My life is turning into a nightmere
I don't know what I have to do to make something in my life go right. The past month seems something out of a life story of someone who fails miserably at life. I don't know how to be happy. I wake up, go to class, eat, sleep on occasion and work once in a while on the weekends. I forgot how to smile. I am going through the motions, but am feeling nothing. Life is losing its meaning to me and I don't know how to stop the downward spiral I have found myself entangled in. I have an amazing boyfriend and I don't know how to treat him how he should be. I don't want to lose him, while I also wonder why he stays. I love him, I do. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for him. He's the only think I feel these days. I just wish I could get myself out of this slump I am finding myself in. It sucks.
I guess I have been thinking about the horrible things people are saying about me, not that their opinion matters, or that anyone outside of them believes. Just knowing that they used to be some of my best friends, and I am not really sure what happened. I mean, I know that people have been hurt by me, but is that life. EVERYONE hurts someone unintentionally in their lifetime. I can't have feelings for everyone who likes me. Who hasn't broken up with someone or not felt the same for someone. That is life. I've never cheated on anyone, I don't sleep around, I rarely drink, I don't do drugs (and certainly would never sell my body for cocaine... where that rumor came from I have no idea. I wouldn't have a clue where to even begin to look for coke. I mean seriously, look at a picture of me. You can tell I have never done a drug in my life.) I would do anything to make someone else happy even if it would make my life worse, I would die for anyone who I care about, my friends and family come before me, I'd be there for anyone who needs me. What do I have to do to prove I am not a bad person. I am not perfect, and I know that. I wouldn't compare myself to God.
I wish I knew what to do to make everyone else happy. I will sacrifice my happiness for anyone else to be happy. Even those people who say horrible things about me, I hold nothing against you. I don't hold anything against you.
In conclusion of this rant from hell... The format states it best... make sure you read the last line of the song.
"I never finish phrases I misspell
An open arm's a prison cell
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was
So when you start to wonder
about the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never ever
Speak for someone you don't know."
I guess I have been thinking about the horrible things people are saying about me, not that their opinion matters, or that anyone outside of them believes. Just knowing that they used to be some of my best friends, and I am not really sure what happened. I mean, I know that people have been hurt by me, but is that life. EVERYONE hurts someone unintentionally in their lifetime. I can't have feelings for everyone who likes me. Who hasn't broken up with someone or not felt the same for someone. That is life. I've never cheated on anyone, I don't sleep around, I rarely drink, I don't do drugs (and certainly would never sell my body for cocaine... where that rumor came from I have no idea. I wouldn't have a clue where to even begin to look for coke. I mean seriously, look at a picture of me. You can tell I have never done a drug in my life.) I would do anything to make someone else happy even if it would make my life worse, I would die for anyone who I care about, my friends and family come before me, I'd be there for anyone who needs me. What do I have to do to prove I am not a bad person. I am not perfect, and I know that. I wouldn't compare myself to God.
I wish I knew what to do to make everyone else happy. I will sacrifice my happiness for anyone else to be happy. Even those people who say horrible things about me, I hold nothing against you. I don't hold anything against you.
In conclusion of this rant from hell... The format states it best... make sure you read the last line of the song.
"I never finish phrases I misspell
An open arm's a prison cell
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was
So when you start to wonder
about the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never ever
Speak for someone you don't know."