SHEER PERFECTION/ Quote 7
Title : Sheer Perfection
Chapter(s) : 07/13
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG ~ NC-17
Genre : AU, Drama, Romance.
Band(s) : A9 (alice nine.)
Warning(s) : Cavities.
Pairing(s) : ToraSaga, YOUxGACKT, ShouPon
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Tora had always thought that the full bloom of the Cherry Blossoms were the most beautiful view in his life but everything changes when a substitute lecturer decides to take over his class. Please forgive me for the poor summary
Comments : Heavily inspired by the song entitled 'Sempurna' by Andra and The Backbone and by this picture of ToSa.
VII
“I could not face anything without you.”
“Yo, Saga, are you listening?”
Saga snapped back to reality when he heard Hiroto’s snapping finger right in front of his eyes. He turned his head and saw his roommate staring at him with confusion painted all over his eyes. A frown was also plastered on photographer’s lips.
“What…?” Saga slowly uttered.
Hiroto just sighed and took back the photographs that the pianist was holding. Saga just stared at his roommate as the other rearranged the photographs he took into the correct order again. The pianist didn’t know whether the photography student was mad or not so he decided to apologize.
“I’m sorry, Hiroto…” He said as he put his hand on the other’s shoulder.
Hiroto turned and smiled at the brown-haired man. “It’s okay… I just… really wanted your opinion about these.” He said as he waved at the photographs on his hands.
“I think those are all really amazing so I can’t also tell you which it’s best to be exhibited.” Saga said as he let go of Hiroto’s shoulder in order to take the photographs again from the younger man’s hands.
“Liar. You weren’t even looking at them thoroughly.” The photographer said jokingly and took back the photographs again.
Saga let the other man take it, a pout adorning his lips and made his roommate laugh. The photographer got up from Saga’s bed and moved to sit on his desk instead, putting away the photograph in a folder.
“What’s up with you, though? I get the feeling that something is bothering you lately.” Asked Hiroto as he put away his folder into the mini desk bookshelf.
Saga was quiet for a while before sighing heavily. His roommate looked back at him and smiled in sympathy.
“You wanna tell me about it?” Offered Hiroto.
Saga shook his head though. “I don’t wanna bother you with my problems.”
Hiroto just shrugged. “I don’t mind and you know that.” He said with a smile.
Saga returned back the smile. “Thanks. But really, it’s just love problems. I think you shouldn’t worry too much.”
The photographer frowned then, biting his lips nervously as he asked his next question. “Is it…about Tora?”
The pianist didn’t know whether to be surprised or not. Maybe he knew it was coming, or maybe he just remembered the fact that Tora told him about Shou and Hiroto assuming Tora liked him. Yes, maybe it was the latter so he wasn’t surprised also when he timidly nodded his head at Hiroto’s question.
“Oh… I guess he finally had the guts to tell you, huh?” The photographer chuckled. “Did it…turned out-”
“I haven’t answered him.” Saga interjected in a low voice.
Hiroto stopped then, presuming that as a sign to stop asking.
“There were…” Saga continued. “…things I was dealing before he confessed and I just can’t decide right now. I’m muddled with these feelings and I don’t know what to do.”
Hiroto knew that he shouldn’t ask again but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to help his roommate.
“Do you…want to share it with me? Maybe I can help you.”
Saga was silent for a moment before hesitating. “Can you…do something for me instead…?”
Hiroto was confused at first, but then smiled when he saw the meaning behind Saga’s pleading eyes. Even though they’ve only been roommates less than a year, the photographer was already used with that favor. He got up and took his project folder from the desk before proceeding to the door.
“I’m sorry Hiroto, it’s not that I don’t wanna confide in you or uncomfortable with you-”
“I understand.” Hiroto interjected as he looked back at Saga and opened the door. “There are things that you just can’t really tell people so I understand. I can find out through Shou anyway cause I’m sure that poor tiger will definitely confide in him.” He said with a laugh before exiting the room.
Saga just huffed and crossed him arms. “Damn. I almost forgot that his lover is Tora’s best friend.” He mumbled and chuckled after that.
His eyes then suddenly caught a framed picture that was standing on his study desk. It was a picture of the five of them during his birthday. He was standing between Tora and Nao, with Shou in the middle and Hiroto beside Shou. They celebrated in Ariake Nishi Futou Park because even on a rainy June, the weather forecast predicted that it was sunny and it was, until late evening. He remembered that he was so happy during his birthday because it was the time when he felt happy being with Tora.
Ever since that day, the day when Tora did the sweetest thing he had ever received, his feelings towards the other man began to change and had the slightest hope that Tora perhaps liked him, even though he didn’t know if he, himself, likes the cinema student. His mind then began to remember yesterday’s incident.
“Please, be with me, Sagacchi.”
Saga kept silent as he still felt the hot breath against his lips. He could perfectly hear the soft, pleading whisper in Tora’s voice when the elder man said that. He didn’t know what to do-didn’t know how to feel. He was also afraid to open his eyes because he knew that if he did, he will be forced to look at those eyes-the eyes that were full of hope and he just couldn’t face it, so he just lowered his head.
He still feels Tora’s forehead against his head. He had to admit that he feels safe like this, being so close to Tora, yet his mind was racing with thoughts. He couldn’t decide anything, especially when there were things still going on in his mind. So he only did what he should do right now.
“I can’t…” He uttered.
He then felt Tora move, the weight on his head no longer there and he felt cold. He finally opened his eyes but still refused to look up at his friend. He could already imagine the hurt within those eyes and he didn’t want to look at it, too afraid.
It was after a long agonizing silence that he finally felt Tora move, feeling his warm palm against his hair and stroking him so gently. Feeling curious, he finally looked up and was greeted by Tora’s smile. It was a smile that breaks Saga’s heart, and so heartbreaking it forced Saga to explain further about his reason.
“I can’t because I’m so confused about my own feelings right now. I don’t wanna be with you when I’m still not certain about my own feelings towards you. I’m so sorry, Tora…” He explained as he cupped Tora’s jaw in one hand.
Tora just nodded and leaned into the touch before finally releasing his hand from Saga’s head and released Saga’s hand from his face.
“I understand.” He said and kissed Saga’s nose before getting up from the bench.
“Wait… Where are you going?” Saga asked, slight panic was thick in his voice as he watched Tora taking his things.
Tora answered when he was finally ready to leave. “Somewhere. I need to be alone and clear my mind. Otherwise, who knows what might happen.”
“Torashi…”
Tora smiled softly again. “I’m sorry, Saga. I really have to leave. I’ll see you around.” He said before finally turning to leave.
Saga just watched as Tora left, leaving him alone with his thoughts in the music room.
