Who are you?
I work hard to transform myself. Whether I am transforming my body, mind or heart I try to do everything with as much intensity as possible. With that mindset I have gotten some very good results and some of the changes are like night and day.
Awhile ago I would bite my tongue and keep comments to myself, I saw the world through rose coloured glasses and would day anything I could to help people. I have found myself wondering lately if I have changed too much from that guy I used to be.
I don't really know what to make of all of this. I would like to believe that at the end of the day I am still that really great guy but maybe I'm not. Maybe I have become a bit of an asshole, or someone that people don't really care for. I notice that I snap at people much more often than I used to, and really don't care for a lot of people I meet. Do I do these things because I want to or because I have no control over my emotions? It has been a long while since I have met someone that I have been genuinely excited about, to want to get to know and allow them to see the real me.
And that isn't because I don't want to show them that side of me but rather I haven't really met anyone who I felt has deserved to see it. Sure some people will see glimpses of it but never more than that. Of all the new people in my life I don't think I have once had a meaningful conversation with any of them. I want to meet people that deserve that side of me but I haven't and that is very disheartening. It crosses my mind that maybe I have just become a lonely and bitter person who looks in the mirror and sees someone who hasn't gotten what they deserve. I swore to myself to never become that guy. To always be thankful for what I have, and I am. I know that I am so lucky to have the things that I have and the people I have. But I'm also bitter about what I don't have and what I want.
I want a person or a feeling that can inspire me. To make me believe that there is something in the world worth fighting for.
I'm doing the best I can right now but motivating myself is difficult when there is little to show for it.
Awhile ago I would bite my tongue and keep comments to myself, I saw the world through rose coloured glasses and would day anything I could to help people. I have found myself wondering lately if I have changed too much from that guy I used to be.
I don't really know what to make of all of this. I would like to believe that at the end of the day I am still that really great guy but maybe I'm not. Maybe I have become a bit of an asshole, or someone that people don't really care for. I notice that I snap at people much more often than I used to, and really don't care for a lot of people I meet. Do I do these things because I want to or because I have no control over my emotions? It has been a long while since I have met someone that I have been genuinely excited about, to want to get to know and allow them to see the real me.
And that isn't because I don't want to show them that side of me but rather I haven't really met anyone who I felt has deserved to see it. Sure some people will see glimpses of it but never more than that. Of all the new people in my life I don't think I have once had a meaningful conversation with any of them. I want to meet people that deserve that side of me but I haven't and that is very disheartening. It crosses my mind that maybe I have just become a lonely and bitter person who looks in the mirror and sees someone who hasn't gotten what they deserve. I swore to myself to never become that guy. To always be thankful for what I have, and I am. I know that I am so lucky to have the things that I have and the people I have. But I'm also bitter about what I don't have and what I want.
I want a person or a feeling that can inspire me. To make me believe that there is something in the world worth fighting for.
I'm doing the best I can right now but motivating myself is difficult when there is little to show for it.