SHEER PERFECTION/ Quote 6
Title : Sheer Perfection
Chapter(s) : 06/13
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG ~ NC-17
Genre : AU, Drama, Romance.
Band(s) : A9 (alice nine.)
Warning(s) : Cavities.
Pairing(s) : ToraSaga, YOUxGACKT, ShouPon
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Tora had always thought that the full bloom of the Cherry Blossoms were the most beautiful view in his life but everything changes when a substitute lecturer decides to take over his class. Please forgive me for the poor summary
Comments : Heavily inspired by the song entitled 'Sempurna' by Andra and The Backbone and by this picture of ToSa.
VI
"Don't leave me, Please."
“Tora… Earth to Tora!”
Tora jumped at the sudden call from his friend beside him. He was dumbfounded for mere seconds before he shook his head and turned to his company bewilderedly.
Saga frowned out of concern. “Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out for the past five minutes. Your food is getting cold.”
“A-Ah well…” Tora mumbled and turned to look at his food.
It was nowhere near finish. He only took three or four bites before his mind began to wonder off about what Hiroto had told him earlier. Damn, he couldn’t believe he got distracted. He didn’t want Saga to notice that he was bothered by something. It was not the time to discuss about this. He still has lots of information to process on.
“Tora, you’re doing it again.”
The cinema student jumped again at the exasperated tone coming from Saga. Tora sighed and put down his chopsticks.
“I’m sorry, Saga. I was thinking about finals…as always. Somehow I can’t relax properly until finals are over.” Tora felt bad lying to Saga, but he had no choice.
“It is taking our energy so much, huh…” Saga responded with a sigh as well.
A soft breeze passed by then, as if to try to wash away the silent atmosphere between them. After meeting up, they both agreed to have lunch at the campus’ nearby park, buying a bento from their favorite take-out shop and hoped that it could relax them but throughout the time, Tora had been distracted a few times, causing their conversation not going smoothly and Saga was beginning to worry.
“I’m sorry…” Saga finally uttered.
Tora turned to his friend with a puzzled look. “What are you apologizing for?”
“Because of me always asking for your help for my composition, your own projects are all over the place. I’m so sorry for taking so much of your time where you could actually use them to finish your own…” Saga frowned even more and nibbled his lower lip, feeling guilty.
Tora smiled softly. “Hey, c’mon, I never said that.” He put his hand on Saga’s shoulder. “I’m happy I could help. And you’re not taking my time at all. If I think that you do, I would refuse. I thought you know that by now.”
Saga’s frown turned into a giggle as he remembered back to the time when he said the exact same sentence. “Saying it back to me, huh?”
Tora just grinned and chuckled. “Don’t ever feel guilty, okay? Like I said, I’m happy to be able to help you.”
Saga nodded in gratitude. “Thank you, Tora. Two weeks… Two weeks until finals, then it’s over.”
Tora just smiled and nodded, agreeing with the pianist. They continued their lunch again, conversation going more smoothly this time with jokes and laughs. During the whole time though, Tora’s mind was still distracted by Hiroto’s story. It was clinging to his mind like a parasite and he didn’t know how to kill it.
○●○●○
Tora put his glasses down and as he took a break from typing his laptop. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands as he let out a tired sigh. He was not tired from working on his assignment; rather, he was tired of being so distracted that he couldn’t focus on it. He glanced at the clock sitting on his study desk. He had been working on it for almost two hours and only came with three pages. It wasn’t like him at all, he knew. But this time, he really was bothered as hell.
He finally gave up and saved his work, turning the laptop on sleep mode before getting up from his desk to launch to his bed, falling his face down. He sighed again and turned his head on his side as his mind began to drift back about the incident.
“Well… I didn’t know directly from Saga, but…” Hiroto trailed as he tried to find words about what he was going to say.
The little man was feeling a little bit nervous with two pair of eyes paying attention to him so intently. He saw Shou smiling at him then as if to encourage him and so he took a breath.
“One day, I just got home from another date with Shou and when I was about to open the door of mine and Saga’s room, I heard that Saga had company. From the voice, I knew that it was Nao. I didn’t know what to do. I was torn between entering or come back later because usually whenever Nao is in our room, it means that Saga is confiding in him. And then, without meaning to, I heard Nao asking about how Saga and a guy named Yuuki was these days. I thought it was just one of their friends and I decided to just leave them be for a while, but the next thing Nao said caught my ears.” Hiroto stopped and bit his lower lip, hesitating on how he should tell on what happened next.
“Go on, Hiroto.” Encouraged Tora.