And ever since then, he didn’t have the courage to meet Tora because he didn’t know what to do. He was still confused about his own feelings both towards Tora and his longtime crush, Yuuki. He just hoped that he will be able to decide soon after talking with the person he knows who he can rely most.
○●○●○
“Nao ~~~~”
Hiroto opened the door of Nao and Shou’s room and called in a sing-song after gotten the permission. He looked inside and turned to the empty bed across Nao’s.
“Huh? Where did my man go?” He asked confusedly as he walked further into the room.
Nao looked up from the book he was currently reading and sat up from the bed. “He left a few minutes ago. Said that he’s meeting up with Tora.” He answered and marked the book.
“Huh… I guess that tiger is going to confide also.”
“also?”
Nao fully sat up now and placed his book on his study table before looking back at Hiroto.
“Yeah. Saga wants to confide in you too.”
“Did something happen to them?”
“Seems that Tora finally confessed to Saga.”
Nao immediately groaned as soon as he heard Hiroto’s answer. “Great.” He responded as he face-palmed.
“What? Nao, what’s wrong?” Hiroto asked confusedly as he watched Nao getting up from the bed.
Nao ignored Hiroto’s question and continued to take his jacket out of its hanger then took his iPhone from his study desk.
“Nao!” Hiroto tried again.
Nao proceeded to go to the door and opened it, turning back again to Hiroto before leaving.
“I’m sorry, Hiroto, but I can’t tell you. My key is on the table, lock it when you leave.” He said before exiting the room.
○●○●○
Nao opened the door when he got the permission from the person at the other side of the door. He was greeted by Saga sitting on his bed, legs bent and head leaning against the wall. The pianists’ eyes were closed and Nao felt that his best friend was indeed looking tired emotionally so he quietly closed the door. He proceeded to walk further into the room and sat down on Hiroto’s bed instead.
“Talk to me whenever you’re ready.” Nao said after a long silence.
It took a few good minutes before Saga opened his eyes again as he sighed, head facing towards Nao and Nao could tell that Saga wanted him to go first.
“So it’s true what Hiroto said?” He asked.
Saga just nodded without so much expression.
“When did it happen? And how?”
“Yesterday afternoon. He found out about me and Yuuki. Got angry and confessed.”
Nao was surprised hearing the second sentence. “Wait? What? He knows about you and Yuuki?”
Saga nodded. “I thought he found out from you but no and he didn’t tell me the source.”
“I never told him anything. I never even mentioned about Yuuki to him. Or Kimisawa-sensei for his case.”
Saga sighed and changed his position, sitting crossed-legged. “I know. I was just surprised cause you’re the only one that knows. Anyways, he begged me, to be with him and it hurts, Nao. It hurts because his voice was so thick with hopefulness and I crushed that hope because I didn’t wanna be with him while carrying these unsure feelings. Sure, I’m starting to think about him ever since my birthday but I don’t wanna lie either by being together with him. He’s one of the important people in my life too so I don’t wanna deceive him.”
Nao just kept quiet, listening intently and watched every expression the pianist held, which was now looking very lugubrious. He knew that the pianist had more to tell.
“But I don’t want to lose him either. I feel…safe by his side. He makes me really happy and I always cherish my time with him. I just kind of wish that he loves me just as a friend, or best friend whatsoever.”
“Well… you can’t really control someone’s feelings.”
“Yeah, I know that too. That’s why it all depends on me now. Controlling my own feelings; figuring it out. Make things clear so I can be at rest and go back to the way things are. But I really don’t know what to do, Nao. I care for the both of them, I want them in my life and I don’t want to hurt them. It’s selfish, I know.”
Nao’s ears perked up again at the last sentence. “Wait? Them? Not just him?”
“Yeah… them; Tora and Yuuki.”
Nao’s eyes went wide in surprise, mouth gaping open. “Saga…don’t tell me…you haven’t answered Yuuki until now?”
Saga bit his lip and looked down, shaking his head timidly.
“It’s been 5 days, Saga! I’m surprised it took you this long to answer him. You’ve liked him for a very long time now!” Nao said, still consternated by the fact that he had just discovered.
“But Tora-”
“Are you still wavering?”
Saga stopped speaking by the look his childhood friend was giving, incredulously bewildered. Nao remembered how Saga didn’t look so happy when he told him that his professor confessed to him that night after it happened. Saga had started to develop feelings for their friend and he was surprised when Yuuki confessed to him because the pianist never expected that his unrequited feelings could have been returned all these years. It wasn’t that Saga was not happy, but it was more to consternate. Nao could only help him by telling him that he could still think about it. What the Business major student didn’t expect was that it took this long for the pianist to consider.
After a long while of silence, Nao finally sighed, dropping his shoulders.
“Honestly, I thought you’re telling me about Tora because you’re already with Yuuki.”
“I’m sorry…” Saga uttered quietly.
Nao just chuckled. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who got it wrong here.”
Saga just smiled shakily and frowned again, looking down at his hands.
“I really don’t know what to do, Nao.”
“I really can’t advice you on what you should do because this is about your feelings. What I can do is ask you how you actually feel towards them. Who makes you the happiest?”
Saga was silent for a while, mind reeling to reminiscence about the times he spent with either of them, unconsciously smiling at the memories.
“They both do. Yuuki was the one who taught me about the world, accompanying me always when I felt lonely and cared so much even after he became so busy with school and work. That made me happy. For Tora… he was really a fun person from the day I met him, I can never be in a bad mood whenever I’m with him because his energy influences me so much and I’m so happy of that. They both gave me happiness in different ways.”
Nao nodded and asked the next question. “Okay… Who are you attracted to romantically? Like, you know… you want to kiss them, hold their hands etc.”
Saga needed to think hard at this. He remembered back when Yuuki had a girlfriend after college graduation and he was so utterly broken-hearted. Then he was happy again when they separated after Yuuki entered master university. He didn’t know by then if this was just like or it was actually love. He couldn’t figure it out even until now. He never thought of dating Yuuki until recently when he entered college. But then again, did he want to go that far?
Tora on the other hand though, did make him think that he wanted to be the reason Tora smiles because he loves the other’s influencing smile. It makes him want to smile too, so contagious for him. But he never thought of being with Tora romantically, though, he did enjoy it when Tora kissed him didn’t he? Will he enjoy it if Yuuki was the one kissing him?
All these thoughts confused Saga even more and it made him frustrated. Why can’t he just be friends with the both of them? Oh right, he can’t because the both of them liked him way more than a friend. It was all now up to him, wasn’t it?
Saga finally looked up at Nao morosely. “Can’t I just have them both? Can’t I just stop feeling so confused like this?”
