Keeping Up Appearances
Title: Keeping Up Appearances
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 005. Outsides.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 5,995
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lots of man smex. And language. Schmoopy cuddles.
Summary: There are reasons why Jared is the way he is on the outside. He doesn't keep many secrets, but he can be a lot more insecure than most people realize. Bad memories and a long week of work are bringing him down. He needs Jensen to lift him back up.
Disclaimer: I make shit up.
Author's Notes: dugindeep and I were discussing how difficult it is to picture/write insecure!Jared. So, I decided to try it. And, of course, make it very porny. It kind of got longer than I thought it would. But, what the hell? Sex makes everything better. Words to live by. *nods* Also, the school memory thing? I have no idea what grades he and Jeff would be in. At all. I just improvised. And made shit up. Because that's what I do.
Jared’s downstairs in his gym before bed, a time when he usually isn’t. He does these things in the morning, before work. Never just after a long day of shooting, when he should be in bed. He’s loaded up some weights, and he’s doing curls, watching himself in the long mirror he’s got on the wall. He gets to the end of his last set and sighs, standing up, still staring at himself. He’s changed so much, grown up, tall and muscular. He’s worked a lot for this body, because he felt he had to.
He walks to the cafeteria, weaving through the other students. He’s small, and they barely notice him, the rest of them already sprouting like weeds, growing up. Nobody notices him, except, of course, for the bullies. He’s the short little chubby kid that they target. He tries to keep his head down and motor past them, but it isn’t long before his packed lunch is on the floor, smushed and trodden through. He can hear them laughing, and he feels tears pricking at his eyes.
“Go pick on someone your own size, asshole!”
He hears Jeff before he sees him, knows the sound of him pushing the bullies away, intimidating them with his size. His brother’s older, already a head taller than most of the kids in the school. He only turns when Jeff grabs him and turns him towards him.
“You okay?” Jared nods, swallowing and looking up at Jeff with damp eyes. Jeff hurries him into the cafeteria, reaching into his pocket. “Don’t let them see you cry,” Jeff instructs, and Jared nods again, blinking furiously to keep the tears away. “And don’t worry about the sandwich. I have some money on me. Take it. It’s fine.”
-
Jared doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, but he can see that Megan is uncomfortable. She’s on her bike at the corner of the block, older kids surrounding her. He fumes, pushing open the screen door and stalking to the corner. He marches over, as if he’s ten times bigger than he really is. Nobody messes with his little sister. He tells them that, and he sees her look up at him from her bike, relieved that he’s there to save her.
Before he knows it, he’s on the ground, palms braced out in front of him and scraped up on the sidewalk. He grits his teeth against the pain, pushes even the thought of tears out of his mind, standing up for himself the way his brother taught him. The fight doesn’t last long before it’s stopped by the adults on the block, including his mother, who takes him back in the house and cleans him up, takes care of his cuts and bruises. He gets a bit of a lecture about fighting, and hangs his head until his mother lifts it back up and kisses his forehead, brushing his bangs away from his eyes. She’s still proud of him, still happy he tried to protect his sister, but she worries about him getting hurt. He sighs, knowing that she knows how much he gets picked on. From the chubby little kid to the too-skinny giant he’s become, he’s always a target. He’s learned to grin and bear it, and that’s how he gets through it. It’s how he wins, because they eventually leave him alone. He’s too unaffected, too happy and kind to everyone. But he still sees the looks they give him sometimes. He knows he’s a freak; a drama dork with not enough meat on his bones and a head too big for the rest of his body. He knows what everyone sees. He knows what he is.
-
His school days are so far behind him, and there are times when he barely remembers how badly he felt back then. He’s working now, as an actor. People think he’s good, they like seeing him on the screen, on camera, and they don’t write him off as a freak. He’s making friends, good friends, who like him and laugh with him instead of at him.
He feels something that he can’t even describe now that he has Jensen in his life. He’s never met someone else that he’s felt so comfortable with, and who seems to feel the same way around him. Jensen’s nice, generous, and more caring than anyone he’s met in the industry, with a wicked sense of humor and an unending source of dry sarcasm, and Jared can’t be more thankful for ending up with him as his costar.
He’s both thankful and embarrassed when Jensen has to save him. They’ve been jumped out on the town in Vancouver, and Jensen’s holding his own while Jared’s being tackled. Jared’s hand is already broken when Jensen doubles back for him after escaping and fights everyone off, eventually grabbing him and getting him out of there. He’s more concerned and caring than ever when he realizes Jared is hurt, and he’s there to make sure Jared gets his hand taken care of. Jared thanks him profusely, knows he could’ve gotten away with a lot worse than a broken hand, if he’d gotten away at all without Jensen there. Jensen just smiles, shrugs, and gets him a beer.
“Don’t mention it.”
He’s still looking at himself in the mirror, and he nods a little. He’s somewhat satisfied with the fact that he can probably defend himself now, even if he still doubts it a little bit, for reasons even he isn’t aware of. He’s shirtless, and his muscles stand out in an almost obscene way. He can hear Jensen’s voice in his head: “Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?” He sighs again. Nothing’s ever enough.
He hasn’t been in a funk like this in a long time. His usually sunny demeanor may have come about as a defense mechanism, but, these days, it’s truth. He really is that happy, that excited about life. He barely holds anything in, leaves everything out in the open for everyone to see, just so they know he isn’t afraid of showing his true self. But it’s been a long week of work, and it’s finally gotten to him. It’s finally gotten to him that he’s the goofball on every gag reel and every day on set. He’s the one that everyone gets a laugh from. Sure, Jensen has his fun, too. But Jared’s the ridiculous one, the one everyone laughs and rolls their eyes at. The one everyone jokes about.
He’s a joke.
“Jay?”
Jared actually jumps, turning towards the stairs. Jensen’s there, rubbing at his eyes and then peering at Jared through tired slits. He’s completely naked, the way he sleeps; the way Jared left him in bed. He’d been asleep when Jared decided that if his thoughts were going to keep him awake anyway, he may as well come down and work out.
“What’re you doin’?” Jensen slurs, yawning. “Come to bed. Y’need your sleep. Can’t be serious about workin’ out now.”
“Yeah, alright,” Jared says, trying not to sound as bad as he feels. “You go on up, I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jensen grunts and turns away, plodding back up the stairs, and Jared glances back again at the mirror before flicking the light off. He runs a hand over his face, through his hair, and finally makes his way up the steps. He can just see where he’s going with the beams of moonlight coming through the windows, and he pats the dogs lounging on the ground floor on his way up to the second. Sadie whines at him a little, as if she can read his mind, and he shushes her and moves on.
The moonlight is enough to illuminate Jensen’s form in the bed when he enters their room. Jensen’s facing the window, back to Jared, and Jared leans in the doorway and sighs again, appreciating the definition of Jensen’s muscles even in their relaxed state. The covers come up to just above Jensen’s hips, and Jared takes in the dip in Jensen’s lower back, the strong, sharp shoulder blades higher up, and the bulge of bicep just below the one shoulder he can see from where he’s standing. He envies Jensen in that moment. Jensen’s bulked up a bit in recent years, too, but he’s always been strong, and the muscle he has packed on fits him well. It’s proportional and just makes him look even more perfect than he already had before. He envies his boyfriend, with his perfectly sculpted body and face, perfect jawline, cheekbones, and lips, and wonders how Jensen ever settled for him. Jared knows he’s being hard on himself, but, even with all the work he’s put into his body, he can’t help but still be displeased with it. It’s the way his chest and biceps take on so much muscle and then taper down to a ridiculously slim waist, skinny stork’s legs making the whole package look even weirder. He can’t help the fact that he still feels like a freak. He strips out of his pants and boxers before padding over in bare feet to the bed, slipping beneath the covers and lying on his side, facing Jensen.
