mardi gras beads, yellow legal pad letters, pseudo-friends, and green suns
SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD JUST CRY...
My dad had a heartattack on Thursday.. he's okay now. The results of said heart situation lead to a family reunion of sorts. I don't know what to do with any of my family. They seem hell bent of hurting each other in any way they can possibly think of. My father is a, I guess you would say, born-again Christian. He has been sober for three months now. I am happy for him. He seems to be finding his way. Though he has found forgiveness in God, I don't think he has forgiven Tommy. Same for Mike and Sue minus the religion part. Grandpa wants to know if I mind moving over one space as far as our burial plots go.. I think he wants to be next to Dad.. or I will be in the center.. I am not quite sure.. don't really want to have a family conversation about where we will be resting eternally. Everyone is arguing about my grandmother's headstone or footstone or whatever it is. It is a big mess. I don't know what to do.. I am thinking nothing. My dad says he prays for me everyday. I don't know whether I was touched or insulted... I don't want to be skeptical or harsh as far as him finding the "way" yet.... I am bitter.
Ran into Gabe last night.. he asked Angie if I hated him. Said he would understand. I don't think it ever occured to me to do so. I almost hate Steve. Angie told me he had to leave work yesterday because he hurt his back. I felt really bad and asked if her if she thought I should call him.. just to see if he is all right. I have no hope remaining of salvaging any type of relationship, friendship included, with Steve. I just thought it would be nice if I called. She then told me that Angela took him home. I hope his back hurts really bad... and he can't have sex for a while. In the end though, sadly, I hope everything is okay for him. Pedro isn't talking to me anymore at work. I don't understand this.... I just keep thinking.. one date... what is wrong with this pic? I go from a non-commital extreme.. to an I Love You Victoria I Want to Be With You For All of Time proclamation in under five hours....
Can't decide if people are all together beautiful and wonderful or if they are evil and doomed. Every once in a while something will happen that will make me all warm and fuzzy inside, only a bit later to be ravaged by something that makes me wonder how it is we as people can be permitted to continue breeding.
I saw the movie Garden State and it made me long horribly for something I don't have.
There is a reason private letters are private... and ohh how I wish they weren't sitting right next to me open faced with my name clearly visible.. damn me for being nosy... sometimes I just want to cry.