Nao frowned. “I’m afraid you can’t. You have to either reject both of them or choose one. I don’t think they want to share you.”
Saga pouted. “You make it sound like I’m an object or something.”
Nao chuckled. “But it’s true. Either way, you have to answer Yuuki. I think he deserves it because he has waited too long and as for Tora… I think he already considered your response as a rejection.” He gave Saga a sympathetic look at the last sentence.
Saga wanted to tell Nao that he and Tora kissed but changed his mind immediately because he thought that it wasn’t necessary so he just collapsed to the mattress and stared at the ceiling, sighing in exhaustion. His vision was blocked by Nao’s face then.
“Think it through again, Saga. I’m sure you’ll figure it out somehow. Just think about which one you think you want to have a further relationship with, or if you really are ready to have a relationship. Maybe that will figure out your real feelings.” Nao said with a smile and patted the other’s shoulder.
“… I guess I will. Thanks for listening, Nao. You really are the best.” Saga said with a smile.
Nao just shook his head and took out his iPhone, showing the number on the screen. Saga just nodded vigorously as he sat up like a child who was going to receive a gift he had wanted so bad.
Maybe he could think better after some slices of pizza.
○●○●○
The first day of Finals week finally came and Saga was still lost on coming up a good closing for his composition. Again, he was frustrated and even more stressed because the composition he was working on was due tomorrow and he still couldn’t think up of a good closing melody. He tried to start playing all over again and listen to it intently as he thinks up what the end would be like. He had tried a few but none of them synchronizes the ending. He banged the piano keys again and shouted, leaning his forehead against his palms then sighing out of frustration.
He closed the lid and propped his elbows against it while leaning his forehead against his palms. He closed his eyes then as his mind starts wondering again. Again, he had been here for an hour and he still couldn’t come up a good closing. He knew that he had been thinking a lot lately and was actually not very surprised that nothing came up but he was desperate to finish this last piece today. He thought about the progress again and realized that this was the piece that Tora helped a lot. It went easily well because Tora was there, giving him ideas and helped him calm down whenever he gets frustrated because it wasn’t right. This piece wouldn’t progress well without the cinema student’s help and Saga’s heart suddenly ached at that.
The pianist missed him, so much, even though it has been only two days since he last saw him. Yes, Saga had spent thinking and thinking for a whole day yesterday. He had figured out a little but still wasn’t sure if that was what he really wanted. He didn’t want to make any regrets because this could be a lifetime choice for him even though he knew that he was still very young. He wants to be in a serious relationship because he was done playing around. He had experience those in his teenage days. He was an adult now, 20 fucking years old and he thinks that it was time to be really serious in everything, whether in love or life so he wants to choose someone who will be with him for a long time and he hasn’t figure out which one that will give him that.
Should it be Yuuki, who he had known for a long time or Tora, who he only knew for a few months? But then again, Nao was right. Who is the one that he really wants to have a further relationship with? At least, he enjoyed kissing with Tora, so does that means that he wants to have a further relationship with him? But what about Yuuki? Will he enjoy it too if he were to kiss Yuuki? Saga had thought about this and his only solution was maybe he would find his answers after he kisses Yuuki. He knew it will seem wrong but this was the only way he could figure it out but he doesn’t have the courage to do it. He really needed someone to encourage him and it was weird that not even Nao or Uncle Yuu could encourage him.
His mind yet again drifted to Tora, suddenly remembering Tora’s encouraging words in everything and it always helped him. So does this mean that he likes Tora? More than a friend? He wasn’t sure. What he was sure of that Tora was really a very precious friend for him, just like Nao is to him, yet his heart always ached whenever he thinks of Tora. He really had to figure this out soon because he didn’t want to avoid Tora or Yuuki far longer now.
“I’m really gonna settle this once and for all today…” He mumbled as he opened his eyes.
The pianist sat up straight again and got off the bench. He figured that he can finish this piece in the morning since the due time was until afternoon so he can just be done for today and go to Yuuki today to clear everything. He took his glasses from the case and put it on before taking his bag, striding towards the door and exited the music room.
○●○●○
Saga just got inside the station when he heard his name being called from behind. And it was a very familiar voice, the voice he longed so much. He slowly turned around and found the cinema student walking towards him looking as handsome as always and Saga didn’t know why his heart skipped a beat at that.
“It’s been a while. How are you?” Tora asked with a smile.
Saga smiled back. “I’m okay. Just working on the last piece for finals. Are you here to pass your paper?”
“Yeah. Gonna go meet up with Shou and my high school friends who are visiting Tokyo after this.”
“That sounds fun.”
The atmosphere went silent for a moment and Saga could feel that they were getting awkward with each other. He was going to say something when suddenly, Tora spoke first.
“So, where are you going?”
Saga had to think before answering. He didn’t know if he should tell Tora that he was going to Yuuki’s place because he didn’t want to get more awkward with Tora. But then again, Saga was never good at lying so he just answered it, not without hesitancy.
“I’m…going to Kimisawa-sensei’s place…”
Saga had expected the surprise in Tora’s eyes. He had expected the man to be quiet and the awkwardness came. What he hadn’t expected though was Tora suddenly smiling softly at him and nodded.
“I see. Well, I’ll see you around. It was really nice to see you again, Saga.” The elder man said before starting to walk away.
Saga quickly turned and called the cinema student again, grasping his wrist. Tora stopped and turned to the pianist again. Puzzling eyes looking straight at Saga’s worried ones.
Saga wanted to tell ask him that he misses him and wonder if he can hangout with him again but why wouldn’t the words come out? Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? This was Tora, his friend, not his ex-boyfriend so it’s not wrong to say that was it?
“Saga…?” Tora called again, moving a step closer.
Saga just lowered his head and let go of Tora’s wrist, only to hold Tora’s hand again. Again, Tora did something Saga didn’t expect again. The elder man moved even closer and lifted Saga’s chin slowly so he can face the other man. He was greeted by the same soft smile that Saga was so fond of.
“It’s okay.” Tora whispered.
Saga wanted to say something again if only it wasn’t interrupted by Tora’s phone, ringing loudly and he could hear the other man curse. Tora sighed and let go of Saga’s hand before taking his iPhone from his pocket.
“I thought I turned it into silent mode…” Tora mumbled before finally answering the phone.
Saga stayed quiet as he listened to Tora speaking on the phone. It seemed that it was Shou because from the way the cinema student spoke, it was definitely his characteristic when talking to Shou. He listened as the other apologized and will be there in half an hour. After Tora finally hung up, Saga watched as the elder man sighed.
“Sorry, Saga. I really gotta get going. Everyone is already there and I still have to pass my papers.” Tora apologized.