“I’m tired,” he admits aloud, and can feel that Jensen’s awake and can hear him anyway, because he just knows him that well by now. “Long fuckin’ day today.” Jensen snorts a little, and Jared can see the pull of it in his shoulder, the breath puffing out with the twitch of movement in Jensen’s back.
“Long smelly day today, thanks to you,” Jensen says, his sarcasm laid on thick, even in his half-sleep. “Sometimes I can’t believe I put my dick up there.”
It certainly isn’t the first time anybody’s joked about the amount of gas Jared lets loose on set. Hell, Jared makes a joke out of it every day he’s there. Half the time, he does it on purpose, just to make Jensen screw up his takes, and he thinks it’s hilarious. But tonight, it rubs him the wrong way. Tonight, with everything he’s been thinking and feeling, it stings. He stares at Jensen’s back for a moment, his chest suddenly feeling tight, and flops over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling.
There’s tension between them where they usually isn’t, and Jared can feel Jensen waiting for something; waiting for him to respond, to laugh, give some kind of retort. But Jared can’t bring himself to do it. Not tonight. He eventually feels Jensen shift, sees him move out of the corner of his eye, turning over to face him.
“Jared?”
He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at him, suddenly feeling worse than he has all week, and vulnerable on top of it, scrutinized by Jensen. He can feel that this is building up to something, and that he’s going to have to talk about it, and, as open as he is, he’s always dreaded moments like this. They make him nervous, more insecure than he already is, and he fidgets and looks down at his hands where they meet over his chest.
“Jared, what’s wrong?”
Jared closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing. He doesn’t want to do this, but he has to. He has to get it out, and he has to know. Besides, there’s that tone in Jensen’s voice that Jared’s always bent to. It’s that tone that says Jensen’s there, he’s always there, for Jared to talk to, no matter what. It’s that tone that says he’s worried, that he doesn’t want Jared to feel bad, that he’ll hurt whoever’s making him feel this way, and that he wants to do his damnedest to fix anything he’s managed to do wrong.
“Do you…” Jared starts, trailing off when it feels awkward to suddenly hear his voice in the deafening silence that had taken over the room. He stops and collects himself, and then goes for it. “Do you think I’m just a joke to everyone?”
“What?” Jensen asks immediately, wide awake now and sitting up, the covers falling away. He looks down at Jared, and Jared still doesn’t move or look at him, watching his fingers play over each other. “Jared, what makes you say that? Of course you aren’t.”
Jared pauses, swallowing and sighing again. He forces himself to do this, to get through it. He has to, because something terrible is still swirling around in his gut, and he has to get rid of it. He finally turns his head to look at Jensen and sees the pull of Jensen’s eyebrows drawing together, worry and confusion creasing his features, the glint of his eyes just showing in the moonlit room.
“Am I a joke to you?”
Jensen’s expression quickly changes, jaw going slack and eyes widening, and Jared hates the look he sees there, the hurt and disbelief. But he needs this. He needs this conversation, this confirmation of who and what he is to Jensen, even though they’ve been inseparable for so long now.
“Jared,” Jensen hisses, air rushing from his lungs. “How can you even…”
Jared looks away again, looking back down at his hands as butterflies flit around his stomach, wondering if he should’ve even said anything. Only seconds pass, but they’re agonizing, and then Jensen’s leaning over, cupping his jaw and forcing him to look at him again, bringing him close. Jared flinches a little, unsure of what he wants, and Jensen picks up on it, backing away for a moment. He’s not sure if it makes him less of a man, or if it’s pathetic for him to not let Jensen show him how he feels with touch, with sex. But he needs Jensen to say something. And when Jensen just sits there for a moment, Jared doesn’t know how to feel.
“Would I be here?” Jensen says softly, breaking the silence, and Jared looks up at him, at Jensen’s profile turned towards him, gazing down at him, no trace of a smile or a joke behind those eyes. “Would I be here, in this house, living with you, in bed with you, if you were just a joke to me?”
Jared feels some of the weight lift off of him, some of the warring feelings inside of him dissipate, but feels his cheeks color a bit, and wonders if he really is a 27-year-old man when he’s blushing like a little girl. He’s suddenly ashamed of his thoughts, of even suggesting that Jensen wasn’t serious about him. And Jensen senses it, he must, because the next thing Jared knows, the covers are pulled away from his body, replaced by Jensen settling over him, skin to skin, and Jared sucks in a breath, Jensen’s arms wrapping around him, face mere inches from his own.
“Would I share a trailer with you?” he continues, as if he never stopped talking. He moves, and Jared closes his eyes and feels soft, full lips pressing kisses to his cheekbone, his jawline. “Would I still miss you?” Lips fall in gentle kisses down the column of Jared’s neck, moving slowly to his shoulder, and he can’t help his body’s reaction, his breaths coming just a bit quicker as he arches slightly, giving Jensen more access. “Would I still call you every chance I got when you were away from me?” Stubble scrapes lightly over the skin of Jared’s chest before Jensen places a kiss right over his heart, warm breath blowing over his skin when he speaks again. “Would I still want this to last forever?”
Jared inhales sharply, eyes still closed as he reaches up to touch Jensen, fingers skating down his sides and stopping, holding him there with a gentle pressure. He can feel their bodies warming together, heating up as they both move against each other, more a slow shifting than anything else. He sighs almost happily this time as Jensen nuzzles into his neck.
“Work doesn’t make me do this,” Jensen says, and Jared can hear the change in his voice, that deep hint of want and need. “Work doesn’t make me live with you, sleep with you, and spend every moment I can with you.” He presses a kiss into the curve of Jared’s shoulder again. “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t want to. If I didn’t love you.”
“Jensen,” Jared breathes, arms wrapping further around him and holding him tighter. Jensen lifts himself up on his elbows, hand resting on Jared’s cheek, fingers in his hair as he locks eyes with him, pressing his body down.
“You feel how hard you make me?” he asks, voice dripping with sex, and Jared just whimpers and arches again, because yes, he can feel it, Jensen’s thick cock sliding against his own. Christ, he’s hard. They both are, and Jared feels pleasure shoot all the way up his spine as Jensen grinds against him. His eyelids flutter slightly, but he fights to keep his eyes open and focused on Jensen. “You feel that?” Jensen asks again, low and rough, and Jared twitches against him, shuddering. Jensen groans, briefly closing his eyes and tossing his head back, grinding down again. “It’s all for you,” he says, getting control of himself and looking back down at Jared, eyes smoldering with heat. “It’s only for you.”
“Jense-” Jared’s cut off by the press of Jensen’s lips against his own, firm and hungry, and his breath hitches in surprise and lust, moving his lips against Jensen’s and opening up, pushing their tongues together. He flicks the tip against Jensen’s first, teasing, and then slides further in, and Jensen responds in kind, stroking Jared’s tongue with his own. Jared’s hips are rocking of their own accord now, and he moans into the kiss, lifting up as much as he can to thrust against Jensen as their hands roam over each other’s bodies, gripping and caressing.
