Mondays... Garfield was right
So in my office, Mondays are the worst day of the week. I work in service... We aren't open during the weekend... we service forklifts... As you can imagine, people tend to break their lifts over the weekend, and since they don't wanna pay the extra for a weekend emergency call, they wait until monday morning to call.
That said, I hate Mondays... especially Mondays when the other dispatch girl isn't here. Working Mondays by myself and having to do my other duties... it sucks.
On the plus side, since I have been working diligently to clean up things, and get things up-to-par, it has been getting slowly easier around here. I'm glad it was today that Andree called in sick, and not tomorrow, because I have to leave early tomorrow... which she already knows about. I have another freaking appt for that Gov job... I should be glad that they keep calling me back and all, but I keep feeling guilty for having to leave work early and call in sick and stuff for all these meetings... I shouldn't since they couldn't have expected me to stay a temp here forever, but I do... I'm stupidly loyal sometimes.
Anyways, subject change
Had a nice weekend. The boy quit his job at CTV to work for the Museum of Civ. He actually works super close to my place now! Means he'll prob be staying over even more, since his place is in Nepean.
Had a good time, as always, at Lonestar Sat. James was super excited I had the car, so I could drive (his is a standard, and I only know how to drive one in theory) Spent most of Sat doing nothing (besides Lonestar) but didn't get to sleep in as planned because James' phone was ringing like every hour starting at 830 (finally got up just before 10).
Yesterday I had an audition. Went well. I have worked for these guys a couple of times before. It was really weird though, the director and his fiance are always there (or at least one of them), but this time niether were...I was worried that I was in the wrong place! (That was until I saw the Ass. Director... him I knew)
Yeah, so didn't get much done this weekend... Mid-afternoon yesterday I got hit with a Migraine. I ended up turning in fairly early to try to sleep it off.. That and the extra-strength advil liquid-gel must have done the trick, I woke up pain-free.
Damn, I wish I would hear from this Gov job soon, I don't wanna work here anymore... I want to make real money... I want to be able to afford things besides the necessities. I don't wanna have to give up buying a good amount of groceries because it is rent week, or there are a bunch of bills that came in... I want to feel like I can contribute financially in my relationship with James, instead of feeling guilty when he pays for 90% or things... I want to be able to get him something awesome for our 6month anniversary!
*sigh* Life can really suck. Why did we always think it would be easier when we were adults... How does that myth seem so true? Adult life sucks... having to pay for everything... being completely responsible for your own life... having to work in jobs that suck for just a little cash to keep yourself clothed and fed...
I know I keep complaining about this and I am totally being a baby about it... I mean somehow I managed when I was at the salon with less money... but still... I want to be able to settle down... I want to be able to start making my nest... get a car... feel like finally I am settled into adulthood, instead of still floundering around, trying to find my niche. I want to feel like I have finally started to figure out my life and my future...
Family has been on my mind a lot lately too... There was a time when I wanted to be married at 23, having kids at 25... well I'm 25, unmarried and childless... my sister on the other hand? getting married... at 23... I'm not saying I'm unhappy not being married... well not really anyways... I just really want to settle down and start a family... I have always wanted to be a young mom.... My mom had me at 35, and went through menopause at the same time as my sister and I went through puberty, and I do not want to put my kids through that hell, you know? Again, not saying I just want to get married right now... I'm not desperate or anything... I just want to be on the path... James and I haven't talked too much about that yet... not beyond agreeing that we both want a family and to eventualy get married (in general, we haven't talked about it in relation to eachother or anything)... I'm not sure if I'm even ready for that talk... you know? I haven't been looking at the future that specifically... well not much anyways... Although I have had the odd daydream of what if he and I were to get married etc, it hasn't been a serious thought yet... I'm scared about it... I mean I spent years planning my forever with the ex, and it never happened... instead of happily ever after, I got heartbreak. I am scared to really think of James that way, because what if...?
It's amazing how an event can change your ways of thinking so completely... I tend to be so guarded with my heart now, where as before I was carefree and wore it on my sleeve... I am so terrified of heartbreak again, that i feel like I might be missing out on something... If I let myself love another completely, will I get hurt again? Will I lose myself again? Will I live through another hearbreak?
i do love James, there is no question there... I think forever is something that would work for us... but I haven't really thought o much about it cause it's always possible that it wont... Plus i have this intense fear that I am thinking about it too soon... that is always a possibility too! Then you think of all those couples that get married within months of meeting... and I wonder how they do it!? How can you know someone enough to know that you can spend the rest of your lives together? James' parents did it... they got married withing like 8 months.... they have been married like 28yrs, and he says that they are still totally in love. it's inspiring! (but also a little intimidating) See, in my family we have the big D... divorce... it's less pressure I think, because you don't have much to live up to, or not as much anyways... but for pple whose parents are like James'... well there is a lot to live up to... They set the bar high! I'm not saying I intend to divorce, because I don't... but knowing that I can do better then my parents the first time around makes me feel less pressure...
Anyways, i really didn't mean to ramble on so much... It's just stuff I have been circling in my mind lately, and haven't had anyone to really talk to about it...