Hiroto nodded. “He said ‘Are you two getting closer now that you’re his assistant?’, and I couldn’t help but get curious. I could tell from Saga’s answer that he was embarrassed getting asked like that. Then they began talking about how Saga had worked hard to get into that position and I found out that they guy named Yuuki was actually Kimisawa-sensei. He mentioned something then being grateful for having this Yuuki guy being the person who taught him everything when he had no one to learn with. Then I finally found out about the reason Saga became Kimsawa-sensei’s assistant. Nao was the one who revealed that Saga has always been talking about Kimisawa-sensei ever since they met and something about how one will do anything to get near to the one they love.”
“So…the reason why Saga became Kimisawa-sensei’s assistant is because he has a crush on the professor…?” Shou concluded Hiroto’s story with voice full of hesitancy, not wanting to hurt Tora.
Hiroto nodded slowly. “Yes. And with Nao knowing… Saga’s feelings might have already been there ever since they met; which was during middle school. That’s a pretty long time, don’t you think?”
“Yeah… He might still be keeping it until now…” Shou answered with a frown.
They both turned to Tora then, who was looking straight ahead and nothing in particular. His expression was blank and dead. The lovers looked at each other then with a frown, unsure on what to do with the heartbroken man…at least that what he looks like to them.
“I….”
They looked at Tora again, waiting for what the eldest of the two was going to say.
“He told me that he did have a private teacher because he was home-schooled. I never expected that it would turn out to be Kimisawa-sensei…”
Both Shou and Hiroto couldn’t exactly define Tora’s tone. It was between sad and flat at the same time. Emotionless, just like his expression right now. Shou knew better though that his best friend was hurting. Shou really understood how much Tora had fall for the pianist. Every action and words described it, especially during their summer together.
Shou turned to his lover and saw the frown etched on the smaller man’s face. They were both feeling bad for Tora but they couldn’t do anything, right? Because even if he were to tell Tora to still have hope, he knew that it will still be useless, so he just kept quite.
It was Hiroto though that broke the silence.
“Tora, I’m so sorry…”
They were a bit surprised when they saw Tora smiling softly.
“Hey, why are you apologizing?”
“But…” Hiroto started again.
“Thank you, for telling me. At least now I know Saga is into guys as well.”
Tora’s reverie broke when a knock came from his door. He didn’t bother to get up and open it though, still in the same position, Tora shouted who it was on the other side of the door. Yuu’s voice was heard then, voice a little louder and Tora can perfectly hear him.
“I made dinner, do you want some?”
Tora was going to reject the offer but his stomach wouldn’t have that. Just when he was about to speak, his stomach growled in protest and he just sighed.
“Yeah, I’m coming in a minute.”
He heard Yuu’s footsteps then, getting further and further apart from his door room. He sat up from the bed and felt his bed vibrate. He looked back and saw his screen phone flashing. He didn’t bother to take it though but looked at it. It was from Shou, cheering him up and telling him that everything will work out. The cinema student just smiled at his best friend’s antics.
Maybe everything will work out eventually, but Tora still didn’t know what to do. He was still in shock, as if he was given a very thick invisible wall and trying to get rid of it. Especially when this wall was none other than his own lecturer. The lecturer that he considered as a close one. His mind was curious then, about the history between them. He wanted to know how they met and how Kimisawa-sensei could capture Saga’s heart. Well… It’s not as though they’re dating yet but still, Tora was hurt. He really felt as though he really had lost hope and he now doesn’t know how to face Saga. He didn’t want Saga to know about this but avoiding him wasn’t an option.
Should he just tell Saga that he can’t meet him for a while because he wants to focus on his project? But what if Saga always saw him and Shou together and notice that he was avoiding the pianist? What if he hurt the beautiful man without him knowing? What if Saga thinks that he hates him? What if-
Stop.
Tora closed his eyes for a moment and waited for his mind to calm down, putting aside all the questions. He opened his eyes again and averted his eyes to the picture pinned to his study wall. It was a picture of the five of them during Saga’s birthday. Both he and Saga were beside each other with Saga’s arm around his shoulders, smiling so happily. He decided then, he needed time for himself and he was sure that Saga will understand. He has to.
○●○●○
In the end, Tora did avoided Saga surprisingly well. The pianist didn’t ask him further question about suddenly wanting to focus on his project so he couldn’t help Saga with his composition for a while. And that while has already been 4 days. Three days to go before the finals’ week begins. Tora didn’t actually lie when he wanted to focus on his projects and finals, he actually did focus for a day or two, but the rest was him thinking, finding an answer of what he should do, even during at his part-time at a cinema theater. Sadly enough, he couldn’t think of anything except of confessing to Saga.