“God, do you know how perfect you are?” Jensen asks, panting, as he breaks away. Jared moves, shakes his head, tries to tell Jensen he’s not perfect, that he’s far from it, but then Jensen thrusts down, bumping and sliding against Jared again as they meet, and they both groan. “Fuck. Amazing. You’re amazing. Your body. Everything about you. Just…”
Jensen shifts away, off to the side, and Jared shivers with the loss, air hitting the parts of his naked body that Jensen had been covering. Jensen stares at him, drinks him in, and Jared suddenly feels more than naked, fidgeting on the mattress.
“You’re beautiful, Jay,” Jensen says, running a hand up over his abs to his chest and following it with his eyes. “Inside and out. If you can’t see that…The way you make people feel, make them happy. What you do for everyone. They all love you, Jay. Every last one of them.”
Jensen brushes the pads of his fingers over one of Jared’s nipples, and Jared’s lips part, breath picking up again. He closes his eyes, lets Jensen touch him, feel him.
“So strong,” Jensen whispers, sweeping his hand over the span of Jared’s chest, mouthing at the other nipple, licking and sucking it. Jared hisses and huffs a bit of a laugh, one corner of his mouth turning up in a slight half-smile.
“What’re you doin’ to me?” he breathes, reaching his right hand up to run his fingers through Jensen’s hair.
“So strong,” Jensen repeats, lifting his head and grabbing Jared’s hand, slipping it down over his cheek and leaning into it. “But so careful.”
Jared wants to laugh, but he knows what Jensen means. He almost frowns, because it reminds him of how insecure he really is. He’s aware of how big he is, how big he’s gotten, how much muscle he’s put on. He knows he could make a mistake, put too much effort into certain things, and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He remembers Genevieve laughing at him on set, telling him to quit being such a baby and just go for it when he had to lift her into his lap, grab her hair, shove her up against the door with a knife to her neck. But he was so scared, so afraid of hurting her, restraining his muscles and using his hands as gently as possible. He’s almost an oxymoron, either strongly weak or weakly strong, so conscious of his strength that he’s afraid to use it. But Jensen…Jensen’s praising him for it, loving him for it, and that…that makes it different.
He lets Jensen move his hand as he pleases, move his fingers, and before he knows it, Jensen’s kissing the pads of his fingers and then separating them, taking the middle one in his mouth, sliding down on it. Jared groans loudly, his hips bucking a little as Jensen sucks, his tongue slipping and sliding around his finger, all warm and wet. He whimpers, feels pre-come spill from the tip of his cock, sticking to the skin of his lower belly, where the head rubs as it curls upward.
“Please,” Jared begs, opening his eyes to see Jensen, eyes closed, brows knit together in concentration, cheeks hollowing as his plump lips move up and down his finger. And Jesus, that’s just his finger. “Jen, please,” he gasps, his hips lifting again as he watches Jensen hold his finger in place and suck. “Need you.”
Jensen pulls off of Jared’s finger slowly, opening his eyes and looking at him as he slides up and off of it, letting his hand drop back down to the bed. He moves and looks down Jared’s body, licking his lips as he reaches a hand down and caresses Jared’s balls with his fingertips before wrapping his hand around his hard cock.
“Such a beautiful dick, Jay,” Jensen whispers, teases, stroking him hard, firm grip, smiling a little darkly as he watches Jared’s hips stutter and listens to the moans that he can’t hold back now. Jared watches, unable to look away, as Jensen finally moves down his body, down and further down, settling between his legs. “So big,” Jensen murmurs, gripping the base of his cock and holding it in place. His tongue flicks out and licks at the moisture gathering at the tip, dipping into the slit, and Jared moans and tosses his head back on the pillow, his eyes on the ceiling as he feels Jensen’s mouth cover the head of his cock, lips closing over it, tongue still swirling in and around the slit. He doesn’t know how much longer they’re going to do this tonight, but he’s already convinced that he’s going to die here. Jensen’s going to kill him. “Mmm.”
“Shit!” Jared curses, Jensen’s moan over his dick as he slips further down the shaft an unexpected spark of pleasure. Jensen bobs over him a few times, up then down, up then down, always holding him at the base, sucking and moaning. And then he stops, suddenly pulling off, Jared’s dick smacking back against his stomach. Jared lifts up on his elbows and looks down at him, panting heavily.
“Jen…”
He trails off, because before he has time to ask, Jensen’s reaching for the bedside table, for the drawer, opening it up and pulling out the lube they keep there. His brain short-circuits, and he’s having trouble forming words, Jensen moving his legs out to straddle him. He’s spread wide over Jared’s body when he pops the cap on the lube, coating his fingers and then dropping it on the bed next to them. Jared watches as Jensen reaches back, hears the wet sound of him slipping a finger inside of himself, watches his head go back as he gasps and then groans in pleasure. Jared thinks he looks like a god, raised over him like that, pale in the moonlight. He’s got one hand on his thigh while the other reaches back and down behind him, chest pulled taut, nipples erect, the line of his toned abs leading down to that trail of tiny, dark hairs. His dick stands proud above his balls, thick and flushed a deep red, curving outward a bit, and when he brushes against that spot inside of himself, he moans, pre-come slowly pouring out and over the head, dripping down onto Jared’s stomach. His thighs are strong, tense and quivering, and Jared can see the pull of his shoulder, the movement of the muscles there as he works his fingers in and out of his ass.
Jared can’t help but touch, can’t help the way he slides his hands up Jensen’s thighs from where his knees rest on either side of him. He rubs over fine hairs, soft skin, and firm muscle, squeezing lightly, and the hand that Jensen had resting there covers his own. He looks up at Jensen’s face, at his closed eyes, long lashes fanning out over his cheeks, jaw slack and hanging open on steady pants, hair spiked and mussed.
“C’mere,” Jared finds himself saying, his voice so low he almost doesn’t recognize it. Jensen opens his eyes and looks down at him in a lust-filled haze, and Jared squeezes at his thighs again. “Come up here.”
He’s not sure why, but he has to have this. It’s probably just the damn sight of it all. He reaches for the lube while he waits for Jensen to comply, coating his own fingers with it as Jensen watches, and then beckoning him forward. Jensen pulls his hand forward and moves up Jared’s body on his knees, and Jared watches his dick bob with the movements, so close now. He can smell the scent of it, and he reaches for Jensen with his dry hand, holding the base of his cock and lifting his head a bit, tasting him and taking him in.
“Oh, God.”
He hears Jensen's broken gasp, feels him twitch on his tongue. He sweeps up all the pre-come from the head, moves to lick up the parts of the shaft that it rolled down, and then swallows Jensen down, taking him in as deep as he possibly can. He moves his hand and leans back a bit, giving Jensen permission to thrust, to use his mouth, and Jensen pushes in and out over his undulating tongue, grunting with his need.
Jared reaches around Jensen and cups his ass, squeezes and then holds it open, his lubed fingers trailing towards Jensen’s entrance and then pushing in without warning. Jensen cries out and bucks with the extra stimulation, and Jared swallows around the extra length pushed into his mouth, his throat, Jensen’s balls brushing against his chin. He’s got two fingers crooking inside of Jensen now, and Jensen’s moving back and forth feverishly, into Jared’s mouth and onto his fingers. Jared fills him up, brushes over his prostate, sucks his dick until he’s relaxed and open enough for him to slip a third finger in.
