(no subject)
sigh.
i really wish i knew the reasons behind drastic mood swings. i'm too affected by my environment, and its not okay.
i really need to get out of here right now. i just want some fucking stablity, and I don't know where to look for that anymore.
i hate that nothing stays the same for very long, and more than anything i resent that i have to be okay with that.
i feel like i used to be in control of my life, or at least some part of it, and now it just feels like i have to be okay with whatever it is that happens to me.
i don't want to adjust, i just want something to happen the way i want it to for once.
i also wish none of the above affected me the way it does. when i get ultra moody like that, and angsty about change, i just think about elizabeth and how she'd handle these kind of situations. she's my rock in the rapidly flowing waters. she gets that the water is going to just keep flowing and that there is nothing she can do about it, but i'm the fucking scrambling twig trying to build some sort of dam, and its futile and depressing and embarassing that the twig can't just see the beauty of whats going on around it.
i want to write. i think i chose the wrong path. or at least a really big detour or something. i love metaphors. its all i ever seem to speak in these days.
maybe thats a method of avoidance in it of itself.
do you ever just feel like you know something is so right, and you just want something to happen so bad, that you can't see any other way that it could possibly happen?
........
i left this minimized on my computer for an entire day.
i'm glad i don't entirely feel like that ^^^ any more.
i'm also really glad that eliza is coming home this weekend *fingers crossed* i need some good old fashioned fun with her, ASAP.
I have the best family in the world. I just got a Valentine's day package and it made me cry bc I realized how entirely much I miss them and how lucky I am to have them in my life. My sister is the cutest little thing in the entire world, and I'm sure the entire thing was her idea and I love her to pieces for it.
<3
i really wish i knew the reasons behind drastic mood swings. i'm too affected by my environment, and its not okay.
i really need to get out of here right now. i just want some fucking stablity, and I don't know where to look for that anymore.
i hate that nothing stays the same for very long, and more than anything i resent that i have to be okay with that.
i feel like i used to be in control of my life, or at least some part of it, and now it just feels like i have to be okay with whatever it is that happens to me.
i don't want to adjust, i just want something to happen the way i want it to for once.
i also wish none of the above affected me the way it does. when i get ultra moody like that, and angsty about change, i just think about elizabeth and how she'd handle these kind of situations. she's my rock in the rapidly flowing waters. she gets that the water is going to just keep flowing and that there is nothing she can do about it, but i'm the fucking scrambling twig trying to build some sort of dam, and its futile and depressing and embarassing that the twig can't just see the beauty of whats going on around it.
i want to write. i think i chose the wrong path. or at least a really big detour or something. i love metaphors. its all i ever seem to speak in these days.
maybe thats a method of avoidance in it of itself.
do you ever just feel like you know something is so right, and you just want something to happen so bad, that you can't see any other way that it could possibly happen?
........
i left this minimized on my computer for an entire day.
i'm glad i don't entirely feel like that ^^^ any more.
i'm also really glad that eliza is coming home this weekend *fingers crossed* i need some good old fashioned fun with her, ASAP.
I have the best family in the world. I just got a Valentine's day package and it made me cry bc I realized how entirely much I miss them and how lucky I am to have them in my life. My sister is the cutest little thing in the entire world, and I'm sure the entire thing was her idea and I love her to pieces for it.
<3