as simple as it sounds i think i've found the perfect way to grow old.
I still can't get over this shit. My life is so fucking different and I just *feel* different.
This has been a pretty fantastic weekend. I haven't ever had a good (sober) weekend at Drew. But I just did and its not even over. Yesterday I had no class! bc i have Fridays off =]]] so I had some work, but then I decided to stop being alone in my room and reached out to one of my friends, Kristen, who is also an RA who I connected with like woah during training.
So we chilled all last night and watched movies and just had a good time in her room in the suites, which is a double single and fucking gorgeous and AIR CONDITIONED.
We didn't like DO much but I had a reallly good time and I just love connecting with people and forming new and stronger friendships. We're definitely becoming good friends real fast. It's just such a change to have people to be around who want you around here.
Then todayyy was "Drewtopia" lol, which was basically a bunch of activities thanks to RHA and Student Activities. Kristen and I went together and we painted frames, tye dyed t shirts got popcorn and free potted plants.
Of course the fucking tropical storm hit in the middle of the day...but we decided to go back to her room and chill since it isn't 150 fucking degrees like my room. On the way it was fucking pouring and I got soaked and broke my shoe and stepped on a piece of glass because thats my life. So we did surgery on my foot in her room and then i fucking dropped the potted plant and it broke =[ Clearly a day full of good luck.
Then tonight Eve 6 came to play for us Drewids, which was interesting. I'm pretty sure the lead singer was stoned or trying really hard to be relatable to college students bc he was being fucking weird. But they played really well and we had a decent turn out despite the fucking monsoon rains. It was nice having something to like actually DO on campus.
Then I went back to my room and got to talk to my biffington. Who I fucking miss like crazy, but it was nice finally getting to talk to him. I feel so out of touch with people from home right now bc I'm always so fucking busy. Talking to Chris just made me kinda miss home in general. I can't believe it's going to be 3 weeks on tuesday since I've been home. I don't think I've ever been away from home that long in my entire life. Which is really weird and brings about a million weird feelings in me all at once.
Like I miss it obviously, it was REALLY hard not being home when Uncle Patrick was having his surgery and also really hard not being home when Dad was in the hospital for those few days. But like at the same time I don't feel like I've been here that long at all and I don't like have the feeling of NECESSITY to go home like I used to. I literally used to feel like I lost myself when I was here and that I had to go home to re-find pieces of me and to truly feel like myself, but I'm really here now.
I don't know. This newness doesn't make me comfortable all the time, but its different and better. I just wish I could feel like there weren't two mes now. blahhh this isn't coming out how I wanted it to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel disconnected and choppy and I want to be able to reconcile both parts of my life. But I guess thats the part of life I'd just been missing. The being able to exist on my own away from all the comforts and stability of home. I can exist and be happy here and exist and be happy at home simultaneously. I guess I just have the desire to bring together the things I love.
later on tonightZak texted me and told me to come downstairs and we just started talking for like an hour. i'm really excited that I'm slowly becoming close to each staff member on a one-to-one basis. I fucking love them all obviously. its just nice to have the individual connection. and tomorrow we're eating dinner as a staff =D
any one who knows the truth about my bullshit life for the last two years here knows that I fucking ate alone more times than I'd like to admit and an invitation to dinner for me is like fucking giving me keys to a damn castle.
i'm so scared this won't last. please please please please please please let this last.
Love,
me
ps. if my life takes a hideous turn for the worse and I end up with no future and no prospects this is what my safety net will be.
http://www.cathouseonthekings.com/index.php
i may even just have to take a year off of school and go volunteer there because just reading about it and watching a short video made me fucking cry. its just the perfect way to live.
This has been a pretty fantastic weekend. I haven't ever had a good (sober) weekend at Drew. But I just did and its not even over. Yesterday I had no class! bc i have Fridays off =]]] so I had some work, but then I decided to stop being alone in my room and reached out to one of my friends, Kristen, who is also an RA who I connected with like woah during training.
So we chilled all last night and watched movies and just had a good time in her room in the suites, which is a double single and fucking gorgeous and AIR CONDITIONED.
We didn't like DO much but I had a reallly good time and I just love connecting with people and forming new and stronger friendships. We're definitely becoming good friends real fast. It's just such a change to have people to be around who want you around here.
Then todayyy was "Drewtopia" lol, which was basically a bunch of activities thanks to RHA and Student Activities. Kristen and I went together and we painted frames, tye dyed t shirts got popcorn and free potted plants.
Of course the fucking tropical storm hit in the middle of the day...but we decided to go back to her room and chill since it isn't 150 fucking degrees like my room. On the way it was fucking pouring and I got soaked and broke my shoe and stepped on a piece of glass because thats my life. So we did surgery on my foot in her room and then i fucking dropped the potted plant and it broke =[ Clearly a day full of good luck.
Then tonight Eve 6 came to play for us Drewids, which was interesting. I'm pretty sure the lead singer was stoned or trying really hard to be relatable to college students bc he was being fucking weird. But they played really well and we had a decent turn out despite the fucking monsoon rains. It was nice having something to like actually DO on campus.
Then I went back to my room and got to talk to my biffington. Who I fucking miss like crazy, but it was nice finally getting to talk to him. I feel so out of touch with people from home right now bc I'm always so fucking busy. Talking to Chris just made me kinda miss home in general. I can't believe it's going to be 3 weeks on tuesday since I've been home. I don't think I've ever been away from home that long in my entire life. Which is really weird and brings about a million weird feelings in me all at once.
Like I miss it obviously, it was REALLY hard not being home when Uncle Patrick was having his surgery and also really hard not being home when Dad was in the hospital for those few days. But like at the same time I don't feel like I've been here that long at all and I don't like have the feeling of NECESSITY to go home like I used to. I literally used to feel like I lost myself when I was here and that I had to go home to re-find pieces of me and to truly feel like myself, but I'm really here now.
I don't know. This newness doesn't make me comfortable all the time, but its different and better. I just wish I could feel like there weren't two mes now. blahhh this isn't coming out how I wanted it to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel disconnected and choppy and I want to be able to reconcile both parts of my life. But I guess thats the part of life I'd just been missing. The being able to exist on my own away from all the comforts and stability of home. I can exist and be happy here and exist and be happy at home simultaneously. I guess I just have the desire to bring together the things I love.
later on tonightZak texted me and told me to come downstairs and we just started talking for like an hour. i'm really excited that I'm slowly becoming close to each staff member on a one-to-one basis. I fucking love them all obviously. its just nice to have the individual connection. and tomorrow we're eating dinner as a staff =D
any one who knows the truth about my bullshit life for the last two years here knows that I fucking ate alone more times than I'd like to admit and an invitation to dinner for me is like fucking giving me keys to a damn castle.
i'm so scared this won't last. please please please please please please let this last.
Love,
me
ps. if my life takes a hideous turn for the worse and I end up with no future and no prospects this is what my safety net will be.
http://www.cathouseonthekings.com/index.php
i may even just have to take a year off of school and go volunteer there because just reading about it and watching a short video made me fucking cry. its just the perfect way to live.