love is a lie
i am so depressed lately.... its so irritating... my biggest problem is harris..... im so pissed that he didn't even try to see me before i left.... he totally blew me off the sunday before i left so he could go look at cars with dave.... and he didn't even tell me that he wasn't gonna be there.... and the day before i left he stopped at my aunts and dropped off a present that his mom got me, but didn't wait for me to get back because he was going firework shopping.... its like he doesn't even care... i wrote him this long email about how i was tired of being second or last to him and how i was gonna start dating other people and all he said was "xoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxx i'm speechless"... what kind of bullshit is that.... i hate it... i have been in love twice in my life and they both sucked...... either i fall in love with someone who doesn't deserve it or they are not ready for it... people who say that love is the greatest thing in the world lie..... love brings more pain then it does joy.... "its like i'm stuck on the requited side of an unrequited love".... i hate it.... i want him to miss me.... talk to me ..... something..... i changed my cell number like a week ago and he hasn't even asked what the new number is... probably because he hasn't tried to call me since i got down here... except once at like 4am and he knew i wasn't gonna be awake to get that..... i feel so used... and stupid to think that someone my age was actually gonna date me seriously.... no one my age takes dating a single mom seriously.... i'm so stupid..... but what can i do... i can't fall apart because mitri needs me and i gotta get a job.... i'm not allowed to be depressed..... welcome to my world..... pressure..... man i just wish i could escape all this pain....