Saga just shook his head and smiled. “It’s okay. Go get going then.”
Tora grinned. “I’ll see you around again. Good luck to the two of you.” He said before finally tapping at the gate machine and exited the station.
Saga just stood there for a good few minutes before realizing that Tora must’ve think that he’s together with Yuuki now. He turned around and head towards the escalator that led to the platform with a frown on his face.
○●○●○
Saga finally pressed the doorbell after standing still for a few good minutes. He had stepped in front of Yuuki’s flat a while ago but didn’t have the guts to press the doorbell. He was still nervous and didn’t exactly know what he wanted to say except that he wanted to try and kiss Yuuki. It had been almost a week since he last saw the professor and the last time they met, it wasn’t in a good circumstance. Sure, Yuuki looked fine but Saga knew better that his mentor was hurting and he was sure things would be awkward now. But he had made up his mind that he was going to settle this today so he can go back being normal.
Yuuki’s voice was suddenly heard from the intercom.
“Yes, who is it?”
Saga was glad that the man was home because he knew how busy the professor was.
“It’s Takashi…”
There was a pause before he heard doors unlocking from behind and not long after that, Yuuki appeared, wearing surprisingly normal clothes. It’s been a while, Saga thought because he usually sees his long time crush in formal wear.
“Hey, Takashi… I didn’t expect you to visit…” Yuuki greeted, his voice heavy with surprise.
“Sorry… Is it a bad time…?” Saga asked hesitantly.
Yuuki shook his head. “No, no! Please, come in!”
Yuuki stepped aside and let the younger man in. Saga bowed slightly and muttered ‘Ojyamashimasu’ before taking off his shoes and entered further inside. He waited for Yuuki to close the door before leading him into the living room. Saga took a seat at the sofa and put down his bag.
“Do you want some drinks?” Yuuki asked again, standing not far from him.
“Ah, just water is fine, thank you.” Saga replied with a smile.
Yuuki nodded and went to the kitchen. Saga roamed his eyes around the living room as he waited. It really has been a while since he came here and it hasn’t change at all. His eyes landed on the pictures hanging on the wall and saw that there was still a picture of him and Yuuki a few years back when he was still 13. The age where he realized that he has a crush on the man who was getting a drink for him.
Not long after, Yuuki returned and settled the glass on the low coffee table before sitting on the small couch across Saga. Saga thanked him and began to drink the water.
“So what brings you here? You’re lucky that I’m on my day off.” Yuuki chuckled at the last sentence.
Saga gave a small laugh. “I was also afraid that you wouldn’t be home, but I guess I was lucky.”
“Yeah… it’s been a while since we talk this casually, right? How is life treating you so far?”
Saga kept on smiling as he answered his mentor’s question. Soon, they engaged into a conversation; talking about old times and about each other’s lives. Saga almost forgot that he was here to settle their problem once and for all but with the way the professor was chatting so lively, he didn’t have the heart to interrupt that. Eventually, their conversation died down and turned into an awkward silence. Suddenly, Saga could feel that the atmosphere became heavy when he was asked the next question.
“So…why are you exactly here?”
Saga noticed that Yuuki’s voice was serious and the way his eyes pierced at him was somewhat intimidating. It made Saga nervous and so he could only lowered his head and took a deep breath. He could do this. He needed to do this otherwise he won’t be at peace.
He looked up again, eyes looking back at Yuuki’s.
“I came here to talk about the other day. I didn’t…give you a clear answer that time because I was still disconcerted, so I just told you to give me some time to think.” Saga replied surprisingly with a steady voice.
Yuuki nodded slowly. “Okay… So you finally have an answer for me?”
“Yes… but first, I wanted to tell you something.”
“Go ahead. I’m listening…”
Saga took a deep breath before finally starting. “Yuuki, you have to know that I have held a crush on you since I was thirteen. The real reason I became your assistant is because I wanted to be closer to you. You were the first person who was there for me and I admired you for that. Every day I felt so grateful that I had someone like you and along the way, I began to develop feelings. I was always so happy whenever I was with you. I was a child who was home-schooled and didn’t get out much because my parents were always busy and there you were, teaching me about the world, that it was okay to rely on others and about…love. I wanted to know more about you then by being with you always. I even entered the same university where you’re teaching and that’s when I realized that I liked you a lot but I didn’t have the courage to tell you because you were so lively and here I am, just an awkward music student.”
Saga chuckled at the last sentence.
“Then I started to let go a little, thinking that maybe you will never like me because I was way younger than you and a man for that matter so I was disconcerted when you confessed to me, thinking that I could’ve been with you all these years. I…would’ve answered you that time if only my mind wasn’t thinking about another guy…that I’ve grown so close lately.”
Saga didn’t know that he had been looking down during half of his story so he looked up again and Yuuki was still looking at him quietly. He didn’t see any sign that the other man was going speak anytime soon so he continued.
“I’m confused. That guy confessed to me also, four days after you and my mind just went crazy. I was really thinking and thinking, but in the end, I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t decide with whom I want to have a further relationship with so the only option I could think of to figure out is to…kiss you…and see if I’m really attracted to you that way.”
Saga was reluctant in the end because he knew how selfish this request was but he really needed to find out. It was the only thing he could do to finally decide. He watched as the man across him pondered. His face was serious and ruminating, making Saga even more nervous. He was slightly taken aback when Yuuki just chuckled.
“So you want me to be your experiment for your own benefit?” He asked sarcastically.
Saga felt bad then and lowered his head again. “I’m sorry… I know it’s not right but…” He couldn’t finish his last sentence.
The pianist heard his professor sighed and soon footsteps, thinking that maybe he went somewhere but was surprised when the other man was sitting beside him.
“You’re lucky because I really want to kiss you too. Otherwise I’ll be offended.” The elder man said in amusement.
Saga just stared because he couldn’t believe that Yuuki was actually accepting his selfish request. But then again, he thought, that this was Yuuki, the man who cared for him so much…just like Tora. He could finally have his own answer and he couldn’t wait to get this over with. He watched as Yuuki shifted closer to him and cupped his jaw in one hand. They stared at each other for a while before Saga finally closed his eyes and felt a pair of lips plastering to his. Then the pair of lips moved slowly against his lips and Saga kissed back as slow, savoring the sensation. He tried to feel that spark, that excitement which will make him dizzy but wait…
This was…
Saga pulled back slowly when he felt that Yuuki was breaking the kiss too. They breathed heavily, trying to grasp the air that they lost as they stared at each other once again.
“…Well?” Yuuki asked after gaining his breathing back.
A smile slowly crept up at Saga’s face.
