back to where i started from
so for a while senior year was awesome and i was having such an amazing time and just loving and enjoying life.
but
now
the past four days went back to me being horribly unhappy. today i was just absolutely miserable in school, the entire morning i was 6 inches away from crying, not even for any particular reason. claire's been in a kind of bad/sad mood lately, and she hasn't really talked to me about whats wrong, and i'm kind of feeling like she's mad or annoyed at me for something. so that of course is upsetting, it eats away at me when one of my good friends is unhappy with me.
and boys is just ridiculous. like two weeks ago i had like 4 different options lined up, and every single one of them pretty much fell through. and i really, really want to take lobozzo to candy cane, but i really odn't feel like competing for him with ali. and everyone tells me that he'd rather go with me, but it really doesn't seem that way, i feel like if he did he'd make more of an effort to alert me that he's semi-interested. i do not understand guys. i consider myself a fun girl. and i'm ok looking...so why not pay a little more attention to me???
i need ass. or loving. seriously, any form.
it's so sad. sometimes i almost forget that i'm bi b/c of the lack of any gay population in my school. ONE, one other person that i know in my entire high school that is bi or gay. do you know how depressing that is? and it's not even like we're good friends, gayness is pretty much all we have in common. adn i love him and all, but i really need someone who i can really sit down and talk with and hang out or make out or w/e. gay teens always talk about how hard it is, and it's just starting to hit me.
i am very, very sad today, wow, i haven't been this sad in so long.
things just keep creeping up in my head...
it amazes me that i manage to keep this from everyone. happy go lucky me! i'm so fun! no, i'm freaking not. i'm fucking horribly unhappy.
i can't wait to go to college, i can't wait to get away from everything and everyone here.
i can't wait until i dont ever have to come back if i don't want to.
but
now
the past four days went back to me being horribly unhappy. today i was just absolutely miserable in school, the entire morning i was 6 inches away from crying, not even for any particular reason. claire's been in a kind of bad/sad mood lately, and she hasn't really talked to me about whats wrong, and i'm kind of feeling like she's mad or annoyed at me for something. so that of course is upsetting, it eats away at me when one of my good friends is unhappy with me.
and boys is just ridiculous. like two weeks ago i had like 4 different options lined up, and every single one of them pretty much fell through. and i really, really want to take lobozzo to candy cane, but i really odn't feel like competing for him with ali. and everyone tells me that he'd rather go with me, but it really doesn't seem that way, i feel like if he did he'd make more of an effort to alert me that he's semi-interested. i do not understand guys. i consider myself a fun girl. and i'm ok looking...so why not pay a little more attention to me???
i need ass. or loving. seriously, any form.
it's so sad. sometimes i almost forget that i'm bi b/c of the lack of any gay population in my school. ONE, one other person that i know in my entire high school that is bi or gay. do you know how depressing that is? and it's not even like we're good friends, gayness is pretty much all we have in common. adn i love him and all, but i really need someone who i can really sit down and talk with and hang out or make out or w/e. gay teens always talk about how hard it is, and it's just starting to hit me.
i am very, very sad today, wow, i haven't been this sad in so long.
things just keep creeping up in my head...
it amazes me that i manage to keep this from everyone. happy go lucky me! i'm so fun! no, i'm freaking not. i'm fucking horribly unhappy.
i can't wait to go to college, i can't wait to get away from everything and everyone here.
i can't wait until i dont ever have to come back if i don't want to.