Mum's health and my love life
I am currently in Luxembourg again, because mum is poorly. The call came just after my exams, so I have yet again not had any holiday. However, this time it is likely to be the last - she is very poorly indeed and the doctors are giving her another few weeks. Sadly, I believe them. Mum is easily confused and can't breath properly. She needs oxygen all the time and can practically not walk. She has phases where she is her sharp self again and then others where she has completely lost the plot. The mental deterioration is really hard to swallow I have to say. I've actually not wanted to write in here, because I originally started this journal when I first came to university so I could keep mum updated without constantly having to call her. Now she is unlikely to ever read it again.
I'm holding up okay. Some days are hard, some are easier - most I am just exhausted when coming home at ten after a day in hospital. I cried a bit when I gave my consent to take her off the chemotherapy and focus on pain management. I felt ill the first time she couldn't remember what day or time it was despite me telling her repeatedly. However, you somehow get used to everything.
As most of you will know, I am now in a polyamorous relationship. I guess "coming out" is meant to be a big deal, but I am just too tired to make a big deal of it. Garry, Tom and I are in a V-shaped relationship, with me as the point at the bottom. Garry is still struggling a bit with it, but he has gotten much more comfortable with time. I feel happier than I've been in ages and they are both doing an amazing job supporting me. Last week Garry was here for a few days and on Tuesday Tommy is coming for four days. Then Garry wants to come back at the end of the month. I think having two of them really makes it easier on both, as it means that I am not just relying on either and there is no guilt in needing an evening off. Mum doesn't know yet, which also makes me sad, as she would usually be my first port of call on all things love-life related, but I feel that polyamory would just be too much at the moment when our current goal is to help her remember what time of the day it is.
Other people have been generally amazing about it. I've told most of my friends and even a few of mum's friends. Originally I had big plans on how to break it to people gently, but in the current situation I honestly couldn't care less. I am so glad that I have two awesome men (and even more awesome friends) supporting me at the moment, that it would feel wrong to keep stumm about it, just in case I am offending someone's sensibilities. So far I've however just been told "Fair enough" and "Good for you!" a lot, one person told me that I am just plain greedy wanting two men all for myself and another bought me a drink and told me she thought it was awesome. Only one person asked how the whole thing worked and they were genuinely curious and eager to understand, rather than critical. As far as I know Tom and Garry had the same experience. Garry's best friend told him that it would not be for her, but as long as everyone consented and Garry was fine with it, that was good enough for her and Tommy's parents just checked if he was happy with the arrangement and when he said he was, they were happy for him. Surprising really considering polygamy is outright illegal, no matter if all parties consent or not. However, I am very happy and reading about the shiny new subgroup I am now a member of is keeping me relatively sane if I don't want to think about mum's situation too hard.
That's all from me for now. Take care. If you ever do get to read this mum: I love you and we will make it through this together, no matter what the outcome shall be.
I'm holding up okay. Some days are hard, some are easier - most I am just exhausted when coming home at ten after a day in hospital. I cried a bit when I gave my consent to take her off the chemotherapy and focus on pain management. I felt ill the first time she couldn't remember what day or time it was despite me telling her repeatedly. However, you somehow get used to everything.
As most of you will know, I am now in a polyamorous relationship. I guess "coming out" is meant to be a big deal, but I am just too tired to make a big deal of it. Garry, Tom and I are in a V-shaped relationship, with me as the point at the bottom. Garry is still struggling a bit with it, but he has gotten much more comfortable with time. I feel happier than I've been in ages and they are both doing an amazing job supporting me. Last week Garry was here for a few days and on Tuesday Tommy is coming for four days. Then Garry wants to come back at the end of the month. I think having two of them really makes it easier on both, as it means that I am not just relying on either and there is no guilt in needing an evening off. Mum doesn't know yet, which also makes me sad, as she would usually be my first port of call on all things love-life related, but I feel that polyamory would just be too much at the moment when our current goal is to help her remember what time of the day it is.
Other people have been generally amazing about it. I've told most of my friends and even a few of mum's friends. Originally I had big plans on how to break it to people gently, but in the current situation I honestly couldn't care less. I am so glad that I have two awesome men (and even more awesome friends) supporting me at the moment, that it would feel wrong to keep stumm about it, just in case I am offending someone's sensibilities. So far I've however just been told "Fair enough" and "Good for you!" a lot, one person told me that I am just plain greedy wanting two men all for myself and another bought me a drink and told me she thought it was awesome. Only one person asked how the whole thing worked and they were genuinely curious and eager to understand, rather than critical. As far as I know Tom and Garry had the same experience. Garry's best friend told him that it would not be for her, but as long as everyone consented and Garry was fine with it, that was good enough for her and Tommy's parents just checked if he was happy with the arrangement and when he said he was, they were happy for him. Surprising really considering polygamy is outright illegal, no matter if all parties consent or not. However, I am very happy and reading about the shiny new subgroup I am now a member of is keeping me relatively sane if I don't want to think about mum's situation too hard.
That's all from me for now. Take care. If you ever do get to read this mum: I love you and we will make it through this together, no matter what the outcome shall be.