He’d definitely figured out his true feelings.
<< ｜ >>
Chapter(s) : 07/13
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG ~ NC-17
Genre : AU, Drama, Romance.
Band(s) : A9 (alice nine.)
Warning(s) : Cavities.
Pairing(s) : ToraSaga, YOUxGACKT, ShouPon
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Tora had always thought that the full bloom of the Cherry Blossoms were the most beautiful view in his life but everything changes when a substitute lecturer decides to take over his class. Please forgive me for the poor summary
Comments : Heavily inspired by the song entitled 'Sempurna' by Andra and The Backbone and by this picture of ToSa.
VII
“I could not face anything without you.”
“Yo, Saga, are you listening?”
Saga snapped back to reality when he heard Hiroto’s snapping finger right in front of his eyes. He turned his head and saw his roommate staring at him with confusion painted all over his eyes. A frown was also plastered on photographer’s lips.
“What…?” Saga slowly uttered.
Hiroto just sighed and took back the photographs that the pianist was holding. Saga just stared at his roommate as the other rearranged the photographs he took into the correct order again. The pianist didn’t know whether the photography student was mad or not so he decided to apologize.
“I’m sorry, Hiroto…” He said as he put his hand on the other’s shoulder.
Hiroto turned and smiled at the brown-haired man. “It’s okay… I just… really wanted your opinion about these.” He said as he waved at the photographs on his hands.
“I think those are all really amazing so I can’t also tell you which it’s best to be exhibited.” Saga said as he let go of Hiroto’s shoulder in order to take the photographs again from the younger man’s hands.
“Liar. You weren’t even looking at them thoroughly.” The photographer said jokingly and took back the photographs again.
Saga let the other man take it, a pout adorning his lips and made his roommate laugh. The photographer got up from Saga’s bed and moved to sit on his desk instead, putting away the photograph in a folder.
“What’s up with you, though? I get the feeling that something is bothering you lately.” Asked Hiroto as he put away his folder into the mini desk bookshelf.
Saga was quiet for a while before sighing heavily. His roommate looked back at him and smiled in sympathy.
“You wanna tell me about it?” Offered Hiroto.
Saga shook his head though. “I don’t wanna bother you with my problems.”
Hiroto just shrugged. “I don’t mind and you know that.” He said with a smile.
Saga returned back the smile. “Thanks. But really, it’s just love problems. I think you shouldn’t worry too much.”
The photographer frowned then, biting his lips nervously as he asked his next question. “Is it…about Tora?”
The pianist didn’t know whether to be surprised or not. Maybe he knew it was coming, or maybe he just remembered the fact that Tora told him about Shou and Hiroto assuming Tora liked him. Yes, maybe it was the latter so he wasn’t surprised also when he timidly nodded his head at Hiroto’s question.
“Oh… I guess he finally had the guts to tell you, huh?” The photographer chuckled. “Did it…turned out-”
“I haven’t answered him.” Saga interjected in a low voice.
Hiroto stopped then, presuming that as a sign to stop asking.
“There were…” Saga continued. “…things I was dealing before he confessed and I just can’t decide right now. I’m muddled with these feelings and I don’t know what to do.”
Hiroto knew that he shouldn’t ask again but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to help his roommate.
“Do you…want to share it with me? Maybe I can help you.”
Saga was silent for a moment before hesitating. “Can you…do something for me instead…?”
Hiroto was confused at first, but then smiled when he saw the meaning behind Saga’s pleading eyes. Even though they’ve only been roommates less than a year, the photographer was already used with that favor. He got up and took his project folder from the desk before proceeding to the door.
“I’m sorry Hiroto, it’s not that I don’t wanna confide in you or uncomfortable with you-”
“I understand.” Hiroto interjected as he looked back at Saga and opened the door. “There are things that you just can’t really tell people so I understand. I can find out through Shou anyway cause I’m sure that poor tiger will definitely confide in him.” He said with a laugh before exiting the room.
Saga just huffed and crossed him arms. “Damn. I almost forgot that his lover is Tora’s best friend.” He mumbled and chuckled after that.
His eyes then suddenly caught a framed picture that was standing on his study desk. It was a picture of the five of them during his birthday. He was standing between Tora and Nao, with Shou in the middle and Hiroto beside Shou. They celebrated in Ariake Nishi Futou Park because even on a rainy June, the weather forecast predicted that it was sunny and it was, until late evening. He remembered that he was so happy during his birthday because it was the time when he felt happy being with Tora.
Ever since that day, the day when Tora did the sweetest thing he had ever received, his feelings towards the other man began to change and had the slightest hope that Tora perhaps liked him, even though he didn’t know if he, himself, likes the cinema student. His mind then began to remember yesterday’s incident.
“Please, be with me, Sagacchi.”
Saga kept silent as he still felt the hot breath against his lips. He could perfectly hear the soft, pleading whisper in Tora’s voice when the elder man said that. He didn’t know what to do-didn’t know how to feel. He was also afraid to open his eyes because he knew that if he did, he will be forced to look at those eyes-the eyes that were full of hope and he just couldn’t face it, so he just lowered his head.
He still feels Tora’s forehead against his head. He had to admit that he feels safe like this, being so close to Tora, yet his mind was racing with thoughts. He couldn’t decide anything, especially when there were things still going on in his mind. So he only did what he should do right now.
“I can’t…” He uttered.
He then felt Tora move, the weight on his head no longer there and he felt cold. He finally opened his eyes but still refused to look up at his friend. He could already imagine the hurt within those eyes and he didn’t want to look at it, too afraid.
It was after a long agonizing silence that he finally felt Tora move, feeling his warm palm against his hair and stroking him so gently. Feeling curious, he finally looked up and was greeted by Tora’s smile. It was a smile that breaks Saga’s heart, and so heartbreaking it forced Saga to explain further about his reason.
“I can’t because I’m so confused about my own feelings right now. I don’t wanna be with you when I’m still not certain about my own feelings towards you. I’m so sorry, Tora…” He explained as he cupped Tora’s jaw in one hand.
Tora just nodded and leaned into the touch before finally releasing his hand from Saga’s head and released Saga’s hand from his face.
“I understand.” He said and kissed Saga’s nose before getting up from the bench.
“Wait… Where are you going?” Saga asked, slight panic was thick in his voice as he watched Tora taking his things.
Tora answered when he was finally ready to leave. “Somewhere. I need to be alone and clear my mind. Otherwise, who knows what might happen.”
“Torashi…”
Tora smiled softly again. “I’m sorry, Saga. I really have to leave. I’ll see you around.” He said before finally turning to leave.
Saga just watched as Tora left, leaving him alone with his thoughts in the music room.
