Meet the Throttlewoods.
Remember I told you that Edgar has an extended family, beyond Huberta and his own offspring? This is some of them, the Throttlewood family. They have been up to a bit of mischief before, but not around here.
James Bennington of Throttlewood, mostly just known as JB, is Edgar's second cousin on his mother's side. You can see the family resemblance, without squinting too much. Much like with his more infamous relative, there's more to JB than meets the eye. He's from... elsewhere. His actual backstory is too long to tell here, but he's basically from a universe parallell to ours, where any sort of industrial revolution has yet to happen on the grand scale. People live more rurally, closer to nature, and the laws of that nature are a bit... shall we say different.
JB's got four sons. This is Everett, the second oldest. He's around 13-14 years of age. None of the boys are JB's biological children. Their exact family history isn't known, but they are apparently the children of JB's late cousin Declan, and a woman named Patricia who's allegedly dead as well.
It looks like Jolene enjoys being part of almost every Welcome Wagon there is. The boy in the Sam Winchester outfit is Evan-James, EJ. He's the oldest of the kids.
This was another member of the welcoming comittee, thrior's Blayne Einrichten. First thing he did was to start poking a stick into a wild bee hive. That can't possibly be a bad idea, right?
Such a clever boy.
Blayne: Dude, that was like 17 stings. :C What if I'm allergic to bee stings? I've never had 17 at once, before.
Then he went and poked the bees some more, because brains.
This is Ulric. He's around 10, and feels way too old to suffer the indignity of sharing a bed with his older brother. After buying the house, they could only afford the cheapest bed I have, which is that pallet double bed that Aylatani had on her miserable lawn.
Everett: I can't sleep when Dad snores like that!
Enjoy spending the night outside, then. There are no dingos in Spain, I think.
Paddy: Evv-v-vere-t-t-tt-t-t! I'm sc-sc-scared of the chupacabras!
JB took the opportunity of teaching Ulric homework skills while his fun was out of the red. Oh, and the lady with the green hair? That's JB's girlfriend, Melody. Maybe you remember her from the Asylum...
Oliver came home from school with one of the teens. This is another non-aging family, so he's a good candidate for a friend who won't grow up. There's not a lot to do on their property. It's in the middle of an empty stretch of land, because JB wants to start a proper farm with livestock in time.
Melody's always been a little weird and unpredictable, and nothing seems new in that department. Manuel, a villager, came by to get to know his new neighbours. Melody assumed he was from the town council, since he was wearing a collared shirt, and demanded he do something about the chupacabra population.
Melody: I don't CARE if they're a threatened species! They compete with the kangaroos for resources!
Remember when Paloma flirted with a guy named Miguel. Welp, this is Miguel. That other guy's called Vincent. Blame Narrator's bad memory for names...
Water fights is the only source of fun the kids have. :(
Maybe JB's a bit less fug than Edgar, I mean... that doesn't take much, but he still makes flirty faces look scary.
Paddy: HELP! The wall is eating me! I don't like this house!
I was happily surprised that kids can harvest the trees from Plumbbob Keep. :D
EJ: I don't wanna be babysat, I'm 15 years old! BAWW HAWW I don't want to do homework!
Paddy: You're embarrassing.
Paddy: You LIKE being miserable!
Paddy: Oh Dad, thank Goodness you're home! The babysitter wouldn't stop showing us pictures of her grandson, and he had stubble and a leather jacket!
This is regular Throttlewood homelife, as I remember it. :)
JB: I'll call you back later, Malcolm. There seems to be an extra babysitter who has materialized. I need to find out where they're all coming from. NO, you DON'T want to come to town. The weather isn't that good, and... You've already bought a house, and we're going to be neighbours... Great.
Caitlin is almost like the opposite of her cousin Wilandra. She makes friends with everyone, and everyone seems to like her.
Everett: I love the night air out here in the... What's that smell?
EJ: GLOOOOBLAHHRK!
With very little to do at home, the whole family took a trip to the beach.
Shane (Caitlin's father) is a regular visitor to this beach. He's Alexandra's favourite uncle, it seems.
Just reminding you all that Alex is my forever favourite Sim-child.
EJ: COOL! You're a wicked witch! I didn't think there was any magic in this town!
EJ: BAAWWWWL! She said I was too young to learn spells!
Studs: Are you sure you want to learn the kind of tricks she can teach you?
JB got a lovely boiled-lobster complection on the beach, which Melody had to kiss better.
