TO DUSTIN LOCKE
First and Foremost Dustin , it is Spelled H-A-B-I-T-S with a Single " B ", Understand? Now Look Dustin , You and I have been friends for a long while now , In fact , You and I have been talking since before Joyce was even a factor in My Life , So you , Out of Everyone ( Exception in Caitlins Case ) Should Know Me Best of All, Allright? You and I had a conversation a Few weeks ago that Involved me crying to you about how I let people walk all over me and use me and I never say one motherfucking word , Right? Remember that Conversation? We were at Guys house, On the Back Porch.... you were somewhat Drunk , Im just reminding you in case you have forgotten , Seeing as youve become quite the little alcoholic Ya know? Yeah , Thats right dude, You are , and I am worried about it , Look , I know this post is going to piss you off , And yeah , you will probably be mad at me for a while , But I know you will get over it and forgive me , because we are friends and that is how a friendship works right? You have made some good points to me since we have known each other , And I am trying to take the advice now , Cant you tell? Im actually backtalking you..... Ive never really done that , Its always been
You're right dude , you're right , I know shes Bad , I Know its Stupid , I should have Listened.." But Really , I wanted to Argue the point... I Wanted to argue alot about it , But because you and I have been through similar circumstances , I let what you had to say ride out , But everything you said was all the same stuff everyone else said , yet , I listened , or at least tried to , when you said it , because I knew youd been there , I knew , Hell , I KNOW that you know what you are talking about and That is Why I Never Backtalked. So Re-read my Journal entry , then take a fucking breath before you post some shit like that , You can think I need to refrAin from posting these types of Entries and all , But I felt the need for you people to read what I wanted to say , and you know good and goddamned well that I dont say shit like this in Person , Im the one who bottles up all of the hurt and all of the hate , but this time..... You are going to hear it..... DUSTIN! Listen.... Pay Attention..... My Choices are my Choices , not anyone elses, I know this, But the people that I Associate with help Influence.... ( See, that word right there... Pay attention Goddamnit ) My Fucking Choices.... They dont make them... but they help in choosing by giving me the feedback... and by the way you have alot of goddaMNed nerve to come here and tell me not to blame my shit on people... Im not blaming anyone for anything , Im just letting them know that Since ive been around them That shit haS Been going downhill for me , Since ive been around you and casey its been easier to say yes to a fucking drink.... now its to the point where if its offered , I take it, Hell , even worse , I actually buy my own Liquor now!........ You see what Im Saying? Now , If I wanted to point the finger and Blame someone , Id blame you , Casey , and Danny for getting me into Alcohol , But Im not because you didnt force it on me , All you did was provide the environment for me to hang out at where I could drink.... then it became a weekly thing... then nightly... You See what Im Saying? But I only did it because I wanted to be a part of your life dustin , I wanted to be a part of Caseys life, and I was afraid that If I had continued to say " No thanks, I Dont Drink " that you guys would have kicked me to the side ( In Other Words , Never called and Just left My Ass At Home ------- Which by The Way is Pretty Much how it turned out anyway Right?) Thats why I convinced myself to Join you in drinking, But Honestly , Dont you recall how I always shook My Head and told you not to drink Marie away? DONT YOU FUCKING REMEMBER!...... anyway , Back to the point at hand.... Whichever point that May Be , Im awfully sidetracked right now...... Im not blaming my Fuck ups on my Friends , Im Blaming it on myself , I just posted this shit to let you know that You are my Fucking Friend.... Casey is my fucking friend.... and the other people that I have Mentioned.... I want them to be by my side the rest of my life if possible and I WANT THEIR GODDAMNED OPINIONS ON MY PRE-CHOICES..... .... Now , Dustin , I know you are going to reply to this post in the most intelligent manner that you can , and Yes , I am well aware that you are going to make me look Absolutely Foolish for Posting this .... but I want to try and sum it all up in one sentence...
" I've Done what I've done and I do what I Do Just to Gain Your Acceptance Dustin " And That sentence right there goes for everything.... For The Alcohol , For the Drugs , For The Joblessness , For the Sex , For the Music , for the Clothing , For the Lying , For The Stealing........ FOR EVERY FUCKING THING Dustin..... For every little thing....
Dustin , I Love you Dude , Dont hate me for this shit , Just take it into consideration next time you see or hear of me doing something fucking stupid. Peace
Jeffrey P Zemba
You're right dude , you're right , I know shes Bad , I Know its Stupid , I should have Listened.." But Really , I wanted to Argue the point... I Wanted to argue alot about it , But because you and I have been through similar circumstances , I let what you had to say ride out , But everything you said was all the same stuff everyone else said , yet , I listened , or at least tried to , when you said it , because I knew youd been there , I knew , Hell , I KNOW that you know what you are talking about and That is Why I Never Backtalked. So Re-read my Journal entry , then take a fucking breath before you post some shit like that , You can think I need to refrAin from posting these types of Entries and all , But I felt the need for you people to read what I wanted to say , and you know good and goddamned well that I dont say shit like this in Person , Im the one who bottles up all of the hurt and all of the hate , but this time..... You are going to hear it..... DUSTIN! Listen.... Pay Attention..... My Choices are my Choices , not anyone elses, I know this, But the people that I Associate with help Influence.... ( See, that word right there... Pay attention Goddamnit ) My Fucking Choices.... They dont make them... but they help in choosing by giving me the feedback... and by the way you have alot of goddaMNed nerve to come here and tell me not to blame my shit on people... Im not blaming anyone for anything , Im just letting them know that Since ive been around them That shit haS Been going downhill for me , Since ive been around you and casey its been easier to say yes to a fucking drink.... now its to the point where if its offered , I take it, Hell , even worse , I actually buy my own Liquor now!........ You see what Im Saying? Now , If I wanted to point the finger and Blame someone , Id blame you , Casey , and Danny for getting me into Alcohol , But Im not because you didnt force it on me , All you did was provide the environment for me to hang out at where I could drink.... then it became a weekly thing... then nightly... You See what Im Saying? But I only did it because I wanted to be a part of your life dustin , I wanted to be a part of Caseys life, and I was afraid that If I had continued to say " No thanks, I Dont Drink " that you guys would have kicked me to the side ( In Other Words , Never called and Just left My Ass At Home ------- Which by The Way is Pretty Much how it turned out anyway Right?) Thats why I convinced myself to Join you in drinking, But Honestly , Dont you recall how I always shook My Head and told you not to drink Marie away? DONT YOU FUCKING REMEMBER!...... anyway , Back to the point at hand.... Whichever point that May Be , Im awfully sidetracked right now...... Im not blaming my Fuck ups on my Friends , Im Blaming it on myself , I just posted this shit to let you know that You are my Fucking Friend.... Casey is my fucking friend.... and the other people that I have Mentioned.... I want them to be by my side the rest of my life if possible and I WANT THEIR GODDAMNED OPINIONS ON MY PRE-CHOICES..... .... Now , Dustin , I know you are going to reply to this post in the most intelligent manner that you can , and Yes , I am well aware that you are going to make me look Absolutely Foolish for Posting this .... but I want to try and sum it all up in one sentence...
" I've Done what I've done and I do what I Do Just to Gain Your Acceptance Dustin " And That sentence right there goes for everything.... For The Alcohol , For the Drugs , For The Joblessness , For the Sex , For the Music , for the Clothing , For the Lying , For The Stealing........ FOR EVERY FUCKING THING Dustin..... For every little thing....
Dustin , I Love you Dude , Dont hate me for this shit , Just take it into consideration next time you see or hear of me doing something fucking stupid. Peace
Jeffrey P Zemba