update
Shall I do a quick update on the life of Monique? I feel like my life has been turned upside down and then flipped right side up and everything is thrown all over the place and I’m left running around trying to piece it back together. It’s definitely not fun, but it is making me re-evaluate everything in my life and where I am in life and the path I am following.
Right about the same time that I got laid off, Clint began the fire academy. It was nice for him because I was home. The baby was watched, dinner was made, his life was good. I was there to support him, be his shoulder, and pat his back through the first months.
The whole daycare situation pretty much sucked. If I took Bryce out he would lose his spot and I would need to find him a new daycare when I went back to work. Luckily she had a situation where she wanted to take on a new infant and thus wanted Bryce to go part-time, meaning a lower charge for us. Right about the time that I should have been starting work again another child would be aging out into the 2-4yr old group and Bryce could go back to full-time. The crap part was I did not get my job back as planned and she did not want to continue part-time care as it wasn’t really benefiting her anymore. She finally agreed to take him part-time at a much higher rate instead of Bryce leaving her daycare permanently. As time went by and I was not getting a job we realized we could no longer afford daycare and had to give a 30 day, which she REQUIRES and had to pay whether he was actually going or not. Right about the third week I got my job back and we left him at the daycare. Next thing I know, she has issues with her kids getting to and from school and wants permission to take all the kids in her vehicle to pick up her kids from elementary school. We completely disagreed that this was appropriate and when I spoke with her about it she told me her kids were her priority. So we gave ANOTHER 30 day and switched him to a new daycare. Now I thought this would be simple enough but she ignored me and was rude for the first week and I decided just to pull him out early and let her know he would only be coming for one more week. So I had to pay both daycares for two ½ more weeks. Totally sucked ass.
He seems to love his new daycare though and seems to be progressing more there than he was at the Home Daycare he was in. So even though we are paying more it is better for him.
On to the next issue, which are our finances. I stupidly have used credit cards when I was laid off, on maternity leave, when Clint was laid off, etc. The bills have piled up and we are pretty much paying out he same amount we are taking in. I went to a consumer credit help agency to help me with our bills. Their advice: file bankruptcy. Clint was against the idea. Great. I researched everything. Went to an attorney, who was an ass and was about to give up when I decided to try again and went to another well known attorney in the area (who btw donated 26 i-pods to foster kids this Christmas.) I got Clint to come with me. This attorney was awesome and we are now filing. His advice was to buy a new vehicle since we can keep two cars and include my Camry, which has an outrageous payment, into the bankruptcy.
So I take the attorneys advice, research vehicles and end up buying a new Dodge Journey. I am totally uneasy about the purchase and even though we got pre-financed am worried it won’t go through the credit union. And I get a call as I am writing this that no we weren’t approved BUT another agency is willing to approve us at a higher interest rate. I am just so uneasy about all of this. I would so much rather have kept my Camry. So now we have to go resign paperwork. I just wonder if I made the correct decision. The journey has more features and seats 7 and of course has crappy gas mileage. Awesome.
Now onto my big issue, this is my marriage. I am not sure when things started going downhill or if it’s been constant and I finally just realized. So sitting at home all day with a one year old may seem ideal, but for me it just isn’t. Plus I really had no interaction with Clint, who came home, ate dinner and went to his room to study. I had basically no human interaction and really had a hard time not feeling guilty if I wanted to get away or out of the house. After awhile I became resentful. And then things that bugged me in the past came forward and those started bugging me even more. Seems like in our family I got put at the bottom of the barrel. I am just so tired of getting shit on. Seriously. I tried to talk to Clint and he just wouldn’t deal with it. Besides that we had the finance issue and he did not want to deal with that either. I was at the point where I was going to give up and had left Clint a note saying how I felt. I had planned to let him make it through the weekend raising Bryce on his own while tending to the house. BUT he got the note before I left and he called me and I went home to talk to him about it. That is how I got him to end up going to the attorney with me. He said he was done and didn’t care anymore and suddenly had this feeling come over him that he shouldn’t give up, and right after that is when he found the letter I wrote. I am not sure how things are. He seems to be acting like everything is back to normal. I am not sure how I feel. I pull away from him and don’t have any desires towards him. I did end up having sex with him the other day. It wasn’t horrible but I don’t feel the same. Do I just continue to try? I am not sure. Its hard to be affectionate to someone you really don’t want to be affectionate towards. Plus I get so irritated. And that is about where I am at now.