He thought that maybe confessing Saga would make his mind at ease. Knowing Saga’s true feelings: if he still has a crush on his favorite professor or not. But then again, just thinking of Saga rejecting him already put an uncomfortable feeling towards Tora’s being. He didn’t want to accept the painful truth yet. He needed time to prepare himself. But deep inside his heart knew that avoiding Saga wouldn’t get him anywhere except for uncertainty. Sure, they still talk on the phone and texting each other but Tora really couldn’t face Saga because he was afraid of bursting everything out. He realized though that 4 days was enough for moping. He had to see Saga again otherwise the pianist will definitely be suspicious of him and he didn’t want the younger man to ask him questions.
And so, he called Saga that night and it was an immediate answer. He could tell just from the greeting, Saga was happy.
“Hey, do you still need my help for your composition?” Tora asked.
“Oh… Honestly? I do. I need your help for the fourth composition.”
“Okay, you want to do it tomorrow?”
“Is it really okay? Am I not bothering you?”
Tora chuckled at the concern the other was giving. “Not at all. I’m almost finished with all my projects so it’s not a bother.”
“Oh good! Otsukaresama!” The pianist giggled. “Okay then, tomorrow after lunch in the music room?”
“Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, can’t wait! I…. I miss you, anyway.”
Tora didn’t miss the slight longing visible in Saga’s voice and his heart skipped a beat at that. He was quiet for a while, too overwhelmed at hearing those words. He couldn’t deny it, he was genuinely happy that it made his lips turn into a smile.
“I miss you too, Sagacchi.”
The other line just chuckled and Tora chuckled along as well. After they bid their goodbyes, the cinema student just stood there for while, thinking whether he’ll be able to face Saga and act normal or not tomorrow.
○●○●○
It turned out that Tora couldn’t act normal at all. The second when he saw the pianist already sitting on the piano seat, waiting for him, and then got up happily greeting him, Tora’s heartbeat lost its rhythm and began to pound erratically. He somehow felt different when they hugged, maybe it’s because he knew the reality; that this hug was purely just a friendly hug and not more. When Tora didn’t discover the truth, he could think in denial that it was a special hug. But now, his brain always flew away to the painful truth.
The session started then after catching up and this was the time when the cinema student realized that he was completely calm on helping his friend. It was okay then until he realized that the pianist always play the wrong key from what Tora suggested. He immediately knew then. It was not him who was not acting normal, it was Saga. It had been more than five times that Saga lost his focus. He knew that there was something bothering the teenager. He was more convinced then when Saga suddenly stopped for a brief moment, clearly trying to remember what Tora had told him. That was even the time when the youth decided to ask.
“Saga, are you okay?”
The honey browned-haired teen turned to the black-haired youth and was about to say something but stopped. Tora just watched as the pianist struggled with what to say until he finally heard a long sigh.
“No… I’m actually not okay…”
“What’s wrong?”
The teenager kept quiet so Tora spoke again.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m always here for you.”
Saga shook his head. “Sorry, Tora… This is something that I don’t really want to tell to anyone…”
“Oh… Family problems..?”
“Not really…”
“Love problems, then…?”
The pianist chuckled. “Is it? I don’t really know… All I know is I’m just dealing with feelings…for someone who I’ve known for a long time.”
The last sentence was enough of a key point for Tora to figure out on what his friend was dealing with. His thoughts immediately flew back to that one professor. Who else was the pianist referring to other than his crush? Certainly it can’t be Nao because they are old friends. And as far as Tora remembered, Nao has a girlfriend although far from the city so he was certain that Saga was thinking about a certain professor.
And no.
Tora’s emotions are once again shattered. He had tried so hard to not show it on his face. Tried so hard to not bring up the issue but it seems that his organs were not cooperating with him. He knew that his expression has changed the instant he spat his next words like venom.
“Is it Kimisawa-sensei?”
Surprisingly enough, his tone was calm but there was definitely anger in there.
The honey brown-haired man looked up and turned to the cinema student with pure surprise etched on his face; eyes wide in disbelief.
“What are you talking about?”
Tora knew there was no going back to this. It’s out already and he might as well just settle this once and for all.
“I know your real reason as to why you became Kimisawa’s assistant, Sakamoto.”
The mention of Saga’s real name, above all, last name immediately sent Saga’s brain a hint that Tora was serious, and this made the pianist’s head filled with questions.
“What…?”
The black-haired youth, who was staring at the piano keyboards all these times finally looked up also and turned to his friend with a serious expression.
“I know that you became his assistant just so you can be close to him. Is it true? That you became his assistant because you hold feelings for him and so that you can be closer to him?”
“How did you know? Who told you?”
“Please, answer my question. It’s a simple yes or-”
“Did Nao tell you about this? Because if he did, I swear I’m gonna-”
The honey brown-haired teenager tried to get off from his seat but Tora had prevented it by catching his wrist and interjecting him.
