(no subject)
So I've been home for officially like 3 days now... longer than that in reality, but I just finally moved all my stuff out of the apartment and turned in my key. It wasn't as sad as I thought it would be... leaving the apartment...I didn't cry the whole way home like I thought I might...Really I should be more sad. It WAS sad though, leaving all my friends.
Saturday night Steve had a party for me at his apartment and it was a really good time. We drank "hot sex" and "cum shots," both of which I'd never had before and had wayyy too much fun with the whipped cream. lol. It was a great time and it was so nice to see everyone one last time before I went. Saying good-bye to Steve was heartbreaking...I guess we probably tried to do that whole thing quite a few times but somehow all those emotions just came out when we were drunk. In a way, it was really nice even though it was really sad, because I haven't had too many moments in my life like that, having to leave someone soo important to me and having them be torn apart that I am leaving too. I guess I just get really emotional when I finally realize that my existence had some sort of impact on someone else's life and maybe I'm not always quite as insignificant as I think I am. It's hard to accept that I won't just be heading back to Buffalo in a few days or weeks and walking through that door at Michaels too see all those friendly faces. I might still be in denial that I'm not going back to Buffalo (at least in the near future). I got some really great pictures developed of the party and I can't wait to show everybody!! (especially summer who seems to be the drunken star of many of the pictures! j/k) :)
Honestly I had so much fun, thank you Steve, and I will never forget leaving the party, everyone staring at the tears in my eyes. I miss you all!
I've fallen back into the groove here in Whitesboro just fine though, joined a gym here, been jogging with Russ, watching tons of movies, eating probably too much, started working (as an FES might I add) at this Michaels, and spending my nights cuddling with Russ or hanging out with Jill and Kurk. It's life in the slow lane, that's for sure, and that definitely bothers me sometimes... I always like to be busy... and I tend to get bored easily...but it's also really nice to be done with school and to be able to see everyone here on a regular basis. On the other hand, I'm ready to move out again already, my parents are driving me nuts!! They're great and everything but being woken up every morning by my mom and having to tell people where I'm going to be drives me insane! I don't know how to explain it, it just happens once you've moved out and been on your own, there's no going back I don't think. I miss my privacy and I hate the fact that there is absolutely nowhere Russ and I can go just to hang out and relax without our parents around... it's like being in high school again!
Today I'm having major crankiness issues. I don't know why or what causes it, but it seems to happen a lot lately, like big time mood swings. One minute I'll be happy and the next I'll be all quiet and thinking and basically having a complex that something is wrong when I know damn well that there isn't anything wrong. I want to fix that, it just seems like some days I wake up like that and can't get out of that mood. I can't figure out why I feel like that and yet I wind up acting cranky toward people anyway. I hate it. Lately I think it's just the feeling that maybe most of my "fun" days are over...like I'm growing up whether I like it or not and I miss the days soo much when I used to get excited to go out and do stupid things with my friends, go to parties, concerts, dinner, anything! I pretty much just stay in a lot lately and there aren't many people I hang out with here, and when we do hang out, it's always the same old thing. Really I think I just miss the excitment. I need it in my life. I'm already starting to miss that youthful feeling, that adrenaline rush that makes you feel like the possibilities are endless, and anything can happen on any given night. It's all comfortable now, which is nice, but sometimes I just need a reminder that that excitement still exists...
I'm hoping that moving to Syracuse will bring some of that feeling back into my life.
Saturday night Steve had a party for me at his apartment and it was a really good time. We drank "hot sex" and "cum shots," both of which I'd never had before and had wayyy too much fun with the whipped cream. lol. It was a great time and it was so nice to see everyone one last time before I went. Saying good-bye to Steve was heartbreaking...I guess we probably tried to do that whole thing quite a few times but somehow all those emotions just came out when we were drunk. In a way, it was really nice even though it was really sad, because I haven't had too many moments in my life like that, having to leave someone soo important to me and having them be torn apart that I am leaving too. I guess I just get really emotional when I finally realize that my existence had some sort of impact on someone else's life and maybe I'm not always quite as insignificant as I think I am. It's hard to accept that I won't just be heading back to Buffalo in a few days or weeks and walking through that door at Michaels too see all those friendly faces. I might still be in denial that I'm not going back to Buffalo (at least in the near future). I got some really great pictures developed of the party and I can't wait to show everybody!! (especially summer who seems to be the drunken star of many of the pictures! j/k) :)
Honestly I had so much fun, thank you Steve, and I will never forget leaving the party, everyone staring at the tears in my eyes. I miss you all!
I've fallen back into the groove here in Whitesboro just fine though, joined a gym here, been jogging with Russ, watching tons of movies, eating probably too much, started working (as an FES might I add) at this Michaels, and spending my nights cuddling with Russ or hanging out with Jill and Kurk. It's life in the slow lane, that's for sure, and that definitely bothers me sometimes... I always like to be busy... and I tend to get bored easily...but it's also really nice to be done with school and to be able to see everyone here on a regular basis. On the other hand, I'm ready to move out again already, my parents are driving me nuts!! They're great and everything but being woken up every morning by my mom and having to tell people where I'm going to be drives me insane! I don't know how to explain it, it just happens once you've moved out and been on your own, there's no going back I don't think. I miss my privacy and I hate the fact that there is absolutely nowhere Russ and I can go just to hang out and relax without our parents around... it's like being in high school again!
Today I'm having major crankiness issues. I don't know why or what causes it, but it seems to happen a lot lately, like big time mood swings. One minute I'll be happy and the next I'll be all quiet and thinking and basically having a complex that something is wrong when I know damn well that there isn't anything wrong. I want to fix that, it just seems like some days I wake up like that and can't get out of that mood. I can't figure out why I feel like that and yet I wind up acting cranky toward people anyway. I hate it. Lately I think it's just the feeling that maybe most of my "fun" days are over...like I'm growing up whether I like it or not and I miss the days soo much when I used to get excited to go out and do stupid things with my friends, go to parties, concerts, dinner, anything! I pretty much just stay in a lot lately and there aren't many people I hang out with here, and when we do hang out, it's always the same old thing. Really I think I just miss the excitment. I need it in my life. I'm already starting to miss that youthful feeling, that adrenaline rush that makes you feel like the possibilities are endless, and anything can happen on any given night. It's all comfortable now, which is nice, but sometimes I just need a reminder that that excitement still exists...
I'm hoping that moving to Syracuse will bring some of that feeling back into my life.