Back to the fuschia
Thank you Jesus for 2013.
I'm still not sure how to begin this post.
It's difficult to look back on 2013 without seeing Jesus in it, perhaps because it was a good year - but then again, it was difficult to look back on 2012 without seeing His faithfulness despite the tough times as well. Was it a warm sepia colouring over the darkest moments spent crying alone? No; it was those moments when I knew He was there with me most.
2013 was a rather complete year. I've been looking for an appropriate word and this sort of came out. 2013 was complete. It was complete in every aspect - school, design, relationships, new things, old things, everything.
I was facing a difficulty writing the obligatory looking-back post, because I haven't found the right words (and they haven't found me either). Then I realised that perhaps because 2013 has passed, I should be writing about 2014 instead - so here I am, after three "Restore from saved draft?"s - writing about what is to come, instead of what has passed.
I suppose a good way would be to start off with my three prayer requests for the year. I realised that most people don't know what this thing is. It's pretty unique to our church - we have a theme of the year, and each of us submit three prayer requests to the Lord for Him to answer that year. (The former and the latter are unrelated. Although it would be pretty cool if they unintentionally were.) I got all my prayer requests last year! :) Okay not exactly all, because the third one is still a work in progress - but I am SUPER DEFINITELY closer to it, which makes me really happy that God is using people (person) around me to help me no matter how hard it feels!
So, Wan Ting's prayer requests for 2014:
1. Go on exchange next year - Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Netherlands (either one) - and somehow, if I do go in Y2S2, not spend it alone and away from family ):
2. Be a good student. Okay before all of you start on "Duuuuude what kind of arbitrary statement is that" I actually have a standard ok. Haha. Y'know how in RG/ RI the head prefects/ leadership board heads command so much respect? They gain respect not just by standing in front of everyone during morning assembly, but because of who they are and what they are able to achieve. They juggle leadership roles, CCAs, friends and relationships, and at the same time are able to get excellent grades. Mind you, not good grades - excellent grades. And I want to be like them. This sem is packed - way more than I ever asked or imagined - Oweek Pubs VD, Marketing research, almost-confirmed Conjunct. Waayyyyy more than I thought I could ever get, simply because...I never knew these opportunities existed. My grades last sem were alright, and I'm glad that I actually felt disappointed because it showed that this time I was working towards something. The point is, I want to be able to juggle it all, while doing well at everything. This means including time - more time - for God, deliberately choosing to spend time with Him over slacking/ working. This also means a lot of wisdom and God's grace, because knowing me, even getting these things are a result of God's grace. Of course, wisdom in time management is essential. I have to stop starting on a design project the moment I receive the brief, especially if the deadline is one week away. I honestly don't know why I always do that. But I have to learn how to put stress on myself in the right areas, and stop giving myself unnecessary (and uncalled-for) stress in the wrong areas.
3. I want a deeper revelation of God every day this year. Honestly, I am afraid to ask for this specifically "every day", but why not? God has put in me this desire, so since He's the one that began this work, He's the one who's gonna finish it. He's the one who will give me the grace to want to spend time with Him, to commune with Him for Him to romance me and let me feel His love. He'll be the one who'll do it. :)
#2 is especially important to me this time - I've never bothered about being a good student before. I've always told people "I'm not a good student", or "You know how my grades are..." but I never thought twice about it. This time I have a conviction to want to be this good student, and it's not my effort that will pull me through, but God's grace that will lead me on.
Last year, I learnt very painful lessons about who I am - that I'm selfish and stubborn, that I'm essentially not nice and I am easily able to take people for granted. (These things were sort of floating around in my head but I never had a first-hand experience with them.) I learnt new things about what I should be like in a relationship (both in the long- and short-term), and my stereotypes/ assumptions were pretty much ripped apart. I learnt that no matter how strong my own conviction was, without God, I would do exactly what I thought I would never do. I found out - the very, very hard and painful way - what I hate and what is a deal breaker, and I understood a part of what John (Watson) feels and means when he says "The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege." Of course I'm not like him and I honestly doubt I'll ever grasp the true extent of what he means (especially in the context which he said it in), but I understand much better the sentiment behind what he's saying, and all I can say is, I'm learning. I'm learning to not fault people, but build them up in love. I'm learning to be a better person, and I'm learning to be alone and enjoy it with Jesus. I'm learning how to deal with anger towards others. It's a very steep curve, but every step I take Jesus is there with me, and He's using people to teach me in His love.