“It’s not him. And it’s not important of how I found out about it.”
The two looked at each other for a brief moment before Tora gently pulled Saga down again.
“Please, sit down…” He said and the pianist complied.
“Why are you so angry?” Tora asked again, voice turning normal now.
“I just don’t like people who spill out secrets. And… This is my deepest secret, and it’s also an old secret that has been kept for so long and Nao is the only who knows it. I’m literally fucking surprised that you know it.”
“Look, I’m sorry okay? I’m just curious as to why you never told me the real reason even though we’ve been friends for a very long while now.”
“I’ve been friends with Hiroto far longer than you and I never told him either.”
But he knows… If only you knew… Tora thought dreadfully.
“But…” Tora couldn’t continue his words because his friend got a point there. He really couldn’t argue back without confessing. But then he knew where this conversation was going. It’s going to end up him confessing and like he intended in the first place. He wanted to settle this once and for all.
“But why are you so afraid of me finding it out, or per se, us; Hiroto and Shou?”
Saga sighed in exasperation. “Like I told you, Tora. This is an old secret of mine and I don’t have the reason to tell them that. Besides, they never ask and I really don’t want to tell anyone about this. Nao knew this because he was the only one I had when I discovered these feelings of mine towards a guy who was ten years older than me.”
“So it really is true that you like Kimisawa-sensei and that’s why you became his assistant so you can be closer to him?”
Saga noticed the change in Tora’s tone. It was between annoyed and pissed, very close to anger. And Saga couldn’t figure out why. Why was it so important for Tora and why is he so angry? And he did just that.
“Yes! Why do you want to know anyway? And why are you so worked up about it?!”
“Because, Saga… I…!”
Tora stopped mid-sentence. His chest heaving as he was breathing hard from the anger. He looked down then, trying to calm himself so he can say the words he wanted to tell properly. Meanwhile, Saga just sat there, staring, and waiting for the other man to finish. Once Tora was calm, the cinema student once again looked up to the younger man, eyes looking straight at the pianist’s brown orbs seriously.
“I like you, Takashi, a lot.” He finally uttered the words he had been keeping in since the first time he saw the pianist.
Saga just stared at the elder man, eyes wide in surprise and stayed that way for a while until Tora spoke again.
“I really like you…more than friends.”
Saga’s expression changed into a frown then, eyes averting from the other man.
“So it’s true then…”
Tora smiled bitterly. “True? The guys told you about it?”
Saga shook his head. “No… I felt it.” He said and looked up at dark-haired man again. “I had a feeling that you liked me but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself so much. You were…so nice to me, Tora. Very caring like I’m the most important person for you. You even gave me the sweetest gift I have ever received in my life on my birthday…”
“The worst pizza you ever tasted.” Tora chuckled at the memory.
“No, it’s not.” Saga couldn’t help but smile as he said that. “The point is I felt your affection and that’s why I had a feeling that you like me.”
They were silent for few moments before Saga spoke again.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You had… so many chances.”
“I wasn’t sure if you were into guys. I was also afraid that it would ruin our friendship.”
“….Right…”
Another silence passed by until Tora slowly, but surely, took Saga’s hand in his, rubbing the back of his hand and looking down on it.
“Well… I guess what you’re feeling is true alright. I’ve been keeping it ever since I saw you. I told my uncle though and both Shou and Hiroto also presumed it because I was so obvious.” He laughed at his last sentence and shifted closer to the younger man. “I guess Nao is the only one who doesn’t know. Uncle Yuu probably knows from my uncle though.” He looked back up again and saw Saga still with the same expression.
With no words coming out of Saga, Tora decided to do a bold action. He really was never good with words so he might as well just express it through actions on how much he really does like Saga. He leaned in his face closer and closer, watching every expression the pianist held. The frown was replaced with pure confusion and he couldn’t help feeling happy when he saw the realization hit Saga. He stopped and stared at the beautiful brown orbs, asking silently. He immediately got his answer when Saga closed his eyes and captured those plump lips that he had been dying to taste in a kiss. It was hesitant at first, and then confidence took over the elder man when the other didn’t back away. He fully kissed the pianist without heat, just simply enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips. He pulled back slowly then, leaning his forehead against the younger one as he closed his eyes, taking in the closeness between them.
“Please, be with me, Sagacchi.”
He pleaded in a whisper with his heart holding on to the hope he had been keeping all this time.
<< ｜ >>
I deeply apologized for updating this story so slow. I was struggling with a certain chapter that I had to postpone this one many times. I'm still continuing though, don't worry! I plan to finish this. Hopefully, I'll be able to update faster cause I still have so many stories in my mind that I want to share XD Thank you for still sticking up with this story! I hope you enjoy this one too :D
As always, comments are always appreciated and the source of my will, thanks! ^___^
Chapter(s) : 06/13
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG ~ NC-17
Genre : AU, Drama, Romance.