Right about the same time that I got laid off, Clint began the fire academy. It was nice for him because I was home. The baby was watched, dinner was made, his life was good. I was there to support him, be his shoulder, and pat his back through the first months.
The whole daycare situation pretty much sucked. If I took Bryce out he would lose his spot and I would need to find him a new daycare when I went back to work. Luckily she had a situation where she wanted to take on a new infant and thus wanted Bryce to go part-time, meaning a lower charge for us. Right about the time that I should have been starting work again another child would be aging out into the 2-4yr old group and Bryce could go back to full-time. The crap part was I did not get my job back as planned and she did not want to continue part-time care as it wasn’t really benefiting her anymore. She finally agreed to take him part-time at a much higher rate instead of Bryce leaving her daycare permanently. As time went by and I was not getting a job we realized we could no longer afford daycare and had to give a 30 day, which she REQUIRES and had to pay whether he was actually going or not. Right about the third week I got my job back and we left him at the daycare. Next thing I know, she has issues with her kids getting to and from school and wants permission to take all the kids in her vehicle to pick up her kids from elementary school. We completely disagreed that this was appropriate and when I spoke with her about it she told me her kids were her priority. So we gave ANOTHER 30 day and switched him to a new daycare. Now I thought this would be simple enough but she ignored me and was rude for the first week and I decided just to pull him out early and let her know he would only be coming for one more week. So I had to pay both daycares for two ½ more weeks. Totally sucked ass.
He seems to love his new daycare though and seems to be progressing more there than he was at the Home Daycare he was in. So even though we are paying more it is better for him.
On to the next issue, which are our finances. I stupidly have used credit cards when I was laid off, on maternity leave, when Clint was laid off, etc. The bills have piled up and we are pretty much paying out he same amount we are taking in. I went to a consumer credit help agency to help me with our bills. Their advice: file bankruptcy. Clint was against the idea. Great. I researched everything. Went to an attorney, who was an ass and was about to give up when I decided to try again and went to another well known attorney in the area (who btw donated 26 i-pods to foster kids this Christmas.) I got Clint to come with me. This attorney was awesome and we are now filing. His advice was to buy a new vehicle since we can keep two cars and include my Camry, which has an outrageous payment, into the bankruptcy.
So I take the attorneys advice, research vehicles and end up buying a new Dodge Journey. I am totally uneasy about the purchase and even though we got pre-financed am worried it won’t go through the credit union. And I get a call as I am writing this that no we weren’t approved BUT another agency is willing to approve us at a higher interest rate. I am just so uneasy about all of this. I would so much rather have kept my Camry. So now we have to go resign paperwork. I just wonder if I made the correct decision. The journey has more features and seats 7 and of course has crappy gas mileage. Awesome.
Now onto my big issue, this is my marriage. I am not sure when things started going downhill or if it’s been constant and I finally just realized. So sitting at home all day with a one year old may seem ideal, but for me it just isn’t. Plus I really had no interaction with Clint, who came home, ate dinner and went to his room to study. I had basically no human interaction and really had a hard time not feeling guilty if I wanted to get away or out of the house. After awhile I became resentful. And then things that bugged me in the past came forward and those started bugging me even more. Seems like in our family I got put at the bottom of the barrel. I am just so tired of getting shit on. Seriously. I tried to talk to Clint and he just wouldn’t deal with it. Besides that we had the finance issue and he did not want to deal with that either. I was at the point where I was going to give up and had left Clint a note saying how I felt. I had planned to let him make it through the weekend raising Bryce on his own while tending to the house. BUT he got the note before I left and he called me and I went home to talk to him about it. That is how I got him to end up going to the attorney with me. He said he was done and didn’t care anymore and suddenly had this feeling come over him that he shouldn’t give up, and right after that is when he found the letter I wrote. I am not sure how things are. He seems to be acting like everything is back to normal. I am not sure how I feel. I pull away from him and don’t have any desires towards him. I did end up having sex with him the other day. It wasn’t horrible but I don’t feel the same. Do I just continue to try? I am not sure. Its hard to be affectionate to someone you really don’t want to be affectionate towards. Plus I get so irritated. And that is about where I am at now.