what's up with lj being all ridiculous and filled with annoying ads now. i need to start journaling again, but probably not here.

but i'm doing well :)

i wish she'd say the right words.

sometimes you just wanna hear what'll make you feel better.

goodbye.

There is something beautiful about broken glass and the tiny visions it creates. For instance, the glass from that shattered beer bottle told me there was a twenty-dollar bill hidden in the center of an ant pile. I buried my arms elbow-deep in the ants but all I found was a note that said Some people will believe in anything. And I laughed.

I’m

Whole worlds take place in my head while you sleep beside me. The earth heaves, sighs, shudders. Its oceans make waves, silent, deadly. The soil bleeds.
And you sleep.

Waiting for an answer, knowing it won’t come. or that it’s already there.

new eyes.
i am tired. i walk down hallways and everything is a blur closing in on me and i feel sick.

when will i be done.

what's the difference between pushing bad thoughts out of your mind, and avoidance?

someone tell me please.

i'm going to start writing letters to myself. maybe i'll be more honest.

this feeling keeps building up inside of me, like heat, like pressure, like hurt. and i have to breathe in deep, tell it to stop.

i just want to be okay.

i know this is my thing, but do i really have to be alone?
when you are a danger to self or others.

I feel like I'm finally in control of my emotions,
but really I feel like I'm hiding from them, ignoring them, trying to make them go away.

The thing is, I'm afraid. Afraid that if I think too long, too hard, too deeply about anything, it'll be too much. I won't be able to take it.

And I don't want to be in that place again.

I have this urge to purge parts of my life... people, things, parts of me. Which is problematic; I always do this.

I don't write anymore. I feel like I can't. There's no inspiration, no connection, it's just... there.

I feel like I can't have all of these parts at once.