Sick and Tired (Strong Language)
Why do some people think I am a moron??? Why do some people think I don't have a fucking brain in my head?? Anyone who knows me, knows that I can't stand liars and lying. I've known for a while that someone that I talk (talked) to was lying to me. I even said on several occassions that we needed to get things out in the open if we were going to fix what was going on in our friendship. Never once was the opportunity taken. Not once. So here I am left to brew and stew on things, doing my damndest to work through it on my own. To be a better person and grow by just "walking away" from it. But there is only so much a human being can do on their own.
I am a firm believer in going to the person you have a probkem, concern, question, etc with, but what am I supposed to do when going to the person just results in a slammed door?? I did what I normally do and respect the persons wishes and drop it until the next time. My nose is broken from all of the slammed doors. I understand that some people can just move on and not discuss it at all, but that doesn't do anything but bury the problem....run away from it. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, you can never outrun your problems. At some point in your life you will run out of steam and stamina. You will stop running and that's when every problem you had will catch up to you and dogpile you. That's the reason I try to work things out, but it takes two.
Friends are supposed to listen to you, especially when the problem is between the two of you. Whether or not you feel like dealing with it or not. What kind of friend is it that WON'T let you discuss the problems the two of you are having?? Even if I am not in the mood, if a friend is having a problem I am right there for them. If I am available I will ALWAYS be available.
I'm tired of the using. I'm tired of the abusing. I'm tired of the lies. Karma comes back to you...positive and negative....what goes around comes around. When your karma comes back to you, you will see the position I was in. I just hope you are strong enough to deal with it. From this point on I have cut ties. I am writing this not only to vent but to release it. I know you can't read this, because it's only open to those on my friends list. This is my way of healing and moving on.
You had things planned and in the works LONG before you told me about them. Why? Your reasoning was because you didn't want to hurt me. Well this hurts a hell of a lot worse, because you fucking lied to me. You LIED. What friend lies to another??? My eyes are wide open now. I see you for who you are.....and I accept who you are. That's not saying that I agree or want to be around your energies. That's saying that I accept who you are and accept that I can't change you. I can't make you tell me the truth. I can't make you talk about what has happened to our friendship.
You know as well as I know that the one you hang out with is really behind all of this. I hope one day your eyes will be open too. I hope one day you can find true happiness. I hope one day you will be able to see the lies that you told and see the lies that were told to you. I hope one day you can be strong enough to stand up for yourself and not have to be abused anymore. I hope one day you can be strong enough to call those out for the lies that they tell. I hope one day you will be strong enough to walk with your head held high knowing that you are doing things for yourself and not for other people for fear of not being accepted. I hope one day you are strong enough to realize that it doesn't matter what others think of you or the things you do. I hope one day you are strong enough to do what you want, not what others want. I hope you can be surrounded by positivity and white light to help you with those strengths.
I accept that it's ok for me to move on. I accept that it's ok for me to "cut ties" because, right now, this is not a positive friendship. I accept that it's ok for me to not be hurt anymore. I accept that with this journal entry my hurts and wounds can be released and healed.
To be honest, I don't know what to feel at this point. Hurt? Anger? What??
I am a firm believer in going to the person you have a probkem, concern, question, etc with, but what am I supposed to do when going to the person just results in a slammed door?? I did what I normally do and respect the persons wishes and drop it until the next time. My nose is broken from all of the slammed doors. I understand that some people can just move on and not discuss it at all, but that doesn't do anything but bury the problem....run away from it. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, you can never outrun your problems. At some point in your life you will run out of steam and stamina. You will stop running and that's when every problem you had will catch up to you and dogpile you. That's the reason I try to work things out, but it takes two.
Friends are supposed to listen to you, especially when the problem is between the two of you. Whether or not you feel like dealing with it or not. What kind of friend is it that WON'T let you discuss the problems the two of you are having?? Even if I am not in the mood, if a friend is having a problem I am right there for them. If I am available I will ALWAYS be available.
I'm tired of the using. I'm tired of the abusing. I'm tired of the lies. Karma comes back to you...positive and negative....what goes around comes around. When your karma comes back to you, you will see the position I was in. I just hope you are strong enough to deal with it. From this point on I have cut ties. I am writing this not only to vent but to release it. I know you can't read this, because it's only open to those on my friends list. This is my way of healing and moving on.
You had things planned and in the works LONG before you told me about them. Why? Your reasoning was because you didn't want to hurt me. Well this hurts a hell of a lot worse, because you fucking lied to me. You LIED. What friend lies to another??? My eyes are wide open now. I see you for who you are.....and I accept who you are. That's not saying that I agree or want to be around your energies. That's saying that I accept who you are and accept that I can't change you. I can't make you tell me the truth. I can't make you talk about what has happened to our friendship.
You know as well as I know that the one you hang out with is really behind all of this. I hope one day your eyes will be open too. I hope one day you can find true happiness. I hope one day you will be able to see the lies that you told and see the lies that were told to you. I hope one day you can be strong enough to stand up for yourself and not have to be abused anymore. I hope one day you can be strong enough to call those out for the lies that they tell. I hope one day you will be strong enough to walk with your head held high knowing that you are doing things for yourself and not for other people for fear of not being accepted. I hope one day you are strong enough to realize that it doesn't matter what others think of you or the things you do. I hope one day you are strong enough to do what you want, not what others want. I hope you can be surrounded by positivity and white light to help you with those strengths.
I accept that it's ok for me to move on. I accept that it's ok for me to "cut ties" because, right now, this is not a positive friendship. I accept that it's ok for me to not be hurt anymore. I accept that with this journal entry my hurts and wounds can be released and healed.
To be honest, I don't know what to feel at this point. Hurt? Anger? What??