Band(s) : A9 (alice nine.)
Warning(s) : Cavities.
Pairing(s) : ToraSaga, YOUxGACKT, ShouPon
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Tora had always thought that the full bloom of the Cherry Blossoms were the most beautiful view in his life but everything changes when a substitute lecturer decides to take over his class. Please forgive me for the poor summary
Comments : Heavily inspired by the song entitled 'Sempurna' by Andra and The Backbone and by this picture of ToSa.
VI
"Don't leave me, Please."
“Tora… Earth to Tora!”
Tora jumped at the sudden call from his friend beside him. He was dumbfounded for mere seconds before he shook his head and turned to his company bewilderedly.
Saga frowned out of concern. “Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out for the past five minutes. Your food is getting cold.”
“A-Ah well…” Tora mumbled and turned to look at his food.
It was nowhere near finish. He only took three or four bites before his mind began to wonder off about what Hiroto had told him earlier. Damn, he couldn’t believe he got distracted. He didn’t want Saga to notice that he was bothered by something. It was not the time to discuss about this. He still has lots of information to process on.
“Tora, you’re doing it again.”
The cinema student jumped again at the exasperated tone coming from Saga. Tora sighed and put down his chopsticks.
“I’m sorry, Saga. I was thinking about finals…as always. Somehow I can’t relax properly until finals are over.” Tora felt bad lying to Saga, but he had no choice.
“It is taking our energy so much, huh…” Saga responded with a sigh as well.
A soft breeze passed by then, as if to try to wash away the silent atmosphere between them. After meeting up, they both agreed to have lunch at the campus’ nearby park, buying a bento from their favorite take-out shop and hoped that it could relax them but throughout the time, Tora had been distracted a few times, causing their conversation not going smoothly and Saga was beginning to worry.
“I’m sorry…” Saga finally uttered.
Tora turned to his friend with a puzzled look. “What are you apologizing for?”
“Because of me always asking for your help for my composition, your own projects are all over the place. I’m so sorry for taking so much of your time where you could actually use them to finish your own…” Saga frowned even more and nibbled his lower lip, feeling guilty.
Tora smiled softly. “Hey, c’mon, I never said that.” He put his hand on Saga’s shoulder. “I’m happy I could help. And you’re not taking my time at all. If I think that you do, I would refuse. I thought you know that by now.”
Saga’s frown turned into a giggle as he remembered back to the time when he said the exact same sentence. “Saying it back to me, huh?”
Tora just grinned and chuckled. “Don’t ever feel guilty, okay? Like I said, I’m happy to be able to help you.”
Saga nodded in gratitude. “Thank you, Tora. Two weeks… Two weeks until finals, then it’s over.”
Tora just smiled and nodded, agreeing with the pianist. They continued their lunch again, conversation going more smoothly this time with jokes and laughs. During the whole time though, Tora’s mind was still distracted by Hiroto’s story. It was clinging to his mind like a parasite and he didn’t know how to kill it.
○●○●○
Tora put his glasses down and as he took a break from typing his laptop. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands as he let out a tired sigh. He was not tired from working on his assignment; rather, he was tired of being so distracted that he couldn’t focus on it. He glanced at the clock sitting on his study desk. He had been working on it for almost two hours and only came with three pages. It wasn’t like him at all, he knew. But this time, he really was bothered as hell.
He finally gave up and saved his work, turning the laptop on sleep mode before getting up from his desk to launch to his bed, falling his face down. He sighed again and turned his head on his side as his mind began to drift back about the incident.
“Well… I didn’t know directly from Saga, but…” Hiroto trailed as he tried to find words about what he was going to say.
The little man was feeling a little bit nervous with two pair of eyes paying attention to him so intently. He saw Shou smiling at him then as if to encourage him and so he took a breath.
“One day, I just got home from another date with Shou and when I was about to open the door of mine and Saga’s room, I heard that Saga had company. From the voice, I knew that it was Nao. I didn’t know what to do. I was torn between entering or come back later because usually whenever Nao is in our room, it means that Saga is confiding in him. And then, without meaning to, I heard Nao asking about how Saga and a guy named Yuuki was these days. I thought it was just one of their friends and I decided to just leave them be for a while, but the next thing Nao said caught my ears.” Hiroto stopped and bit his lower lip, hesitating on how he should tell on what happened next.
“Go on, Hiroto.” Encouraged Tora.