JB: Melody, I think it's time we make a stable home for the boys, and put a ring on it.
Melody: Ooooh..!
Melody: No, I can't! All my husbands either die terribly or stab me in the back!
JB: Maybe 15th time's the charm?
This is the face of a man who has a bad day.
Wolf: That was really mean of you, lady! How could you do that to him? Grrr!
Melody: Silence, mutt. Can't you see I'm gardening? And besides, I don't take advice from Dingos under any circumstances.
JB: Oh rubbish bin. Nobody understands you like I do.
The world must really hate JB.
At least the cop came before she could nick anything.
Ulric: Is it a... Scurvydog?!
Everett: My family life fails to meet my hopes and dreams.
EJ: I'm too scared to look!
Ulric: It's okay, EJ, it's just a lady in a mime-suit.
EJ: Mimes are CLOWNS! Oh no, this is really creepy!
Oh well, the compulsory visit from the burglar seems to be over and done with.
Ulric: I'm not scared, I just really need to use the toilet!
Everett: And now I've seen my step-mom's boobs. Why can't we be more like the Brady Bunch?
EJ: If I pee myself, you're gonna have to step in it on the way out!
Ulric: I'M PEEING AS FAST AS I CAN!
Melody: Grrrr...
You've gotta be kidding! There was no warning about late payment!
Bye, Repo Man. "Enable Save" is a nice cheat!
Of course, he came right back...
Hey, look! MK'la came over for a visit. :)
So did Alexandra. Both of those girls are so used to weird, they're immune to any crazytimes going on at Casa Throttlewood.
Melody has lost any resitance she may have had to sharing the bed with JB. And that's good, because it was her bed the Repo Man took.
Just like in Sims 3, EJ's not a fan of homework. It's a victory every time he's done it before the next day of school.
Paddy: My teacher says that if I paint the Scurvydogs, they won't seem so scary anymore.
James changed his career from Army to Education, because his LTW is to become Minister of Education. I doubt he's going all the way there, though. He's destined to be a farmer, because that's what he knows best. That and brewing ale, so crossing my fingers that we'll get brewing from Plumbbob Keep. It's on Sun&Moon's project list. :D
Melody would never just give up and walk away. She did what she had to.
I don't know how much the body skill will matter in later stages of that career, especially since she's changing to Slacker as soon as it come up. But a skill point is a skill point, and it's kind of risky to excercise in the summer heat. Not sure if summers are hotter when you have several following each other? (This hood has two summers followed by two springs, to make it "tropical," even though real life Spain has all seasons. It's Raelynn's fantasy, not an attempt at a realistic portrayal of a country.)
A defining part of JB's personality is that he loves pigs the way many other people love dogs. While he's not a vegerian by any means, he considers eating pork a crime on the same level as barbecuing a puppy. In his TS3 life, he's got three "piglets" made from small dogs, but this time around I did it the easy way and got him some of Sun&Moon's non-autonomous hogs from Plumbbob Keep. They're not animated, and don't really do anything except poop, so I think I'll be getting the updated set instead.
Melody: I whipped out my giant two-handed sword, and in a matter of seconds I had chopped off both of his arms. Yeah, I didn't mean to, but the sword was sharper than I was aware of. It was like he didn't even realise what had happened, though. He just kept using his ghost arms to wave around his silly pool-noodle sword. When I had him up against a wall covered in obscene graffiti I disemboweled him, but he didn't really notice. I thought people were going to start freaking out at the sight of his liver and intestines lying in a pool of blood on the sidewalk. The bloodloss was weakening him though. After a couple more minutes he surrendered and left, dripping blood and innards along the street as he went. I asked people around if anyone had a phone to call emergency with, because I forgot to charge mine this morning, but no one seemed to think he was in any trouble. Actually, he looked a bit like you.
Everett: Melody, you need help.
Melody: What do you mean? I'm not injured at all. His "sword" was made from foam rubber.
JB: Now that you have vanquished a formidable foe, marriage doesn't seem so scary, does it?
Melody: WILL YOU BE MY KNIGHT IN RUSTY ARMOUR AND HELP SLAY PRINCES WHO HUNT THE ENDANGERED DRAGONS???
JB: But of course I will!
Naww, they really love each other. :)
EJ met Paloma at the beach, but there was no girls his own age there so he didn't stay long. He should have been at school, but his fun-bar never got green enough for him to manage his growing pile of homework. All the kids get to stay home when their fun tanks too much, that's why they have the babysitter.
