Questioning
Today and once earlier this week, I found myself asking if transition is really what I want. I know many would say that if I'm questioning, that I should reexamine my feelings before making any decisions about my future. Well I still have a long way to go with school before I can make any decisions that can't be undone, but in all honesty I really think these questions are being caused by my re-surging loneliness, and my feeling that I wont find anyone willing to love me as a woman until after I become a woman, if even then. I'm convinced the prospect of loneliness is the source of my doubt b/c if I try to imagine living out my life as a male, even for an amazing woman, I find myself wanting to cry at just the thought.
Maybe I'm being stubborn, but I don't think I should have to trade being who I want & need to be, for the possibility of having someone love me for something I'm not, nor have any desire to be. I just hope I can continue to have the courage to struggle with society & my fear of being alone, in order to become the person I one day hope I can be.
Maybe I'm being stubborn, but I don't think I should have to trade being who I want & need to be, for the possibility of having someone love me for something I'm not, nor have any desire to be. I just hope I can continue to have the courage to struggle with society & my fear of being alone, in order to become the person I one day hope I can be.