I'm still not sure how to begin this post.
It's difficult to look back on 2013 without seeing Jesus in it, perhaps because it was a good year - but then again, it was difficult to look back on 2012 without seeing His faithfulness despite the tough times as well. Was it a warm sepia colouring over the darkest moments spent crying alone? No; it was those moments when I knew He was there with me most.
2013 was a rather complete year. I've been looking for an appropriate word and this sort of came out. 2013 was complete. It was complete in every aspect - school, design, relationships, new things, old things, everything.
I was facing a difficulty writing the obligatory looking-back post, because I haven't found the right words (and they haven't found me either). Then I realised that perhaps because 2013 has passed, I should be writing about 2014 instead - so here I am, after three "Restore from saved draft?"s - writing about what is to come, instead of what has passed.
I suppose a good way would be to start off with my three prayer requests for the year. I realised that most people don't know what this thing is. It's pretty unique to our church - we have a theme of the year, and each of us submit three prayer requests to the Lord for Him to answer that year. (The former and the latter are unrelated. Although it would be pretty cool if they unintentionally were.) I got all my prayer requests last year! :) Okay not exactly all, because the third one is still a work in progress - but I am SUPER DEFINITELY closer to it, which makes me really happy that God is using people (person) around me to help me no matter how hard it feels!
So, Wan Ting's prayer requests for 2014:
1. Go on exchange next year - Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Netherlands (either one) - and somehow, if I do go in Y2S2, not spend it alone and away from family ):
2. Be a good student. Okay before all of you start on "Duuuuude what kind of arbitrary statement is that" I actually have a standard ok. Haha. Y'know how in RG/ RI the head prefects/ leadership board heads command so much respect? They gain respect not just by standing in front of everyone during morning assembly, but because of who they are and what they are able to achieve. They juggle leadership roles, CCAs, friends and relationships, and at the same time are able to get excellent grades. Mind you, not good grades - excellent grades. And I want to be like them. This sem is packed - way more than I ever asked or imagined - Oweek Pubs VD, Marketing research, almost-confirmed Conjunct. Waayyyyy more than I thought I could ever get, simply because...I never knew these opportunities existed. My grades last sem were alright, and I'm glad that I actually felt disappointed because it showed that this time I was working towards something. The point is, I want to be able to juggle it all, while doing well at everything. This means including time - more time - for God, deliberately choosing to spend time with Him over slacking/ working. This also means a lot of wisdom and God's grace, because knowing me, even getting these things are a result of God's grace. Of course, wisdom in time management is essential. I have to stop starting on a design project the moment I receive the brief, especially if the deadline is one week away. I honestly don't know why I always do that. But I have to learn how to put stress on myself in the right areas, and stop giving myself unnecessary (and uncalled-for) stress in the wrong areas.
3. I want a deeper revelation of God every day this year. Honestly, I am afraid to ask for this specifically "every day", but why not? God has put in me this desire, so since He's the one that began this work, He's the one who's gonna finish it. He's the one who will give me the grace to want to spend time with Him, to commune with Him for Him to romance me and let me feel His love. He'll be the one who'll do it. :)
#2 is especially important to me this time - I've never bothered about being a good student before. I've always told people "I'm not a good student", or "You know how my grades are..." but I never thought twice about it. This time I have a conviction to want to be this good student, and it's not my effort that will pull me through, but God's grace that will lead me on.
Last year, I learnt very painful lessons about who I am - that I'm selfish and stubborn, that I'm essentially not nice and I am easily able to take people for granted. (These things were sort of floating around in my head but I never had a first-hand experience with them.) I learnt new things about what I should be like in a relationship (both in the long- and short-term), and my stereotypes/ assumptions were pretty much ripped apart. I learnt that no matter how strong my own conviction was, without God, I would do exactly what I thought I would never do. I found out - the very, very hard and painful way - what I hate and what is a deal breaker, and I understood a part of what John (Watson) feels and means when he says "The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege." Of course I'm not like him and I honestly doubt I'll ever grasp the true extent of what he means (especially in the context which he said it in), but I understand much better the sentiment behind what he's saying, and all I can say is, I'm learning. I'm learning to not fault people, but build them up in love. I'm learning to be a better person, and I'm learning to be alone and enjoy it with Jesus. I'm learning how to deal with anger towards others. It's a very steep curve, but every step I take Jesus is there with me, and He's using people to teach me in His love.