This is the stray known as Noodle, if you don't have any name-mods. I have picked out a family he and Moonshine will move in with, in time. It's not this gang, though. The Throttlewoods will get their original cats, Minion and Pookie, back eventually. (And the dogs, of course.)
Callista: Peekaboo! :D *steps in poop*
JB: I'm attracted to women who treat piglets with kindness and affection. <3
Kim the stray thought the sleeping pigs were good companions. I have a home picked out for Kim, too.
That there is ground beef, I assure you. Although TigerAnne prefers ground pork, since that releases much less grease while cooking.
I can't really imagine her in a glamorous gown, crooning out old classics. What I can imagine though, is that she sings with no inhibition, and avoids the missed notes that tend to come with performance anxiety.
Back on the beach, the inevitable clash between a Scheiler and one of raemia's Almassys broke out. It didn't involve the infamous Georgia, however. It was her milder, mostly overlooked youngest sister, Eve. I have no idea what she did or said, but Marisol wasn't having it.
Then it got physical. Awww, Mari... Why do you have to be a douche? You have higher nice-points, don't you? (I can't actually remember, but her daughter has loads.)
Leona: Watch closely now, little kid. This is a lesson more important than anything they teach you in that school of yours.
Paddy: I hope Eve doesn't get hurt!
Leona: See that grip she's got on the other one's hair? And how she uses her elbow?
Leona: You have known suffering, Eve. Use the pain of it to fuel your rage!
Leona: Violence is the only thing I know, but I know all about it.
Paddy: *is suffering trauma that will manifest in nightmares for years to come*
Marisol, you'll need to get on that bike.
Leona: I would like to be your friend. Usually I don't get along with other blondes, but you seem to have the right spirit. Word of warning, though... I have buried several best friends, after putting them in the morgue myself.
EJ: Yeah, I like violins too. Can't say I know much about them, or how to even play one. I wouldn't have taken you for the classical musician type, either. You seem more like a rocker.
Leona: Oh dear, you're a little slow, aren't you?
EJ: What? Because I couldn't guess you were a violinist?
Leona: I don't talk to slow children. They never last long where I'm from. Goodbye.
Most children's rhymes have sinister origins, and I wouldn't be surprised if Ulric and Paddy know all of them. JB makes sure to teach his kids about the culture and lore of their homeland.
Um, what is Komei wearing? I don't even have a default for that hair!
The cop seemed very supportive of EJ's efforts in beating up the Unsavoury Charlatan.
Phil: That's not my Uncle Adolf in the dust cloud, is it?
Ulric: Does he have a top hat?
Phil: I'm afraid so.
Ulric: Then it's him! :D
EJ: Don't mess with the Throttlewoods. We ride dragons, back home!
Hey, look. :) Raelynn has come to visit.
She even brought MK'la with her. (They're friends again, because I cheated.)
MK'la: Why do all the ugly boys always like you?
Raelynn: I don't know. Who are you talking about?
Wolf: Hey, I want in!
MK'la went tip-toeing around the back of the house, and I wondered what she was up to. There were no gnomes to nap.
MIKAYLA MORRIS! YOU'RE GROUNDED!
Yep, the pigs are stealable. x( She took two of them. sammyfrog, this young lady needs better manners. I trust that you are up to the challenge.
Failing classes must be a topic Raelynn knows nothing about...
MK'la sat down for dinner, like she hadn't just stolen two of their dad's pets.
MK'la: Yeah, I'm totally getting married, but only to The One! You need to find your The One, and don't let stupid teachers and ground-ups say it can't happen when you're 14!
EJ: I'm 15!
MK'la: Oh, then it can definitely happen!
This girl is called Irene. I hope Everett didn't like her too much, because she's kind of been seeing someone else.
Then OF COURSE JB brought Samantha Ottomas home from work. And when she's come home with someone once... then she keeps coming EVERY DAY! I wasn't going to put the Ottomas family in this hood, but I can't watch Samantha waddling around, carrying a litter of puppies. Something had to be done. I gave her an unusually wholesome make-over, and I'll just pretend that Salamandra is her twin sister.
She wouldn't be Melody if she couldn't make up a new verse, be it good or bad. Melody, of course, jumped at the chance of upstaging a famous song-writer.
Melody: Phlorange is totally a word! :C
Dun dun dun...
Phil: I would like to know why people keep telling me that you've told them that I'm a serial killer!
Melody: It's in the public's best interest. Please don't kill me!?