Jensen’s groan is cut short as he quickly pulls his fingers out, and he gets it. He always does. He pulls out of Jared’s mouth, and Jared gulps in the air that he was missing as Jensen scoots back down his body again. He watches as Jensen reaches back and down, and bucks up as soon as Jensen’s fingers close around his dick, holding him there. And then Jensen’s lowering himself, and Jared forces himself to stay still, to let Jensen do this. He lets Jensen apply the pressure to breach him, to open him up and spread him wide. Jensen whimpers a little as he takes the head in, and Jared just closes his eyes, keeping his hips still, hands rubbing up and down Jensen’s thighs again.
Sometimes, Jared still can’t believe Jensen lets him do this; get inside his body. He still can’t believe how perfect it feels, so hot and tight around him, even after the prep. He can feel Jensen stretching, opening around him, feels the resistance give way to take all of him inside. He feels Jensen adjusting even as he settles flush against him, their bodies completely connected in the most intimate of ways, and he waits. He waits until Jensen rocks his hips a little, and Jared can feel a slight clenching around him, keeping him there, starting a fire that spreads throughout his whole body. He needs to move.
But Jensen’s moving for him, now, lifting up and pushing back down, sliding and dragging over his dick, pleasure and friction, and then he’s doing it again. All Jared can hear is the sound of their harsh breathing as Jensen rides him slowly, letting his hips roll a bit when he comes down, giving them a little more, something extra, and Jared thinks that when he does that, it’s making him press in just right, right over that spot that makes Jensen’s breath hitch every time.
Jared starts moving, starts pressing up and in to meet Jensen every time he comes down and grinds into him, and Jensen moans, drops his hands to Jared’s abs, his chest, and uses him as leverage as he starts to move faster, harder. Jared’s still rubbing Jensen’s thighs, probably rubbing them raw, gripping and leaving indents in the skin with his nails. He can hear the obscene, wet sounds of his dick pushing in and out of Jensen’s ass, the slick slapping of sweaty skin on skin, and Jensen getting louder. He loves it when Jensen makes noise, loves the feeling it gives him. It makes him feel all the strength in the muscles he’s built up over the past few years. It gives him power, makes him excited and hard, knowing he’s capable of doing this; of bringing Jensen so high and getting him off. He has real confidence now, and he thrusts up harder, rougher, and Jensen loves it, nails digging into his chest as he shouts and rocks back onto him.
It’s getting frantic, now, more and more heated, and when Jensen lifts up and leans back to ride him even harder, Jared can see the beads of sweat on Jensen’s body in the moonlight that he can feel on his own. He’s covered in it, soaking the sheets below him, his bangs clinging to his forehead. He’s gasping for breath between grunts and groans, desperately pushing up, up, up. He can’t get enough, and Jensen’s bouncing up and down on his dick, his own dick bouncing with the movements, and Jared watches, sees how wet Jensen is at the tip again, watches moisture roll and drip down the shaft or onto his body. He loves it, and while he has the urge to touch it, to make Jensen scream, he holds back, because what he really loves is the fact that Jensen doesn’t need to be touched now. He loves that Jensen isn’t even moving to touch himself. He loves that he can make Jensen come with just his dick in his ass, and he’s going to do it now.
He grabs Jensen’s hips and forces him down at the same moment he pushes up, hard, and then he holds him there, shakes as he keeps his hips lifted up above the mattress and just rocks them together, bodies sealed tight as his hips undulate and his dick moves just within the confines of Jensen’s body. Jensen’s cursing, saying dirty words and calling his name, but he still isn’t touching himself, and Jared watches him twitch over and over again. He can barely breathe, and he can feel heat building inside of him, and Jesus fuck, he can’t wait to see this, to feel it, knowing they’re both spiraling towards intense orgasms.
He actually sees Jensen’s balls tighten and pull up closer to his dick, watches it happen just before Jensen drops forward, hands on his chest again as he half sobs his name. Jensen’s head falls forward, back bowing as he trembles and shakes, and then it’s suddenly arching outward, and he releases a long, guttural groan that doesn’t even sound human. He clamps down hard on Jared, over and over again, contracting with his orgasm as he comes all over Jared’s abdomen, warm and thick. Jared looks down, between Jensen’s arms, watches in fascination as Jensen’s dick twitches with each spurt. There’s a lot, more than Jensen usually gives when Jared simply blows him, and he whimpers when he’s done, white clinging to the underside of his dick where it didn’t shoot out onto Jared’s body.
Jared doesn’t know how, but he’s managed to last through Jensen’s orgasm, and he’s still stiff and pulsing inside of Jensen, who’s doing his damnedest to not collapse on him, arms shaking to hold himself up. Jared thrusts up again, and Jensen writhes and gasps. It’s overstimulation, and Jared wants nothing more than to keep fucking Jensen, but he considers pulling out and finishing, or at least asking Jensen what he wants. But before he can, Jensen manages to lean down to his ear, whispering softly.
“Do it. I want you to. Come inside me.”
Jared growls, barely aware of what he’s doing as he flips them over, settling between Jensen’s legs and thrusting inside. He cuts off Jensen’s moan with a kiss, pushing his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, and he gets his arms around him, lowering his body and holding Jensen close. He feels their bodies stick where Jensen’s come is clinging to his skin, and he breaks the kiss, burying his head in the curve of Jensen’s shoulder as it gets to be too much; as his body starts quaking, his dick begging for deeper, balls throbbing and pulling in, and he’s louder than Jensen when he comes, damn near screaming with his release, Jensen just groaning as he pumps in deep again and again, balls pressing against soft skin, cock twitching with each hot spurt.
His whole body is so tense, so tight, and then it’s over. He melts, everything loosening and relaxing, and his body molds itself to Jensen’s as he gently pulls out. He lays there for a moment, waiting for his heart to calm down. Jensen eventually shifts under him, kisses his hair, threads his fingers through the strands at the nape of his neck.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says quietly, honest and apologetic. “You know, if I made you feel that way. Like you were a joke to me. I didn’t mean to.”
“S’okay,” Jared whispers, kissing the skin of Jensen’s shoulder before he finally lifts his head. Jensen’s smiling at him, all tired and sated, just about boneless beneath him, and Jared loves that look. He leans down and presses a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “Don’t worry about it. S’just a long week. I’ll get us cleaned up.”
He does, though it takes effort, getting up and moving back and forth between the bed and the bathroom. Jensen hisses when Jared circles his hole with his finger again, and he finds traces of himself inside, spilling out. He wipes them away and Jensen sighs contentedly. Jared smiles when he looks up to see Jensen’s eyes closed, knows Jensen’s even more tired now than he was when he came down to find him in the gym in the basement.
It’s a relief to finally slip back into bed with Jensen and feel lighter, carefree. Jensen turns towards him, eyes still closed, and they wrap themselves up in each other, Jared carefully grabbing for the sheets and pulling them up over their bodies.
“G’night, Jen,” Jared whispers teasingly, and he laughs when Jensen just sleepily grunts and snuggles closer, hiding his face from any sunlight that’ll make its way in through the windows in the morning.
He sleeps and he dreams, happy again, knowing that he’s fine just the way he is.