Hiroto nodded. “He said ‘Are you two getting closer now that you’re his assistant?’, and I couldn’t help but get curious. I could tell from Saga’s answer that he was embarrassed getting asked like that. Then they began talking about how Saga had worked hard to get into that position and I found out that they guy named Yuuki was actually Kimisawa-sensei. He mentioned something then being grateful for having this Yuuki guy being the person who taught him everything when he had no one to learn with. Then I finally found out about the reason Saga became Kimsawa-sensei’s assistant. Nao was the one who revealed that Saga has always been talking about Kimisawa-sensei ever since they met and something about how one will do anything to get near to the one they love.”
“So…the reason why Saga became Kimisawa-sensei’s assistant is because he has a crush on the professor…?” Shou concluded Hiroto’s story with voice full of hesitancy, not wanting to hurt Tora.
Hiroto nodded slowly. “Yes. And with Nao knowing… Saga’s feelings might have already been there ever since they met; which was during middle school. That’s a pretty long time, don’t you think?”
“Yeah… He might still be keeping it until now…” Shou answered with a frown.
They both turned to Tora then, who was looking straight ahead and nothing in particular. His expression was blank and dead. The lovers looked at each other then with a frown, unsure on what to do with the heartbroken man…at least that what he looks like to them.
“I….”
They looked at Tora again, waiting for what the eldest of the two was going to say.
“He told me that he did have a private teacher because he was home-schooled. I never expected that it would turn out to be Kimisawa-sensei…”
Both Shou and Hiroto couldn’t exactly define Tora’s tone. It was between sad and flat at the same time. Emotionless, just like his expression right now. Shou knew better though that his best friend was hurting. Shou really understood how much Tora had fall for the pianist. Every action and words described it, especially during their summer together.
Shou turned to his lover and saw the frown etched on the smaller man’s face. They were both feeling bad for Tora but they couldn’t do anything, right? Because even if he were to tell Tora to still have hope, he knew that it will still be useless, so he just kept quite.
It was Hiroto though that broke the silence.
“Tora, I’m so sorry…”
They were a bit surprised when they saw Tora smiling softly.
“Hey, why are you apologizing?”
“But…” Hiroto started again.
“Thank you, for telling me. At least now I know Saga is into guys as well.”
Tora’s reverie broke when a knock came from his door. He didn’t bother to get up and open it though, still in the same position, Tora shouted who it was on the other side of the door. Yuu’s voice was heard then, voice a little louder and Tora can perfectly hear him.
“I made dinner, do you want some?”
Tora was going to reject the offer but his stomach wouldn’t have that. Just when he was about to speak, his stomach growled in protest and he just sighed.
“Yeah, I’m coming in a minute.”
He heard Yuu’s footsteps then, getting further and further apart from his door room. He sat up from the bed and felt his bed vibrate. He looked back and saw his screen phone flashing. He didn’t bother to take it though but looked at it. It was from Shou, cheering him up and telling him that everything will work out. The cinema student just smiled at his best friend’s antics.
Maybe everything will work out eventually, but Tora still didn’t know what to do. He was still in shock, as if he was given a very thick invisible wall and trying to get rid of it. Especially when this wall was none other than his own lecturer. The lecturer that he considered as a close one. His mind was curious then, about the history between them. He wanted to know how they met and how Kimisawa-sensei could capture Saga’s heart. Well… It’s not as though they’re dating yet but still, Tora was hurt. He really felt as though he really had lost hope and he now doesn’t know how to face Saga. He didn’t want Saga to know about this but avoiding him wasn’t an option.
Should he just tell Saga that he can’t meet him for a while because he wants to focus on his project? But what if Saga always saw him and Shou together and notice that he was avoiding the pianist? What if he hurt the beautiful man without him knowing? What if Saga thinks that he hates him? What if-
Stop.
Tora closed his eyes for a moment and waited for his mind to calm down, putting aside all the questions. He opened his eyes again and averted his eyes to the picture pinned to his study wall. It was a picture of the five of them during Saga’s birthday. Both he and Saga were beside each other with Saga’s arm around his shoulders, smiling so happily. He decided then, he needed time for himself and he was sure that Saga will understand. He has to.
○●○●○
In the end, Tora did avoided Saga surprisingly well. The pianist didn’t ask him further question about suddenly wanting to focus on his project so he couldn’t help Saga with his composition for a while. And that while has already been 4 days. Three days to go before the finals’ week begins. Tora didn’t actually lie when he wanted to focus on his projects and finals, he actually did focus for a day or two, but the rest was him thinking, finding an answer of what he should do, even during at his part-time at a cinema theater. Sadly enough, he couldn’t think of anything except of confessing to Saga.