And ever since then, he didn’t have the courage to meet Tora because he didn’t know what to do. He was still confused about his own feelings both towards Tora and his longtime crush, Yuuki. He just hoped that he will be able to decide soon after talking with the person he knows who he can rely most.
○●○●○
“Nao ~~~~”
Hiroto opened the door of Nao and Shou’s room and called in a sing-song after gotten the permission. He looked inside and turned to the empty bed across Nao’s.
“Huh? Where did my man go?” He asked confusedly as he walked further into the room.
Nao looked up from the book he was currently reading and sat up from the bed. “He left a few minutes ago. Said that he’s meeting up with Tora.” He answered and marked the book.
“Huh… I guess that tiger is going to confide also.”
“also?”
Nao fully sat up now and placed his book on his study table before looking back at Hiroto.
“Yeah. Saga wants to confide in you too.”
“Did something happen to them?”
“Seems that Tora finally confessed to Saga.”
Nao immediately groaned as soon as he heard Hiroto’s answer. “Great.” He responded as he face-palmed.
“What? Nao, what’s wrong?” Hiroto asked confusedly as he watched Nao getting up from the bed.
Nao ignored Hiroto’s question and continued to take his jacket out of its hanger then took his iPhone from his study desk.
“Nao!” Hiroto tried again.
Nao proceeded to go to the door and opened it, turning back again to Hiroto before leaving.
“I’m sorry, Hiroto, but I can’t tell you. My key is on the table, lock it when you leave.” He said before exiting the room.
○●○●○
Nao opened the door when he got the permission from the person at the other side of the door. He was greeted by Saga sitting on his bed, legs bent and head leaning against the wall. The pianists’ eyes were closed and Nao felt that his best friend was indeed looking tired emotionally so he quietly closed the door. He proceeded to walk further into the room and sat down on Hiroto’s bed instead.
“Talk to me whenever you’re ready.” Nao said after a long silence.
It took a few good minutes before Saga opened his eyes again as he sighed, head facing towards Nao and Nao could tell that Saga wanted him to go first.
“So it’s true what Hiroto said?” He asked.
Saga just nodded without so much expression.
“When did it happen? And how?”
“Yesterday afternoon. He found out about me and Yuuki. Got angry and confessed.”
Nao was surprised hearing the second sentence. “Wait? What? He knows about you and Yuuki?”
Saga nodded. “I thought he found out from you but no and he didn’t tell me the source.”
“I never told him anything. I never even mentioned about Yuuki to him. Or Kimisawa-sensei for his case.”
Saga sighed and changed his position, sitting crossed-legged. “I know. I was just surprised cause you’re the only one that knows. Anyways, he begged me, to be with him and it hurts, Nao. It hurts because his voice was so thick with hopefulness and I crushed that hope because I didn’t wanna be with him while carrying these unsure feelings. Sure, I’m starting to think about him ever since my birthday but I don’t wanna lie either by being together with him. He’s one of the important people in my life too so I don’t wanna deceive him.”
Nao just kept quiet, listening intently and watched every expression the pianist held, which was now looking very lugubrious. He knew that the pianist had more to tell.
“But I don’t want to lose him either. I feel…safe by his side. He makes me really happy and I always cherish my time with him. I just kind of wish that he loves me just as a friend, or best friend whatsoever.”
“Well… you can’t really control someone’s feelings.”
“Yeah, I know that too. That’s why it all depends on me now. Controlling my own feelings; figuring it out. Make things clear so I can be at rest and go back to the way things are. But I really don’t know what to do, Nao. I care for the both of them, I want them in my life and I don’t want to hurt them. It’s selfish, I know.”
Nao’s ears perked up again at the last sentence. “Wait? Them? Not just him?”
“Yeah… them; Tora and Yuuki.”
Nao’s eyes went wide in surprise, mouth gaping open. “Saga…don’t tell me…you haven’t answered Yuuki until now?”
Saga bit his lip and looked down, shaking his head timidly.
“It’s been 5 days, Saga! I’m surprised it took you this long to answer him. You’ve liked him for a very long time now!” Nao said, still consternated by the fact that he had just discovered.
“But Tora-”
“Are you still wavering?”
Saga stopped speaking by the look his childhood friend was giving, incredulously bewildered. Nao remembered how Saga didn’t look so happy when he told him that his professor confessed to him that night after it happened. Saga had started to develop feelings for their friend and he was surprised when Yuuki confessed to him because the pianist never expected that his unrequited feelings could have been returned all these years. It wasn’t that Saga was not happy, but it was more to consternate. Nao could only help him by telling him that he could still think about it. What the Business major student didn’t expect was that it took this long for the pianist to consider.
After a long while of silence, Nao finally sighed, dropping his shoulders.
“Honestly, I thought you’re telling me about Tora because you’re already with Yuuki.”
“I’m sorry…” Saga uttered quietly.
Nao just chuckled. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who got it wrong here.”
Saga just smiled shakily and frowned again, looking down at his hands.
“I really don’t know what to do, Nao.”
“I really can’t advice you on what you should do because this is about your feelings. What I can do is ask you how you actually feel towards them. Who makes you the happiest?”
Saga was silent for a while, mind reeling to reminiscence about the times he spent with either of them, unconsciously smiling at the memories.
“They both do. Yuuki was the one who taught me about the world, accompanying me always when I felt lonely and cared so much even after he became so busy with school and work. That made me happy. For Tora… he was really a fun person from the day I met him, I can never be in a bad mood whenever I’m with him because his energy influences me so much and I’m so happy of that. They both gave me happiness in different ways.”
Nao nodded and asked the next question. “Okay… Who are you attracted to romantically? Like, you know… you want to kiss them, hold their hands etc.”
Saga needed to think hard at this. He remembered back when Yuuki had a girlfriend after college graduation and he was so utterly broken-hearted. Then he was happy again when they separated after Yuuki entered master university. He didn’t know by then if this was just like or it was actually love. He couldn’t figure it out even until now. He never thought of dating Yuuki until recently when he entered college. But then again, did he want to go that far?
Tora on the other hand though, did make him think that he wanted to be the reason Tora smiles because he loves the other’s influencing smile. It makes him want to smile too, so contagious for him. But he never thought of being with Tora romantically, though, he did enjoy it when Tora kissed him didn’t he? Will he enjoy it if Yuuki was the one kissing him?
All these thoughts confused Saga even more and it made him frustrated. Why can’t he just be friends with the both of them? Oh right, he can’t because the both of them liked him way more than a friend. It was all now up to him, wasn’t it?
Saga finally looked up at Nao morosely. “Can’t I just have them both? Can’t I just stop feeling so confused like this?”
