(no subject)
My grandfather finally said he'd consider getting us a new place to live. For those who don't know, my family (mom, grandparents) and I live in a really small, two-bedroom double wide from the 1970's. The floors are full of holes, the walls are coming apart, and the air conditioner doesn't function properly. It's a miracle my grandparents haven't tripped and seriously injured themselves in this house. There were a few times my mom and I looked for another place to live but something always stopped us. My grandparents either went into the hospital or we simply couldn't find something in our price range. The house issue has been a problem since I moved back home. It has caused a lot of stress and fights between my grandfather and the rest of us. So I hope he goes through with it and gets us a new place to live. It'll really help my mom and I take care of them more effectively.
I've been sleeping on a sofa bed for the past year and a half. Most of my stuff is still in storage. But my computer, DVD's, and books have made their way into the house over time. I miss my privacy more than anything though. It's easy to take advantage of when you've always had it, but once it's gone, it's all you want. Just to be able to be alone is something I crave. I long for silence...a place to reflect. A bed of my own to curl into when the world is too much to bear. A room with a door I can use to shut out the noise and just be...with God, with myself, with the thoughts that used to run rampant through my head. Maybe the words will come back to me if I have my own space. Maybe the stories I used to write will walk back into my head. And maybe the frustration that walks along my nerves will disappear. Lack of privacy has affected me in ways I'm ashamed of. I don't always feel like myself in those moments. I've always been a private person, a person who needs to be alone (sometimes).
I've been sleeping on a sofa bed for the past year and a half. Most of my stuff is still in storage. But my computer, DVD's, and books have made their way into the house over time. I miss my privacy more than anything though. It's easy to take advantage of when you've always had it, but once it's gone, it's all you want. Just to be able to be alone is something I crave. I long for silence...a place to reflect. A bed of my own to curl into when the world is too much to bear. A room with a door I can use to shut out the noise and just be...with God, with myself, with the thoughts that used to run rampant through my head. Maybe the words will come back to me if I have my own space. Maybe the stories I used to write will walk back into my head. And maybe the frustration that walks along my nerves will disappear. Lack of privacy has affected me in ways I'm ashamed of. I don't always feel like myself in those moments. I've always been a private person, a person who needs to be alone (sometimes).