He thought that maybe confessing Saga would make his mind at ease. Knowing Saga’s true feelings: if he still has a crush on his favorite professor or not. But then again, just thinking of Saga rejecting him already put an uncomfortable feeling towards Tora’s being. He didn’t want to accept the painful truth yet. He needed time to prepare himself. But deep inside his heart knew that avoiding Saga wouldn’t get him anywhere except for uncertainty. Sure, they still talk on the phone and texting each other but Tora really couldn’t face Saga because he was afraid of bursting everything out. He realized though that 4 days was enough for moping. He had to see Saga again otherwise the pianist will definitely be suspicious of him and he didn’t want the younger man to ask him questions.
And so, he called Saga that night and it was an immediate answer. He could tell just from the greeting, Saga was happy.
“Hey, do you still need my help for your composition?” Tora asked.
“Oh… Honestly? I do. I need your help for the fourth composition.”
“Okay, you want to do it tomorrow?”
“Is it really okay? Am I not bothering you?”
Tora chuckled at the concern the other was giving. “Not at all. I’m almost finished with all my projects so it’s not a bother.”
“Oh good! Otsukaresama!” The pianist giggled. “Okay then, tomorrow after lunch in the music room?”
“Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, can’t wait! I…. I miss you, anyway.”
Tora didn’t miss the slight longing visible in Saga’s voice and his heart skipped a beat at that. He was quiet for a while, too overwhelmed at hearing those words. He couldn’t deny it, he was genuinely happy that it made his lips turn into a smile.
“I miss you too, Sagacchi.”
The other line just chuckled and Tora chuckled along as well. After they bid their goodbyes, the cinema student just stood there for while, thinking whether he’ll be able to face Saga and act normal or not tomorrow.
○●○●○
It turned out that Tora couldn’t act normal at all. The second when he saw the pianist already sitting on the piano seat, waiting for him, and then got up happily greeting him, Tora’s heartbeat lost its rhythm and began to pound erratically. He somehow felt different when they hugged, maybe it’s because he knew the reality; that this hug was purely just a friendly hug and not more. When Tora didn’t discover the truth, he could think in denial that it was a special hug. But now, his brain always flew away to the painful truth.
The session started then after catching up and this was the time when the cinema student realized that he was completely calm on helping his friend. It was okay then until he realized that the pianist always play the wrong key from what Tora suggested. He immediately knew then. It was not him who was not acting normal, it was Saga. It had been more than five times that Saga lost his focus. He knew that there was something bothering the teenager. He was more convinced then when Saga suddenly stopped for a brief moment, clearly trying to remember what Tora had told him. That was even the time when the youth decided to ask.
“Saga, are you okay?”
The honey browned-haired teen turned to the black-haired youth and was about to say something but stopped. Tora just watched as the pianist struggled with what to say until he finally heard a long sigh.
“No… I’m actually not okay…”
“What’s wrong?”
The teenager kept quiet so Tora spoke again.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m always here for you.”
Saga shook his head. “Sorry, Tora… This is something that I don’t really want to tell to anyone…”
“Oh… Family problems..?”
“Not really…”
“Love problems, then…?”
The pianist chuckled. “Is it? I don’t really know… All I know is I’m just dealing with feelings…for someone who I’ve known for a long time.”
The last sentence was enough of a key point for Tora to figure out on what his friend was dealing with. His thoughts immediately flew back to that one professor. Who else was the pianist referring to other than his crush? Certainly it can’t be Nao because they are old friends. And as far as Tora remembered, Nao has a girlfriend although far from the city so he was certain that Saga was thinking about a certain professor.
And no.
Tora’s emotions are once again shattered. He had tried so hard to not show it on his face. Tried so hard to not bring up the issue but it seems that his organs were not cooperating with him. He knew that his expression has changed the instant he spat his next words like venom.
“Is it Kimisawa-sensei?”
Surprisingly enough, his tone was calm but there was definitely anger in there.
The honey brown-haired man looked up and turned to the cinema student with pure surprise etched on his face; eyes wide in disbelief.
“What are you talking about?”
Tora knew there was no going back to this. It’s out already and he might as well just settle this once and for all.
“I know your real reason as to why you became Kimisawa’s assistant, Sakamoto.”
The mention of Saga’s real name, above all, last name immediately sent Saga’s brain a hint that Tora was serious, and this made the pianist’s head filled with questions.
“What…?”
The black-haired youth, who was staring at the piano keyboards all these times finally looked up also and turned to his friend with a serious expression.
“I know that you became his assistant just so you can be close to him. Is it true? That you became his assistant because you hold feelings for him and so that you can be closer to him?”
“How did you know? Who told you?”
“Please, answer my question. It’s a simple yes or-”
“Did Nao tell you about this? Because if he did, I swear I’m gonna-”
The honey brown-haired teenager tried to get off from his seat but Tora had prevented it by catching his wrist and interjecting him.
“It’s not him. And it’s not important of how I found out about it.”
