I'm an Emo Fucktard
FYI I'm being a little emo bitch and need to get the fuck over myself.... that said... here's me being emo
I can't make it clear.... I've tried... but I guess ...
nobody's listening... they don't hear the thunder outside their window... they don't hear the screams from within their own home.
I'm not seeking redemption, I wouldn't know what I need redeeming from. I'm not seeking forgiveness... I never truely have. I've always lived with the consequences of my actions... The hatred for me for what I've done... I'll live with it... I deserve it.
what have I done.
What makes me deserve this..
I don't know, but I do know it.
Maybe it's no one thing. But I do know that I'm not looking for a cure for my decay.... once perhaps I was.... once perhaps I could be redeemed, could be saved... but from what? If nobody knows how can they be expected to help.
My journal is looking more and more insane.... the isolation perhaps, is driving me crazy.
But I think I've reached it.
I think I've figured out what it is I've been Craving so badly... where this hole inside comes from. But nobody would ever accept it.
It's in nobodys best intrest, perhaps not even mine. But it is there none the less.... and what I'm to do about it... who knows.
Why would I be forgiven anyway, even if I can't name my crimes, I know they're out there.
That I can't even think of them only makes it that much worse.
I don't want your Pity... I don't want your Redemption... I don't want your forgiveness..
I want what's been taken from me.... I want what I should have had years ago...
While I still had the light inside, instead of an all consuming black flame of hatred.
I've allowed the darkness to take me... My only peace is in my own torment.... I just want rest.
I just need to rest... to get back what was taken from me, and rest.
I can't make it clear.... I've tried... but I guess ...
nobody's listening... they don't hear the thunder outside their window... they don't hear the screams from within their own home.
I'm not seeking redemption, I wouldn't know what I need redeeming from. I'm not seeking forgiveness... I never truely have. I've always lived with the consequences of my actions... The hatred for me for what I've done... I'll live with it... I deserve it.
what have I done.
What makes me deserve this..
I don't know, but I do know it.
Maybe it's no one thing. But I do know that I'm not looking for a cure for my decay.... once perhaps I was.... once perhaps I could be redeemed, could be saved... but from what? If nobody knows how can they be expected to help.
My journal is looking more and more insane.... the isolation perhaps, is driving me crazy.
But I think I've reached it.
I think I've figured out what it is I've been Craving so badly... where this hole inside comes from. But nobody would ever accept it.
It's in nobodys best intrest, perhaps not even mine. But it is there none the less.... and what I'm to do about it... who knows.
Why would I be forgiven anyway, even if I can't name my crimes, I know they're out there.
That I can't even think of them only makes it that much worse.
I don't want your Pity... I don't want your Redemption... I don't want your forgiveness..
I want what's been taken from me.... I want what I should have had years ago...
While I still had the light inside, instead of an all consuming black flame of hatred.
I've allowed the darkness to take me... My only peace is in my own torment.... I just want rest.
I just need to rest... to get back what was taken from me, and rest.