TOS reaction post: Spock the manipulative creep
I've watched every single TOS episode now. NUUU D: No more twenty-second century homosocial adventures in space for another week, when I'll join my sister in watching the Motion Picture.
But man, it was weird taking the leap from the end of the third season to the very first episodes, even when I made a grace period of one day to readjust. Bigger budget, better lighting, not-quite-consistent-continuity, thinner actors...
The Man Trap: Oh goodness I forgot how hilariously goofy our heroes are in the beginning, especially Kirk. They're obviously going for the "buddies in space" thing and Kirk just winds up looking so awkward and forced.
THOSE AREN'T FLOWERS KIRK OMG. But will you look at that PLASTERED HAIR. There's not even the usual frontal floop!
WHY HELLO THERE STARFLEET T-SHIRTS, I'VE MISSED YOU SO.
UNF UNF UNF. OH McCOY STOP BEING SUCH A HOTTIE. I've missed the insane colourtinted lighting too, all those reds that makes Kelley's eyes look almost vivid violet in contrast. Oh my.
But what is that Kirk tells McCoy, "You could learn something from Mister Spock, Doctor; Stop thinking with your glands." GLANDS WHAT. What does that even mean? I know he's essentially telling him to control his hormones/dick but it comes across like he's badmouthing the Doctor's pancreas or something.
AND HAHAHA SPOCK, YOU JUST GO AHEAD WHACKING McCOY'S EX'S FACE. IT GETS FUNNIER EVERY TIME.
I've missed those endings though - in S3 almost all the stories just ended the moment the plot was resolved, but here's like it should be: The three first officers smirking mischieviously at nothing in particular. YES.
Charlie X: SERIOUSLY CREW, HOW HARD IS IT TO WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND: They all know Charlie's grown up without humans to interact with, and then he does something socially unacceptable and they're all OMG SO SHOCKED. Like it's UNEXPECTED. COME ON GUYS.
And I'm trying very hard to find something funny to say about Charlie slapping Kirk's ass but REALLY, THE SCENE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. Especially when Kirk explains that "there's no right way to hit a woman". THAT'S RIGHT CHARLIE, ASS-SLAPPING IS RESERVED FOR MALE-ON-MALE INTERACTION.
Speaking of male-on-male, you gotta love Kirk's reasoning of "Well he feels confused and frustrated now he's in the midst of puberty, let's put on lycra tights and do some sweaty wrestling!"
OH DEAR LORD THOSE GYM OUTFITS. It's not even the red lycra tights, although High Definition is not my friend and I'm pretty sure I'm seeing certain things I wish only the long line of Mrs. Shatners were privy to, but no; IT'S THE SOCKS. OH MY GOD THE SOCKS.
And someone's been taking makeup tips from Mister Spock I see!
But what the hell, I APPROVE. DAMNIT CBS MAKEUP DEPARTMENT, WHY DID YOU RETURN TO USING TASTEFUL AMOUNTS OF EYESHADOW.
Speaking of Mister Spock, he's being very out of character BUT VERY CUTE.
YOU CONFUSE ME, EARLY SPOCK.
Where No Man Has Gone Before: This is of course where I realized I should have watched these episodes in production order rather than broadcast order. But really, who shows the Pilot as the third episode? That's just weird. And if I'd cared more about continuity than I do I'd have to put my fingers in my ears and go LALALA THIS ISN'T CANON LALA.
But AW YES those silvery lenses look absolutely brilliant.
Credit where credits due, that's an AWESOME effect, it looks so good.
AND SCOTTY. SCOTTY OMG. SO YOUNG, SO HOT.
THAT JAWLINE. HOTTIE SCOTTY.
But back to my shallow little world, this is really a harrowing episode if you go looking for dodgy subtext WHICH I NEVER DO:
I mean -- obviously Kirk and Gary are boyfriends at this point. It's established they have a history together and they even arranged it so they can serve on the same crew. BECAUSE THEY CAN'T STAND TO BE PARTED.
And in comes Spock, enterprising young officer and third wheel, and tells Kirk that OMG HIS EYES ARE ALL SILVERY NOW, HE'S A MUTANT AND NO LONGER GARY AND WE SHOULD STRAND HIM SOMEWHERE NO WAIT LET'S KILL HIM. KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY. And Kirk, poor boy, choked with emotion answers, "Will you try for one moment to feel? At least act like you've got a heart! We're talking about Gary." HIS VOICE EVEN BREAKS A LITTLE OMG.
And at the end of the episode and Gary's disposed of, back on the bridge Kirk sends Spock the very first (but certainly not the last) lingering adoring look. And then Spock turns and smirks, all "yuss, the Captain's single again."
YOU SEE? SPOCK IS A TOTAL MANIPULATIVE PSYCHOPATH. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN KIRK. (Also God I hate those uniforms)
So obviously you see why I can't accept this entire episode as canon. I'm going to use my handy Doctor Who experience of Regarding Those Bits I Like As Canon. So Gary Mitchell, the last of Kirk's Academy sweethearts? That's canon. Spock being dead set on killing Gary? Not canon. Phaser rifles? Probably not canon. Kirk enjoying having his body controlled by Gary just a little teeny bit?