The two looked at each other for a brief moment before Tora gently pulled Saga down again.
“Please, sit down…” He said and the pianist complied.
“Why are you so angry?” Tora asked again, voice turning normal now.
“I just don’t like people who spill out secrets. And… This is my deepest secret, and it’s also an old secret that has been kept for so long and Nao is the only who knows it. I’m literally fucking surprised that you know it.”
“Look, I’m sorry okay? I’m just curious as to why you never told me the real reason even though we’ve been friends for a very long while now.”
“I’ve been friends with Hiroto far longer than you and I never told him either.”
But he knows… If only you knew… Tora thought dreadfully.
“But…” Tora couldn’t continue his words because his friend got a point there. He really couldn’t argue back without confessing. But then he knew where this conversation was going. It’s going to end up him confessing and like he intended in the first place. He wanted to settle this once and for all.
“But why are you so afraid of me finding it out, or per se, us; Hiroto and Shou?”
Saga sighed in exasperation. “Like I told you, Tora. This is an old secret of mine and I don’t have the reason to tell them that. Besides, they never ask and I really don’t want to tell anyone about this. Nao knew this because he was the only one I had when I discovered these feelings of mine towards a guy who was ten years older than me.”
“So it really is true that you like Kimisawa-sensei and that’s why you became his assistant so you can be closer to him?”
Saga noticed the change in Tora’s tone. It was between annoyed and pissed, very close to anger. And Saga couldn’t figure out why. Why was it so important for Tora and why is he so angry? And he did just that.
“Yes! Why do you want to know anyway? And why are you so worked up about it?!”
“Because, Saga… I…!”
Tora stopped mid-sentence. His chest heaving as he was breathing hard from the anger. He looked down then, trying to calm himself so he can say the words he wanted to tell properly. Meanwhile, Saga just sat there, staring, and waiting for the other man to finish. Once Tora was calm, the cinema student once again looked up to the younger man, eyes looking straight at the pianist’s brown orbs seriously.
“I like you, Takashi, a lot.” He finally uttered the words he had been keeping in since the first time he saw the pianist.
Saga just stared at the elder man, eyes wide in surprise and stayed that way for a while until Tora spoke again.
“I really like you…more than friends.”
Saga’s expression changed into a frown then, eyes averting from the other man.
“So it’s true then…”
Tora smiled bitterly. “True? The guys told you about it?”
Saga shook his head. “No… I felt it.” He said and looked up at dark-haired man again. “I had a feeling that you liked me but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself so much. You were…so nice to me, Tora. Very caring like I’m the most important person for you. You even gave me the sweetest gift I have ever received in my life on my birthday…”
“The worst pizza you ever tasted.” Tora chuckled at the memory.
“No, it’s not.” Saga couldn’t help but smile as he said that. “The point is I felt your affection and that’s why I had a feeling that you like me.”
They were silent for few moments before Saga spoke again.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You had… so many chances.”
“I wasn’t sure if you were into guys. I was also afraid that it would ruin our friendship.”
“….Right…”
Another silence passed by until Tora slowly, but surely, took Saga’s hand in his, rubbing the back of his hand and looking down on it.
“Well… I guess what you’re feeling is true alright. I’ve been keeping it ever since I saw you. I told my uncle though and both Shou and Hiroto also presumed it because I was so obvious.” He laughed at his last sentence and shifted closer to the younger man. “I guess Nao is the only one who doesn’t know. Uncle Yuu probably knows from my uncle though.” He looked back up again and saw Saga still with the same expression.
With no words coming out of Saga, Tora decided to do a bold action. He really was never good with words so he might as well just express it through actions on how much he really does like Saga. He leaned in his face closer and closer, watching every expression the pianist held. The frown was replaced with pure confusion and he couldn’t help feeling happy when he saw the realization hit Saga. He stopped and stared at the beautiful brown orbs, asking silently. He immediately got his answer when Saga closed his eyes and captured those plump lips that he had been dying to taste in a kiss. It was hesitant at first, and then confidence took over the elder man when the other didn’t back away. He fully kissed the pianist without heat, just simply enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips. He pulled back slowly then, leaning his forehead against the younger one as he closed his eyes, taking in the closeness between them.
“Please, be with me, Sagacchi.”
He pleaded in a whisper with his heart holding on to the hope he had been keeping all this time.
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I deeply apologized for updating this story so slow. I was struggling with a certain chapter that I had to postpone this one many times. I'm still continuing though, don't worry! I plan to finish this. Hopefully, I'll be able to update faster cause I still have so many stories in my mind that I want to share XD Thank you for still sticking up with this story! I hope you enjoy this one too :D
As always, comments are always appreciated and the source of my will, thanks! ^___^