And It Never Shall Cease
It seems as if the majority of my entries come down to me and my bitching about how I'm feeling. This entry remains no different. Like the prior entry, the theme here is how alone I feel.
I hate feeling this way. Feeling as if I'm the only one on the face of this planet. Or even worse, feeling as if the world is completely overpopulated and has chosen to completely ignore me. It's almost like, everyone in the world is warm with bright rays of sunlight cascading upon them while I'm freezing walking through the shadows.
I'm sitting here feeling so... feeling so... desolate. Next to that, the worst thing I'm feeling is hollow. The only emotion I truly feel is emptiness. And I guess that's where the all the aforementioned feelings come from. They echo within me thousands of times.
It seems there's nothing out there to silence these feelings. Nothing that I know of can bring the sense of contentment. I've tried that whole optimism thing. And really, it doesn't help, and even further, it's a sham. Call that pessimism, call what you wanna call it. But it's what I've come to discover.
I should be happy. I assume. I'm 18. I'm in college. I've got the most awesome boyfriend. But something's just not right. Something's missing. I think that could be passion, drive, fulfillment. Now that I think about it, I don't have any of those things. Maybe those things won't even ease what I'm feeling.
What makes the echos resound even louder in my head is when I'm not alone, but I feel that way. I know I've said this before, but sometimes, when I'm with Max, it just makes me feel completely isolated. And I don't know if it's him that does it, or just how sometimes I feel like I can't open up and talk to him. But yeah... I wish I could tell him these things. But he wouldn't be able to handle it. He take everything personal and think I was attacking him. But it's just how I feel.
Bleh... I'm a basketcase. Or as I've been learning in my health and wellness class, I'm mentally unhealthy. And there used to be a point in time where I was okay with that. I wish I could go back to place. The place where I was accepting of all this shit that I feel. Things were much easier when I was in that place.
Until Next Time...
I hate feeling this way. Feeling as if I'm the only one on the face of this planet. Or even worse, feeling as if the world is completely overpopulated and has chosen to completely ignore me. It's almost like, everyone in the world is warm with bright rays of sunlight cascading upon them while I'm freezing walking through the shadows.
I'm sitting here feeling so... feeling so... desolate. Next to that, the worst thing I'm feeling is hollow. The only emotion I truly feel is emptiness. And I guess that's where the all the aforementioned feelings come from. They echo within me thousands of times.
It seems there's nothing out there to silence these feelings. Nothing that I know of can bring the sense of contentment. I've tried that whole optimism thing. And really, it doesn't help, and even further, it's a sham. Call that pessimism, call what you wanna call it. But it's what I've come to discover.
I should be happy. I assume. I'm 18. I'm in college. I've got the most awesome boyfriend. But something's just not right. Something's missing. I think that could be passion, drive, fulfillment. Now that I think about it, I don't have any of those things. Maybe those things won't even ease what I'm feeling.
What makes the echos resound even louder in my head is when I'm not alone, but I feel that way. I know I've said this before, but sometimes, when I'm with Max, it just makes me feel completely isolated. And I don't know if it's him that does it, or just how sometimes I feel like I can't open up and talk to him. But yeah... I wish I could tell him these things. But he wouldn't be able to handle it. He take everything personal and think I was attacking him. But it's just how I feel.
Bleh... I'm a basketcase. Or as I've been learning in my health and wellness class, I'm mentally unhealthy. And there used to be a point in time where I was okay with that. I wish I could go back to place. The place where I was accepting of all this shit that I feel. Things were much easier when I was in that place.
Until Next Time...