(no subject)
you have no idea how happy i became at 5 o clock this afternoon.....
i got off work and i dont have to go back until wednesday! dont get me wrong.. i love that silly job. me and bam appear to be a nice match... ive just been so tired. hah.. when i got hired they told me there werent many hours, but uh.. these kids are working me like crazy... which honestly, is probably a good thing.
i really think its just best for me to stay busy right now... since i got this job things have seemed to turn around.. i thought i was having an easier time transitioning back into this whole 'living at home' thing... but the minute i slow down and have time to think.. i realize that things arent exactly okay yet.
last night for example.... i had been looking forward to the evening for quite a long time, but when it came down to it and the night was happening.. it was awful... i was miserable and nothing seemed to improve my mood, or my attitude. i tried my hardest to suck it up and have a good time.. but i felt completely depressed.. i eventually wound up breaking down.. in a bar of all places. i was at winners circle with matt and matt and jen and some other fun, lively people... but i sat in my corner and cried.. and i talked to hillary for a little bit and we both cried over the phone.. ugh. it was pretty pathetic... but i swear i cant help this.
im trying... i really am..
but deep down im disgusting and depressed right now, and nothings going to just patch it up over night.
i friggin love matthew mead.
that boy is patient with me, and sweet to me.... and he puts up with my sadness, and moodiness, and downright retardedness..
if it werent for him.. hah.. id really be a wreck.
god im glad i have the next few days off.. ill get to catch up on some much needed sleep tomorrow, and tuesday looks like it might be a day long love fest with ber.. and its my moms birthday.. so ill be able to relax and have fun, but most importantly, stay busy.
i dont want time to stew.
i want time to make this better.
because i dont know about you.. but sad hannah is not my favorite.
lets get rid of her.