I'm Doing It
So I did it. I am really starting to look into this Chicago thing for real. I'm a little freaked out about it. I'm not really ready to go so far, I think, but I've been on this kick since high school. As I'm sure I've written in here a gajillion times, if I wasn't so chickensh*t I would have applied to the University of Chicago. I really wanted to go there or Tulane, but decided that they were too far from everything I know. Now, I'm attempting to apply for another Americorp program that is in Chicago.
This means a lot of crap for me. It means finding an apartment, and possibly finding a part time job on top of this program because it will almost certainly not be enough to pay for any bills I may have (yay non-profit pay). It means moving away from everything I cherish dearly. I won't be anywhere near CT, NY or DC. No friends. No family. No support except myself. Nothing except my memories to keep me from cracking. I feel that if I was that far and I started thinking about the good times with friends and family, I'd smile and cry too. It means a lot more responsibility, and a lot more ADULT. It also means getting up every day at like 6 AM. Dude. I'm not worthy. LOL.
But for real, it can't hurt to apply. I'll put in my app, resume etc. and see what happens. If I get in, great and scary at the same time. If not, that doesn't mean I still can't visit. Some day, some way, I am going to that city and seeing what it is like in the Land of Oprah, Obama and Kanye. LOL. And if I'm lucky, maybe I can also make a (good) difference while I'm at it.
What else am I doing? I am currently being envious and resigned. I've never been an overachiever. I do what I have to do; I do what is right (most of the time). I try to be on the better side of duty, doing a smidge more than necessary. I'm not the greatest in social situations. I know no one is a mindreader, but I fail to see how no one in the office can see how much relevant and vital work they give Sheena (Parent Association, Summer Programs AND Applications) and how much "let's just give her something to do" work they give me. Yes, the luncheon program is important. But other than that, I'm doing nothing. The scholarship alerts keep me busy for like 2-3 days, a whole week here if I really stretch it out. If it wasn't for TSP, there would be no reason for me to come here. Not only is her work relevant and vital, but it gives her an excuse to be in constant contact with many people in the office. She can "speak the language," she can argue about who took what ISEE or why this child should get in vs. that one, she is more "in" here. I am not as isolated as before, but it's still frustrating. More frustrating than that, as I said, is that I can't really tell anyone. I've resigned. She can be the queen bee of the office. I'll just sit in my space, be quiet and learn from this experience for the next time.
This means a lot of crap for me. It means finding an apartment, and possibly finding a part time job on top of this program because it will almost certainly not be enough to pay for any bills I may have (yay non-profit pay). It means moving away from everything I cherish dearly. I won't be anywhere near CT, NY or DC. No friends. No family. No support except myself. Nothing except my memories to keep me from cracking. I feel that if I was that far and I started thinking about the good times with friends and family, I'd smile and cry too. It means a lot more responsibility, and a lot more ADULT. It also means getting up every day at like 6 AM. Dude. I'm not worthy. LOL.
But for real, it can't hurt to apply. I'll put in my app, resume etc. and see what happens. If I get in, great and scary at the same time. If not, that doesn't mean I still can't visit. Some day, some way, I am going to that city and seeing what it is like in the Land of Oprah, Obama and Kanye. LOL. And if I'm lucky, maybe I can also make a (good) difference while I'm at it.
What else am I doing? I am currently being envious and resigned. I've never been an overachiever. I do what I have to do; I do what is right (most of the time). I try to be on the better side of duty, doing a smidge more than necessary. I'm not the greatest in social situations. I know no one is a mindreader, but I fail to see how no one in the office can see how much relevant and vital work they give Sheena (Parent Association, Summer Programs AND Applications) and how much "let's just give her something to do" work they give me. Yes, the luncheon program is important. But other than that, I'm doing nothing. The scholarship alerts keep me busy for like 2-3 days, a whole week here if I really stretch it out. If it wasn't for TSP, there would be no reason for me to come here. Not only is her work relevant and vital, but it gives her an excuse to be in constant contact with many people in the office. She can "speak the language," she can argue about who took what ISEE or why this child should get in vs. that one, she is more "in" here. I am not as isolated as before, but it's still frustrating. More frustrating than that, as I said, is that I can't really tell anyone. I've resigned. She can be the queen bee of the office. I'll just sit in my space, be quiet and learn from this experience for the next time.