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 005. Outsides.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 5,995
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lots of man smex. And language. Schmoopy cuddles.
Summary: There are reasons why Jared is the way he is on the outside. He doesn't keep many secrets, but he can be a lot more insecure than most people realize. Bad memories and a long week of work are bringing him down. He needs Jensen to lift him back up.
Disclaimer: I make shit up.
Author's Notes: dugindeep and I were discussing how difficult it is to picture/write insecure!Jared. So, I decided to try it. And, of course, make it very porny. It kind of got longer than I thought it would. But, what the hell? Sex makes everything better. Words to live by. *nods* Also, the school memory thing? I have no idea what grades he and Jeff would be in. At all. I just improvised. And made shit up. Because that's what I do.
Jared’s downstairs in his gym before bed, a time when he usually isn’t. He does these things in the morning, before work. Never just after a long day of shooting, when he should be in bed. He’s loaded up some weights, and he’s doing curls, watching himself in the long mirror he’s got on the wall. He gets to the end of his last set and sighs, standing up, still staring at himself. He’s changed so much, grown up, tall and muscular. He’s worked a lot for this body, because he felt he had to.
He walks to the cafeteria, weaving through the other students. He’s small, and they barely notice him, the rest of them already sprouting like weeds, growing up. Nobody notices him, except, of course, for the bullies. He’s the short little chubby kid that they target. He tries to keep his head down and motor past them, but it isn’t long before his packed lunch is on the floor, smushed and trodden through. He can hear them laughing, and he feels tears pricking at his eyes.
“Go pick on someone your own size, asshole!”
He hears Jeff before he sees him, knows the sound of him pushing the bullies away, intimidating them with his size. His brother’s older, already a head taller than most of the kids in the school. He only turns when Jeff grabs him and turns him towards him.
“You okay?” Jared nods, swallowing and looking up at Jeff with damp eyes. Jeff hurries him into the cafeteria, reaching into his pocket. “Don’t let them see you cry,” Jeff instructs, and Jared nods again, blinking furiously to keep the tears away. “And don’t worry about the sandwich. I have some money on me. Take it. It’s fine.”
-
Jared doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, but he can see that Megan is uncomfortable. She’s on her bike at the corner of the block, older kids surrounding her. He fumes, pushing open the screen door and stalking to the corner. He marches over, as if he’s ten times bigger than he really is. Nobody messes with his little sister. He tells them that, and he sees her look up at him from her bike, relieved that he’s there to save her.
Before he knows it, he’s on the ground, palms braced out in front of him and scraped up on the sidewalk. He grits his teeth against the pain, pushes even the thought of tears out of his mind, standing up for himself the way his brother taught him. The fight doesn’t last long before it’s stopped by the adults on the block, including his mother, who takes him back in the house and cleans him up, takes care of his cuts and bruises. He gets a bit of a lecture about fighting, and hangs his head until his mother lifts it back up and kisses his forehead, brushing his bangs away from his eyes. She’s still proud of him, still happy he tried to protect his sister, but she worries about him getting hurt. He sighs, knowing that she knows how much he gets picked on. From the chubby little kid to the too-skinny giant he’s become, he’s always a target. He’s learned to grin and bear it, and that’s how he gets through it. It’s how he wins, because they eventually leave him alone. He’s too unaffected, too happy and kind to everyone. But he still sees the looks they give him sometimes. He knows he’s a freak; a drama dork with not enough meat on his bones and a head too big for the rest of his body. He knows what everyone sees. He knows what he is.
-
His school days are so far behind him, and there are times when he barely remembers how badly he felt back then. He’s working now, as an actor. People think he’s good, they like seeing him on the screen, on camera, and they don’t write him off as a freak. He’s making friends, good friends, who like him and laugh with him instead of at him.
He feels something that he can’t even describe now that he has Jensen in his life. He’s never met someone else that he’s felt so comfortable with, and who seems to feel the same way around him. Jensen’s nice, generous, and more caring than anyone he’s met in the industry, with a wicked sense of humor and an unending source of dry sarcasm, and Jared can’t be more thankful for ending up with him as his costar.
He’s both thankful and embarrassed when Jensen has to save him. They’ve been jumped out on the town in Vancouver, and Jensen’s holding his own while Jared’s being tackled. Jared’s hand is already broken when Jensen doubles back for him after escaping and fights everyone off, eventually grabbing him and getting him out of there. He’s more concerned and caring than ever when he realizes Jared is hurt, and he’s there to make sure Jared gets his hand taken care of. Jared thanks him profusely, knows he could’ve gotten away with a lot worse than a broken hand, if he’d gotten away at all without Jensen there. Jensen just smiles, shrugs, and gets him a beer.
“Don’t mention it.”
He’s still looking at himself in the mirror, and he nods a little. He’s somewhat satisfied with the fact that he can probably defend himself now, even if he still doubts it a little bit, for reasons even he isn’t aware of. He’s shirtless, and his muscles stand out in an almost obscene way. He can hear Jensen’s voice in his head: “Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?” He sighs again. Nothing’s ever enough.
He hasn’t been in a funk like this in a long time. His usually sunny demeanor may have come about as a defense mechanism, but, these days, it’s truth. He really is that happy, that excited about life. He barely holds anything in, leaves everything out in the open for everyone to see, just so they know he isn’t afraid of showing his true self. But it’s been a long week of work, and it’s finally gotten to him. It’s finally gotten to him that he’s the goofball on every gag reel and every day on set. He’s the one that everyone gets a laugh from. Sure, Jensen has his fun, too. But Jared’s the ridiculous one, the one everyone laughs and rolls their eyes at. The one everyone jokes about.
He’s a joke.
“Jay?”
Jared actually jumps, turning towards the stairs. Jensen’s there, rubbing at his eyes and then peering at Jared through tired slits. He’s completely naked, the way he sleeps; the way Jared left him in bed. He’d been asleep when Jared decided that if his thoughts were going to keep him awake anyway, he may as well come down and work out.
“What’re you doin’?” Jensen slurs, yawning. “Come to bed. Y’need your sleep. Can’t be serious about workin’ out now.”
“Yeah, alright,” Jared says, trying not to sound as bad as he feels. “You go on up, I’ll be there in a minute.”
Jensen grunts and turns away, plodding back up the stairs, and Jared glances back again at the mirror before flicking the light off. He runs a hand over his face, through his hair, and finally makes his way up the steps. He can just see where he’s going with the beams of moonlight coming through the windows, and he pats the dogs lounging on the ground floor on his way up to the second. Sadie whines at him a little, as if she can read his mind, and he shushes her and moves on.
The moonlight is enough to illuminate Jensen’s form in the bed when he enters their room. Jensen’s facing the window, back to Jared, and Jared leans in the doorway and sighs again, appreciating the definition of Jensen’s muscles even in their relaxed state. The covers come up to just above Jensen’s hips, and Jared takes in the dip in Jensen’s lower back, the strong, sharp shoulder blades higher up, and the bulge of bicep just below the one shoulder he can see from where he’s standing. He envies Jensen in that moment. Jensen’s bulked up a bit in recent years, too, but he’s always been strong, and the muscle he has packed on fits him well. It’s proportional and just makes him look even more perfect than he already had before. He envies his boyfriend, with his perfectly sculpted body and face, perfect jawline, cheekbones, and lips, and wonders how Jensen ever settled for him. Jared knows he’s being hard on himself, but, even with all the work he’s put into his body, he can’t help but still be displeased with it. It’s the way his chest and biceps take on so much muscle and then taper down to a ridiculously slim waist, skinny stork’s legs making the whole package look even weirder. He can’t help the fact that he still feels like a freak. He strips out of his pants and boxers before padding over in bare feet to the bed, slipping beneath the covers and lying on his side, facing Jensen.