Nao frowned. “I’m afraid you can’t. You have to either reject both of them or choose one. I don’t think they want to share you.”
Saga pouted. “You make it sound like I’m an object or something.”
Nao chuckled. “But it’s true. Either way, you have to answer Yuuki. I think he deserves it because he has waited too long and as for Tora… I think he already considered your response as a rejection.” He gave Saga a sympathetic look at the last sentence.
Saga wanted to tell Nao that he and Tora kissed but changed his mind immediately because he thought that it wasn’t necessary so he just collapsed to the mattress and stared at the ceiling, sighing in exhaustion. His vision was blocked by Nao’s face then.
“Think it through again, Saga. I’m sure you’ll figure it out somehow. Just think about which one you think you want to have a further relationship with, or if you really are ready to have a relationship. Maybe that will figure out your real feelings.” Nao said with a smile and patted the other’s shoulder.
“… I guess I will. Thanks for listening, Nao. You really are the best.” Saga said with a smile.
Nao just shook his head and took out his iPhone, showing the number on the screen. Saga just nodded vigorously as he sat up like a child who was going to receive a gift he had wanted so bad.
Maybe he could think better after some slices of pizza.
○●○●○
The first day of Finals week finally came and Saga was still lost on coming up a good closing for his composition. Again, he was frustrated and even more stressed because the composition he was working on was due tomorrow and he still couldn’t think up of a good closing melody. He tried to start playing all over again and listen to it intently as he thinks up what the end would be like. He had tried a few but none of them synchronizes the ending. He banged the piano keys again and shouted, leaning his forehead against his palms then sighing out of frustration.
He closed the lid and propped his elbows against it while leaning his forehead against his palms. He closed his eyes then as his mind starts wondering again. Again, he had been here for an hour and he still couldn’t come up a good closing. He knew that he had been thinking a lot lately and was actually not very surprised that nothing came up but he was desperate to finish this last piece today. He thought about the progress again and realized that this was the piece that Tora helped a lot. It went easily well because Tora was there, giving him ideas and helped him calm down whenever he gets frustrated because it wasn’t right. This piece wouldn’t progress well without the cinema student’s help and Saga’s heart suddenly ached at that.
The pianist missed him, so much, even though it has been only two days since he last saw him. Yes, Saga had spent thinking and thinking for a whole day yesterday. He had figured out a little but still wasn’t sure if that was what he really wanted. He didn’t want to make any regrets because this could be a lifetime choice for him even though he knew that he was still very young. He wants to be in a serious relationship because he was done playing around. He had experience those in his teenage days. He was an adult now, 20 fucking years old and he thinks that it was time to be really serious in everything, whether in love or life so he wants to choose someone who will be with him for a long time and he hasn’t figure out which one that will give him that.
Should it be Yuuki, who he had known for a long time or Tora, who he only knew for a few months? But then again, Nao was right. Who is the one that he really wants to have a further relationship with? At least, he enjoyed kissing with Tora, so does that means that he wants to have a further relationship with him? But what about Yuuki? Will he enjoy it too if he were to kiss Yuuki? Saga had thought about this and his only solution was maybe he would find his answers after he kisses Yuuki. He knew it will seem wrong but this was the only way he could figure it out but he doesn’t have the courage to do it. He really needed someone to encourage him and it was weird that not even Nao or Uncle Yuu could encourage him.
His mind yet again drifted to Tora, suddenly remembering Tora’s encouraging words in everything and it always helped him. So does this mean that he likes Tora? More than a friend? He wasn’t sure. What he was sure of that Tora was really a very precious friend for him, just like Nao is to him, yet his heart always ached whenever he thinks of Tora. He really had to figure this out soon because he didn’t want to avoid Tora or Yuuki far longer now.
“I’m really gonna settle this once and for all today…” He mumbled as he opened his eyes.
The pianist sat up straight again and got off the bench. He figured that he can finish this piece in the morning since the due time was until afternoon so he can just be done for today and go to Yuuki today to clear everything. He took his glasses from the case and put it on before taking his bag, striding towards the door and exited the music room.
○●○●○
Saga just got inside the station when he heard his name being called from behind. And it was a very familiar voice, the voice he longed so much. He slowly turned around and found the cinema student walking towards him looking as handsome as always and Saga didn’t know why his heart skipped a beat at that.
“It’s been a while. How are you?” Tora asked with a smile.
Saga smiled back. “I’m okay. Just working on the last piece for finals. Are you here to pass your paper?”
“Yeah. Gonna go meet up with Shou and my high school friends who are visiting Tokyo after this.”
“That sounds fun.”
The atmosphere went silent for a moment and Saga could feel that they were getting awkward with each other. He was going to say something when suddenly, Tora spoke first.
“So, where are you going?”
Saga had to think before answering. He didn’t know if he should tell Tora that he was going to Yuuki’s place because he didn’t want to get more awkward with Tora. But then again, Saga was never good at lying so he just answered it, not without hesitancy.
“I’m…going to Kimisawa-sensei’s place…”
Saga had expected the surprise in Tora’s eyes. He had expected the man to be quiet and the awkwardness came. What he hadn’t expected though was Tora suddenly smiling softly at him and nodded.
“I see. Well, I’ll see you around. It was really nice to see you again, Saga.” The elder man said before starting to walk away.
Saga quickly turned and called the cinema student again, grasping his wrist. Tora stopped and turned to the pianist again. Puzzling eyes looking straight at Saga’s worried ones.
Saga wanted to tell ask him that he misses him and wonder if he can hangout with him again but why wouldn’t the words come out? Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? This was Tora, his friend, not his ex-boyfriend so it’s not wrong to say that was it?
“Saga…?” Tora called again, moving a step closer.
Saga just lowered his head and let go of Tora’s wrist, only to hold Tora’s hand again. Again, Tora did something Saga didn’t expect again. The elder man moved even closer and lifted Saga’s chin slowly so he can face the other man. He was greeted by the same soft smile that Saga was so fond of.
“It’s okay.” Tora whispered.
Saga wanted to say something again if only it wasn’t interrupted by Tora’s phone, ringing loudly and he could hear the other man curse. Tora sighed and let go of Saga’s hand before taking his iPhone from his pocket.
“I thought I turned it into silent mode…” Tora mumbled before finally answering the phone.
Saga stayed quiet as he listened to Tora speaking on the phone. It seemed that it was Shou because from the way the cinema student spoke, it was definitely his characteristic when talking to Shou. He listened as the other apologized and will be there in half an hour. After Tora finally hung up, Saga watched as the elder man sighed.
“Sorry, Saga. I really gotta get going. Everyone is already there and I still have to pass my papers.” Tora apologized.
