From some forum or other...
[Sir Doctor Chicken-Caesar and his faithful companion Donna (whom he affectionately refers to as "Ginger") stumble across a vandalised phone box]
SIR DOCTOR: "Good heavens Ginger!"
DONNA: "What is it Sir?"
SIR DOCTOR: "My nemesis, the Master - he's vandalised the TARDIS! He's removed the dimensional stabiliser so it's no longer bigger on the inside, and he's doused it in some foul-smelling liquid, possibly an alien toxin of some sort.
DONNA: "I see Sir. He appears to have pissed in it as well."
SIR DOCTOR: "The Cad! And what's this? Pictures of scantily-clad ladies with phone numbers? My God Ginger! He's kidnapped all my former companions, forced them to pose in sexy lingerie, and has put their photos here to taunt me! Presumably I ring these numbers to hear his ransom demands, the fiend!
DONNA: "I'm shocked and appalled Sir... were you and 'Dominatrix Debbie' particularly close?"
SIR DOCTOR: "Never mind that now Ginger, I have a cunning plan. We can still access the TARDIS vault, which contains examples of currency from across the Universe." [He proceeds to batter and kick the phone in the hope it will spew forth some loose change] "We can use the money to procure some energy cells which will recharge the TARDIS."
DONNA: "Would these energy cells take the usual form Sir, of a six-pack of Special Brew and a packet of Benson & Hedges?"
SIR DOCTOR: "Remarkably perceptive Ginger! You must have some latent telepathic ability... aha! [the phone finally breaks apart, spilling coins onto the ground. A policeman comes round the corner and sees what they're up to.]
POLICEMAN: "Oi, you two!"
SIR DOCTOR: "Fear not my good Constable, I am Sir Doctor Chicken-Caesar, noted Time Lord and adventurer! You can ring my club and any of my UNIT colleagues will vouch for me."
POLICEMAN: "Right, you're nicked, the pair of you!"
DONNA: "I think he might be one of your nemesis' henchmen Sir."
SIR DOCTOR: "Great Scott! An Auton in disguise! Run for it Ginger!"
[They leg it, as per.]
Dun-delun-delun-delun-delun-DAH-DAH-da-da-da-da-da-dum...
"In a world spinning through space constantly being invaded, where the drunken fat bloke in the park is possibly a Slitheen or something, and the landlord of the pub is definitely an alien scumbag because he's kicked me out on 17 separate occasions, it's the surprising adventures of me! Sir Doctor Chicken-Caesar!"
Dun-da-delun....da-da-da-dum!
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Well I thought it was funny anyway.
SIR DOCTOR: "Good heavens Ginger!"
DONNA: "What is it Sir?"
SIR DOCTOR: "My nemesis, the Master - he's vandalised the TARDIS! He's removed the dimensional stabiliser so it's no longer bigger on the inside, and he's doused it in some foul-smelling liquid, possibly an alien toxin of some sort.
DONNA: "I see Sir. He appears to have pissed in it as well."
SIR DOCTOR: "The Cad! And what's this? Pictures of scantily-clad ladies with phone numbers? My God Ginger! He's kidnapped all my former companions, forced them to pose in sexy lingerie, and has put their photos here to taunt me! Presumably I ring these numbers to hear his ransom demands, the fiend!
DONNA: "I'm shocked and appalled Sir... were you and 'Dominatrix Debbie' particularly close?"
SIR DOCTOR: "Never mind that now Ginger, I have a cunning plan. We can still access the TARDIS vault, which contains examples of currency from across the Universe." [He proceeds to batter and kick the phone in the hope it will spew forth some loose change] "We can use the money to procure some energy cells which will recharge the TARDIS."
DONNA: "Would these energy cells take the usual form Sir, of a six-pack of Special Brew and a packet of Benson & Hedges?"
SIR DOCTOR: "Remarkably perceptive Ginger! You must have some latent telepathic ability... aha! [the phone finally breaks apart, spilling coins onto the ground. A policeman comes round the corner and sees what they're up to.]
POLICEMAN: "Oi, you two!"
SIR DOCTOR: "Fear not my good Constable, I am Sir Doctor Chicken-Caesar, noted Time Lord and adventurer! You can ring my club and any of my UNIT colleagues will vouch for me."
POLICEMAN: "Right, you're nicked, the pair of you!"
DONNA: "I think he might be one of your nemesis' henchmen Sir."
SIR DOCTOR: "Great Scott! An Auton in disguise! Run for it Ginger!"
[They leg it, as per.]
Dun-delun-delun-delun-delun-DAH-DAH-da-da-da-da-da-dum...
"In a world spinning through space constantly being invaded, where the drunken fat bloke in the park is possibly a Slitheen or something, and the landlord of the pub is definitely an alien scumbag because he's kicked me out on 17 separate occasions, it's the surprising adventures of me! Sir Doctor Chicken-Caesar!"
Dun-da-delun....da-da-da-dum!
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Well I thought it was funny anyway.