My arms hurt
So I am down to 6 days till I am 25, and 12 days till I am sailing the sea. Joy and hate wrapped up in that sentence.
After painstakingly searching the internets, I was finally able to catch up with Scrubs, and see it through to the end. It has been haunting me all night. Maybe it's because I don't like change. Maybe because I will be experiencing my own ending later this year, or maybe it's because I am ridiculously over emotional and crazy. I like to think it is a combination. It's just a TV show. I don't know these people, they aren't even real! Yet, watching them all say goodbye hurts. And really, I am thinking more of the actors. Going to work everyday with the same group of people for 8 years, having laughs, cries, and just being together, and then just having to say goodbye. Sure, people will stay in touch, but it's never going to be the same. And in a few short months, I have to do that. Funny thing is I already did a goodbye to FL, 4 years ago. Now I have to do it again, to more people.
It's necessary. The fates have made it quite clear that FL doesn't appreciate me. My talent wasted while self centered, tone deaf, walking egos get paid to torture the ears of tourist masses. And while I look forward to being back in my city, not having to pay rent, and essentially start my career, I am not ready. God, living with my parents again? I love them, but really? I have tons of friends back home, and yet, it's almost just the memory of friendship. A passing by of facebook comments, and "remember that time"s. We all have our different lives now. How do I expect to just plop right back into things there? And then to have all my friendships here turn into that. Just a memory, and a lot of "We wish you were here for this fun." It's something I have been putting off thinking about at all costs, because I know it's just going to be terrible. I will be going from nothing, essentially to nothing. And it's a different way of life back home. /sigh. I expect my first few months back to be filled with depression and loneliness. 25 is not going to be a good year. Yep, that's thinking positively....
No, snap out of it! Quick, think of something... motivational....
3 weeks and going strong. I have been semi-religious with my working out, and pretty damn good about keeping my calorie intake small without being detrimental to my health. I have done the not eating thing, a long time ago, and that's just not happening again. I like food. But I digress. Everything has paid off. I have lost about 10 pounds, look better in my clothes, and already the pants I bought last week are too big. Oh damn, I am going to be so hot on this cruise. It's hard work. And sometimes, it's near impossible to get the motivation to work out, but I hope that my results will continue to speak for themselves in kicking my ass to keep at it.
There... that made me feel better.
I am tired.
After painstakingly searching the internets, I was finally able to catch up with Scrubs, and see it through to the end. It has been haunting me all night. Maybe it's because I don't like change. Maybe because I will be experiencing my own ending later this year, or maybe it's because I am ridiculously over emotional and crazy. I like to think it is a combination. It's just a TV show. I don't know these people, they aren't even real! Yet, watching them all say goodbye hurts. And really, I am thinking more of the actors. Going to work everyday with the same group of people for 8 years, having laughs, cries, and just being together, and then just having to say goodbye. Sure, people will stay in touch, but it's never going to be the same. And in a few short months, I have to do that. Funny thing is I already did a goodbye to FL, 4 years ago. Now I have to do it again, to more people.
It's necessary. The fates have made it quite clear that FL doesn't appreciate me. My talent wasted while self centered, tone deaf, walking egos get paid to torture the ears of tourist masses. And while I look forward to being back in my city, not having to pay rent, and essentially start my career, I am not ready. God, living with my parents again? I love them, but really? I have tons of friends back home, and yet, it's almost just the memory of friendship. A passing by of facebook comments, and "remember that time"s. We all have our different lives now. How do I expect to just plop right back into things there? And then to have all my friendships here turn into that. Just a memory, and a lot of "We wish you were here for this fun." It's something I have been putting off thinking about at all costs, because I know it's just going to be terrible. I will be going from nothing, essentially to nothing. And it's a different way of life back home. /sigh. I expect my first few months back to be filled with depression and loneliness. 25 is not going to be a good year. Yep, that's thinking positively....
No, snap out of it! Quick, think of something... motivational....
3 weeks and going strong. I have been semi-religious with my working out, and pretty damn good about keeping my calorie intake small without being detrimental to my health. I have done the not eating thing, a long time ago, and that's just not happening again. I like food. But I digress. Everything has paid off. I have lost about 10 pounds, look better in my clothes, and already the pants I bought last week are too big. Oh damn, I am going to be so hot on this cruise. It's hard work. And sometimes, it's near impossible to get the motivation to work out, but I hope that my results will continue to speak for themselves in kicking my ass to keep at it.
There... that made me feel better.
I am tired.