Saga just shook his head and smiled. “It’s okay. Go get going then.”
Tora grinned. “I’ll see you around again. Good luck to the two of you.” He said before finally tapping at the gate machine and exited the station.
Saga just stood there for a good few minutes before realizing that Tora must’ve think that he’s together with Yuuki now. He turned around and head towards the escalator that led to the platform with a frown on his face.
○●○●○
Saga finally pressed the doorbell after standing still for a few good minutes. He had stepped in front of Yuuki’s flat a while ago but didn’t have the guts to press the doorbell. He was still nervous and didn’t exactly know what he wanted to say except that he wanted to try and kiss Yuuki. It had been almost a week since he last saw the professor and the last time they met, it wasn’t in a good circumstance. Sure, Yuuki looked fine but Saga knew better that his mentor was hurting and he was sure things would be awkward now. But he had made up his mind that he was going to settle this today so he can go back being normal.
Yuuki’s voice was suddenly heard from the intercom.
“Yes, who is it?”
Saga was glad that the man was home because he knew how busy the professor was.
“It’s Takashi…”
There was a pause before he heard doors unlocking from behind and not long after that, Yuuki appeared, wearing surprisingly normal clothes. It’s been a while, Saga thought because he usually sees his long time crush in formal wear.
“Hey, Takashi… I didn’t expect you to visit…” Yuuki greeted, his voice heavy with surprise.
“Sorry… Is it a bad time…?” Saga asked hesitantly.
Yuuki shook his head. “No, no! Please, come in!”
Yuuki stepped aside and let the younger man in. Saga bowed slightly and muttered ‘Ojyamashimasu’ before taking off his shoes and entered further inside. He waited for Yuuki to close the door before leading him into the living room. Saga took a seat at the sofa and put down his bag.
“Do you want some drinks?” Yuuki asked again, standing not far from him.
“Ah, just water is fine, thank you.” Saga replied with a smile.
Yuuki nodded and went to the kitchen. Saga roamed his eyes around the living room as he waited. It really has been a while since he came here and it hasn’t change at all. His eyes landed on the pictures hanging on the wall and saw that there was still a picture of him and Yuuki a few years back when he was still 13. The age where he realized that he has a crush on the man who was getting a drink for him.
Not long after, Yuuki returned and settled the glass on the low coffee table before sitting on the small couch across Saga. Saga thanked him and began to drink the water.
“So what brings you here? You’re lucky that I’m on my day off.” Yuuki chuckled at the last sentence.
Saga gave a small laugh. “I was also afraid that you wouldn’t be home, but I guess I was lucky.”
“Yeah… it’s been a while since we talk this casually, right? How is life treating you so far?”
Saga kept on smiling as he answered his mentor’s question. Soon, they engaged into a conversation; talking about old times and about each other’s lives. Saga almost forgot that he was here to settle their problem once and for all but with the way the professor was chatting so lively, he didn’t have the heart to interrupt that. Eventually, their conversation died down and turned into an awkward silence. Suddenly, Saga could feel that the atmosphere became heavy when he was asked the next question.
“So…why are you exactly here?”
Saga noticed that Yuuki’s voice was serious and the way his eyes pierced at him was somewhat intimidating. It made Saga nervous and so he could only lowered his head and took a deep breath. He could do this. He needed to do this otherwise he won’t be at peace.
He looked up again, eyes looking back at Yuuki’s.
“I came here to talk about the other day. I didn’t…give you a clear answer that time because I was still disconcerted, so I just told you to give me some time to think.” Saga replied surprisingly with a steady voice.
Yuuki nodded slowly. “Okay… So you finally have an answer for me?”
“Yes… but first, I wanted to tell you something.”
“Go ahead. I’m listening…”
Saga took a deep breath before finally starting. “Yuuki, you have to know that I have held a crush on you since I was thirteen. The real reason I became your assistant is because I wanted to be closer to you. You were the first person who was there for me and I admired you for that. Every day I felt so grateful that I had someone like you and along the way, I began to develop feelings. I was always so happy whenever I was with you. I was a child who was home-schooled and didn’t get out much because my parents were always busy and there you were, teaching me about the world, that it was okay to rely on others and about…love. I wanted to know more about you then by being with you always. I even entered the same university where you’re teaching and that’s when I realized that I liked you a lot but I didn’t have the courage to tell you because you were so lively and here I am, just an awkward music student.”
Saga chuckled at the last sentence.
“Then I started to let go a little, thinking that maybe you will never like me because I was way younger than you and a man for that matter so I was disconcerted when you confessed to me, thinking that I could’ve been with you all these years. I…would’ve answered you that time if only my mind wasn’t thinking about another guy…that I’ve grown so close lately.”
Saga didn’t know that he had been looking down during half of his story so he looked up again and Yuuki was still looking at him quietly. He didn’t see any sign that the other man was going speak anytime soon so he continued.
“I’m confused. That guy confessed to me also, four days after you and my mind just went crazy. I was really thinking and thinking, but in the end, I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t decide with whom I want to have a further relationship with so the only option I could think of to figure out is to…kiss you…and see if I’m really attracted to you that way.”
Saga was reluctant in the end because he knew how selfish this request was but he really needed to find out. It was the only thing he could do to finally decide. He watched as the man across him pondered. His face was serious and ruminating, making Saga even more nervous. He was slightly taken aback when Yuuki just chuckled.
“So you want me to be your experiment for your own benefit?” He asked sarcastically.
Saga felt bad then and lowered his head again. “I’m sorry… I know it’s not right but…” He couldn’t finish his last sentence.
The pianist heard his professor sighed and soon footsteps, thinking that maybe he went somewhere but was surprised when the other man was sitting beside him.
“You’re lucky because I really want to kiss you too. Otherwise I’ll be offended.” The elder man said in amusement.
Saga just stared because he couldn’t believe that Yuuki was actually accepting his selfish request. But then again, he thought, that this was Yuuki, the man who cared for him so much…just like Tora. He could finally have his own answer and he couldn’t wait to get this over with. He watched as Yuuki shifted closer to him and cupped his jaw in one hand. They stared at each other for a while before Saga finally closed his eyes and felt a pair of lips plastering to his. Then the pair of lips moved slowly against his lips and Saga kissed back as slow, savoring the sensation. He tried to feel that spark, that excitement which will make him dizzy but wait…
This was…
Saga pulled back slowly when he felt that Yuuki was breaking the kiss too. They breathed heavily, trying to grasp the air that they lost as they stared at each other once again.
“…Well?” Yuuki asked after gaining his breathing back.
A smile slowly crept up at Saga’s face.
He’d definitely figured out his true feelings.
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