other breast. This time common sense prevailed and she was sent for a mammogram, which led to a biopsy, which led to a diagnosis of DCIS or Ductal Carcanoma In Situ, a form of early breast cancer.
DCIS is in nearly all cases curable but also comes with a high rate of recurrence (nearly 25%). Needless to say, Elissa, her family, and myself have all been scared to death. Today they performed a double lumpectomy, which Elissa handled very well because of her already intensely high tolerance for pain. The scary part now is waiting for the pathology report to determine treatment and to essentially confirm the initial diagnosis. Essentially DCIS works likes this, inside the tumor are cancer cells, but the "In Situ" part refers to the fact that they haven't breached the cell wall and spread out yet. That can't be verified completely until the areas around the tumors are properly tested (in this case they removed an additional 1cm of tissue around each of the lumps for further testing).
If the pathology shows that the cancer has spread, further surgery will be required to remove all cancerous tissue. Most likely in any case, Elissa will have undergo radiation treatment and possibly pre-chemo treatment as well. We're all praying that no further surgery is required and that the radiation treatment will only serve to be a preventative measure against recurrance.
At the moment I can honestly say I've never been so scared. Looking back over my live journal disgusts me with the amount of bitching and whining that I've done over the years. None of it really compares with this. I love Elissa more than I ever thought it possible to love another human being and no matter what happens I will continue to feel this way. Still, I can't shake this feeling of anger that I have. There's plenty of blame to go around. The nurse practitioner who took it upon herself to play God and misguide Elissa four years ago. The doctors who filled us with false hopes at every step of the process before the cancer diagnosis ("It's probably only a cyst/nodule/insert patronizing benign description here.") I've been struggling to keep this anger in check because Elissa doesn't need negative energy right now, she needs positive thinking. That's something as a natural-born pessimist, I've never been very good at.
So in closing, be good to your loved ones, give them a hug and please spare a thought or prayer for Elissa while we're waiting on her pathology. This is probably the most difficult period of the process, the part where you know so little. I'll update when I have more.