work stuff
ugh. we're studying restraints at work. so not enjoying this. anyone who has ever attend a PE class with me knows that I am the most uncoordinated person in the world. this has me so stressed out right now. i know it's stupid to get so upset about stuff like this but i truly am. my brain just doesn't compute simple directions like "pivot with your lead foot while stepping back with your non-lead foot while parrying with this arm and blocking with that arm" it's feels awkward and i have to really think about it to do it all which makes it happen so slowly that it is totally impractical for me to try and actually do it. the reality is before i'd remember what to do with each foot and arm, i would have been cold-clocked and lying on the ground unconscious. no. not true. the true unfortunate reality is that in a crisis if i were being attacked, my brain would block out all the "this foot that arm" stuff and i would react with my instincts which are supported by the hand-to-hand combat training I received in the military and working for probation and parole. I have a lot more faith in that then I do the "this hand that foot" stuff. Of course, while my training now is focused on "protecting the client", my previous training is based on "incapacitating the assailant". so it gets the client injured and me fired. Oh well. I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6. I can't believe i have to go through another whole day of this stuff. and i can't believe how worked up upset it has me.
you know, i worked with criminals (in and out of prison) for several years and i NEVER had to throw down with anyone. I think this says something about me. I was ALWAYS able to control the situation by deescalating the person verbally. In prison when I had one close situation when the two male inmates were nose to nose, ready to roll, screaming at the top of their lungs. I went and stepped between them (which now seems TOTALLY stupid) and calmed them down, stopped the fight, without anyone getting hit, especially me. I know that no one can stop every avalanche from falling down the mountain, no matter how charismatic they are. I know that just because it has worked so far, I may come to situations where my verbal skills will hit deaf ears. I just hope that with verbal skills and good luck, I'll never have to get physical with anyone and have to decide which form to use, the one I'm supposed to, or the one I feel safer with.
you know, i worked with criminals (in and out of prison) for several years and i NEVER had to throw down with anyone. I think this says something about me. I was ALWAYS able to control the situation by deescalating the person verbally. In prison when I had one close situation when the two male inmates were nose to nose, ready to roll, screaming at the top of their lungs. I went and stepped between them (which now seems TOTALLY stupid) and calmed them down, stopped the fight, without anyone getting hit, especially me. I know that no one can stop every avalanche from falling down the mountain, no matter how charismatic they are. I know that just because it has worked so far, I may come to situations where my verbal skills will hit deaf ears. I just hope that with verbal skills and good luck, I'll never have to get physical with anyone and have to decide which form to use, the one I'm supposed to, or the one I feel safer with.