“I’m tired,” he admits aloud, and can feel that Jensen’s awake and can hear him anyway, because he just knows him that well by now. “Long fuckin’ day today.” Jensen snorts a little, and Jared can see the pull of it in his shoulder, the breath puffing out with the twitch of movement in Jensen’s back.
“Long smelly day today, thanks to you,” Jensen says, his sarcasm laid on thick, even in his half-sleep. “Sometimes I can’t believe I put my dick up there.”
It certainly isn’t the first time anybody’s joked about the amount of gas Jared lets loose on set. Hell, Jared makes a joke out of it every day he’s there. Half the time, he does it on purpose, just to make Jensen screw up his takes, and he thinks it’s hilarious. But tonight, it rubs him the wrong way. Tonight, with everything he’s been thinking and feeling, it stings. He stares at Jensen’s back for a moment, his chest suddenly feeling tight, and flops over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling.
There’s tension between them where they usually isn’t, and Jared can feel Jensen waiting for something; waiting for him to respond, to laugh, give some kind of retort. But Jared can’t bring himself to do it. Not tonight. He eventually feels Jensen shift, sees him move out of the corner of his eye, turning over to face him.
“Jared?”
He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at him, suddenly feeling worse than he has all week, and vulnerable on top of it, scrutinized by Jensen. He can feel that this is building up to something, and that he’s going to have to talk about it, and, as open as he is, he’s always dreaded moments like this. They make him nervous, more insecure than he already is, and he fidgets and looks down at his hands where they meet over his chest.
“Jared, what’s wrong?”
Jared closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing. He doesn’t want to do this, but he has to. He has to get it out, and he has to know. Besides, there’s that tone in Jensen’s voice that Jared’s always bent to. It’s that tone that says Jensen’s there, he’s always there, for Jared to talk to, no matter what. It’s that tone that says he’s worried, that he doesn’t want Jared to feel bad, that he’ll hurt whoever’s making him feel this way, and that he wants to do his damnedest to fix anything he’s managed to do wrong.
“Do you…” Jared starts, trailing off when it feels awkward to suddenly hear his voice in the deafening silence that had taken over the room. He stops and collects himself, and then goes for it. “Do you think I’m just a joke to everyone?”
“What?” Jensen asks immediately, wide awake now and sitting up, the covers falling away. He looks down at Jared, and Jared still doesn’t move or look at him, watching his fingers play over each other. “Jared, what makes you say that? Of course you aren’t.”
Jared pauses, swallowing and sighing again. He forces himself to do this, to get through it. He has to, because something terrible is still swirling around in his gut, and he has to get rid of it. He finally turns his head to look at Jensen and sees the pull of Jensen’s eyebrows drawing together, worry and confusion creasing his features, the glint of his eyes just showing in the moonlit room.
“Am I a joke to you?”
Jensen’s expression quickly changes, jaw going slack and eyes widening, and Jared hates the look he sees there, the hurt and disbelief. But he needs this. He needs this conversation, this confirmation of who and what he is to Jensen, even though they’ve been inseparable for so long now.
“Jared,” Jensen hisses, air rushing from his lungs. “How can you even…”
Jared looks away again, looking back down at his hands as butterflies flit around his stomach, wondering if he should’ve even said anything. Only seconds pass, but they’re agonizing, and then Jensen’s leaning over, cupping his jaw and forcing him to look at him again, bringing him close. Jared flinches a little, unsure of what he wants, and Jensen picks up on it, backing away for a moment. He’s not sure if it makes him less of a man, or if it’s pathetic for him to not let Jensen show him how he feels with touch, with sex. But he needs Jensen to say something. And when Jensen just sits there for a moment, Jared doesn’t know how to feel.
“Would I be here?” Jensen says softly, breaking the silence, and Jared looks up at him, at Jensen’s profile turned towards him, gazing down at him, no trace of a smile or a joke behind those eyes. “Would I be here, in this house, living with you, in bed with you, if you were just a joke to me?”
Jared feels some of the weight lift off of him, some of the warring feelings inside of him dissipate, but feels his cheeks color a bit, and wonders if he really is a 27-year-old man when he’s blushing like a little girl. He’s suddenly ashamed of his thoughts, of even suggesting that Jensen wasn’t serious about him. And Jensen senses it, he must, because the next thing Jared knows, the covers are pulled away from his body, replaced by Jensen settling over him, skin to skin, and Jared sucks in a breath, Jensen’s arms wrapping around him, face mere inches from his own.
“Would I share a trailer with you?” he continues, as if he never stopped talking. He moves, and Jared closes his eyes and feels soft, full lips pressing kisses to his cheekbone, his jawline. “Would I still miss you?” Lips fall in gentle kisses down the column of Jared’s neck, moving slowly to his shoulder, and he can’t help his body’s reaction, his breaths coming just a bit quicker as he arches slightly, giving Jensen more access. “Would I still call you every chance I got when you were away from me?” Stubble scrapes lightly over the skin of Jared’s chest before Jensen places a kiss right over his heart, warm breath blowing over his skin when he speaks again. “Would I still want this to last forever?”
Jared inhales sharply, eyes still closed as he reaches up to touch Jensen, fingers skating down his sides and stopping, holding him there with a gentle pressure. He can feel their bodies warming together, heating up as they both move against each other, more a slow shifting than anything else. He sighs almost happily this time as Jensen nuzzles into his neck.
“Work doesn’t make me do this,” Jensen says, and Jared can hear the change in his voice, that deep hint of want and need. “Work doesn’t make me live with you, sleep with you, and spend every moment I can with you.” He presses a kiss into the curve of Jared’s shoulder again. “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t want to. If I didn’t love you.”
“Jensen,” Jared breathes, arms wrapping further around him and holding him tighter. Jensen lifts himself up on his elbows, hand resting on Jared’s cheek, fingers in his hair as he locks eyes with him, pressing his body down.
“You feel how hard you make me?” he asks, voice dripping with sex, and Jared just whimpers and arches again, because yes, he can feel it, Jensen’s thick cock sliding against his own. Christ, he’s hard. They both are, and Jared feels pleasure shoot all the way up his spine as Jensen grinds against him. His eyelids flutter slightly, but he fights to keep his eyes open and focused on Jensen. “You feel that?” Jensen asks again, low and rough, and Jared twitches against him, shuddering. Jensen groans, briefly closing his eyes and tossing his head back, grinding down again. “It’s all for you,” he says, getting control of himself and looking back down at Jared, eyes smoldering with heat. “It’s only for you.”
“Jense-” Jared’s cut off by the press of Jensen’s lips against his own, firm and hungry, and his breath hitches in surprise and lust, moving his lips against Jensen’s and opening up, pushing their tongues together. He flicks the tip against Jensen’s first, teasing, and then slides further in, and Jensen responds in kind, stroking Jared’s tongue with his own. Jared’s hips are rocking of their own accord now, and he moans into the kiss, lifting up as much as he can to thrust against Jensen as their hands roam over each other’s bodies, gripping and caressing.
