(no subject)
The goodbyes have been said and the acceptance is real. To the best of my knowledge all peace has been made and arrangements are in order.. I dare say 'adequate' time has passed for us to contemplate, fellowship, and to grieve this inevitable end.. and while everything is so textbook, so run of the mill.. this is life.. this is what happens.. it's hard. It's hard to stand at the bedside and hold the hand of someone you love knowing that the time you have left with them is limited and slipping away quickly. It's hard to watch a chest rise and fall, rise and fall, while somberly and uneasily waiting for it to stop. It's hard to look into the eyes of a man who was once a strong, towering giant of a man- and see only a weak, frail and nearly lifeless shell.
I love my dear Papa and I hate that he barely clings to life today. I hate that I'll never again experience his sweet jovial spirit or impressive vitality.. I hate that my Mom's heart breaks- and that the pain is experienced just as fully by my Dad, my brother.. and by myself. I hate that we are losing a man who has been such a rock- such a loving, generous and valuable member of our family. I hate that a long, hard fight is coming to and end- but I rejoice in the fact that what we see as an end is really a beautiful reunion... a lively and healthy beginning. Though fighting through tears and the gut wrenching feelings of loss and finality- I love the fact that Papa will soon rest peacefully- that he will find himself not only in the arms of our Lord, but in the sweet, loving, welcoming presence of his dearly loved and greatly missed Ruby.