CANON.
But man, it was weird taking the leap from the end of the third season to the very first episodes, even when I made a grace period of one day to readjust. Bigger budget, better lighting, not-quite-consistent-continuity, thinner actors...
The Man Trap: Oh goodness I forgot how hilariously goofy our heroes are in the beginning, especially Kirk. They're obviously going for the "buddies in space" thing and Kirk just winds up looking so awkward and forced.
THOSE AREN'T FLOWERS KIRK OMG. But will you look at that PLASTERED HAIR. There's not even the usual frontal floop!
WHY HELLO THERE STARFLEET T-SHIRTS, I'VE MISSED YOU SO.
UNF UNF UNF. OH McCOY STOP BEING SUCH A HOTTIE. I've missed the insane colourtinted lighting too, all those reds that makes Kelley's eyes look almost vivid violet in contrast. Oh my.
But what is that Kirk tells McCoy, "You could learn something from Mister Spock, Doctor; Stop thinking with your glands." GLANDS WHAT. What does that even mean? I know he's essentially telling him to control his hormones/dick but it comes across like he's badmouthing the Doctor's pancreas or something.
AND HAHAHA SPOCK, YOU JUST GO AHEAD WHACKING McCOY'S EX'S FACE. IT GETS FUNNIER EVERY TIME.
I've missed those endings though - in S3 almost all the stories just ended the moment the plot was resolved, but here's like it should be: The three first officers smirking mischieviously at nothing in particular. YES.
Charlie X: SERIOUSLY CREW, HOW HARD IS IT TO WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND: They all know Charlie's grown up without humans to interact with, and then he does something socially unacceptable and they're all OMG SO SHOCKED. Like it's UNEXPECTED. COME ON GUYS.
And I'm trying very hard to find something funny to say about Charlie slapping Kirk's ass but REALLY, THE SCENE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. Especially when Kirk explains that "there's no right way to hit a woman". THAT'S RIGHT CHARLIE, ASS-SLAPPING IS RESERVED FOR MALE-ON-MALE INTERACTION.
Speaking of male-on-male, you gotta love Kirk's reasoning of "Well he feels confused and frustrated now he's in the midst of puberty, let's put on lycra tights and do some sweaty wrestling!"
OH DEAR LORD THOSE GYM OUTFITS. It's not even the red lycra tights, although High Definition is not my friend and I'm pretty sure I'm seeing certain things I wish only the long line of Mrs. Shatners were privy to, but no; IT'S THE SOCKS. OH MY GOD THE SOCKS.
And someone's been taking makeup tips from Mister Spock I see!
But what the hell, I APPROVE. DAMNIT CBS MAKEUP DEPARTMENT, WHY DID YOU RETURN TO USING TASTEFUL AMOUNTS OF EYESHADOW.
Speaking of Mister Spock, he's being very out of character BUT VERY CUTE.
YOU CONFUSE ME, EARLY SPOCK.
Where No Man Has Gone Before: This is of course where I realized I should have watched these episodes in production order rather than broadcast order. But really, who shows the Pilot as the third episode? That's just weird. And if I'd cared more about continuity than I do I'd have to put my fingers in my ears and go LALALA THIS ISN'T CANON LALA.
But AW YES those silvery lenses look absolutely brilliant.
Credit where credits due, that's an AWESOME effect, it looks so good.
AND SCOTTY. SCOTTY OMG. SO YOUNG, SO HOT.
THAT JAWLINE. HOTTIE SCOTTY.
But back to my shallow little world, this is really a harrowing episode if you go looking for dodgy subtext WHICH I NEVER DO:
I mean -- obviously Kirk and Gary are boyfriends at this point. It's established they have a history together and they even arranged it so they can serve on the same crew. BECAUSE THEY CAN'T STAND TO BE PARTED.
And in comes Spock, enterprising young officer and third wheel, and tells Kirk that OMG HIS EYES ARE ALL SILVERY NOW, HE'S A MUTANT AND NO LONGER GARY AND WE SHOULD STRAND HIM SOMEWHERE NO WAIT LET'S KILL HIM. KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY. And Kirk, poor boy, choked with emotion answers, "Will you try for one moment to feel? At least act like you've got a heart! We're talking about Gary." HIS VOICE EVEN BREAKS A LITTLE OMG.
And at the end of the episode and Gary's disposed of, back on the bridge Kirk sends Spock the very first (but certainly not the last) lingering adoring look. And then Spock turns and smirks, all "yuss, the Captain's single again."
YOU SEE? SPOCK IS A TOTAL MANIPULATIVE PSYCHOPATH. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN KIRK. (Also God I hate those uniforms)
So obviously you see why I can't accept this entire episode as canon. I'm going to use my handy Doctor Who experience of Regarding Those Bits I Like As Canon. So Gary Mitchell, the last of Kirk's Academy sweethearts? That's canon. Spock being dead set on killing Gary? Not canon. Phaser rifles? Probably not canon. Kirk enjoying having his body controlled by Gary just a little teeny bit?
CANON.