Phil: I'M NOT AN AXE-MURDERER, AND YOU NEED YOUR HEAD EXAMINED!
I can't remember who it was who called Everett, but he seemed very happy to get that call. It was probably that Irene girl. If the hood doesn't implode, he'll eventually have Bethany back, though. I've even re-made EJ's girlfriend Lola, although she'll be a townie.
JB: You really mean that? I'm handsome?! Awww, thank you, but I'm a married man.
Ulric isn't scared of dragons, so a harmless little wolf doesn't scare him either. I think this one is Ajax. It's pretty hard to tell the three all-black wolves apart, but Ajax seems to be the most frequent visitor.
I guess wolves can enter the house if you invite them, kinda like vampires.
JB: Bad wolf! Very, very BAD wolf! >:(
Ajax found it best to go home to his den.
He wasn't even off the lot, before his twin-brother Harpoon showed up to vandalise the grounds some more.
That seems like a very uncomfortable way of playing chess. Ulric probably thinks that having to balance like that, ignoring his discomfort while focusing on the chess-board, is some kind of badass training that a true knight would go through. Ulric's ambitions most definitely include taming dragons and fighting off evil vampire kings.
There are a few perks to having a nanny around, if you get one who's potty-trained. Callista cleans the bathrooms and cooks two meals a day. Since none of the Throtties have more than one or two cooking skill points yet, her being around means they get to enjoy higher quality food. She burned this one, though. I think it was means to be moussaka.
Armagosh, poor Melody! Her brain definitely didn't need to be fried any more.
Melody: I'm safe from lightning in this full-metal armour, though. :D :D :D
And no, wolf... If you're Ajax, I don't think you're welcome back in, just yet.
Tameron: Is it feminist, that women also get to be king or is it oppressive, that there is no option for queen because, they forgot women exist???! BTW I'm still grounded because, my male-presenting parent-guy is, pissed off that I painted his car??? He also, took my catnip away?????
Anyway, Melody doesn't like squares.
Melody: At least they weren't mad that I lopped his head off. :)
Speaking of Tameron... You know she has a boyfriend named Dax, who is Labrador Retriever Kin? This is his Sims 2 version. :) He lives up the road, with thrior's Blayne and Brett.
Oh, and that's Amanda. She... also ends up seeing someone else.
I can't imagine how or why anyone would think it was a good idea to hire a medieval farmer as a teacher. His classes are probably rather amusing, though.
Dax proved to be about as smart as I expected of a character who eats fast-food out of trash cans.
Dax: WAAAaaaAAaaAAAaaaAAAAAAaaAAAaaaaaaAAAah!
EJ: Stop trying to steal our honey, assholes.
Dax: Oh no, what if those were parasitic bees? What if they laid eggs in me that will hatch, and eat me from the inside out. I better get Tameron to take me see Dr. Bryce again. He's the only vet who'll treat me.
Dax: Maybe he'll even give me a dog biscuit. Nom! :D
Awww, can't steal the piglets, can you? That pesky fence in your way?
BTW, notice that I forgot to fill the water trough. That's kind of a good idea to remember.
Dax: I really like watching Netflix with Tameron, because she comments passionately on everything, and knows so much more than the people who made the show. When I watch with her, I learn so much, because she tells me how things really are. But last night, she couldn't come over because she was grounded, and I had to watch a film all on my own. It was kind of weird, because I didn't know what to think about anything. But... I kind of liked hearing all the dialogue, and almost like perceiving for myself what happened.
Everett: Dax, we're trying to focus on our homework.
Dax: Sorry. Bad dog Dax will go lie under the table now. :(
JB affectionately refers to his children as the "Piglets," and they seem to like it in the pig-pen out back. Paddy doesn't even mind sitting very close to a big pile of poo. Oh, and if you wonder why the pigs look green... It's because they got sick and died. I was a bit shocked when Melody walked into the pen, after the kids had gone off to school, and sweeped the closest pig up into a garbage bag.
This is Alejandra. Remember her. You'll see her again.
These two are actually one of my favourite couples, simply because of how weird and awful they are. (And believe me, their TS3 versions are a lot worse!) But they're very cute, in their own horrible way.
Oh yeah, they all still hate the burglar.
That's all for the Throttlewoods for today. I've got a lot more material for updates, though. While my generation of the Scheiler Uglacy is over for now, I decided to play the rest of the family as a series of bonus updates. Reading it probably won't be necessary for understanding the next generation, but it's kind of a "lost years" thing.