(no subject)

[tinkeybell]

It's almost overwheling. Everything right now is wrong. Nothing is right. Billy and I are "taking a break." Which, probably means not getting back together but neither of us really want to let go. I love him and I just wish things would be like they were this time last year, but they won't. He says he's trying as hard as he can but it doesn't change anything. He said he got into a relationship too soon and he never really had time to go have fun. He always "has to worry about pissing me off." I think our whole problem is I can't trust him. He says I get shitty about him hanging out with girls and stuff but if I trusted him, I wouldn't have to worry about that. I could trust him with girls. I don't know. I think it just won't work. I need someone to be here for me and want to hang out with me, and I admit, I need a lot of attention. I can't just trust that he cares and everything's okay but more times than not, things are very, very bad. I want to trust that he loves me and he does just need some time, but if he loved me like he should, he would be like he was last year. He'd want to talk to me and be excited to see me.

I'm tired of talking...

My dad's moving out and our house isn't near being finished. I don't have a job and the outlook isn't looking good, BUT that is my fault. Once my dad's gone, my mom and I won't have any money. Pizza Hut said they'll let me know when they need but that doesn't sound real promising.

I really need something new and exciting. I want to be carefree and enjoy myself. It's getting harder and harder be happy. The fact that I have to TRY to have fun brings me down.

Anyway... I am doing okay depsite everything. I am impressed by how well I'm taking it.

*sigh...*

Hopefully this weekend brings up my spirits a little...