“God, do you know how perfect you are?” Jensen asks, panting, as he breaks away. Jared moves, shakes his head, tries to tell Jensen he’s not perfect, that he’s far from it, but then Jensen thrusts down, bumping and sliding against Jared again as they meet, and they both groan. “Fuck. Amazing. You’re amazing. Your body. Everything about you. Just…”
Jensen shifts away, off to the side, and Jared shivers with the loss, air hitting the parts of his naked body that Jensen had been covering. Jensen stares at him, drinks him in, and Jared suddenly feels more than naked, fidgeting on the mattress.
“You’re beautiful, Jay,” Jensen says, running a hand up over his abs to his chest and following it with his eyes. “Inside and out. If you can’t see that…The way you make people feel, make them happy. What you do for everyone. They all love you, Jay. Every last one of them.”
Jensen brushes the pads of his fingers over one of Jared’s nipples, and Jared’s lips part, breath picking up again. He closes his eyes, lets Jensen touch him, feel him.
“So strong,” Jensen whispers, sweeping his hand over the span of Jared’s chest, mouthing at the other nipple, licking and sucking it. Jared hisses and huffs a bit of a laugh, one corner of his mouth turning up in a slight half-smile.
“What’re you doin’ to me?” he breathes, reaching his right hand up to run his fingers through Jensen’s hair.
“So strong,” Jensen repeats, lifting his head and grabbing Jared’s hand, slipping it down over his cheek and leaning into it. “But so careful.”
Jared wants to laugh, but he knows what Jensen means. He almost frowns, because it reminds him of how insecure he really is. He’s aware of how big he is, how big he’s gotten, how much muscle he’s put on. He knows he could make a mistake, put too much effort into certain things, and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He remembers Genevieve laughing at him on set, telling him to quit being such a baby and just go for it when he had to lift her into his lap, grab her hair, shove her up against the door with a knife to her neck. But he was so scared, so afraid of hurting her, restraining his muscles and using his hands as gently as possible. He’s almost an oxymoron, either strongly weak or weakly strong, so conscious of his strength that he’s afraid to use it. But Jensen…Jensen’s praising him for it, loving him for it, and that…that makes it different.
He lets Jensen move his hand as he pleases, move his fingers, and before he knows it, Jensen’s kissing the pads of his fingers and then separating them, taking the middle one in his mouth, sliding down on it. Jared groans loudly, his hips bucking a little as Jensen sucks, his tongue slipping and sliding around his finger, all warm and wet. He whimpers, feels pre-come spill from the tip of his cock, sticking to the skin of his lower belly, where the head rubs as it curls upward.
“Please,” Jared begs, opening his eyes to see Jensen, eyes closed, brows knit together in concentration, cheeks hollowing as his plump lips move up and down his finger. And Jesus, that’s just his finger. “Jen, please,” he gasps, his hips lifting again as he watches Jensen hold his finger in place and suck. “Need you.”
Jensen pulls off of Jared’s finger slowly, opening his eyes and looking at him as he slides up and off of it, letting his hand drop back down to the bed. He moves and looks down Jared’s body, licking his lips as he reaches a hand down and caresses Jared’s balls with his fingertips before wrapping his hand around his hard cock.
“Such a beautiful dick, Jay,” Jensen whispers, teases, stroking him hard, firm grip, smiling a little darkly as he watches Jared’s hips stutter and listens to the moans that he can’t hold back now. Jared watches, unable to look away, as Jensen finally moves down his body, down and further down, settling between his legs. “So big,” Jensen murmurs, gripping the base of his cock and holding it in place. His tongue flicks out and licks at the moisture gathering at the tip, dipping into the slit, and Jared moans and tosses his head back on the pillow, his eyes on the ceiling as he feels Jensen’s mouth cover the head of his cock, lips closing over it, tongue still swirling in and around the slit. He doesn’t know how much longer they’re going to do this tonight, but he’s already convinced that he’s going to die here. Jensen’s going to kill him. “Mmm.”
“Shit!” Jared curses, Jensen’s moan over his dick as he slips further down the shaft an unexpected spark of pleasure. Jensen bobs over him a few times, up then down, up then down, always holding him at the base, sucking and moaning. And then he stops, suddenly pulling off, Jared’s dick smacking back against his stomach. Jared lifts up on his elbows and looks down at him, panting heavily.
“Jen…”
He trails off, because before he has time to ask, Jensen’s reaching for the bedside table, for the drawer, opening it up and pulling out the lube they keep there. His brain short-circuits, and he’s having trouble forming words, Jensen moving his legs out to straddle him. He’s spread wide over Jared’s body when he pops the cap on the lube, coating his fingers and then dropping it on the bed next to them. Jared watches as Jensen reaches back, hears the wet sound of him slipping a finger inside of himself, watches his head go back as he gasps and then groans in pleasure. Jared thinks he looks like a god, raised over him like that, pale in the moonlight. He’s got one hand on his thigh while the other reaches back and down behind him, chest pulled taut, nipples erect, the line of his toned abs leading down to that trail of tiny, dark hairs. His dick stands proud above his balls, thick and flushed a deep red, curving outward a bit, and when he brushes against that spot inside of himself, he moans, pre-come slowly pouring out and over the head, dripping down onto Jared’s stomach. His thighs are strong, tense and quivering, and Jared can see the pull of his shoulder, the movement of the muscles there as he works his fingers in and out of his ass.
Jared can’t help but touch, can’t help the way he slides his hands up Jensen’s thighs from where his knees rest on either side of him. He rubs over fine hairs, soft skin, and firm muscle, squeezing lightly, and the hand that Jensen had resting there covers his own. He looks up at Jensen’s face, at his closed eyes, long lashes fanning out over his cheeks, jaw slack and hanging open on steady pants, hair spiked and mussed.
“C’mere,” Jared finds himself saying, his voice so low he almost doesn’t recognize it. Jensen opens his eyes and looks down at him in a lust-filled haze, and Jared squeezes at his thighs again. “Come up here.”
He’s not sure why, but he has to have this. It’s probably just the damn sight of it all. He reaches for the lube while he waits for Jensen to comply, coating his own fingers with it as Jensen watches, and then beckoning him forward. Jensen pulls his hand forward and moves up Jared’s body on his knees, and Jared watches his dick bob with the movements, so close now. He can smell the scent of it, and he reaches for Jensen with his dry hand, holding the base of his cock and lifting his head a bit, tasting him and taking him in.
“Oh, God.”
He hears Jensen's broken gasp, feels him twitch on his tongue. He sweeps up all the pre-come from the head, moves to lick up the parts of the shaft that it rolled down, and then swallows Jensen down, taking him in as deep as he possibly can. He moves his hand and leans back a bit, giving Jensen permission to thrust, to use his mouth, and Jensen pushes in and out over his undulating tongue, grunting with his need.
Jared reaches around Jensen and cups his ass, squeezes and then holds it open, his lubed fingers trailing towards Jensen’s entrance and then pushing in without warning. Jensen cries out and bucks with the extra stimulation, and Jared swallows around the extra length pushed into his mouth, his throat, Jensen’s balls brushing against his chin. He’s got two fingers crooking inside of Jensen now, and Jensen’s moving back and forth feverishly, into Jared’s mouth and onto his fingers. Jared fills him up, brushes over his prostate, sucks his dick until he’s relaxed and open enough for him to slip a third finger in.
