(no subject)
well, hm. so i kinda ran off from things for a bit, earlier tonight. rather literally, actually. i had planned to just run a lap or two in the courts around my house, but then decided i wanted an actual destination as i lacked the determination to just run in circles. so i went to the lake by my house, walking intermitantly, and tried to clear my mind. i'm not sure whether it worked, or whether that's even quite how i should put it; my mind seemed to myself parapetetic, focused, and vacant, all at once. afterward, i felt hot and sweaty, but somewhat better.
i went downstairs and watched a movie, the untouchables. within a few minutes i'd cooled off a bit (in both senses) and was fine. er, for clarification, i watched parts of it, anyway. i saw the little girl getting blown up and the first raid, then decided the scene i really wanted to see was later so i just skipped ahead to the shoot-out at the bridge. somewhere in there my dad came and brought me my phone, said it'd been ringing. a short while later it rang again; adrienne saying, "hey, i'm outside your house, would you let me in?"
naturally, i did. after all, it was quite nice of her and more than was necessary. i felt special, and this time genuinely so. so we talked a bit, though there wasn't all that much for me to say. i said i was fine, and i think i was. i said i could maybe see why things would happen as they did, even if there would have been better ways for it all to play out.
so in the end, i'm not all that mad; i never am. but lately my patience (and willingness to try) have been wearing thin, so i just kinda had to run off there. sorry.
oh, as a footnote, it occurred to me as i was out running that "well, if you would, could you tell her if she'd rather not speak to me, she could have just said so?" could be said with a fair amount of venom. while this is true, it was thought with defeated exasperation.
enough. i'm tired. i'm going to bed. hopefully i'll be able to sleep.
i went downstairs and watched a movie, the untouchables. within a few minutes i'd cooled off a bit (in both senses) and was fine. er, for clarification, i watched parts of it, anyway. i saw the little girl getting blown up and the first raid, then decided the scene i really wanted to see was later so i just skipped ahead to the shoot-out at the bridge. somewhere in there my dad came and brought me my phone, said it'd been ringing. a short while later it rang again; adrienne saying, "hey, i'm outside your house, would you let me in?"
naturally, i did. after all, it was quite nice of her and more than was necessary. i felt special, and this time genuinely so. so we talked a bit, though there wasn't all that much for me to say. i said i was fine, and i think i was. i said i could maybe see why things would happen as they did, even if there would have been better ways for it all to play out.
so in the end, i'm not all that mad; i never am. but lately my patience (and willingness to try) have been wearing thin, so i just kinda had to run off there. sorry.
oh, as a footnote, it occurred to me as i was out running that "well, if you would, could you tell her if she'd rather not speak to me, she could have just said so?" could be said with a fair amount of venom. while this is true, it was thought with defeated exasperation.
enough. i'm tired. i'm going to bed. hopefully i'll be able to sleep.