So ending on a lighter note:
Um...
uh...
Pogos for lunch today!
That said, I hate Mondays... especially Mondays when the other dispatch girl isn't here. Working Mondays by myself and having to do my other duties... it sucks.
On the plus side, since I have been working diligently to clean up things, and get things up-to-par, it has been getting slowly easier around here. I'm glad it was today that Andree called in sick, and not tomorrow, because I have to leave early tomorrow... which she already knows about. I have another freaking appt for that Gov job... I should be glad that they keep calling me back and all, but I keep feeling guilty for having to leave work early and call in sick and stuff for all these meetings... I shouldn't since they couldn't have expected me to stay a temp here forever, but I do... I'm stupidly loyal sometimes.
Anyways, subject change
Had a nice weekend. The boy quit his job at CTV to work for the Museum of Civ. He actually works super close to my place now! Means he'll prob be staying over even more, since his place is in Nepean.
Had a good time, as always, at Lonestar Sat. James was super excited I had the car, so I could drive (his is a standard, and I only know how to drive one in theory) Spent most of Sat doing nothing (besides Lonestar) but didn't get to sleep in as planned because James' phone was ringing like every hour starting at 830 (finally got up just before 10).
Yesterday I had an audition. Went well. I have worked for these guys a couple of times before. It was really weird though, the director and his fiance are always there (or at least one of them), but this time niether were...I was worried that I was in the wrong place! (That was until I saw the Ass. Director... him I knew)
Yeah, so didn't get much done this weekend... Mid-afternoon yesterday I got hit with a Migraine. I ended up turning in fairly early to try to sleep it off.. That and the extra-strength advil liquid-gel must have done the trick, I woke up pain-free.
Damn, I wish I would hear from this Gov job soon, I don't wanna work here anymore... I want to make real money... I want to be able to afford things besides the necessities. I don't wanna have to give up buying a good amount of groceries because it is rent week, or there are a bunch of bills that came in... I want to feel like I can contribute financially in my relationship with James, instead of feeling guilty when he pays for 90% or things... I want to be able to get him something awesome for our 6month anniversary!
*sigh* Life can really suck. Why did we always think it would be easier when we were adults... How does that myth seem so true? Adult life sucks... having to pay for everything... being completely responsible for your own life... having to work in jobs that suck for just a little cash to keep yourself clothed and fed...
I know I keep complaining about this and I am totally being a baby about it... I mean somehow I managed when I was at the salon with less money... but still... I want to be able to settle down... I want to be able to start making my nest... get a car... feel like finally I am settled into adulthood, instead of still floundering around, trying to find my niche. I want to feel like I have finally started to figure out my life and my future...
Family has been on my mind a lot lately too... There was a time when I wanted to be married at 23, having kids at 25... well I'm 25, unmarried and childless... my sister on the other hand? getting married... at 23... I'm not saying I'm unhappy not being married... well not really anyways... I just really want to settle down and start a family... I have always wanted to be a young mom.... My mom had me at 35, and went through menopause at the same time as my sister and I went through puberty, and I do not want to put my kids through that hell, you know? Again, not saying I just want to get married right now... I'm not desperate or anything... I just want to be on the path... James and I haven't talked too much about that yet... not beyond agreeing that we both want a family and to eventualy get married (in general, we haven't talked about it in relation to eachother or anything)... I'm not sure if I'm even ready for that talk... you know? I haven't been looking at the future that specifically... well not much anyways... Although I have had the odd daydream of what if he and I were to get married etc, it hasn't been a serious thought yet... I'm scared about it... I mean I spent years planning my forever with the ex, and it never happened... instead of happily ever after, I got heartbreak. I am scared to really think of James that way, because what if...?
It's amazing how an event can change your ways of thinking so completely... I tend to be so guarded with my heart now, where as before I was carefree and wore it on my sleeve... I am so terrified of heartbreak again, that i feel like I might be missing out on something... If I let myself love another completely, will I get hurt again? Will I lose myself again? Will I live through another hearbreak?
i do love James, there is no question there... I think forever is something that would work for us... but I haven't really thought o much about it cause it's always possible that it wont... Plus i have this intense fear that I am thinking about it too soon... that is always a possibility too! Then you think of all those couples that get married within months of meeting... and I wonder how they do it!? How can you know someone enough to know that you can spend the rest of your lives together? James' parents did it... they got married withing like 8 months.... they have been married like 28yrs, and he says that they are still totally in love. it's inspiring! (but also a little intimidating) See, in my family we have the big D... divorce... it's less pressure I think, because you don't have much to live up to, or not as much anyways... but for pple whose parents are like James'... well there is a lot to live up to... They set the bar high! I'm not saying I intend to divorce, because I don't... but knowing that I can do better then my parents the first time around makes me feel less pressure...
Anyways, i really didn't mean to ramble on so much... It's just stuff I have been circling in my mind lately, and haven't had anyone to really talk to about it...
So ending on a lighter note:
Um...
uh...
Pogos for lunch today!