oh, how time flies
A lot has happened since my last entry. My ana was off and on. Some days I would eat, some days I wouldn't. Some days I would dance my heart out all day, some days I wouldn't even do a single sit up or even a mere ten minutes at the gym. I changed my major. I was a Dance major, English minor. Now I am an English major. I changed for a few reasons, but mainly because I realized that I did not need a degree in Dance to do what I wanted to do with dance professionally (dance with a ballet or modern company or teach). Instead, I could earn my B.A. in English and publish children's books and still have a dance profession/be involved in the dance world. I love being an English major because I love creative writing. I've adored reading and writing fiction for as long as I can remember. My teachers are great, my assignments are awesome. But, while I still take a few dance classes, it's nothing to the feeling and energy of dancing all day. I'm sitting in a chair the whole day except when I walk to and from classes and around campus. I've tried going to the gym regularly but it's so hard to find the time admidst my papers and readings.
As a result of these recent events, I've lost most of my ballet technique and I've gotten fat. Not like terribly terribly, but noticable. My mom told me to get my ass on the treadmill. I kid you not. So I'm back to my old eating habits again- which is limit my food intake and drink as much water as humanly possible. My thighs are like flippin' blimps. My stomach- ugh! Forget it! Hanging out in the worst way. I feel lazy and ugly. At the same time, I try to remind myself that I do good deeds like holding open doors for people, giving tzedekah (literally: to do the right things), listening to my friends and family, and even acquaintences when they speak. I petition for the rights of endangered species and domestic pets in local shelters. I contact my congressmen about the genocide in Darfur and the rights of Rape victims. All this makes me a great person. Which is great! I value myself and the actions I take! woot! woot! But because I'm not happy with myself physically, it doesn't do much good. I can't give out my stats yet. I'm just too embarrassed.
Good news: I went on the elliptical for 1 hour and 5 minutes this morning... after I ran around campus for ten minutes.
Bad news: Now my right knee is bothering me. Does the drama never end!? I have an appt. at my health center tom. morning so they'll take a look at it and probably just recommend bengay or something.
Tomorrow: Modern dance class, exercise, and eating as little as I can.
As always, I hope for a brighter tomorrow, for myself and for all of you out there reading this and caring.
Thanks. Think thin!
TinyBallerina83