Jensen’s groan is cut short as he quickly pulls his fingers out, and he gets it. He always does. He pulls out of Jared’s mouth, and Jared gulps in the air that he was missing as Jensen scoots back down his body again. He watches as Jensen reaches back and down, and bucks up as soon as Jensen’s fingers close around his dick, holding him there. And then Jensen’s lowering himself, and Jared forces himself to stay still, to let Jensen do this. He lets Jensen apply the pressure to breach him, to open him up and spread him wide. Jensen whimpers a little as he takes the head in, and Jared just closes his eyes, keeping his hips still, hands rubbing up and down Jensen’s thighs again.
Sometimes, Jared still can’t believe Jensen lets him do this; get inside his body. He still can’t believe how perfect it feels, so hot and tight around him, even after the prep. He can feel Jensen stretching, opening around him, feels the resistance give way to take all of him inside. He feels Jensen adjusting even as he settles flush against him, their bodies completely connected in the most intimate of ways, and he waits. He waits until Jensen rocks his hips a little, and Jared can feel a slight clenching around him, keeping him there, starting a fire that spreads throughout his whole body. He needs to move.
But Jensen’s moving for him, now, lifting up and pushing back down, sliding and dragging over his dick, pleasure and friction, and then he’s doing it again. All Jared can hear is the sound of their harsh breathing as Jensen rides him slowly, letting his hips roll a bit when he comes down, giving them a little more, something extra, and Jared thinks that when he does that, it’s making him press in just right, right over that spot that makes Jensen’s breath hitch every time.
Jared starts moving, starts pressing up and in to meet Jensen every time he comes down and grinds into him, and Jensen moans, drops his hands to Jared’s abs, his chest, and uses him as leverage as he starts to move faster, harder. Jared’s still rubbing Jensen’s thighs, probably rubbing them raw, gripping and leaving indents in the skin with his nails. He can hear the obscene, wet sounds of his dick pushing in and out of Jensen’s ass, the slick slapping of sweaty skin on skin, and Jensen getting louder. He loves it when Jensen makes noise, loves the feeling it gives him. It makes him feel all the strength in the muscles he’s built up over the past few years. It gives him power, makes him excited and hard, knowing he’s capable of doing this; of bringing Jensen so high and getting him off. He has real confidence now, and he thrusts up harder, rougher, and Jensen loves it, nails digging into his chest as he shouts and rocks back onto him.
It’s getting frantic, now, more and more heated, and when Jensen lifts up and leans back to ride him even harder, Jared can see the beads of sweat on Jensen’s body in the moonlight that he can feel on his own. He’s covered in it, soaking the sheets below him, his bangs clinging to his forehead. He’s gasping for breath between grunts and groans, desperately pushing up, up, up. He can’t get enough, and Jensen’s bouncing up and down on his dick, his own dick bouncing with the movements, and Jared watches, sees how wet Jensen is at the tip again, watches moisture roll and drip down the shaft or onto his body. He loves it, and while he has the urge to touch it, to make Jensen scream, he holds back, because what he really loves is the fact that Jensen doesn’t need to be touched now. He loves that Jensen isn’t even moving to touch himself. He loves that he can make Jensen come with just his dick in his ass, and he’s going to do it now.
He grabs Jensen’s hips and forces him down at the same moment he pushes up, hard, and then he holds him there, shakes as he keeps his hips lifted up above the mattress and just rocks them together, bodies sealed tight as his hips undulate and his dick moves just within the confines of Jensen’s body. Jensen’s cursing, saying dirty words and calling his name, but he still isn’t touching himself, and Jared watches him twitch over and over again. He can barely breathe, and he can feel heat building inside of him, and Jesus fuck, he can’t wait to see this, to feel it, knowing they’re both spiraling towards intense orgasms.
He actually sees Jensen’s balls tighten and pull up closer to his dick, watches it happen just before Jensen drops forward, hands on his chest again as he half sobs his name. Jensen’s head falls forward, back bowing as he trembles and shakes, and then it’s suddenly arching outward, and he releases a long, guttural groan that doesn’t even sound human. He clamps down hard on Jared, over and over again, contracting with his orgasm as he comes all over Jared’s abdomen, warm and thick. Jared looks down, between Jensen’s arms, watches in fascination as Jensen’s dick twitches with each spurt. There’s a lot, more than Jensen usually gives when Jared simply blows him, and he whimpers when he’s done, white clinging to the underside of his dick where it didn’t shoot out onto Jared’s body.
Jared doesn’t know how, but he’s managed to last through Jensen’s orgasm, and he’s still stiff and pulsing inside of Jensen, who’s doing his damnedest to not collapse on him, arms shaking to hold himself up. Jared thrusts up again, and Jensen writhes and gasps. It’s overstimulation, and Jared wants nothing more than to keep fucking Jensen, but he considers pulling out and finishing, or at least asking Jensen what he wants. But before he can, Jensen manages to lean down to his ear, whispering softly.
“Do it. I want you to. Come inside me.”
Jared growls, barely aware of what he’s doing as he flips them over, settling between Jensen’s legs and thrusting inside. He cuts off Jensen’s moan with a kiss, pushing his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, and he gets his arms around him, lowering his body and holding Jensen close. He feels their bodies stick where Jensen’s come is clinging to his skin, and he breaks the kiss, burying his head in the curve of Jensen’s shoulder as it gets to be too much; as his body starts quaking, his dick begging for deeper, balls throbbing and pulling in, and he’s louder than Jensen when he comes, damn near screaming with his release, Jensen just groaning as he pumps in deep again and again, balls pressing against soft skin, cock twitching with each hot spurt.
His whole body is so tense, so tight, and then it’s over. He melts, everything loosening and relaxing, and his body molds itself to Jensen’s as he gently pulls out. He lays there for a moment, waiting for his heart to calm down. Jensen eventually shifts under him, kisses his hair, threads his fingers through the strands at the nape of his neck.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says quietly, honest and apologetic. “You know, if I made you feel that way. Like you were a joke to me. I didn’t mean to.”
“S’okay,” Jared whispers, kissing the skin of Jensen’s shoulder before he finally lifts his head. Jensen’s smiling at him, all tired and sated, just about boneless beneath him, and Jared loves that look. He leans down and presses a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “Don’t worry about it. S’just a long week. I’ll get us cleaned up.”
He does, though it takes effort, getting up and moving back and forth between the bed and the bathroom. Jensen hisses when Jared circles his hole with his finger again, and he finds traces of himself inside, spilling out. He wipes them away and Jensen sighs contentedly. Jared smiles when he looks up to see Jensen’s eyes closed, knows Jensen’s even more tired now than he was when he came down to find him in the gym in the basement.
It’s a relief to finally slip back into bed with Jensen and feel lighter, carefree. Jensen turns towards him, eyes still closed, and they wrap themselves up in each other, Jared carefully grabbing for the sheets and pulling them up over their bodies.
“G’night, Jen,” Jared whispers teasingly, and he laughs when Jensen just sleepily grunts and snuggles closer, hiding his face from any sunlight that’ll make its way in through the windows in the morning.
He sleeps and he dreams, happy again, knowing that he’s fine just the way he is.