Earth
I dug my oldest cat's grave this afternoon. The vet's coming over tomorrow afternoon to put him down but I figured that the last thing I would want to do once it's done is dig a hole. I'm paying extra for the house call, but the almost 20 years of companionship is worth the cost. He deserves for the last thing he's knows on this earth to be home and love. I've been sad about it but peaceful. It's time. I can tell he doesn't feel good. He stopped eating a couple of days ago and I knew. I'm not sure if it's that I'm getting older and learning to accept loss and death more gracefully, but the feel of the cool earth in my hands was oddly comforting. Odd indeed when I consider how terrified I used to be of being buried. I still shudder at the thought of being embalmed or any such nonsense, but as the years pass I find the thought of just being placed in a hole in the ground like my cats more reassuring than frightening. Burying him tomorrow will be hard, but we're all part of the earth. I'll take comfort in the thought that he is going to the only home that is more home than the one he shared with me.